Blasphemy and Pitchforks
Apple Bloom was feeling better after hanging out with her friends. Her whole day had been one emotionally wrenching disaster after another and she was exhausted by the constant ups and downs. Before she could fall asleep, however, her stomach began to rumble with hunger and she remembered that she hadn't eaten anything since lunch all those hours (and what felt like a lifetime) ago. The hour was late and the sounds of crickets filtered up though her window. She decided to sneak down to the kitchen and grab herself a snack out of the cold-box.
Carefully, she opened her bedroom door. Care had to be taken or the shingle bearing her name would bang against the wood. During the last couple of years she had also learned which boards would creak and avoided those too. With a filly's light hoof-falls she approached the top of the stairs leading down to the family room and the kitchen beyond. She froze as she heard the hushed voices coming from the kitchen. Apple Bloom knew eavesdropping was wrong and by the furtive tones of her family she could tell she wasn't supposed to be hearing what the adults were saying but then she heard her own name mentioned and snuck forward to listen.
"What are we going to do," she heard her sister say, despairing.
"What is there to do," Granny answered, philosophically. "Yer smart friend said there wasn't anything ta be done."
Apple Bloom heard Applejack growl, "Yep, that's what she said."
"Sis." Mac said as a chastisement to his sister.
"She is the most powerful unicorn alive an' the Princesses would do anything she asked 'em for. Are you telling me that you believe Celestia can't do anything to fix Apple Bloom?"
Apple Bloom's bottom lip began to shake when she heard her sister use the word "fix."
"It may or mayen't be a matter of won't, young miss, but don't you start blaspheming the Princess' name. She was mightily kind to us back in the day," Granny scolded.
"Yeah, she gave us land no one else wanted because it was too dangerous. We did well despite of her, not because of her, and in exchange we built her a prosperous town and all the taxes she can collect.
"Applejack!" Macintosh's basso shook the house. He was immediately shushed by his grandmother.
'I know this is hard news, granddaughter but you can't be going on this way." Granny said in soothing tones.
Apple Bloom then heard a sound as rare as hen's teeth, her sister sobbing. "I love her Granny, I love her so much. All I've ever wanted was for her was to be happy, grow up strong, and to pass the farm down to her. But that thing on her flank ruined everything. You didn't sit up with her, after she came back from the Everfree that night. She would wake up screaming, night after night, crying about the fires in their eyes begging them to let her go. I held her in my arms all those nights like she was a foal again and it broke my heart to see her like that. I thought it was just a bad dream an' it was real, we nearly lost her that night. It would kill me Granny, it would kill me if we lost her.
Silence filled the house as tears quietly fell to the hardwood floor besides Apple Bloom's hooves.
Big Mac finally spoke up, "Sis, maybe she has a purpose. I heard the story too. It sounded like she helped that one ghost. Maybe that's what she's here for. Maybe that's part of Celestia's plan?" It was the most words Apple Bloom had heard from Mac since she had gotten out of publishing.
Applejack's voice sounded choked and rough, "Mac, haven't you ever hated your Mark? I mean...apples. Sure we are great farmers, we grow the best apples in all of Equestria and I take pride in that. But, haven't you ever wished for your Mark to have been something more...exciting?"
"I guess, sure," the red stallion replied, unsure of his sister's point.
"Apple Bloom is now Marked for a life full of horror, death, and fire. Apples is gonna be the thing she wishes for unless we can help her," the orange mare explained. No one had an answer for that and the house grew quiet once again. "I'm tired an' I can cry just as well in my bed as here. Goodnight." Applejack said and then left the table.
It took a moment for the spell to be broken and for Apple Bloom to realize her sister was walking straight towards her. Tip-hoofing as fast as she could, the yellow filly ducked back into her room an instant before her sister's head poked over the lip of the stairs. The filly panted silently as she listened to her sister's hooves pass in front of her bedroom door. Among the hoof-falls she heard a sniffle and then her sister's door closing just slightly too hard.
