• Published 21st Dec 2012
  • 6,739 Views, 200 Comments

Doctor Whooves - A Hearth's Warming Tale - Loyal2Luna



Alone for the holidays, Scootaloo is drawn into a strange adventure with Spike and the Doctor as cheer and goodwill disappear from Ponyville's residents. Can they uncover the cause and fix the problem in time to save Hearth's Warming?

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Ch. 3: Bah! Humbugs!

Chapter 3: Bah! Humbugs!

“What do you mean, fatal!?” Scootaloo demanded an explanation as she clambered down the steps in horror after the brown stallion who was moving in front of her.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure as to the standards of local education, but I can see about getting you a dictionary if that would help in understanding…”

“I know what the word means! But are you telling me that everypony in Ponyville is going to DIE from being mean!?”

“Oh, of course not, that would be just ridiculous.” The Doctor shrugged, his tone flat and neutral.

“But you just said…”

“I said it was a possibility; one that I am sincerely hoping to rule out with your assistance. With luck, we can figure out the exact effect these little white insects are having on the ponies, as well as a way to combat it,” the Doctor explained, leading the foal back to the living room, where she noticed a crackling fire had been built up in the fireplace.

“Wait. If it’s ridiculous, then why did you say--”

“Up on the sofa here, please,” the stallion asked Scootaloo, patting the chaise lounge she had been sleeping on the night before as he sat back on his haunches.

After a moment of hesitation, the filly climbed up and mirrored his position, her hooves in front of her as she sat back, feeling very much as if she was in a nurse’s office rather than sitting in her own home. A feeling that only grew as the brown stallion opened his satchel and started to pull out several medical instruments, including a stethoscope and a pack of tongue depressors.

“Uh... What are you doing?” Scootaloo queried, sounding slightly nervous.

“Just a checkup and a few quick tests; getting a baseline. Nothing to worry about,” the Doctor stated, bringing a hoof up to gently turn the filly’s face, looking at her eyes and then waving the green and red device on his hoof over her again. “Messing around with a pony’s emotions is nasty business, it seems. And from what Spike managed to find, it looks like the entire town is suffering from the aftereffects of humbug bites. But for some reason, even though they seemed to get ahold of every other pony in Ponyville last night, they simply passed you over. Just going to do a few quick tests to try and determine why. Now, I hope you don’t have an aversion to needles… I’m sure I have some in here somewhere.”

The pegasus filly suddenly found herself feeling quite uncomfortable and shifted slightly in her seat as the stallion reached his hoof a bit deeper than he should have been able to into the small side-pouch on his jacket.

“Ummm, Doctor? No offense, but can I see some kind of medical license or a diploma or something before--”

The stallion didn’t miss a beat, drawing a small black case out of the satchel at his side and flipping it open in his teeth.

“Here you are,” he managed to speak as he opened the case, leaning down for her to see it while he continued to work.

Scootaloo looked it over, having to squint her eyes in order to read the large sections of text that were bunched together on the paper contained within. The sheer number of items, titles, and certifications crammed into the tiny document boggled her mind, even if she couldn’t understand nearly half of the professions mentioned. And even though it sure seemed impressive, she couldn’t help feeling that it was a little too thorough.

Specifically, how come a medical license needed to mention him being an “Expert in Temporal Mechanics”?

“I trust this is satisfactory?” The Doctor smirked as well as he could manage as he flipped the case closed in his teeth and replaced it in his side-satchel, leaving a perplexed Scootaloo mulling over what she had just read.

“I guess... What’s the Gallopfrey University of Academic Excell-aaaagh!?”

As she took the time to ask the question, the stallion had dipped back and withdrawn a flat wooden tongue depressor from its case carefully with his hooves. Catching her with her mouth open, he pressed her tongue down with one hoof as another pushed softly on either side of her neck.

“Oh, just a little out of the way university where I... Wait, ‘Gallopfrey’? Did it actually say Gallopfrey...?”

With the wooden obstruction still in her mouth, Scootaloo’s slow, incredulous nodding served as his answer.

“Oh, yes, of course it did. Why wouldn’t it?” The Doctor played it off with a short chuckle and decided to move on from the slightly unexpected change of topic. “Oh well, back to the subject at hoof. Have you been experiencing any dizziness or soreness over the last few days?”

“Haww an ouu he hoe galm…”

“I’m sorry?” The chestnut pony removed the tongue depressor, freeing his patient to smack her lips in order to remove the unpleasant dry sensation. “What was that?”

“I said, how can you be so calm? I mean, about all of this?” Scootaloo looked concerned, clearly thinking that the stallion should perhaps be taking things more seriously, given the dire circumstances. “You’re sitting here playing doctor when you just said that those humbug things were going to... to...”

“Oh, no. No no no, don’t you worry.” The Doctor shook his head in a bemused fashion while reaching a hoof out to rub the filly’s shoulder out of comfort. “I know what I said, but please keep in mind it is a possibility. And a genuinely remote one if past experience is any indication. I only mentioned it because I simply don’t know what might happen. This all could quite possibly clear itself up come tomorrow, or it could get worse. We have no way of knowing for sure until I can determine all the nasty side-effects of having the holiday cheer quite literally sucked out of a pony like soda through a straw.”

“Oh... Okay. I guess that makes sense...” Scootaloo said despondently, looking away and feeling embarrassed that she had let her worries get the better of her common sense.

“I know it sounds bad, but I simply like to consider all the variables. It helps keep me motivated,” the stallion continued. “Terribly sorry to scare you like that. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m rubbish around children. I should have been more considerate.”

