"Well that was a stupid promise!" Flash and Derpy ran through the woods again, chased again, by another magic type. "And why are all these dragons completely insane?"
"Whoa, oh, ho ho!" Their pursuer, long and snake-like, laughed in an eerie sing-song. "Who's insane? Is you's insane? I mustache you to stop running so we can discuss. Get it? Mustache!"
Fire Flash looked back at the purple dragon on their heels. In the middle of a life and death struggle, that gaudy idiot mentioned his facial hair every few moments. "I'm gonna burn that mustache off of you if you keep it up!"
"What?" He paused and stroked the bright orange hairs flowing from his snout, letting his prey gain some distance. "Oh, non, non, non, that just won't do, ouí?" He flicked a finger towards Fire Flash.
There was a splash, and Fire Flash looked down. More puddles! He jumped away, just as the water below turned to razor blades. He jumped away from another puddle as the liquid snaked out to grab him. Where did all these come from? Did this dragon set these traps?
"Water, water, everywhere, but do not stop to drink." The dragon clapped, and both puddles exploded in a shower of droplets that hit Fire Flash like a hail of stones. Was he freezing it? "Is water soft, or is it hard, it really makes one think."
Cursing the battering he just received, Fire Flash kept running. It was all they could do, run, and hope that the phoenix lignum's sudden appearance would draw dragons from town. Preferably, they would be either strong or fast, so they could either fight, or fetch the appropriate help. As much as he might hate to admit it, Fire Flash was actually hoping to run into that annoying pony creature that plagued his military career.
Behind him, he heard another clap, and a puddle he missed exploded near him, pelting him with dozens of stinging impacts. Ahead of him, Derpy was mostly left alone by the water mage's attacks.
Another clap, and Fire Flash was caught by surprise when a puddle directly beneath him exploded into steam with the force of a small landmine. He caught the impact square in the chest, getting the wind knocked out of him as it flipped him over. He barely had time to tuck and roll before landing, lessening his impact with the ground ever so slightly.
He was back on all fours and running again before the water mage could get any closer. Not that he even seemed to be trying. Flash glanced back as he ran through what was now a minefield. Every time the purple dragon clapped, something else exploded; a puddle, a hollowed stump that collected rain, even bowls and dishes that were obviously laid out as traps.
Through it all, the water mage maintained his distance. Why? He still followed Fire Flash, but never got close. Was he simply wary of ending up like his green partner? Or was he toying with them, planning something, running them like minnow into a trap?
Flash found his answer ahead of him. He had caught up with his grey companion, and she was stopped... at the edge of a small lake.
He cursed as he came to a stop. As powerful as their opponent was with just puddles and plashes, this much water was the same as handing him the Scales of the Ancient. He would be unbeatable.
"Ingenious, non?" The water mage used one of his explosive puddles as a springboard, and sailed over the two dragons at water's edge. He landed in the lake with a loud splash, and swam in a small circle before turning to face his prey. "The trap is sprung, the stage is set, and the actors are all in place. Taste the beauty of my true power!"
With that, the purple dragon dove below the surface.
"Now what?" Fire Flash watched the lake carefully, searching for any change. He briefly considered running, but if that would make a difference, their opponent wouldn't have left it an option.
The change was slow, so slow at first that Fire flash almost missed it. A fish passed by, then another, then another. That wouldn't have been strange, except they were swimming in the wrong direction, being pulled backwards by an overwhelming current. "Oh, hell, you've gotta be kidding me."
A growing whirlpool appeared at the center of the lake, starting small, like you would see in a drain, but rapidly growing as the lake itself was stirred by the invisible hand of magic. Roaring to life, it pulled in rocks and trees from around the lake's rim. The debris was little more than a collection hatchling's bath toys in the water's grip. Like the maelstrom of legend, the lake pulled in anything touching it as it grew more and more violent."
"Now what?!" Fire Flash asked the grey dragon beside him. "You know, next time some dragon offers to sacrifice themselves for your sake, take them up on it, cause I ain't gonna do it again."
Derpy just stood there, hyperventilating.
Fire Flash looked over. Was she really hyperventilating? She was breathing heavy, but it sounded labored, forced. Oh, please don't be having an asthma attack in the middle of a battle.
Derpy lowered her head and lifted a claw to her mouth and carefully spit out a small, oily-black sphere. Fire Flash recognized it immediately. It was the bubble bomb that took out the steel dragon near the cave. What was she going to-
Derpy chucked the black bubble into the lake, adding one more piece of rubble.