----------------------------------------------
Despite her exhaustion, Apple Bloom couldn't sleep. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen (or heard) her sister so upset, let alone cry. Her sister's words kept running around in her head and wouldn't pause long enough for sleep to catch them. The crickets had given up their songs and the night had grown quiet enough for her to listen to her sister's hidden tears. Minutes would pass in silence and then there would be a snuffle or the sound of Applejack blowing her nose. In the small hours of the night that too finally lapsed into silence as her sister finally received some measure of peace.
It was then that there was a sudden rattling against her window. Her room was pitch black and her mind was filled with the innumerable ghosts and ghouls that might be knocking at the sill. Her eyes were just above the blanket pulled above her nose and wide with terror. The noise came again, insisting to be acknowledged.
"I have a purpose. I have a purpose. I have a purpose." Apple Bloom whispered to herself as she creeped out from under her covers and towards the window. "Maybe he's just lost and wants directions to the graveyard," she said in an attempt to muster her courage. Reaching the window, she pulled open the sash with her hooves. Below there was an unnatural green glow, pulsing irregularly. Its glow washed the colors from her coat and mane leaving her an image in black and white. A pebble then smacked into her nose. "Ow!" she said, more out of surprise than pain.
"Oops, I didn't see you there," a familiar voice whispered up from below.
"Sweetie?!?" Apple Bloom whispered back.
"Yeah! Why? Who did you think it was throwing pebbles at your window?"
"Um..." Apple Bloom was reluctant to admit that she had thought her visitor was a ghost.
"Oh My Gosh, were you expecting a colt?" Sweetie said as her eyes grew wider along with her smile.
"What?" Apple Bloom said flatly, forgetting to whisper
"That is so romantic! Does he come by and serenades up to your window? Or is it poetry? Sonnets?"
"What?!?" She repeated as the conversation rapidly began moving in a direction she had not anticipated.
"Oh Apple Bloom, oh Apple Bloom. How now shall I compare you to a full moon," Sweetie Belle mocked the imaginary suitor.
The yellow filly stared down at her friend while dying inside from lethal levels of embarrassment.
"This so isn't fair, you get both your cutie mark and a coltfriend before either of us." Sweetie pouted.
"Wait, no, no no! I ain't got no coltfriend! I thought you were a ghost!" Apple Bloom admitted, the truth now seeming far less embarrassing.
"Oh," the unicorn's disappointment was palpable. "Do ghosts throw rocks at your window?"
"No. I mean, not yet, I guess...Ghah!...Sweetie why are you here?" Apple Bloom desperately tried to wrest control of the conversation and steer it back to somewhere sane.
"Can you sneak out? We need to talk." Her friend answered.
"Sure, give me a sec." she answered and then closed the window. She repeated her earlier performance and while sneaking through the kitchen remembered her earlier hunger and grabbed an apple from the cold box. Sweetie Belle was waiting for her a few meters away from the kitchen door and hugged her fiercely when she arrived.
"So, what's going on?" Apple Bloom asked around half-chewed bits of apple.
"Rarity says she's going to get our parents to not let us be friends anymore."
"What?! She can't do that!" Apple Bloom replied in shock.
"She's gonna tell our parents that it's dangerous to be friends with you and they can make it so that I'm not allowed to do things with you outside of school anymore."
"But that would kill the Crusaders!"
"I know! Sweetie agreed.
"That's not fair!"
"I know!"
"We can't let her get away with this!"
"I kn- How are we going to stop her?" the unicorn filly asked, interrupting herself.
"I have a purpose." Apple Bloom repeated her brother's words like a mantra.
"What?"
"Um, I mean, I have a plan. Come on!"
"Where are we going? she asked.
"Whitetail Wood."
--------------------------
Twilight and Luna were standing underneath the obnoxiously decadent temple to her own grandeur Rainbow Dash called home. "Rainbow! Rainbow Dash! Wake up and come down here!" Twilight was shouting at the top of her lungs.
"Twilight, if you want I could just use the-" Luna tried to offer.
"No. RAINBOW!!!"
"Or I could fly up-" The alicorn tried again.