“I… I’m not some crybaby foal!” Scootaloo declared, although her brave front was somewhat flummoxed as she unconsciously brought her purple tail around her front hooves in a clearly protective manner. “And I’m not scared.”

The stallion paused for a moment, giving her a small, appraising look before he nodded, pulling up the stethoscope with a knowing smile.

“Of course not!” he exclaimed boldly. “Tough, spunky young thing like you, you’re not scared of anything!”

“That’s right!” The pegasus nodded, glad that finally, somepony understood that she wasn’t like most foals, sent running to the adults at the first sign of adversity.

“You would have to be, after all,” the stallion’s voice softened a bit. “Living all on your own like this.”

Scootaloo’s moment of pride deflated in an instant as she drew back slightly.

“Uhh, I don’t… I mean, I’m not all alone.” The filly shuffled her hooves a bit. “I’m not lonely at all. How could I be? I’ve got the Crusaders; Apple Bloom and Sweetie. I’ve got Rainbow Dash, who’s always been like a big sister to me,” Scootaloo continued to list off, though it was obvious she was covering for something. “And of course, Pinkie Pie, who’s friends with everypony.”

“I know you have plenty of friends; that’s not what I meant,” the Doctor quickly pointed out, cutting off the filly’s denials. “Besides, the Apple Family, little Apple Bloom included, has gone to spend Hearth’s Warming in Appleloosa, Rarity took her parents and sister down to Colta Rica for a tropical holiday, Pinkie left to visit with her sisters, and Rainbow Dash went to Cloudsdale over a week ago along with Fluttershy to spend time with their own families.”

“Well, yeah, but--” Scootaloo started, only to be cut off as the stallion suddenly pointed out another glaring detail.

“One bedroom.”

“Huh?”

“I had to seal all of the windows to make sure that nothing got in while we were getting ourselves organized. There’s only one bedroom in the house, and judging by the homemade Rainbow Dash posters and school books laying around, I assume it’s yours.”

Scootaloo swallowed slightly.

“An empty house on Hearth’s Warming Eve... Neglected decorations... A young thing like you out on the town all by yourself... These things beg the question...” The Doctor tilted his head to the side, his expression sympathetic. “If everypony is spending time with their families for the holidays… where's yours?”

Scootaloo bowed her head, her eyes closed as a question was asked that she often tried not to think about.

“Don’t we have more important things to worry about, Doctor?” The foal grimaced slightly, lowering her head.

“I consider this very important.” His tone was flat, but still carried a soft understanding as he watched her. “Where are your mother and father?”

The filly sighed, resigned to tell a familiar story.

“Ain’t got a mom. Never did,” Scootaloo said with a touch of morose. “And my dad’s… well, out of town.”

Scootaloo’s head sank slightly, as did her voice.

“Working...”

She slumped down a bit more, her tone edged with the faintest hint of anger.

“…like always...”

“I see…” The Doctor tilted his head, careful to keep his expression neutral. “Has your father--”

“I know what you’re thinking, and no. It’s what everypony wonders when I tell them about it, but it’s not like that,” the pegasus filly cut him off quickly. “I’m not abandoned and I’m not neglected. There’s no big secret scandal or traumatic story or anything like that. He’s just working.”

“Alright then, what is it like?” The Doctor nodded, accepting the foal’s words for what they were as he listened.

Scootaloo sighed.

“My dad works for the Equestrian Climate Administration. He’s a meteorologist,” Scootaloo stated, as if that would explain everything, causing the Hourglass Stallion to tilt his head in confusion.

“Hold up. I’m not entirely sure on the mechanics, but doesn’t the ECA produce most of Equestria’s clouds and weather?” he asked. “What need would they have for a meteorologist?”

“Wow, you don’t know anything about Weather Management Services do you?” Scootaloo allowed herself a short laugh. “Meteorologists are vital to keeping the weather in check. It’s not as simple as moving clouds around like most ponies think it is. It’s the Weather Patrol’s job to take care of day to day routines and scheduled storms, but meteorologists are the ones in charge of keeping everything in balance. They’re the surveyors deciding what provinces get what resources based on all sorts of complicated calculations, and that’s even after taking into account global weather patterns and stuff.”

Scootaloo took a moment to clear her throat after talking at length, trying her best not to sound too much like a know-it-all about something she really didn’t know that much about.

“If a mistake is made, it can cause all sorts of damage that can take months or years to fix. Same thing happens if the WMS is abused, like when you get rich unicorns or earth ponies bribing local weathermares to make the weather work on their own schedule, which can be disastrous.”

“Well, that sounds like important work your father does,” the Doctor noted in appreciation.

“Yeah, and the thing is that there’s only a few pegasi that are actually qualified to do it. I mean, it’s not the most ‘glamorous’ job in Equestria. Most of the more ambitious pegasus ponies want to either work their way up to the high paying jobs in the Weather Factory in Cloudsdale, or get into some kind of management position like Rainbow Dash has with the local patrol.” Scootaloo looked down and away. “It pays well enough... but one of the downsides is the traveling... Lots and lots of traveling.”

“He’s away from home a lot then?” The Doctor nodded in understanding.

“Yeah,” the pegasus confirmed before explaining. “He used to take me with him when I was younger. He had to, but that kind of life for a foal is... well... hard. Different town almost every week, living out of a saddlebag, and having to keep off to the side and out of the way while he was working.”

“That doesn’t sound like any way to raise a child.”

“Nope... Not that we didn’t try.” She shook her head. “We tried a bunch of things. I stayed with an aunt in Cloudsdale for a while, but it didn’t work out. Finally, when I was old enough, we made a deal: I got to move here to Ponyville so I could settle down in one place, enroll in school, and make friends, while he gets to go around and do his work, getting back home whenever he can.”