Fire Flash waited a moment.
He looked over at Derpy.
She looked over at him.
Fire Flash shouted over the now deafening storm. "Was something supposed to happen?"
Derpy opened her mouth to speak, and the lake changed from whirlpool to volcano. Fire Flash jumped as a geyser-like eruption burst straight up from the center of the lake, disrupting the maelstrom, and sending tens of thousands of liters of water skyward. What went up came back down quickly, drenching both dragons in a torrential downpour of water, fish, and sticks.
It was over in a second or two, and a waterlogged Fire Flash stared at an equally soaked Derpy. "You timed that, didn't you."
She smiled and shrugged before looking out at the lake. It's surface was pulsing, surging with small waves as the water struggled for equilibrium in the wake of such total disruption. It was calming rapidly, but at a level well below its previous height. Dead fish were floating to the surface, along with one much-less-talkative purple dragon, unconscious and bleeding from his ears.
Derpy prepared another bubble, and Flash grabbed her arm before she could lob it into the lake. "No no, I think you got him."
"Indeed you did," said a gravelly voice behind them. "I take it you two are the ones responsible for the string of corpses I now have to replace?". Behind them stood another dragon, one they had yet to see. He was smaller than Koro, but still larger than either of them. Heavy set and rough-scaled, he lacked wings or magic-type horns. His scales ranged from dirt brown to sandy tan in mottled patterns, like a patch of mixed soils. Even his face was earth-like, square and rough like carved sandstone. And on that face, was a faint smile of almost pleasant surprise. "My name is Stahl, and you two have caused me quite a bit of trouble."
Fire Flash jumped away from him, but Derpy took a more direct approach to dealing with the new threat. Bubble bomb still in claw, she spun, swinging her arm out with the momentum and throwing herself at him.
The earthen dragon watched the start of the attack, eyebrows lifted slightly in curiosity. When he realized what she was doing, he shrugged and opened his mouth, taunting her.
"Stop!" Fire Flash jumped forward to catch Derpy, but by the time he reached her, her claw was stuffed down the newcomer's throat.
Stahl bit down, sinking his teeth into grey.
Derpy stifled a shout and clenched her claw, crushing the black bubble and releasing its gale. The force of the wind was fired back at its creator, roaring forth from the stone dragon’s mouth as if it was his own breath. As the wind died down, Stahl chuckled around a mouthful of bleeding grey. "So, that was the attack that killed Damsk." He bit down a little harder, making his captured prey cry out. It was a good attack, powerful, yet subtle, equal parts trickery and pure destructive force. Even Koro would be in trouble if he got hit by that.
Stahl started walking backwards, dragging the grey dragon along like a disobedient child. Her companion leapt at him, raising his claws to strike at the other dragon's eyes.
Stahl shifted, pulling Derpy into the line of attack. "Not so fast, red," he said, letting go of his hostage and kicking her into her would be savior. "Aiming for my eyes means you don't have confidence in you claws versus my scales. She is definitely the stronger dragon, but you are, by far, the more experienced. It would be troublesome to leave either of you alive."
On the ground, two dragons freed themselves from each other and righted themselves. Derpy immediately wanted to charge back in, but Fire Flash grabbed her by the leg. "Don't," he whispered, "stay close. And when I say to jump, jump straight up, as high as you can."
They backed away, crouched low and snarling as Stahl ambled towards them, calm, confident, like he was walking down a street instead of though a battle zone. Derpy glanced over at the Drake beside her. She didn't know what he was planning, but he hadn't let her down yet.
"What are you planning now?" Stahl asked pleasantly. "Surprise me, and there may be value in keeping you around after all."
"Now!" Fire Flash hopped back, throwing his wings wide open.
Derpy leapt skyward. If her wings weren't under poison joke's influence, she could have added several meters to the leap. Of course, she also could have flown straight to town immediately after the crash.
Fire Flash had no such restraints, and he wasn't about to let his injuries get them both killed. With a powerful beat of his wings, he launched himself at the mail carrier, grabbing her at the peak of her jump. Through the tearing pain of his injuries opening up, he flew off, holding his grey companion tight.
"Disappointing," Stahl sighed. He brought his claw to his neck, pulling on a light blue crystal tied on with rope. "Koro. Head north."
"I thought you said to head south?" asked the wrong voice from within.
"Bilk, give Koro the crystal."
A clinking sound signaled the crystal changing claws. "Changing your mind again, Stahlheart?"
The earth-toned dragon raised an eyebrow. When did that brat learn his full name? "I will triple your pay if you stop questioning me. Now, head north."