"No. RAINBOW!!!"
A sky-blue face pushed her way through the bottom of the cloud house. "Jeeze Twi, What the hay has got you so riled up. Oh! Hi there Luna!
"Um, hello Rainbow Dash." Luna responded, feeling uncomfortable from all the shouting.
"Rainbow, do you know where Grogar is?"
The cyan mare looked over to the Princess standing next to her friend. "Who wants to know?"
"Discord, he wants to get his old bowling team back together." Twilight snapped with maximum snark.
"Um, Twi. Just cause he's an old god that broke out of Tartarus and nearly killed you, Luna, and Celestia. That doesn't mean he's buddies with Discord. It might be a trap." Rainbow replied, totally oblivious to Twilight's sarcasm.
Luna tried to express her concern in a soothing tone. "Twilight, are you sure we have to do things this way? You seem to be getting...agitated."
"I...AM...FINE." Twilight growled through clenched teeth while smoke started to curl from the grass touching her hooves.
Rainbow Dash zipped the 12 meters to the ground in a blink. "Twi, seriously, you gotta calm down. What's going on?
The double-barreled concern and friendship broke through to the purple unicorn. She took a deep breath and focused on finding her center. It took a good portion of a minute but she managed to regain some of her composure. "I need to get a message to Grogar. Apple Bloom has developed a talent for necromancy and he's the only living necromancer in Equestria. We need him to come back to town, again, and help her get control of her talent." She breathed out her remaining breath with a whoosh.
"Oh, sure! He's out past Appaloosa hanging with the buffalo. I can get there in a couple of hours. He can take the train back here in a day or two. No problem." Dash answered without any signs of stress.
Luna stroked Twilight's fur, smoothing it back down flat.
Rainbow continued past where she should have stopped. "It's a real shame about Apple Bloom's cutie mark."
Luna answered for the still-flustered Twilight. "There is nothing wrong with her having a talent for necromancy."
"Necromancy?!?" Dash said, shocked. "That darn Scootaloo said she couldn't raise zombies, made it sound like it was broken or something. I gotta talk to her about paying closer attention to things." Dash said, totally missing that Twilight's hair had went "sproing" and her teeth were grinding.
"Miss Dash, perhaps you should start your journey." Luna prompted in an effort to diffuse the purple ticking bomb.
"I guess so, its not like its gonna take me all that l-" It was then that she noticed Twilight's state. The poly-chromatic mare stared at her friend for a couple seconds and then, "Okgottagoseeyoulaterbyebye." Rainbow dash then disappeared, leaving a rainbow contrail pointing towards the southwestern horizon.
Luna tried making soothing noises and stroking Twilight's coat in an attempt to bring her marefriend back from her stress-induced fit. It was just beginning to calm her down when Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith came down the road towards the two of them, carrying various farming implements. As they drew near Luna saw tears running Applejacks face and was able to more accurately classify her manner of carrying the pitchfork as "brandishing."
"I heard you were here!" Applejack spat the words with rage and sorrow. "Not even one day and you've already come for her! I don' care what's wrong wit' her, she's ours an' you can't have her!"
Luna looked over her shoulder to make sure she was the one the farmer was addressing.
"Why didn't you even let her say good-bye to us you evil witch!" The farmer continued, the foam flecking the sides of her mouth mixed with the tears that ran freely down her cheeks.
"Miss Apple-" Luna tried to answer but was cut of.
"Give her back! Give us back our Apple Bloom!" the orange mare demanded in a voice that could only be born of heartbreak.
Luna knew what to do: Calmly yet firmly deny that she had anything to do with Apple Bloom's disappearance, explain in a firm, even voice that she had never intended to take Apple Bloom away, and then volunteer to help the Apple clan track down their missing filly. Despite this knowledge, Luna found herself rocketing into the sky at her best acceleration dragging a screaming Twilight in her telekinetic wake and having pitchforks and other farming implements sailing after her like so many javelins.