“That sounds like an awful lot of responsibility for one so young, living on your own,” the older pony commented.

“I’m not that young... I’m twelve,” Scootaloo defended as she tried to drive home the point. “And I’m not completely on my own either. Dad has an arrangement with Miss Cheerilee so that she checks in on me a few times a week to make sure I’m keeping up on things. I have my friends and I have a lot of freedom to do what I want when I want. I get a monthly allowance for food and stuff I need... so I’m all set.”

“And that must work... most of the time,” the chestnut stallion noted, watching the filly as she kept up a confident front. “Until the holidays, when everypony gets to enjoy Hearth’s Warming with their own families.”

Scootaloo’s cool and confident demeanor faltered, exposing exactly what the Doctor had expected to see.

“But something, mostly that welcome home banner you had hanging up, tells me that being here by yourself for Hearth’s Warming Eve wasn’t the plan.”

“He… was supposed to have been here by now,” the filly explained. “Days ago. You see, he was in Canterlot helping prepare for this year’s Windigo Blizzard. Once it was in place, he was going to hop a train heading for Ponyville and stay for the next couple of weeks.”

Her head dipped a bit lower.

“But the train hasn’t shown up for days.”

“Now hold on just a moment. Your father is a pegasus, isn’t he?” the Doctor inquired curiously.

“Yeah.”

“Why doesn’t he just fly here from Canterlot?”

“Because of a stupid Hearth’s Warming tradition,” Scootaloo grumbled, lowering her body a bit more to match her mood as she explained. “Every year for the week before Hearth’s Warming, the ECA sets up the Windigo Blizzard; a thick snowstorm that brings most of Equestria to a standstill to remind us of the harsh times before the three tribes came together. Most carriages can’t deal with the snow on land routes and only the strongest pegasi even attempt flying in those kind of winds; WAY too dangerous. The trains can handle it, but they’re still fairly new. So most ponies make sure they are already where they plan to be for the holidays long before the blizzard sets in.”

“And if something is wrong with the trains, then last minute travelers are fairly well stuck.”

“At least until Hearth’s Warming when the blizzard sputters out.” Scootaloo sighed, then looked up to realize that the Doctor’s stethoscope and other tools lay untouched to the side. “W…wait a minute. Is this a physical, or a therapy session?”

“I don’t believe I need to do a physical, Scootaloo.” The Doctor shook his head, his correct use of her name drawing a shocked look from the filly. “I think I understand.”

The stallion looked up and away as his expression turned thoughtful.

“Alright, so what have we got?” the Doctor considered aloud. “Holidays coming up, everypony is snowed in and isolated for at least another day because the train’s not working, effectively cutting Ponyville off from the rest of Equestria. We have a sudden and aggressive infestation of obscure, joy-sucking insects that popped up out of nowhere and only target ‘happy’ ponies.”

Scootaloo looked around, a sudden realization coming over her that something was missing from their surroundings.

“Uhhh, Doctor…”

“It can’t be a coincidence that this starts the moment that Twilight and her friends all leave town. Those girls are usually magnets for these sort of situations, so it stands to reason that something was waiting specifically for Ponyville’s most noteworthy citizens to be gone.”

“Doctor…”

“But for what purpose? Who stands to benefit from making ponies in a small town like this miserable in the middle of the holidays? What entity could possibly--”

“DOCTOR!” Scootaloo raised her voice to get the jabbering stallion’s attention.

“Hmmm? What is it, Sideline?”

“Where’s Spike?” the filly asked quickly, although she did feel a dull heat rise in her chest as the brown stallion seemed to once again forget her name.

“Oh, he’s right--” The stallion turned to his side, pausing when he realized that the small purple and green dragon was nowhere to be found. “Wait, didn’t he come down with us from the attic?”

The foal and stallion looked to one another, mirroring each other’s concerned expressions as they both came to the answer.

“SPIIIKE!” the Doctor shouted, turning to rush towards the small stairway that led up to the attic, the orange filly jumping down from the chaise and rushing after him.

“He was just upstairs,” Scootaloo reasoned, her legs having to move at full gallop to keep up with the adult pony’s longer limbs. “But he should have been back down here by now. It shouldn’t have taken him more than a minute to finish patching the holes in the…”

The trapdoor to the attic crawlspace flew open as the Doctor pushed his shoulder into it, a cold draft that hadn’t been there a few moments earlier washing over the orange filly.

From under the Doctor’s legs, Scootaloo could see a large beam of muted sunlight now jutting into the dimly lit attic.

Sunlight coming from a large hole that had been torn through the thatching in the roof.

“NononoNO!” The Doctor rushed forward, his haste causing his head to make contact with a support beam, accompanied by a dull clunk. He grumbled a few choice words under his breath before flicking out his right hoof and filling the air with the sound of the device cradled there. “THICK! I can’t believe I let myself get so blasted thick!”

“What happened?” Scootaloo asked frantically, managing to pull herself into the room where her short stature allowed her to move more freely. “Where is he?”

“Gone!” the stallion snapped, giving the now-inert sonic screwdriver an intense glare for no apparent reason. “It must have taken hundreds… thousands… TENS of thousands of them to physically drag him out of here! I should have realized! Should have guessed at their motives for attacking us last night! They weren’t after us, they were after him! The last tasty nugget of mirth and cheer left in town, coated in an impenetrable shell of scales.”