After a short pause, Koro's voice echoed through the crystal, "how far?"
Stahl smiled. "You'll know, just follow the breaking branches."
He let the crystal fall back to his chest and picked up a small rock. Tossing it and catching it to feel it's balance, he peered into the sky. His prey was receding into the distance, rapidly clearing the forest that stood between the and safety. If they kept it up, they would pass close to Koro and Bilk.
Right...
About...
Now.
Stahl threw the rock.
Stahl is Maud class?
I am so lost....
Is that… an evil Steven Magnet?
So Koro isn't in charge? The Steel dragon called Stahl Koro's ‘lackey’, but if Stahl is paying Koro…
6461999
Summary of the side story chapters: Assassins were being sent to Dragonspire to hatchling-nap Twilight, but Fire Flash and Derpy crashed in the forest and ran into them first, at which point they became targets because the assassins don't want them warning Dragonspire. The two of them have now managed to take out four of the seven(?) assassins, but they're exhausted and injured and in no shape for fighting the rest. Hence the desperate flying away on injured wings.
Any better?
6462064
A little bit..
Didn't pay much attention to the beginning of the side stor, and with it being so long since the last update I remember most of the main plot, but this just seemed straight out of left field...
6462275
If it's hard to keep a story straight, the best remedy is to go back and read it again, if not from the beginning, then from a point where you were less confused.
My little dragon, my little dragon, ah ah ah...
6462465
My, little dragon. I used to wonder what friendship could be.
6462488 'Till you all shared its magic with me
6462507 Big adventure...
6463018 Tons of fun!
6463261 A beautiful heart...
6463377 Faithful and strong.
6463386
Sharing kindness
6463694 It's an easy feat.
6463925 And dragons make it all complete!
6464039 you have my little dragon
Darn I guess I do need to read the sidestory after all. (I tend to skip sidestories and flashbacks on first read-through because they yank me away from what the story primed me to care about.)
I guess I'll move this to my "on hold" shelf so I stop receiving update notifications. (I've got far more stuff available-to-read and interesting-looking than I can ever hope to consume, so I'll just go read something easier to follow.)
Nitpick:
its
6462275
6462322
Usually, if it's been so long I'm not sure how well I can follow the new chapter, reading the last previous chapter gets me back in the saddle.
6462322
6466453
It's not about not being able to follow it. I remember the plot. Hell, I remember the plot from a book series I only read a few books into that I haven't touched in 10 years. It's about it being awhile since an update/ update to the main story, that it just felt out of place. I super speed read sidestory stuff and don't pay attention to it unless something in it catches my eye and I go read the whole wide story. If it feels like it isn't needed for the story, it gets glanced over.
6464262
This. Exactly this. We went from following Spike and the group, getting new characters introduced and as soon as we start getting accustomed to them, boom. Side story
6468337
The side story is relatively short and ties closely into what is happening in the main story, following a character introduced in the main story. It isn't something to skip.
Why would a side story not be needed, if it was made? I… guess I'm just not used to the idea of skimming over any part of a story. That's just not something I do. I have a literary form of the completionist tendency.
6468514
This is how I see it.
Your story is the meat and potatoes. Good by itself, doesn't really need anything else.
Your side story is your seasonings. Salt, pepper, the like. A little bit can help add some flavor to it, but get too much and it's unenjoyable.
How I look at stories with too much side story going on is like dumping a bag of salt into your food. Or burning it.
6470039
If that's how you're defining side stories, then the last few chapters are not a side story by your definition.
6470105
6470039
6464262
There is only one chapter of side story left. But the events will tie in very closely to the main story later on. That's why I felt it needed to be moved together.
6470235
That doesn't change the fact that no professional editor would approve of what you did.
There are certain ways you can get away with mixing in quantities of information this large and this isn't one of them because it drives readers to actively dislike the information for forcing them away from the main plot after they've gotten used to the format.
If you insist on it tying closely enough that you can't just make it a separate side story that you reference in summary when it becomes relevant (similar to how a print sequel will quickly summarize the relevant details for someone who hasn't had access to the previous novels), the best solution would probably have been to interleave the two stories (one chapter of one, then one chapter of the other) from early on, so that, instead of turning the readers off, the second story can build anticipation as the reader increasingly desires to know how the two seemingly separate plots relate to each other enough to merit being within the same book.
6470256
Screw professional editors. If you insist on your stories following the standard formula for success, then you're missing out. I think it's fine, I'm not confused. Clearly, people are just used to a certain format; that doesn't make it the right one.