"That may have looked just the slightest bit guilty." she said to herself and her up-side down, backward, and panicking marefriend. The flight was over quickly as Luna slammed through the balcony door/window that opened into Twilight's bedroom. The door didn't survive the process but the alicorn remembered to remove the broken glass from the bed before placing the unicorn onto the soft platform.
"-UUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Twilight's scream was cut off with an "oof" as she dropped the last half-meter to the surface of the bed.
Luna was pacing in place fluttering her wings in agitation, wide eyes with fear. "We're so sorry Twilight please don't break up with us," the goddess begged in a torrent of syllables.
"How many times has it been?!?" fury dyed her words crimson. "How many times have I asked you not to 'ever do that again'?!?"
"I don't know but I'm sorry we panicked but it wasn't our fault we did nothing and Applejack threw things at us and-"
"I don't care, Luna." Twilight cut her off. "What did I say? You had one more chance; one. It doesn't matter that you caused this or not, I can't take it anymore. I'd have less chaos in my life if I was dating Discord."
Luna fell silent as Twilight ranted, her mouth hanging open and tears starting to gather at the corners of her eyes. Seeing Twilight's face and guessing where this conversation was leading the alicorn whispered the word "No," begging.
Twilight shook her head. "I'm sorry Luna but this was it, we're done."
"Please...don't." Luna kept begging as the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.
"Luna, don't make this any harder. Just g-" Twilight gasped a shuddering breath, "I...I need you to go."
"But-"
"Luna, please, go."
Everything on the alicorn was shaking but she managed a nod.
Twilight waited, silent and resolutely avoiding eye contact.
Luna turned around and lept from the balcony. She beat her wings as if she could outrun her own heartbreak. She didn't look back so she didn't see Twilight break down into body-wracking sobs.
For several minutes Luna just flew. She didn't have any destination other than "away." She fought against the thinning air. She fought against the ice beginning to crust her feathers. She fought her way to where the blue faded from the sky and the black, star-speckled expanse of her father's belly was visible. She fought against the sorrow, pain, and hate that threatened to overwhelm her. Part of her, the "old" part of her, screamed for revenge. The seductive whisper was back "Those backwards earth-ponies had cost her dearly and she should return to their land and smash every tree they've ever planted, crush all their buildings, and salt the very soil they claimed as theirs. The ruin and desolation would last for centuries as a warning to all those who would forget that the Princess of the Night was also a goddess and that invoking her wrath would bring nothing but sorrow."
It was tempting but Luna knew where that led; to who that led. Instead, she chose to stay here at the edge of space. Her muscles and lungs burned as the pumped her wings as hard as possible to simply to maintain her position. Her tears froze as they shook free from her eyes. Her screams were thinned and muffled by the lack of air. No one could see her here, far above where mortal life could venture. No one besides her father who had never judged her for either ill or fair.
Eventually, even the immortal mare ran out of tears to shed. Still full of sorrow, but now clear of head, she thought about her situation. This wasn't the first time she'd had her heart broken. While still a rare event, every few millennia a mare or stallion came along who stood head and shoulders above the throngs of nearly anonymous ponies. Sometimes it ended this way, sometimes it was she who ended the affair, but sometimes the love lasts a lifetime - literally. Luna had thought that this was what she had found with Twilight. She still loved the mare (and her heart clenched as she thought the words) and she believed that Twilight still loved her. "But should I respect her wishes and allow this courtship to end?" she wondered. "To fight for what one desires is a virtue, to fight for the continuation of love is heroic, but to do so while disregarding the wishes of her beloved? What is that?"
The lunar mare fretted, "If I give her the time to calm down I might also give her the time to accept the end of our courtship. If I pursue her, though, I might anger her further, dooming my efforts." She looked back down at the world she had so recently returned to. She was high enough she could see the curvature of the globe and all of her kingdom layed out below her. She could see from the beige desert sands of the southwest to the glittering,eternal snows in the far north - except for one circular patch of green and blue she noted. Her eyes widened with realization.