“But…” Scootaloo tried to imagine what it would take for a bunch of insects to grab ahold of Spike and fly away with him. “Why didn’t he call for help? We were just downstairs and I didn’t hear anything.”

“Because he was clever,” the Doctor explained, his expression sour. “Spike scales seemed to protect him when he was swarmed last night, but like I pointed out to him afterwards, he has two openings in his armor that they could get at: His eyes and his mouth.”

“You mean… if he kept both closed, they couldn’t touch him?”

“They could touch him, but I doubt they could penetrate his scales. They must have taken him by surprise,” the Doctor reasoned, looking around at the distinct lack of signs of struggle. “Probably right as he was trying to fix the last of the thatching.”

“So they dragged him away to try and figure out a way to… ‘suck’ the happiness out of him later?” Scootaloo sounded astonished, able to just imagine the dragon moving to replace some of the straw and suddenly being swarmed as he put his claw near the hole. “But, how can a bunch of bugs be that smart?”

“Oh, if only you knew...” the Doctor huffed, a hint of amusement in his voice that quickly dissolved as he brought up his left hoof, looking over the makeshift bracelet of wires and metal. “But you do have a point. So far, the humbugs have demonstrated tactics and strategy that suggest this is much more than a simple infestation. There’s an obvious intelligence behind it all.”

*beep-beep-beep*

The Doctor paused, his eyes slowly moving from side to side before falling over the orange pegasus.

“Scootaloo…” he said quietly, his hoof slowly moving towards his side-pouch. The tone, the sheer weight of his voice as he spoke her name caused the pegasus filly to freeze up, almost making his next instruction a moot point. “Don’t… move…”

Scootaloo swallowed hard, holding her breath as the brown stallion withdrew what looked like a small glass from his pouch, having to carefully balance it until he could bring up both hooves to turn and hold it upside down.

For a few seconds, he held almost perfectly still, managing to balance on his hind hooves as he held the glass aloft…

*CLUNK*

...and brought it down suddenly right next to Scootaloo’s front hoof, causing the filly to flinch despite the fact that he hadn’t actually touched her. Whatever paralysis had come over her at the Doctor’s warning came away instantly, as she brought her face down to peer into the capsule on the floor.

There, trapped within the glass, was a single insect.

It was larger than she expected, perhaps a quarter the size of a parasprite, but the bug did indeed look like a mosquito from her science book, with long thin legs, faintly blue buggy eyes, a long needle-like mouth and an elongated body. However, unlike a regular mosquito, the insect in front of her was almost crystal clear and transparent, as if its entire delicate body had been carved from a single tiny ice cube.

As it pulled itself up and threw itself against the glass container angrily, Scootaloo saw that in motion, it was nearly invisible to the naked eye, its body’s movements creating only the slightest distortion in what could be seen behind it.

“Gotcha,” the Doctor sighed with relief, keeping his hoof on top of the glass as Scootaloo let go of a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “A straggler.”

That’s a humbug?” the filly asked with an air of amazement. “How did something that tiny make off with Spike?”

“It’s not a natural insect,” the stallion pointed out, using his free hoof to reach into his pouch and pull out a thick, worn book, setting it on top of the glass carefully. “It’s a creature of magic. In large numbers, I’m sure they can defy all sorts of natural laws. Oddly enough, it seemed like it was sizing you up, which is how I was able to snag it while it was distracted.”

Scootaloo drew back, surprised.

“Wait. I thought you said they didn’t want me.”

“They didn’t. Before now, you had nothing to offer them.” The Doctor considered, giving her a sideways glance as a small smile started to form over his lips. “But you do seem like quite the adventurous type; the kind of filly that finds the new and the unusual to be exciting. It is a distinct possibility that all this running around is serving as enough of a distraction from your current state of affairs. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d start to think you were enjoying this.”

Scootaloo shifted on her hooves slightly, shrugging as she leaned down and took a closer look at the humbug now slamming itself against the walls of its glass prison, amazed that its fragile-looking body didn’t just break apart from the impact.

She made no denial of the colt’s observation.

“Right… Well, I think it’s for the best if you stick close to me until we can sort all this out.” The Doctor nodded to himself as he thought about their options. “Let’s see, maybe I can figure out how we can use our little friend here to track down the rest of the swarm. Perhaps a tracking device or some sort of tag… follow it back to its nest. Like a homing pigeon. Or, I could try and narrow the sonic’s scanning capacity to…”

The Doctor’s prattle faded for a moment, tuned out as Scootaloo watched the little insect, which had now turned to face her, its wings beating so fast that she couldn’t see them as it tried to push against the glass in spite of the weight on top.

It then hovered in the air for a moment, its entire body rattling like a tiny electric motor made of ice. Struck with a curious urging, Scootaloo ever so gently pressed her ear against the glass...

*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*

The filly drew back with a gasp, her ears perking as she looked up.

“That sound! I’ve heard it before!”

————————

“I KNEW it!” Cream declared, her hoof coming down hard on the side of the bed. “I knew that Gloomy Gus guy was up to no good!”

“Oh, you did, did you?” Luna smirked, watching as the revelation swept over the three fillies and led them to the obvious conclusion.

“He’s got ‘bad guy’ written ALL over him,” Daring agreed, firm in her belief.

“It makes sense.” Dawn nodded, satisfied at how the facts were adding up. “He was acting mean even before the humbugs got everywhere. The evidence is irrefutable! He definitely did it.”

“Yeah! Now the Doctor and Scootaloo need to go out there, kick some gloomy flank and save Spike!” the pegasus of the trio shouted triumphantly, her little wings buzzing with excitement.