6470422
Ok, I was just trying to appeal to authority. It doesn't change the fact that a good story should make you care about what's going on and this structure runs directly counter to that for exactly the same reason that flashbacks are generally an "experts only" thing and people fast-forward through commercials on TV when possible.
(It builds up a ton of interest in something and then abruptly throws far too much time at something else new and unproven.)
6470668
Commercials on TV and in-story flashbacks are not comparable things. This signifies a basic problem with your argument.
6470683
They are perfectly comparable in the aspect that's relevant to this discussion. All three are things which arrive unexpectedly in the middle of something you care a lot about and expect you to care about them enough to not just skip past.
One of the rules I think everyone can agree with, regarding writing, is that it should communicate effectively. A pile of prose the reader wants to skip because they've been primed to care about what happens next in a very different sequence of events is, at the very least, not an effective use of the author's time.
That's the problem with flashbacks. Unless you're an expert author, they tend to not feel relevant enough to justify pulling the reader away from current events. It's the same sort of problem this side-story has.
If it had been interleaved, then the reader could (hopefully) care equally about both plot threads and switching back and forth would be more acceptable.
6470710
“They are perfectly comparable in the aspect that's relevant to this discussion.”
Bull. One of them doesn't have anything to do with the story being told. This is a significant difference. (Also note that people will watch commercials; otherwise they wouldn't have caught on. This means even your improper comparison isn't as firm as you make it sound.)
“A pile of prose the reader wants to skip because they've been primed to care about what happens next in a very different sequence of events is, at the very least, not an effective use of the author's time.”
If a reader wants to skip a pile of prose for any reason that isn't ‘this prose is written badly’, then it is their own fault for not being a serious reader.
“That's the problem with flashbacks. Unless you're an expert author, they tend to not feel relevant enough to justify pulling the reader away from current events.”
You seem to be asserting your own personal opinion of flashbacks as some sort of general rule of storytelling. Please stop.
“If it had been interleaved, then the reader could (hopefully) care equally about both plot threads and switching back and forth would be more acceptable.”
It is interleaved. It's just all in one place. What would have been acceptable for you? Putting the first side chapter after chapter 2, and then inserting them every four or five chapters after that? That would just be confusing. Not to mention, chronologically, the side story doesn't fit in any nice, paced way between the other chapters.
What it comes down to, is you are complaining about something unexpected happening in the story, and you are impatient for the part you did expect to get here. You aren't in charge of the story, the author is. The side story has important characters that do things which reflect on the plot as a whole. If you care about the story, then don't skip parts of it, since you can't know in advance whether or not they are ultimately important. If you skip parts of a story because you judge them to be unimportant before you've even read them, then you don't really care about the story, only your own idea of what the story should be.
6470809
Not as significant as you make it seem.
If I don't trust the author's ability to make it sufficiently relevant, then the side-story isn't really any different than another fanfic in the same fandom that's been randomly inserted into the middle of a fic I actually care about.
My judgement that it's sometimes more rewarding to switch away is informed by previous obsessive-compulsive behaviour which led me to read a story to the end at any cost. I've spent the last 15 years reading fanfiction and I've accumulated a "text I've read" bin that's over three gigabytes in size, compressed, after setting the tool to filter out non-text, non-HTML files. (And that doesn't count the print novels that line my bedroom walls two layers deep.)
From that, I've built up instincts for when continuing reading a story would be less rewarding than starting a whole new one... especially here on fimfic where I've got a big "Read it Later" shelf full of stuff I've already filtered by tags/synopsis/group membership and rating.
Curiosity prompts people to give just about anything the benefit of the doubt if it hooks their interest quickly enough. That's what makes it possible to do a flashback properly if you're a skilled enough author. Again, it reinforces my claims of similarity.
I'm assuming the author actually wants some degree of popularity and I'm trying to provide constructive commentary. If the goal of this story is just to "get it out, regardless of whether anyone is listening", then that's their prerogative.
Caring about a story isn't a binary yes/no thing... especially when I've been burned so many times by bad authors over on fanfiction.net. The more rewarding the experience of reading the story is, the more I care about it.
Also, while we may also care about stories, fundamentally, we first care about what happens to characters or about the answers to tanalizing questions. The side-story feels like it's wasting my time by yanking me away from the characters I've come to care about.
As-is, I'm switching away to take advantage of the fact that I read in many fandoms and, as a fanfiction author, Metal Pony Fan is competing with the rest of the English-speaking world for scarce attention. (As you might guess, I'm not very much one for the concept of brand loyalty.)