Luna had never been particularly fond of her "niece," but there was no disputing that the pink pony princess was an expert on all things romantic. As a bonus, her paramour's brother was her husband and might be able to give her even more specific advice for dealing with Twilight. She shook the frozen remnants of her tears from her face and angled her wings for the long decent down to the Crystal Kingdom.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight watched Luna leave, she noted that her lover didn't look back. "Former lover," her mind helpfully added for the sake of precision. After that, Twilight collapsed to her knees as sobs ripped through her. The wooden floor of her room was still covered with broken glass but she didn't feel their bites; the wound in her heart hurt far too much for her to notice. The analytical portion of her mind wondered at her own capacity for this emotion. She had been surprised by the pleasure that friendship and eventually love had brought into her life. Her logical self found it equally surprising that the removal of a relationship seemed to cause pain in direct inverse proportion to the pleasure that relationship was capable of invoking. The remainder of her mind was totally dedicated towards wailing in heartbreak.
The next several minutes were a blur to the purple unicorn. She could barely get enough air to breathe through her choked crying as she curled herself up into a tight ball of equine misery. She hated Luna for failing her. She hated herself for having made the ultimatum. She hated herself for following through with her threat. She hated Luna for having brought them to this point. She hated Applejack for jumping to the conclusions that pushed Luna into her rash action. She hated Apple Bloom for-. The thought stopped her cold; Apple Bloom was the victim, if indeed there was a victim at all. "I almost hated her for being different," she thought. "None of this is her fault," she reminded herself.
Her attention was pulled away from her own misery by the door to her bedroom creaking open. Spike was standing there, eyes wide with fear. "He must have been home and heard me crying," she thought.
"Twilight, are you ok?" the dragon asked, his voice barely above a whisper. There was no sarcasm or teenage attitude in his voice, only sincere concern.
"I'm fi-f-f-ffff-" Twilight tried to respond but started shaking and crying again. Her head dropped back to the floorboards. A minute later she felt a tiny, clawed hand running through her mane, petting her in an attempt at wordless comfort. With the speed of a striking viper she snatched the little dragon into a tight embrace and while she cried harder for a while, she felt far better with him there.
Twilight had no idea how much time had passed. Her thoughts had stopped taking on the shape of words. There was just the pain of her heartbreak and the comfort given to her by the dragon she thought of as her son. Eventually, a knock at the door intruded upon her despair. She pulled herself up to her shaking legs and whispered "Thank you, Spike," to the drake and kissed him on the cheek.
Spike, flummoxed by the shear amount of emotion floating about managed a masculine, if awkward, "Sure."
Twilight smiled weakly at him and then started towards her bathroom to clean herself up. She paused as her caller shouted out.
"Um, Twi. It's me and Rares. We really, really need to talk," said Applejack in her distinctive drawl.
Twilight's jaw jutted out in anger as she recognized the voice. She then decided that if those two wanted to talk to her so badly, they might as well do so while looking upon what their mistakes had done. She trotted down the steps to the front door of the library and threw it open with a pulse of her magic. She stood before them, her face puffy, fur soaked with tears, muzzle running with snot, and her legs bloody and scratched.
They looked like they were seeing a ghost.
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well I do believe Applejack just hit worst pony for me in regards to this story. And will probably not crawl out of that pit anytime soon. Hopefully Twilight lets her have it for the "lets attempt regicide/kill a goddess based on absolutely nothing" plan.
Oh for... they should just buck(again) and get it over with.
I can see some anger that could boil in Twilight after all the crap that happened but at the same time after what happened in Tartarus and beyond i kinda expected her to have a bit more devotion to Luna. She kinda acts like a prick.
First we hang Applejack and Rarity for jumping into conclusions, second we hang Twilight for being inconsiderate with the hardships that Luna has for living in age 1000 years away from her own age, Twilight may be the best pony but that don't give her the right to hurt whoona
so i humbly ask for MOAR please
hanging or guillotine what you guys think is best?
And then everypony died. Again. The end.