“Or summon the Town Guard!” Dawn tried to cut off Daring’s immediate urge for the heroes in any of her stories to just rush off and into the fray. “I mean, even if they are affected too, they still have a duty to perform.”

The Princess of the Night nodded, tapping her lips as she listened to the three foals.

“Well, as you can imagine, that’s fairly accurate as to how Scootaloo reacted to the revelation as she told the Doctor about her encounter with Gloomy Gus the day before,” Luna explained. “She too was ready to jump in and take the fight right to its source.”

“Ohhh, yeah! Hoofticuffs incoming!” Daring rubbed her forehooves together excitedly as Luna’s smile grew wider.

“That may be the way your adventure stories would unfold, Daring my dear…” Luna allowed herself a slight chuckle. “But the Doctor’s approach tends to be a little… different.”

————————

*knock-knock-knock-knock*

More than a bit of dust fell from the edges of the decrepit doorway as a brown hoof rapped against it pleasantly, pausing for a moment as the sound of creaking could be heard from the floorboards within.

*Sqeeeaaaallll*

The hinges were clearly in need of oil as the door opened inward, revealing a very surprised-looking unicorn stallion with a dusty grey coat and a black mane, who stared for a moment at the two ponies at his doorstep.

“Good afternoon!” the brown stallion said in greeting as he grinned winningly.

Gloomy Gus was taken aback for a moment as he looked around, taking note of the familiar orange filly that was hiding behind the stallion’s legs.

“What the… Who in the name of Celestia are you?” Gloomy Gus asked in an unpleasant, gravelly voice, clearly surprised by the unexpected (and uninvited) visitor.

“And a Happy Hearth’s Warming to you as well, Mr. Gus.” The stallion nodded, moving forward with a sudden, calm grace and causing the unicorn to recoil. “So sorry about the wait, but with the holiday, we’ve been running a little behind. Are you ready to make your statement?”

“Statement? What statement?”

“Ah...choo.”

The unicorn turned again, his puzzlement growing as he quickly found the source of perhaps the weakest and most insincere sneeze in the history of Equestria.

“What was…?”

“Oh, poor dear.” The brown earth pony sighed. “It is rather nippy out here, Mr. Gus. Might we come in while we take care of this unpleasant business? The filly’s got enough trouble coming to her without coming down with a case of the sniffles on top of everything else.”

“Come in? Why--”

“Don’t mind if we do. Thank you very much!” The stallion surged forward suddenly, taking the unicorn off guard as he moved past the threshold and into the dim, dusty room just beyond. His young counterpart was quick on his hooves as Gus tried to play catch up with what just happened.

Scootaloo looked over the room, immediately wondering if perhaps it was colder inside the drafty, creepy old house than it was outside. The smell of dust was prevalent in the air, as well as an unpleasant staleness that suggested it had been some time since the windows had been opened up. The room itself was crowded and cluttered, with rows of large, empty aquariums taking up most of the space along the walls and situated into rows in the living room, just enough space between them for a pony to walk through. It was obvious from the layer of dust on the carpet that nopony had done so in a long time.

The only thing that seemed at all used was a large body chair that faced an empty, cold fireplace, with a stack of books laying about in an unorganized pile nearby.

One thing that was not present was one green and purple baby dragon.

“H-hold on just one moment!” The grey and black unicorn turned in towards his living room, his brain processing what had taken place in the time that Scootaloo had gotten her first look inside the house. “Who the hay are you, and why are you even here!?”

“Clockwork, Ponyville Public Health and Safety,” the stallion spoke up quickly, reaching down into a side satchel and pulling out a black case while flipping it open as it balanced on one hoof. “My credentials, as well as a notarized statement of purpose.”

“Public Health and Safety? What in the name of…?” Gus managed to make out the Everfree Province seal along with a stamp marked by the Ponyville Mayor’s Office before the stallion shut the case, continuing in his rapid fire manner of speech.

“I’m here to take your statement in regards to the event that occurred yesterday afternoon in which you were impacted at high velocity by a non-motorized vehicle owned and operated by this young pegasus pony. Is this accurate?”

“...Huh?” Gus puzzled for a moment.

The Doctor rolled his eyes slightly, a feigned annoyance in his voice.

“Oh dear, perhaps the impact was more damaging than the initial report suggested. Alright, let’s try this in a simpler way: Did this filly, in fact, hit you with her scooter?”

“I…” Gus looked past the Doctor, recognition ringing clear in his eyes after a moment while the filly was looking away, clearly paying more attention to her surroundings. A small sneer formed on the adult stallion’s face. “Yes… Yes, she did.”

“I see,” the Doctor acknowledged, his tone apologetic, yet still maintaining an oddly authoritative air. “The incident was reported by eyewitnesses who have made formal complaints as to this young filly’s past transgressions. Given the repeated nature of these events, we assumed that you would wish to make a formal statement that might help in our case to have such vehicles banned on the main roads of Ponyville.”

The grey unicorn nodded in understanding.

“Y...yes. Of course, but… what is she doing here?” He pointed a hoof at the filly.

“According to the town charter, everypony who has charges made against them may be present if they wish to contradict the statement made by the accusing pony. But don’t worry, I think we both know what really happened. Now…” The Doctor brought up his left hoof, showing the device attached to the unicorn.

*DING*

Gus recoiled slightly at the noise it made, tilting his head.

“What is that?”

“Audio recorder.” The Doctor still maintained his disarming smile. “New model, just came out. So much easier than trying to write things down with your teeth and a quill. Now then, can we have your full name for the record, sir?”

“Uhh…” The unicorn hesitated, then shrugged. “Doctor Asparagus Stalk”

Scootaloo turned in surprise, looking away from the empty aquariums.

