Being nice only backfires 50% of the time.
The domain of Sheol, the Spirit of Penance, is desperately in need of some maintenance.
When seven individuals find themselves here, a step from Lethe's edge, will they stand firm in their beliefs? Or will they abandon all hope and lose themselves in merciful oblivion?
A/N: This one's probably a bit dull. I'd recommend you read one of my other stories instead. But it's your choice.
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Huzzah! Its up! time to dig in!
Thi is gonna be a good one, I can tell.
Well that proved to be excellent I must tell you, it has solid foundations as an introduction to the story and I feel excited at the coming of the next chapter. Everyone felt like they were in character and you managed to maintain suspense and mystery to this illusive character without revealing too much which might tarnish that. I applaud your efforts at beginning this wondrous piece, huzzah for you and your hard work!
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I hope I don't disappoint, then!
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Thank you kindly. I hope my future chapters are just as good, if not better. Your words give me courage to continue!
Added to Twilight's Library.
Ladies and gentlemen we have entered the anti-chamber.
Prepare to get freaked
Cthulhu shall arise and reign supre-- wait, what?
welp, looks like they are stuck, and someone has signed the names of them into the book of Azathoth. :P
Nice read, little uneventful, but I figure its building up to something next chapter.
Hmm. interesting.
An invisible being talking through a typewriter and a mysterious spirit of penance named Sheol wandering about zapping people up because the underworld administration and bureaucracy is understaffed? this just gets better and better.
I'm sorry, Orpheus. You need to fill out form DD-46 with red ink in order to be eligible for a busking permit. Unfortunately, the Musical Permits Department closed just ten minutes ago; you should come back Monday any time from 9-5, and a receptionist will be happy to help you. Yes, I understand you need to charm the boatman to let you cross the Styx, but the fact of the matter is-- Now calm down just a moment, let me explain! The fee for unauthorized musical performances in Hades is 1500 talents. No, not coins, I mean skills. Unless you have that kind of knowledge, I suggest you go home and wait until Monday.
Well if you'd like to speak to my supervisor, please fill out forms QN-999 and BLC-4500 in green and octarine ink respectively. Well if you can't see octarine I suggest you file for permit 8-7-51F and mail it to our Perception and Observation Department. Please allow 4-5 business days for delivery.
Hey, watch it with that lyre! You could take someone's eye out! Security!
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Hahaha. Maybe you should be writing this story.
2495265 I'm afraid this is the wrong department for that, MonoGlyph. Please hold while we connect you with the Stories and Writers Department.
Your call is very important to us.
Please click here for a listing of all departments in the Charon Bureau. Operators are standing by during non-standard business hours.
Welp... looks like Rarity just received her job description. I'm loving this story so far... keep on keeping on.
Miss Rarity Belle, theft of office supplies is against company policy. I'm afraid we'll have to let you go. Please clean out your desk and vacate the premises no earlier than 29:00 hours last Tuesday.
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"But I don't even work here!"
Human skulls, eh? Weird.
So Rarity's a reaper, and Pinkie and/or Rainbow are judges. Assuming that they're meant to use the relics they find, as opposed to just gathering them.
We're still going to need a
ferrymanferrymare, if we're following classic underworld themes. I suspect Fluttershy's going to be managing the rotmites. And... I can't think of anything else right now.2553669
Veeeery interesting predictions. Even got a bit of inspiration from these, thank you very much.
I'll keep writing. We'll see about your expectations yet.
Eh, probably just a cheap ad gimmick for some crappy restaurant.
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I'll have you know that my mother was a crappy restaurant! Ad gimmicks aren't cheap!
(sleepdeprivationtownladedeladedum...)
Please do walk on the grass.
The story, while not the greatest thing ever, was decent, but the ending? It drags it all through the mud. The story, you, me, everything and everybody is less for it.
'In time it changed me, their otherworldly grace.'
There's the title, and it really is the perfect summary. This one sentence is the entire world, stripped bare and showing the putrefying black flesh beneath the outer layer of flabby neck skin and the slight indents of the pearl necklace of existentialism that holds this world in such high regard that we have to write a thousand stories like this before even beginning to grasp true pretension.
' I look forward to hearing back from you. Should you have any more tasks for me please do not hesitate to ask.'
And this, this shows Mattress Twilight's character is vivid technicolor. Well, maybe it's more agfacolor, but still. She's a cynical, willing servant, probably the definition of a sociopath, Celestia is probably sick from having to deal with this pony and more so for having taught her, but deep down you can still see the adorkable little filly who wanted to study magic and that's what turns the story from a dark comedy to a true tragedy of Euripidean proportions.
Here, it's just 'Yo Printessa, your student is nucking futs. Have a nice day.'
Is that what this whole Kafkalite story is? Twilight Sparkle is CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs? Charon regalia reconnects the bureau with Equestria, the dead keep flowing through, ABCDEFG, HIJKLMNOP. The end.