2004014 I prefer both at the same time. Preferably underwater. Bonus points if molten magma
2004053 While they are being assaulted by a Gatling gun after they were poisoned :
Biochi, this whole tumultuous Luna Twilight relationship... it's getting annoying. Almost as annoying as Applejack has been since this story started. Uuugh. One would think after what Twilight went through in Titanomachy, this shit would be ironed out already. :|
2003936
Basically, everything Poco said too.
2004067 With carp in the water/magma. (Makes more sense to DF players)
And in the poison.
I can't help but feel sorry for luna.
something else kinda bothered me actually. Luna's character arc in Titanomachy was her coming to realize that she is a full goddess in her own right, one different from her sister. Would someone who actively KNOWS they're a goddess be scared by pitchforks and torches or flee in a fight or flight situation? I doubt it. I'd expect her to fight back or get super mad.
2004113
might as well throw some elephants in there too.
2004220
She knew she couldn't have been significantly hurt by AJ, she didn't run out of fear of physical threat. Emotional confrontations however, that'll send her running.
Just want to clarify my comment a little bit. I fear that you might be getting into the trap of delivery drama 'for the sake of drama'. The only truly definite plot line we have thus far is that Apple Bloom has the talent of necromancy, only Grograr knows the art of Necromancy, and well, the focus on the issues between Luna and Twilight, which seem out of place to me, simply due to what they went through together in Titanomachy. You really haven't given a lot of plot orientated information so far, and we're now looking at roughly 20,000 words in so far.
I know you've got what you're doing in mind, and I really doubt that your skill in writing has dropped, if anything Titanomachy continued to improve as time went on, thus it stands to reason this follows that same trend. If just seems like stuff is missing, and the focus keeps being pulled away from what is important.
/shrug. Maybe I explained it decently, having a hard time putting it to words here.
2004302
I think I understand. Hm.
The structure I had been working with was three parallel plots: 1) Applebloom and the ghosts. 2) her family's response to her talent. 3) Twi and Luna's relationship self-destructing and hopeful re-start.
I had been filling in the background for plot 3 and had been developing plots 2 and 3 while plot 1 hasn't really gone anywhere yet. The next couple of chapters should contain more of plot 1 but if its bothering readers maybe I should think about re-structuring the whole thing.
I've been enjoying writing about fears and struggles of AJ dealing with AB's talent as well as exploring the train-wreck that is Twi and Luna but if the readers aren't enjoying it then I've got a problem.
I've been enjoying this story so far. The single scene per chapter thing is kinda hard on pacing, but it's clear that your building a first act and will be moving on to more once the drama has been established. The tags sad, dark, and romance are pretty apparent in the story listing and flying off the handle irrationally is an established character trait of almost every pony in the series.
2004604
Okay, it makes a bit more sense with your explanation. Looking at it closer, I think I know why it seems so off to me. The chapter lengths are mostly dealing with single scenes. While this keeps you churning out chapters at a higher rate, it is really spreading the plot contents thin. The average words per chapter is only 1900, and you can only convey so much in such a short number of words. With three running parallel plots, this is cutting things up.
That's why it seems so off.
2004220
I imagined that she's more scared for Twilight. Sure, Twi can take care of herself, but after the events of Titanomachy, you think Luna'd be wary of sharp things around the mare she loves.
2004302
I don't think the Luna/Twilight stuff is out of place. Sure, they got together at the end of Titanomachy, but they'd just been through an physically and emotionally scarring event where one died and probably weren't thinking clearly, but when the dust had settled, they started to encounter all the problems inherent with their relationships. its a nice change from all the shipping in fics where they just go off and life happy forever regardless of the problems with that
2005011
It seemed out of place because I did not realize just how much of a focus Biochi was going for with it, I was considering it a minor plot element at best rather than being on par with the Applebloom situation. Thus why I thought so much attention on it was seemingly out of place. Now, I know better. xD
I've read a lot Twilight x Princess Luna stories and the majority of them can be categorized by the main conflict, main challenge of their relationship:
-- it all builds up to the confession point die to misunderstandings / miscommunications / social barriers / etc, after the confession is finally made everything is peachy
-- it is an adventure story and the threat to Twilight x Princess Luna relationship comes from external sources aka enemies
The take on the difficulties / challenges Twilight x Princess Luna are facing in this story is unique as far as i can tell, i hope this substoryline will not be abandoned T.T
wow, rarity and especially applejack really reserve punishment, both of them are so incredibly stupid.