“Most ponies here just tend to call me ‘Gus’ for short. It’s easier.”

“Oooooh, a doctor? That is impressive. Occupation? No, wait, let me guess: something to do with agriculture?”

“No…” Gus grimaced, rolling his eyes and clearly familiar with the Equestrian tendency for a pony’s name to typecast their lives into a particular pattern. “Despite what you may think, I’m an entomologist… Retired.”

“Well, that explains the spider.” The Doctor nodded to the unicorn’s flank, which drew him another glare from the pony in question. “Age?”

“Forty-two.”

“Only forty-two? Awfully young to retire, isn’t it?” The brown stallion tilted his head, giving the unicorn a sideways look. “Doctor?”

“That… is none of your business.” Gus glowered.

“As you say. Now, in your own words, would you describe the situation in which…”

Scootaloo backed away from the Doctor as he continued talking, keeping Gloomy Gus’ attention while she slipped into the house, looking about for any sign of the baby dragon.

As she moved up towards the aquariums, she came to realize that, while empty, each one was meticulously labeled.

Cootie (Ickerus Maleius): Keep out of reach of children

Minute Lice (Itchieus Limitis): Avoid direct contact

Jitter Bug (Twirlius Dancicus): Warning - Bite may lead to uncontrolled jittering

Zebrican Green Biter (Arachne Anasi): Highly toxic - Handle with extreme caution

Gambling Bug (Winsomis Losesomis): Banned in all provinces, except Los Pegasus

Parasprite (Cuticus Gorgeious): Warning - Do not feed under any circumstances

Scootaloo paused, recognizing the last name and knowing full well what a parasprite looked like. Much to her surprise, and disappointment, there simply was no parasprite inside the case, which was caked on the inside with dust.

As she moved down, she finally found one case that was not like the others, the glass of the aquarium smashed open and left laying where it had fallen long ago, dust now covering the shards.

Mana Widow (Arachne Magi Toxicus): Venom fatal to unicorns - Do NOT handle with magic

Scootaloo recoiled from the empty, broken aquarium. Even if she wasn’t a unicorn, she was now doubly glad that the tank was actually empty.

“HEY!” she heard Gus’s voice call out, clearly having noticed her. “What do you think you doing, filly? Get away from there!”

“Is something wrong, Dr. Stalk?” the Doctor asked, drawing the grey unicorn’s attention back to him.

“She’s done quite enough damage, I would rather she wasn’t mucking around my collection cases.”

“Collection? What collection? They’re all empty,” Scootaloo pointed out, unsure why the grey and black stallion was so concerned.

“Of course they’re empty!” Gus scolded, his expression sour. “It’s too dangerous to keep specimens like that around where anypony can get into them!”

“Then why do you still have the tanks?”

The creepy adult pony bent down, his face close enough to the filly’s own that she could see the hard creases along his eyes.

“...None... of your... business...” he sneered menacingly, his overbearing posture forcing Scootaloo to inch backwards until her hind hoof gently brushed against another one of the glass cases.

Apparently satisfied that he had sufficiently cowed the petulant child, Gus rose back up to address the Doctor, now fully intent on showing his “guests” the door as quickly as possible.

Therefore, he did not notice when Scootaloo spared a glance down at the aquarium she had bumped into. Her breath stopped short, a small smirk running over her lips as she read over its label.

Humbug (Gloomius Scroogius): Direct handling may cause irritability and depression

“Caughtcha red-hoofed,” Scootaloo uttered to herself, scooping up the empty container as she turned towards the two stallions, who were still conversing. “Doctor!”

“What!?” The grey stallion turned, scowling.

“Other doctor,” Scootaloo stated, rolling her eyes.

“Yes?” The brown stallion turned, smirking as the unicorn’s attention turned to him, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Found it.” Scootaloo smirked, tapping a hoof on the glass as the Doctor moved towards her, his eyes falling over the case as a thoughtful expression overcame him. Meanwhile, Gus, sensing something amiss, looked between the two of them with annoyance.

“Found what, foal? You’re the one who's in trouble here!”

“Weeeell, maybe not so much,” the Doctor drolled slightly, turning on the spot to face the unicorn again as he reached a hoof back into his side-pouch. “Just one more question for you, Dr. Stalk.”

From within the pouch, he drew out a glass mason jar with a lid in place on it.

*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*

“Is this yours?”

Gus scowled, his eyes falling on the insect inside the jar as it hammered itself futilely against the glass walls.

“What is the meaning of this!?” Gus growled, his expression accusatory. “I thought you were with Public Health and Safety!”

“And this little guy also falls under those auspices as a hazard to both public health AND safety.” The Doctor’s voice took a harsh edge as Scootaloo remained behind him, amazed by the almost laid back confidence that he showed in the face of Gus’ barely-contained outrage. “As do all of his little friends... and the pony responsible for their release.”

Gus huffed angrily as his horn suddenly ignited in a light grey aura, the display of magic causing Scootaloo to draw back behind the earth pony.

“This conversation is over, and you’ve worn out what little welcome you have! Now get out of my house before I--”

*TWAANG*

“AGGGHHHNNN!” Gloomy Gus fell back, a bright flash of pain running over his skull and down his spine as the brown stallion stood impassively, his hoof raised from the sudden movement of his free leg.

“Word of advice,” the Doctor started, the mason jar with the humbug inside still perfectly balanced on one hoof, indicating that the threat hadn’t so much as made him blink. “Never run magic though your horn when you’re within easy reach. It tends to make it extremely sensitive to shock and painful when struck.”

