Finally, the summer vacation has started. But for Silver Spoon, this doesn't mean fun and play. She has to go to summer class. And if going to school during precious summer time wasn't bad enough, Apple Bloom is there, too. But what seemed to become a nightmare of a vacation slowly turns out to be a chance to finally change a lot of things in Silver Spoon's life.
As of chapter 22, docontra is proof-reading this story. I can't thank you enough for the help :).
Side story: A Night at The Golden Mug
Chapters (25)
First thing I read and I spot an error.
Do you often do that?
Capitalization error.
Apostrophe.
Could easily be replaced by a comma.
Might I suggest a colon?
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This story has a very interesting plot.
I'm gonna go ahead and assume that was meant to be 'what'.
Wow, this is really good for a first try, especially for a non-native speaker! If you hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have realised - your English is better than some English writers on here. ;)
I love your characterisation of Spoony, she's a character who I always love to see more of in fanfic. I have just one nitpick: I don't think that ponies would learn English, but rather Equestrian. However, I believe that's entirely a fandom thing (the show has never addressed it) so that's up to you!
Good job, looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Excellent. I really enjoyed this. Upvote and favorite!
1827421 And yes, Equestrian is their native language. Foreign language possibilities: Griffonian, Dragonese, Changelish.
Thanks for all the comments :).
You were right, Rocketknightgeek, it's already corrected. Same goes for the tips from epicdonus1123, those were really helpful ^^. Even though I have put the colon at the end of the suggested sentence, that made more sense to me somehow. And I do "that" often in the first chapters, but it gets less in the later ones. At least as far as I have them planned out for now.
And to whoever downvoted epicdonus1123's first comment: Why did you do that? That was exactly what I wanted, pointing out my mistakes. So thanks once again, epicdonus1123 :).
There were foals in that room.
A colt is a boy, a filly, a girl, and foals are children collectively.
Still, a marvelous start. This may be worth my time.
Oh my, it seems Bonbon already ships them.
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Damn, I hate it when my characters start doing things behind my back...
Okay, thanks, I have no idea how I missed that one ^^.
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I really think that this story deserves more attention. It actually makes me care about Silver Spoon and gives her more character. Not to mention that this is pretty well written aside from some minor mistakes.
Good job!
Luv it!
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First of all, thanks for the comment and the praise.
But regarding those minor mistakes, it would be nice if you could go a little bit more into that. Like I said in the author's comment to the first chapter, English isn't my first language, wich means chances are pretty high that I wouldn't find these minor mistakes, no matter how often I re-read the story. So, please help me improving my writing skills :).
So now I'm super curious as to what her cutie mark really means. Judging by Fluttershy's reaction there should be an interesting story behind it.
Loving the story so far can't wait for more.
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Thanks for your comment. I hope you won't get disappointed in your curiosity. But I guess you'll have to wait a little bit before this story can be told. I might need to take a break to learn for exams, but that isn't for sure by now. We'll just have to wait and see ;).
Go on.
This is good.
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Thanks, I will ^^.
Keep Goin'!
Another awesome chapter! I really love the depth of your exploration of Silver. Maintaining a long dialogue between two characters can be difficult and you do it really well.
I think you meant "sensitive" here, not "sensible." Doesn't seem like that was an intentional malapropism on Applebloom's part.
I'm really enjoying this story. It's got a style we don't see very often, if at all.
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Thanks, I did have doubts if I could pull that off. I really appreciate this praise :).
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Yeah, I did mean sensitive. Unfortunately, in German "sensitive" means "sensibel", so my instincts mislead me ;).
I'm glad you enjoy my story, that's the most important thing :). But I'd like to know what exactly you mean by style; the writing style or the storytelling style?
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Oh dear, you're asking for literary analysis from an engineer. I'll see what I can do...
This story is driven by a combination of narrative and narrator, and the pinpoint focus of both. Our viewpoint is third person extremely limited, tightly welded to an oblivious Silver Spoon, and the storyline widens to bring in Apple Bloom but almost nothing else. There's been some gentle prodding from the adults, but the conflict and resolution here is all between those two. They're in control here, the only real forces at work are Silver's loneliness and AB's... Curiosity? Sympathy? Exhaustion? We haven't heard much of her side of things yet.
It's a very claustrophobic combination. Pony stories are the magic of friendship, yes? But we've got thirty thousand words of isolation and alienation here. It is only just now beginning to open up.
As I said, not something we see very often.
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Excellent job, this is what a review should be.
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I can appreciate the fact that you are trying, but he asked for a review, not a spellcheck (unless I'm mistaken).
Now, This spellcheck is fine, it's just that's all it is, a spellceck. To improve I'd reflect on the authors work and try to ascertain how they could improve in the storytelling aspects, such as characterization and behaviour.
Good luck.
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Actually, I did ask for both ;).
I quote from the author's comment of my first chapter:
"Even and especially if you don't like it, any constructive criticism is highly welcome. And since I'm no native english speaker, I'd appreciate any help improving my english, too."
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But I like making an ass of myself?
