Rainbow Dash is lonely. It isn't long after the death of her best friend, the energetic Pinkie Pie, and she decides to tamper with the laws of nature and take things into her own hooves. Her quest: to create her own Pinkie Pie, one that won't leave her behind. But her experiments don't quite go as planned, and she is left with an oddly coloured, robotic foal. But can she just cast it aside? Can she just pass it off as a failure? Can she ignore it when it looks at her with those eyes? Those scared, green eyes...
EDIT: An actual background woo! done by TTSnim Thank-You!!!
EDIT: Thanks to BaleonRosen for doing a better description for me.
Chapters (9)
Paragraphs are your friend; embrace the concept. A reader confronted with a wall of text will generally flee it...
1823029 Oh, okay will do. I don't really know where to add paragraph breaks though...
Little sentence mistakes and the story moves a little to fast but other than that fine
1823029
one time I tried to f-fight a wall and h-he beat me up 
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This goes a little too fast try slowing it down, add more detail to each scene
Well..... That was... Uhhhh..... Good?
What I don't get is that Dash is a Genius/ Mad scientist
But uh great chapter
BOOFHEAD!
Hey did you read that book yet??
1866660 Nah mate.
You made Twilight angry
Wow your getting better at writing with each new chapter
You might wanna re write this when you complete it to make it the same quality throughout
Yeh yeh he said it!, I love it when they say the title of the story in the story
1989801 Thanks! Yeah I am getting better! Quality, Smulity (idk). It's good enough and as long as people don't hate on it... I'm happy with it!
Skip to 5:10
[youtube=IkMPZ7WeDck]
Oh never mind songs here
[youtube=fLFAXvFYhsE]
Much better
but there is a bit where you could do with a space in between the paragraphs
1989846 Now what has this got to do with anything?
ecause I'm Baane
2029402
I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
When you hear the name Bane, I guarantee the pain.
I'm coming after you, Bruce Wayne.
I'm stronger, smarter, and clinically insane.
I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
Bruce Wayne and the Batman are totally the same.
I broke his back mortal comBAT smack,
then I cracked my '28 Krug champagne.
I'm Bane, yes, it's a shame.
I declare martial law, and you all complain!
I laugh when you ask why I wear the mask.
I'll explain. It's because.....
I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
You say it too much, the name becomes inane.
Of course! Some think my plan lacks gain.
If you say it too my face, I'll crash your plane.
When I say no you say survivors
No, no
When I say no you say survivors
No,no. you suck Bane!
Did u watch the 7min video?
My mom wormed me about getting into cars with strange men
This isn't a caaaaawwwwwrrrrr
1989652 Never listen to Sagacity's comments, for sometimes it means something negative.
I was just listening to Glaze
[youtube=7jVVVdiKl7U]
Green Lightning join the CMC just like that! Its like you skip a chapter! Oh and you got this wrong ("Don't be getting sarcastic with me, you do that again I'll you to your room!" she threatened him.) + How is Rarity at Rainbow's cloud house... ITS. A. CLOUD.
Now I'm gonna watch this
2061086
Fixed up the error at the start.
And how Rarity got there will be explained...she used the cloud walking spell Twilight taught her.
2065288 I would like to read the initiation ceremony you know.
2065331 I was going to but then I didn't maybe I'll add it later as a flash back or something...
2065369 That could work!
Sorry it took me so long to read this hehehe
Why am i the only new to comment on this?
huh.....
Anyway, your writing has gotten ten times better
Just try and add more description into this
The pacing is slightly better than before, although it is still a little bit fast for my liking, you could have drawn out the Storm Blitz thing a little longer,
Also have a rarity
2884703 alright! Thanks for commenting, I was beginning to think I was forgotten. I'll try and put in some Rarity.
2886301 NO! NO RARITY,
Can't w8 for more
2987263 I'll try and get some more done when I can, I got school stuff that has to be done though...grade 11 sucks. xD