My Pokemon Mystery Dungeon styled story is now complete. Non-Pony. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281852/1/PMD-Worldforged-Exile
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Observations Universe12 stories ·67 members
hector dabullios group of extreme spiritual power!604 stories ·14 members
A pony calling himself Stein approaches Twilight about her research into her friends ability called 'Pinkie Sense', stating that it might be the key to his research. After observing Stein's odd behavior, and his penchant for avoiding answers, Twilight enlists the help of her mentor and her friends to help her decide whether or not she should help him.
The founding Fic of the Observations Universe!
Continued in Observations and Motivations!
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Approaching the story in the form of a letter made for an interesting concept, one that does neatly erase any problems surrounding understanding of some of the concepts introduced in the narrative. I enjoyed the overall plot of the piece, but it took till chapter three to truly get into the story. Had it not been written as a letter, it would have felt too fast paced.
1830031 Thanks for the criticism! I did feel that it was necessary to avoid lengthy descriptions of some of the concepts I've used. I tend to get overly technical otherwise.
I'm glad you've enjoyed the piece though, and will work on my pacing for any future stories.
Guess who it is!
Well done with the story. I truly enjoyed it!
1847243 Appreciate the help and the Fave. Now it's time for me to get back to work...
The Cousin of Stone? I guess that name's going to be significant later on!
I sort of like the way that this story is all written as Twilight sending a letter to Celestia. Although as the chapter goes on I do have to remind myself that Twilight is not talking to me, but Celestia. Just a small thing I found, otherwise... I think this also deserves more attention than it has now. It has me on the edge of my seat at parts!
Looking forward to reading the rest of this Observation Universe.
6799851 Glad you're enjoying it so far. Hope you're ready for a ride!
It was interesting reading the chapters as if the reader was Celestia...or a curious member of the staff. And while it's uncommon for exact details of an event, including dialogue, in a letter, I'm not surprised as much since it's from Twilight.
Thanks for the good read, now for the rest.
"Diety" should be "Deity" in the chapter title.
6954031 Thanks for that. I'm always misspelling that word, and the spellchecker doesn't seem to parse the title for some reason.
6954802 No problem.
In Firefox, at least, one-line textboxes have the spellchecker turned off until you right-click each one and hit Check Spelling. Worth a shot. (Although in general spellcheckers are somewhat less than reliable....)
Wow. No down otes.
The worst conclusion to draw, really. Especially when Pinkie only knows what each twinge means through observing, recording, and correlating what happens—you know, science.
Should be asking Pinkie, really. I mean, I guess she doesn't know the how, but starting with a detailed account of the What seems like a good idea.
Pinkie will drink that vial, I'm sure.
Corrections offered without malice.
sight
length of time
happen to have
Pinkie,”
"And then I said, ‘Oatmeal? Are you crazy?’"
Cinnabombs sound deljghtful.
Corrections offered without malice.
its
sealable
Except for you
You don't need quotation marks when you block off something like that.
it.
Snap
introducin'
Equestrian
Corrections offered without malice.
unicorns
friend.”
possess
immortal.”
starswirl attempts to reach other realities w/ Pinkie, accidentally breaks fourth wall instead.
Corrections offered without malice.
rein
its
paid
question mark
6954974
They're useful for showing one when one's made many simple errors, though homophone mistakes aren't among them. Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer, inn deed.
7695547 Actually, TDDGtE is the only story of mine with downvotes at the moment.
I don't know if that's just because it was more popular, or everything else is just better, or some combination thereof.
Chrome's spellchecker doesn't like 'sealable' for some reason, but I prefer your suggestion.
7695621
7695647
7695783
7695807
Again, wow! Your work is always appreciated here! Thankfully, I've moved on from relying solely on web-based word processors, so future stories are less-likely to be plagued by my missing something during self edits.
7695547
There are 2 now but they are inconsequential compared to the upvotes
Hello! I reviewed this recently, and so here's your courtesy note. It's quite an intriguing setup, with some interesting looks into how Pinkie Pie actually works -- but the clunkiness of the writing significantly undermines that. I'm not a fan of the OC either, though that's probably more of a YMMV thing.