“Ugh!” The unicorn shook his head, trying to get the stars to clear from his vision.

“The backlash maaayyy also throw off your ability to use magic for a while. A friend of mine told me once that she had heard rumors of unicorns blowing their horns clean off trying to cast after having them tweaked.” The stallion paused, the imagery of his words putting a somewhat unpleasant look over his face. “...Though I’m sure she might have been exaggerating, I still wouldn’t recommend doing that again.”

As he spoke, Scootaloo took note of a distinct change in the brown stallion’s posture. It was subtle. The way his hooves were planted, the narrowing of his eyes, the slight angle of his shoulders as he set the jar down, setting a hoof on its lid.

She couldn’t explain it, but even with his attention being directed away from her and towards the grey unicorn, she couldn’t help but feel a cold shiver run down her spine.

“Now then, Gus,” the stallion’s tone booked no argument. “I think it’s high time you told us about the humbugs and exactly what you were planning on doing with them.”

The unicorn held the Doctor’s eyes for a moment, a look of contempt clear in his face before he let out an exasperated sigh.

“...If it’ll get you out of my house.”

————————

“Wow, that was... kinda underwhelming.” Daring tilted her head, surprised by the lack of action.

“Classic unicorn mistake. Gloomy Gus was too reliant on his magic and thought it would scare the Doctor. But instead, the earth pony put him down in one move.” Dawn nodded in appreciation of the event as the Doctor’s tactic was sound.

Luna smirked slightly, looking towards the usually-talkative earth pony, who was tapping her lip with one hoof.

“Something wrong, Cream?” the Princess of the Night asked.

Cream hesitated before starting, pulling her forelegs up to her chest as a worried tone permeated her voice.

“It’s not over, is it?” she asked, sounding concerned.

Luna shook her head.

“Not by a long shot.”

————————

“Yes, you’re absolutely correct. It was all me, congratulations!” Gus rolled his eyes, pulling himself up and brushing off his coat as he tried to ignore the sharp afterpain still running though his skull. “So I distributed a few Griffarian Humbugs throughout Ponyville to dampen the saccharin celebrations! So what!?”

“So it was you!” Scootaloo glared, pointing an indignant hoof at the adult pony while her tone was boosted upon having thought she one-upped the stallion. “When I ran into you yesterday, that’s what was in that box! You were spreading those creepy bugs around town! I knew you were suspicious!”

“Yes, yes...” Gus sighed, clearly annoyed and with a flat tone. “And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling foals and your blah, blah, blah...”

The older stallion grunted in disdain as he shook his head, hardly seeming at all concerned that his scheme had been found out.

“So a few ponies got their eggnog and fruitcake soured. It’s hardly the revival of Nightmare Moon.”

“Why?” the Doctor asked, his tone still flat and unemotional.

“Why? Why not?” Gus spat. “Perhaps I am just sick and tired of everypony going about as if everything is absolutely perfect when we’re sitting in the middle of winter. When ponies are shivering and walking around in the cold, trying to be merry because ‘tradition’ dictates that we be so. Where ‘foals will be foals’ and everypony turns a blind eye to all of the antics, even when they are anything but harmless.”

The unicorn continued to glare up at the brown stallion for a moment as a tense silence held.

“I don’t think so,” the Hourglass Stallion countered, drawing a surprised look from the filly as well as the unicorn.

“...What?”

“You don’t seem like the kind of pony who does something for no reason. In fact, you appear to be quite meticulous if the persistent state of your dwelling is any indication. You must have a reason for wanting to ruin Hearth’s Warming for the townsfolk, so what is it?”

“I don’t need a reason! I simply couldn’t stand seeing all those cheerful, sickly-sweet expressions, so I thought it would be fitting if everypony spent the holidays being as miserable as I am,” Gus spoke with conviction, planting his haunches and folding his forelegs in a stubborn manner. “Call me selfish if you want. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything.”

“Oh, now that’s something I’m having a hard time believing.” The Doctor slid his insect captive to the side and sat across from the irate unicorn, a steely look in his eyes. “A pony who doesn’t care doesn’t hold onto things. But you do. In fact, that’s the problem, isn’t it? You can’t let it go, eh? A former entomologist with a passion for ‘exotic’ insects.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking ab--” Gus started, only to be thrown off.

“You live here alone, in a house that’s falling apart because you don’t want it to change. I bet not a thing in this room has been moved so much as an inch in almost a decade.” He drew a hoof across the dusty floor, bringing it up to his snout to sniff at, and then lick. “Make that... eleven years?”

Gus drew back as if he had been struck, an indication that the Hourglass Stallion’s assumption was spot on.

“Eleven years on your own... letting old pains fester and refusing to let go of them. So much so that they call you ‘Gloomy Gus’ now; the pony with the perpetual rain cloud over his head. But that begs the question of why... Of what happened eleven years ago.”

“Stop it...”

“These tanks were set out and meticulously cared for once, now emptied and neglected, but still in place. You strike me as a pony that can’t let go of something he was so deeply involved with, of something that other ponies would have found disturbing... or dangerous.”

“They’re not dangerous if you respect what they are capable of!” Gus snapped, managing to pull himself up. “That’s the problem with ponies today! They don’t respect anything! They can’t comprehend that when bad things happen it’s because they start prodding at things they don’t fully understand!”

The three ponies stood in silence for a moment, Scootaloo trying to figure out what it was that was going on... why the Doctor was doing this... when the stallion spoke again.

“What was her name?”

It was a simple question... but one that nearly set Gus back on his haunches and caused him to gape at the stallion for a few long seconds.