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Oh, okay. Don't mind me then and carry on ^^.
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With gusto.
That's a heck of a way to get a cutie mark, dang. I would never have guessed, and was certainly not expecting it to be so relevant to Apple Bloom. I'm looking forward to her reaction now.
But "fohlengarten" is definitely the best new word of the day.
Well this one is better for my Head-canon that a cutie mark about a spoon. How a spoon is a talent.
I pray that you continue this cute Story.
This seems like good start!
Now caught up! I like the development and the changes you made to Silver, bravo sir.
The truth does hurt.
Silver Spoon.. I mean give the devil her due (so to speak). She brings up valid points concerning the CMC.
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Hm, seems like I missed your comments by only about seven weeks... Well, let me still give you a late thanks for the kind words ^^.
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And also thanks to you as well. I'm glad to see that part of my goals for this story worked out so far :).
When Silver Spoon was all like "I don't know if I should tell this story.." I was all like-
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That was an interesting chain of comments ^^.
But is it really so hard to get what the monimentum is supposed to be? That's no accusation or anything like that... I honestly need to know, because this is not the first time someone had trouble with it. If it is due to my writing, I'd like to see how I can improve that ^^.
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I was confused in Chapter 8. I mean did she carve all the faces of the mare through out the years, into the staff of her monimentum? (new word for me BTW
By Chapter 9 though Silver Spoon clearly described it and mentioned that the "spoon" part was actually the base of the memorial. It wasn't hard to see that her pink heart (in the handle of the "spoon") was the fire ruby she used as a head piece to the monument her cutiemark represents.
So no. It wasn't your writing. It was my ignorance
this was a brilliant story so far and can't wait for updates. Poor Spoony has a talent for something she can only partially indulge. The silversmithing part she can easily afford to practice and hone her skills, but her passion is obviously for honoring the dead. I agree with Fluttershy. It's a shocking but intriguing talent for a filly to have.
As a young mare I can see Silver Spoon getting a job in a funeral parlor as an assistant or maybe a director later. She has a good heart and would provide the respect the deceased deserve and the comfort that the living relatives seek.
All that said I wonder how DT will take Silver's new found friendship, or if the filly even knows what Silver Spoon's mark is and represents.
I love this fresh take on a talent for Silver Spoon.
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Okay, thanks for clearing that up. And the praise as well, of course
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And no, she didn't carve the faces of the mare into the monimentum. In fact, her inspiration wasn't from the pictures themselves but the frames they were in ;).
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Oh now I see it a little better. thanks. That would have been easier to produce in the short time she had before family noticed she was gone.
And your very welcome. Let me know if you have anymore Silver Spoon fics.
Is a nice moment for a update.
Cant wait for the next one.
Good luck with the exams.
Big mac and his Amazing ninja skills
Oh please let Silver Spoon's older sister be Octavia.
I'm going to take a WILD guess and say Silver Spoon reminds Big Mac of Smarty Pants and Twilight took her back some time ago.
Oh and Sadly there isn't allot of Silver Spoon/ Applebloom fan art out there. But there SHOULD be!
I have four finals.
I had three finals in two days. The last one is on the 17th.
I understand finals pressure.
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Thanks. ^^
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Yeah, that's a shame. In fact, there just isn't enough Silver Spoon art out there, regardless if with Apple Bloom or not.
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Good luck with the last exam.
Mine will be pressumably the easiest of the finals. But those tend to end up the hardest...
No one really get if scootaloo will fly one day. Till now it look like she is unable to fly due to her small wings.
Yes! Update!
Can't wait for February.
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I hope I'm not spoilering something here. But as of Glight to the Finish it's safe to assume she won't ever be able to fly. At least, in the official canon. I know they didn't say it, but they went as far as possible on that matter without actually saying it.
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Thanks. Knowing that there are actualy people out there who are wating for the stuff I'm thinking up is really nice and motivating
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Oh my when did this turn into a ship fic?
(kidding)
Her toys are in tha what now?
Wait, has Silver Spoon shown AB her room yet?
Silver Spoon is smart and yet adorably naive.
well I'm guessing after reading that Silver Spoon had AB over to her mansion once but it wasn't written. Pity, I would have like to read about AB's experience
. Great chapter. Loved how Silver Spoon and AB are bonding.
I hope their three friends accept the new friendship. I mean Sweetie Belle won't be a problem but Scootalloo and Diamond.. ooh boy.
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Corrected that, thanks. I have no idea how that keeps happening. Damn you, subconcious
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Just like it says, they're in the commode.
Maybe you should take another look at chapter 6 ;).
Thanks a lot
Well, the two of them still have a few days to figure out how to break it to them. And for some other stuff too, of course ;). (Just in case somebody actually wants to get the wrong idea here: This story will stay PG
)
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I will take a look at chapter 6. thanks.
oh and I always only heard commode as a toilet. My bad
Oh and if this DID happen to turn out to be a SilverBloom AppleSpoon ship i would be very cool with that. I am a big fan of SilverTiara but shipping Silver with
is so rare and beautiful.