- Member Since 11th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 30th, 2018
GhostofSandwich
Recently back from the dead; I conquered all of Hell.
GhostofSandwich
Joined 11th Oct, 2012 ·
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- GhostofSandwich · 2.6k words · 68 36 · 1k views
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Oh boy, an intro AND a prologue?
1828791 Eeyup! I'm trying to stay loyal to the orginal.
1828810 Well, alright then...
The writing for this is very much similar to the original fallout equestria, I look forward to this, however could you describe 42 a bit more? I like to know what colour mane and eyes she has, but other than that, keep up the good work!
1830082 Yes, I do plan to descibe her soon. I'm just trying to think of a proper way to describe her without placing it randomly in the story. I should have a part added in Chapter 1. Oh, and thanks! I was really hoping that it was close to the original writing style.
1838653 You read my mind... Currently writing the mirror scene now. And it takes place 50 years before Fallout Equestria. (The whole story is viewed through a memory orb) That was done because I have a ending already in mind... And as far as I can tell, there won't be any psuedo alicorns that I know of. But my brain does work in mysterious ways... I might come up with a way to include them. Oh, and chapter 1 is scheduled for release today.
1830672 maybe 42 looks in 41s mirror in his house, also I have 2 questions.
Does this take place before or after Fo E?
And is there pseudo alicorns?
BTW merry christmas!
Good chapter, I find it a bit ironic that violet has a very intresting colour sceme, and her companion Daring has boring brown coat. BTW I have spotted a few errors.
You repeated the paragraph that had Violet making herself believe that it was her imagination when she saw the Pony looking at her in the building.
When the overseer was explaining about the EFS, you accidently wrote it as EPS
I also have a few oppinions that I would like to say about this chapter,but I would rather write it on computer, I'm on my phone, long story short, my laptop is dead, and getting a new one on christmas day. But other than that, ill look forward to chapter 2, expect me to pop around here regularly!
1843393 Thanks for pointing out the errors! Late nights and all that... Not exactly sure why I made Daring's color scheme so boring, but I guess it was just so that there would be at least one in the group that was bland. Looking forward to having a dedicated reader!
Merry Christmas!
EDIT: All mistakes noted and changed. Thanks again! Oh, and I seemed to have made a mistake with the introduction. The actual one is up now instead of just being a repeat of the description. It should make the story make much more sense...
1937266 Thanks for the feedback! I will try and make a good point of describing all the new Characters from now on. Oh, and don't worry. Even though it takes place 50 years before, It will have plenty of references and stuff that sets up for FoE. And yes, it will be entirely Canon friendly. Hope to have you stick around and read more, and thanks again!
2052501 Thanks you again for feedback! Means quite a lot to me. I can say right now that Placidity is not really a fighter, but she has a very important part later in the story. As for the mare on mare part, I actually originally didn't intend her to even care about a sexuality at all. But things evolved, and sadly, I followed the cliche thing, as I tend to do when I'm ready to get rid of my writers block. Too late to change it now, so I might as well make it different in... Other ways. Very creative ways that will follow in soon to come chapters.
Ah, and as for the Shattered Ones... I am trying to make them seem a terrifying foe, when in fact they are actually just a group of bigot earth ponies trying to end the world. I'll be explaining much more about their goals, as well as be making them seem more realistic in a sense. Once again, I shall take your comments into consideration and make future chapters more reader friendly! Thanks again.
Interesting.....
:edit: it would be far more awesome if it was in present time
though it's the authors choice so yeah xD
i'll have to read it sometime. Doing some art work on my own FOE story (awesome logo, by the way), reading some others, and also writing.
I've yet to read this. But... Seriously?
44K words. Only eight likes, and 48 views...? That's really upsetting. I really hate it when an author puts so much effort into their fiction, and they barely get noticed for it. It really puts a dagger in my heart.
2066226 I thought there were too many present time stories, so this was born. Anyways, glad you find it interesting!
2066245 That is a lot of stuff to do. I know that feel...
But thanks for stopping in and taking a look! Oh, and thanks for the fave. I'll make a point to read some of your story ASAP. (Right after I do this book report that is due Monday.) Hope you enjoy!
Probably will enjoy. I haven't found an FOE story that I haven't liked (though, to be honest, I've only read about a half dozen). also... book reports.