“...What are you talking about...?” he said lowly, barely a whisper as his face seemed to age a decade in a matter of moments.

“It’s a hazardous occupation: entomology. Especially when dealing with such obviously dangerous specimens like the ones that used to line these walls. Somepony such as yourself surely would have needed an assistant. Somepony to stand by in case of emergency, or to simply keep everything organized since you don’t seem to adapt well to change. And judging from the way you reacted to my question, it appears I guessed quite correctly,” the Doctor explained calmly, before repeating the question. “So, what was her name?”

The dusty grey and black unicorn held the Doctor’s gaze for a while longer, before his facade cracked, and he lowered his head in a deliberately slow fashion.

“...Belladonna.”

“And she didn’t respect them?” the Doctor asked, Scootaloo’s eyes widening as she realized the implications and her eyes darted back towards the broken case on the floor.

“Bella was... curious, fascinated, passionate, and impatient.” Gus shook his head, completely emptied of the bluster he was showing earlier. “Tell me if you know a worse combination in an aspiring entomologist. I told her she wasn’t ready for the private collection yet... She didn’t have the proper experience. She was still a student.”

Gus’s head dipped lower.

“She was... my student.”

The unicorn’s eyes rose again, and even Scootaloo could tell that he was trying to claw his way back to an attitude of indifference.

“She panicked, and she paid the price for it... After that, it was over. I gave it all up: My tenure, my collection, my studies. I retired because it wasn’t worth it to continue. They were rare specimens, so I sold them off to colleagues and other collectors.”

“And in a huge collection of parasprites and poisonous spiders, you kept the humbugs?” Scootaloo shook her head. “I don’t get it.”

Gus snorted in a patronizing amusement.

“Humbugs are common. You can find small infestations of them in nearly any griffin village north of Equestria, and the Griffins couldn’t care less if somepony stops by to grab a few. You couldn’t get any academic or collector worth their salt to take them off your hooves even if you paid them to. They’re just minor emotional parasites with an elemental bend, not even all that interesting. I’m sure whatever the fine is for releasing them, I can get it straightened out. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal?” The Doctor’s tone grew harsh. “Well... Gus... the ‘big deal’ is that so far, these ‘not all that interesting’ humbugs of yours have plunged the entire town into chaos, created at least two angry mobs that we know of, turned those ‘saccharine sweet’ ponies you dislike so much into bitter, angry lunatics, and dragonnapped the assistant librarian of Ponyville,” he listed off.

Gus drew back, his earlier disdain shifting to a very real shock that was impossible to fake.

“I think... we are long past fines here, Gus,” the Hourglass Stallion concluded grimly.

“Waaay past!” Scootaloo, feeling a bit more brave as the Doctor pressed the intimidating unicorn, pulled herself out, glaring in Gus’ direction. “What have you done with Spike!?”

“W...what? You have to be...” Gloomy Gus shook his head, blinking as he tried to understand the weight of these claims. “You must be joking! What you’re talking about... that’s... that’s not possible. The scale of what you’re mentioning is preposterous! It would take a number beyond reckoning... thousands of them... to cause that kind of change across a town as large as this, and I only released a dozen! At most!”

Only a dozen?” The Doctor eyed the dull-coated entomologist with a worried expression.

“Have you been outside today?” Scootaloo asked incredulously as her eyes darted towards the window, the daylight fading fast as the sun went down on Hearth’s Warming Eve. “At all?”

“No, I don’t tend to--”

“There’s a swarm out there,” the Doctor interrupted, deadly seriously. “Numbering in the thousands at least.”

Gloomy Gus then did something that Scootaloo never expected. Not from the pony who so far had lived up to his moniker across all ends of the spectrum of depression.

He laughed.

It wasn’t a loud, obnoxious, villainous laugh like the bad guys in a story book, but a nervous laugh filled with concern and not an ounce of joy or pleasure.

“That... that’s impossible.” He shook his head. “Humbugs don’t swarm. They can’t even reproduce in this part of Equestria; it’s not cold enough. Their nests can’t even support more than a hundred at a time... they simply can’t sustain their numbers. These are emotional scavengers and opportunists... not predatory insects.”

*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*

All other sounds stopped as the insect in the jar under the Doctor’s hoof suddenly made its presence known, its body rattling loudly in the jar.

*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*
*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*
*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*

“Uhhhh, Doctor...?” Scootaloo drew back a step. “What’s it doing?”

“Let’s ask the expert, shall we?” The chestnut stallion’s blue eyes moved up to the grey unicorn, who was watching the humbug with a concerned expression.

“They make that noise when they are under distress... rattling their ice-sheathed bodies together,” Gus stated sagely. “When they’re lacking in food, when it gets too warm--”

*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*
*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*
*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*
*Tzzzzcccchhhhhhhh*

“When they’re calling for help?” the Doctor observed, his expression sour.

“I told you, these are scavenger insects! Nothing more than parasites! They are not intelligent enough to--”

*BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP*

The device on the Doctor’s left hoof went wild suddenly, its rapid beeping drowning out the sound of the insect even as it continued its cry.

A sound that was soon echoing all around the three ponies as the already dimming light of early dusk was further blackened and windows began to go dark.

Scootaloo moved up under the Doctor’s leg, her own heart pounding as the stallion stood stoically still, his eyes not leaving the grey unicorn in front of them as he turned, his expression one of utter disbelief.

“That... that’s...”

“Oh, Gus...” The Hourglass Stallion drew the unicorn’s attention with a razor sharp tone. “I don’t think you gave these humbugs the ‘respect’ that they deserved.”