Or maybe that's the point. That's it, isn't it? That's the thesis. This story doesn't have some big speech, no great denouement or philosophies, because that's not what it is! Adventure in the 1 + 1/2 world. Twilight Sparkle is cray-cray. There's no punctuation to end it because it doesn't end! Files pass over the reviewers' desks without a thought, one after the other and another for eternity and all time and there's no end in sight so thank you have a nice day do come again!
I'm not sure if you're a big puffy diseased asshole or a genius of so high a caliber even the world's greatest writer, who as we all know reviewed several disco songs in the late '70s and was never heard from again, fell into his pool of misanthropic malapropism and died upon seeing this last chapter, which makes even his seminal 1977 review of Shake Shake Shake Your Booty seem like War and Peace without Leo Tolstoy's vision of the pathetically grandiose to muddy the waters of Pyriphlegethonian-themed literature and reflect the beauty and fulfillment to be found in the sheer emptiness and disappointment this ending purveys.
All in all, you get a good solid 10/9, and the theme from the only film that, through its depiction of our antediluvian past, truly encapsulates the spirit of this coming century.
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Sorry, guy. I'm only human. I make mistakes. I don't write fanfiction with a thesis in mind. Okay, I didn't write two of my three stories with a thesis in mind.
This one was a straight arrow. There was no big twist at the end. What do you take me for? That one Hollywood director that everyone makes fun of? With that name that I can't spell offhand and don't feel like looking up just now.
Anyway. It's a meditative piece to stretch my legs a wee bit. Admittedly I didn't have as much fun writing it as the others. I wouldn't write it twice. Even if I wrote it twice, FIMfiction wouldn't accept it, 'cos they have a rule against that.
Hopefully, when I get back in the swing of things and begin my next story, it'll be one more to your liking, or at least meet your standards. You'll be there to comment, won't you, deary? Promise me you'll comment.
2736776 ˙ǝʎǝ ʎɯ uı uoıʇɔǝɟuoɔ ʎɹɐƃns ɐ ʞɔıʇs 'uoɟɟıɹƃ pnoɹd ɐ ǝʞıן ɹɐos oʇ ǝdoɥ puɐ ʎɹǝʇɹɐ ɔıʇɹoɐ ʎɯ ssoɹɔ
"Observe Obsidian Obelisk."
Ooo.
I'll have to admit, perhaps the mariachi music I was listening to wasn't the best atmosphere for reading this story in, but hey, you're getting a review anyway.
Pros:
+Playing on the bizarre imagery of artwork, architecture, and Mr. Hebrewunderworld. Very nice.
+Very interesting setting and concepts introduced here. A bureaucratic waiting room of the dead is actually a pretty solid foundation for comedy. Makes me think of Scootaloo Goes to Heck, but less ridiculous and a lot darker.
+Great setup for future stories, kept me interested.
Cons:
-The tone was a bit confusing. I wasn't really sure whether I was supposed to find a lot of this dark or just funny. Again, like I said, bureaucratic underworld is a pretty solid comedic foundation, and I think you could've really taken advantage of that.
-Sheol, as a character, was also a bit puzzling. Given the bureaucratic nature of his institution, you think he might've been able to send them a bit more prior notice, especially for an unusual visit to the bureau, and the whole choking Pinkie thing was equally odd.
-Hoo boy, laying it on thick with the religious subject again. I get that this is a vehicle of thought, and I appreciate that, but I feel like it's something that, when it comes to the characters' own inclinations in that capacity, should really be explored before it starts getting put to the test in a place that may rattle the inclinations they may or may not have. I understand that you might be waiting for actual canon faiths to emerge, but hey, this is fanfiction, speculation's our bread and butter, it's okay to make some educated guesses.
-Overall, a lot about this story needs to be explored in more depth. It was intriguing, but sort of disappointing at the end.
But hey, take the cons how you will– you seem to have a lower opinion of this story than I do. It might be the fact that I'm a bit sick, the fact that it's 2:30 AM where I am, or the plethora of mariachi I've been listening to, but overall, I liked it. You get a thumbs-up and a Mariachi Band singing Final Countdown and Ace of Spades.
Oh, and yes, I finally started recording that reading of "Their Otherworldly Grace" I said I would do an eternity ago. I feel kind of bad for not getting to it sooner, but hey, now it's getting done.
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No worries bro, take your time. Your interest in my stories is appreciated, as is the effort you might put into your reading.
Though, yes, I am of the opinion that this is my weakest piece and am only keeping it up for posterity's sake. Your criticisms are all completely valid, though I dare not even so much as read it again, much less edit it.
Perhaps I'll go ahead and read Scootaloo Goes To Heck, even though admittedly I don't read much of other people's fanfiction. Thanks for the recommendation.
I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Welcome to Sheol: You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave.
So I realize it's been over half a decade since you've been on this site, but on the off chance you ever come back, I just wanted to say I absolutely love your stories and especially the included artwork. It's all just fantastic!