2066285 Thanks for the concern! Yeah, it is a little upsetting, but I've been through worse. It's not going to stop me from writing that it won't!
2066315
Well, I blogged to my followers and threw this in some groups. Honestly, it deserves more than this.
2066332 Thanks a lot! I'm always so busy and never have time to throw it into many groups. That means more than you know.
Just by reading the beginning I can tell this story will be interesting. Read it all I shall!
2066352
Well, I believe Regidar is doing somewhat the same.
2066355 Have splendorous fun reading!
2066361 I'm extremely thankful for the help. If Regidar is on-board... I'm probably not getting to sleep anytime soon! This type of help is exactly why I love the Brony community.
I dislike your use of "has got"
2066439
Well, when people put effort into something, they should receive something in return. I try to find fictions like this.
You should work on your use of commas.
>like the doctors voice
Needs a possessive apostrophe
>since out other subjects still haven’t
Did you mean "our"?
>You still tell have some free will
wat
>a loud burst of static overtook the silence
Static what?
>Try and stand up
"and" should be "to"
>I could see a faint outline of where it’s supposed to be
"it's" is a tense change
>You’re aiming and reaction times
This should say "Your"
>Subject 41 fired a shot clear through the guards head
"guards" should have a possessive apostrophe
>get down there and eliminate the subjects now!
If he thinks that one is dead, why did he say subjects?
>the earth ponies battle harnesses
Needs a possessive apostrophe
>I saw a awe inspiring sight
"a" should be "an"
>The cold wasn’t even effecting me anymore
"effecting" should be "affecting"
>filled with god knows what
This is not strictly necessary, but I think that "god" should be "Celestia"
Regidar sent me, and he didn't disappoint. Nice work.
2066523 Thanks for pointing all that out! Most of my commas are removed by my malfunctioning Microsoft word. I also have to make sure without editors, since most people stray away from editing FO:E side stories. As for the other mistakes... Well, I mostly write when I'm tired or very bored. Tend to make quite a bit of mistakes, I will not lie.
>You still tell have some free will <-- As for that... I... I have no idea. Wat can only describe it.
2066530 Thanks a lot for coming over and checking it out. Means a lot.
Here have my thumb up. Wait I don't have thumbs... HOW DID I DO THAT?!
2066638 How did you TYPE that?!
2066641
I'M A MAGICAL LLAMA....Oh, that explains everything.
2066644 Magic explains everything... Why? Because MAGIC!
2066646
Yea, I know. Bananas. ( My comments make no sense.)
2066710 The not good with children thing is actually a bit worse than just not being good with children... That reason will be revealed a bit later!
5 out of 5 moustaches.
You caught my attention with that description, here, have a like.
2066748 Evil mutant diabolical cockroach finds it good? I'm honored. Also, thanks for the five mustaches.
2067670! Thanks! Descriptions are the most important parts sometimes. Can't get any readers if you don't catch their interest!
2068911 Take 5 more :P
2072200 AH! Why can't I hold all these mustaches?!
that like-dislike ratio...
2087016 Yes, quite good all things considered... Oh, sorry I haven't gotten a chance to check out that story of yours. Got sidetracked by both Revelations: The Dark Void and The Misadventures of Dovahkiin. As soon as I finish this chapter, I'll head over there and throw in some insight!
1828791
What wrong with that?
2087281 Apparently that's improper in terms of literature, it should be both combined into one.
fantastic story. hoping for more!
2114895 Unfortunately, I am not working on it at the moment. Might start again soon, but right now I'm focused on my two newest stories.
All of my why's and 'staches!
2115095 In the meantime, allow me to direct you to my other stories. Click the link or not, popcorn will still be provided! I'll try and start a new chapter tomorrow, but no promises.
The Misadventures of Dovahkiin: Skyrim crossover with randomness galore!
Revelations: The Dark Void: Sad story. 'Nuff said.
Sorry about the shameless self promotion, but I feel proud of the two stories!
2115145
Just finished Misadventures. Ludicrous amounts of food and eating spell tomes. It explains everything!
I'll have to finished up my current chapter on A Pony of a Different Color sometime soon. Probably by this weekend I'll have it done and then up by Sunday or Monday.
2115363 I've been reading some of your story, which has honestly given me a couple ideas for this one. So yes, even though I'm not even on the third chapter yet, (big chapters overwhelm me a bit) I'll be loving to see a new chapter!