luna is really screwing with twi's decisions, first twi delivers a desperate ultimatum in hopes that the problems will stop, then when they don't she follows through with the ultimatum while being extremely agitated. desperation and anger while making decisions, good going there. hopefully they can mend their relationship, i would hate to see it go.
the one-scene-a-chapter is bothering me a little as well, feels like im watching a video which can't buffer fast enough, causing it to play one bit at a time. i don't have a problem with your structuring, those three things which you mentioned in the comments are good plot-lines, but i would still encourage some sort of alternating stability at times, so we're not always faced with three huge problems at once alternating with a more slow-paced build up for the next problem at the same time for all three of them, i.e: not having all three of them facing a big problem at the same time whenever there's a problem. like now; AB is gone, AJ and rarity are going all crazy-mob without a reason, twi and luna just broke up. i realise this is pretty much the first time it has happened, but i just wanted to say something, just in case
2005167
without "AJ and rarity are going all crazy-mob without a reason" there would be no "twi and luna just broke up" though
how can "alternating stability" be introduced here if it is cause and immediate effect situation?
2005219
note:
and
just want to make that it doesn't happen all of the time/every time
2005228
understood
Honestly Twilight how can it not matter that they were throwing projectiles at her even though it was not her fault. On an unrelated note, great chapter I actually did not see that one coming, at best I thought that they would brake up somewhere near the end of the day and that it might actually be partially Luna's fault but I like this better.
Having done a short review of your previous story, I want to be able to move onto this one :).
Put short, I am enjoying it so far - I'm surprised to see the continuation involves this entirely new plot surrounding Apple Bloom...it's not what I expected, nor is like anything I've personally seen involving her, so it's definitely curious to see what the little farm filly will do with the realization of her destiny. She has support from her closest friends, though her family is somewhat less supportive.....while I'm not as crazy for Applejack's behavior as anyone else, It perfectly fits with the very traditional/conservative presentation you've done with her character....she had a whole future laid out for Apple Bloom, and she's completely mortified what something as off-the-wall as a necromancy cutie mark means for her little sister; as ever, she has good intentions, but she's going about her concerns in completely the wrong way....and I do find myself annoyed about the general attitude that she needs "fixing" - I don't think this is something she's consciously doing or intending....just that, she's being extremely overly-protective/concerned and wants her future to be conventional and happy as her own.
The other main focus, and one that I honestly enjoy a tad bit more, is the focus on Twilight and Luna....I just adored these two in the last story, and it's great to see little hints at what their relationship has been like thus far, and how it is now...which isn't easy
.
Expressed as short as possible....my feelings are the same as those said by other reviewers before: as long as they don't permanently break up, it's okay to have drama.....that being said, I personally don't feel Twilight is making things any easier - she can typically be quite sarcastic, but lately, in recent chapters here anyway, I feel she is being this way more then usual; I feel, in some sense, inclined to be sympathetic to Luna because of her lack of experience with the Present Day.
Twilight understands and sympathizes as well...to a certain degree; and though she knows Luna is trying (and she is), their is simply a generational rift between them that makes it hard for all Luna's efforts (and Twilight's patience).....combine this with Twilight, who is easily rattled and can have a short temper, and I can see why this relationship is seemingly falling to pieces -- that all said, I still feel that Twilight isn't being as sympathetic as she could be; not that I'm necessarily bashing her or her presentation....just that, she could do to have some more patience (and in her defense, she is patient...certainly extremely patient if she's giving Luna all of these chances) and not flip out so easily...these are her personal flaws in general, more so then anything to do with Luna or the relationship.
I mean here, for example....yes, Luna could have been calm and patient in explaining what's going on to Applejack and her family, but given the screaming and pitchforks, I'm not surprised Luna just decided to take off, especially in trying to protect her....were either of them in any real danger? No of course not...it was a knee-jerk reaction meant to protect Twilight, and in general, it feels wrong that Luna has to apologize for every single little individual thing; I would argue that these two have to have a genuine sit-down and really re-evaulate themselves and their relationship....except, they've really already done that.
From what I've read, their relationship is salvageable, it really is...it's just a matter of Twilight not flipping out over every single little thing, and Luna continuing her absolute best - in adapting to the contemporary world, and her relationship with her special-somepony.
I also want to randomly throw out there how fortunate it must be for the canon to take the route of Luna being a dream-warden - all sorts of stories already had that idea, and your world definitely seemed like it would go that way as well; for the canon to actually do it, felt almost like an encouragement to move forth with that as well :p.
Anything else to say? Well, you've gone for a new style in this story....I'm not sure if I miss the old style of Titanomachy or prefer this one, though I can see the advantages in either one; not as many characters, given we aren't shifting from pov to pov, but it's nice because are instead treating to much more development within a single person/group. As for where the story is going.....reading some of the other reviewers; as with Titanomachy, I feel I can somewhat agree.....I am personally enjoying this story thus far and it's slow growth with all the characters and so on....but I can also understand why other people may complain and basically feel "get on with it", with regards to the plot and where it's going - is that how I'm feeling? Not necessarily....again, I'm personally enjoying the slow growth and reading the sheer development everyone is going through....the pace of the story certainly feels slow to me, and that has it's advantages -- but of course, as before, it has disadvantages too and I can understand why others would wonder if it's "going anywhere" and when something really 'significant' will happen, not that such things haven't, and already, happened.
Nothing glaring in terms of critique, but I honestly haven't been keeping my eye out for errors, though I will try to do start doing so -- nothing else I can really say except that I"m enjoying this, and can't wait to see what happens next.
2011030
Thank you again for your thoughtful review.
I know Twilight isn't being the most sympathetic character at the moment in this relationship, but I don't think she needs to be. She is a high-strung perfectionist with some clear obsessive-compulsive traits. She's going to have to learn to relax and just accept that things will not go according to plan, if she's ever going to be able to be with someone. Don't get me wrong, I adore Twi, but she's going to need to be the one who grows and changes this story (as opposed to Luna's path in Titanomachy).
2013597
Indeed; that's why I pointed out that Twilight's issues are mostly her own personal ones, versus something made through the relationship...really though, I can confidence in these two; the relationship simply doesn't feel like it's been ironed out yet, and they have 'settled in' yet to a pleasant status-quo -- Twilight has been hinted in struggling in her side of the relationship, what with dating a goddess and all that it implies....especially one who, despite being so akin to her, is very often so (naturally) fringe in her behavior that it's hard to understand her.....and of course, Luna, who above all is struggling with adapting to a world that seems completely fringe to her; it's there, that I have sympathy for her....because while others may get annoyed and frustrate with her dated behavior, the entire world seems that way from her eyes....it will be much much longer I feel for her to adapt to the world, then it will be for others to adapt to her.
I feel these two are going to be alright
, certainly my impression thus far; love has a logic all it's own, and it's something Twi seems to still be struggling with...Almost breakups like these seem to be like a recurring thing to them, but if it gets them to realize they are better together then apart (and Titanomachy was full of moments like that), then I'm not complaining.
Congratulations; you've made me hate both Applejack and Rarity.
Biochi, I love your work, awesome AU story, but feel a bit of decline from Titanomachy. The story, and the characters are just as involving, but I feel it is a bit rushed... Your previous work was so well paced, and so well developed, and I've hoped that this was going to be the same. Don't get me wrong, it is still awesome above awesome, it is just that you have successfully raised the bar. I know how hard it is to write an interesting story with a good narrative (I have tried and failed a few times myself), so I hope you take this as constructive criticism, and improve your later work. I don't know if there will be any more Titano-verse stories besides the three, but I really hope that you can hold up your creative muse.
You give them a stern talking to Twilight *hug*