Either way, I've spent enough time arguing with you and it's become clear that I'm not swaying you so let's agree to disagree. You can have the final word while I go look for something more productive to do.
6470921
I think we have fundamentally different ideas of what reading entails.
6470946
Hmm. Now you've got me intrigued. Mind elaborating on your viewpoint?
6471003
I think of the burden as being on the reader to think about what an author has written, to try to understand it. If the author makes it too easy, then what's the point? Maybe I'm wrong, but you seem to think of the burden being mainly on the author, where the reader gets to sit there and absorb the story, made as easy to chew by the author as possible.
6471026
Ahh. From my perspective, you're an idealist while I'm a realist.
Yes, it would be nice if everyone gave everyone else's work the benefit of the doubt, but it would also be nice if guerilla warfare by desperate peasants didn't wind up ending eras of "gentlemanly" warfare.
People always wind up competing for scarce, valuable things like the necessities of life or the attention of an audience in a globalized forum. There's a flood of content clamoring for my attention and I'm not going to live forever, so when I'm reading fanfiction by an unknown, I expect to get my "money"'s worth.
(Jason Silva's A Mind Made For Mating (minute and a half long) also looks at it in an interesting way by pointing out that, if Geoffrey Miller's hypothesis is correct, then the competition for scarce attention online is merely a repurposing of a capacity for culture that evolved to compete for mates, much like mating calls or peacock tails.)
Hell, these days, I'm finally starting to get my sleep cycle in order and more and more stories have been finding their way to my "On Hold" shelf as I become more well-rested.
(Generally, I read fanfiction because I'm too mentally drained to read anything else. When I'm well-rested, my preferred forms of entertainment are computer programming, writing non-fiction, reading stuff that wouldn't be out of place in a university textbook, and various other productive, geeky pursuits.)
For better or for worse, in gaining access to the world, we also come into competition with it. If an author wants their story to be more than just a cheap product to people outside their circle of friends and family, they have to give it proportionate merit, be it simply in its ability to entertain, its ability to speak to events in the reader's life, or in a more broad, lasting, and meaningful fashion such as the ability of people like Mary Shelley and George Orwell to write strong narrative-form essays.
6471063
That is an excellent argument for listening to your advice and catering to the lowest common denominator… if you're trying to make money off of your work. If the author's intent is to actually write a good story, then following your advice is the last thing they want to do, as it is crafted to get the attention of lazy readers, rather than intellectually stimulate serious ones. Last I checked, Metal Pony Fan was not trying to make money off of this story; following your advice would only be detrimental to it.
6471534
No, they're orthogonal. Catering to the lowest common denominator is about choosing a target audience. I'm talking about effectively competing for the audience you've chosen.
You only get to dictate terms if you've got something so uniquely desirable that your audience has no acceptable alternatives and, given how wide a net a given person's tastes tend to cast in the Internet era, that's a difficult situation to set up and maintain.
6471660
What author would willingly choose the audience of ‘people who get up and leave the moment the story does something unusual’? The author always gets to dictate terms. That's what it means to be the author. If people don't read it, it's their own loss.
6471688
You're still missing my point. Let's suppose for a moment that I do accept that there's nothing structurally wrong with this story and the parting of ways is entirely my failing...
The author chose to write a romance/adventure story in the MLP fandom focused on Spike and Rarity with the AU defined by a worldwide species swap and Spike and Twilight trading roles. There's a limited supply of people interested in that particular story concept and the exact size of the pool depends on how much the author's writing style and the story's details match what they're willing to spend time on.
(eg. It's your own fault if you write Twilight fanfiction and then get ignored by male English majors in their mid-30s.)
The author has no control over what percentage of people who like species-swapped AU spike-rarity adventure-romance are also "people who get up and leave the moment the story does something unusual" so it makes sense to carefully consider how attached you are to each implementation detail so you can change your mind on the ones that mean little to you but potentially quite a lot to your readers.
6471726
I'm just going to butt in and say I agree with your comments. The so called "side story" could have been made to feel more relevant by throwing in a chapter here and a chapter there, while giving the audience the feeling that it will merge into the main story shortly. As it is right now, it reads as 'here is your 2 hour movie, no interruptions. OK, we are part way through, enjoy this hour long infomercial.' People skip commercials because they take up too much of a shows time. People want to watch the show, not commercials. A couple here or there are fine, but not 10 in a row all the time.
6471688
You need to lighten up and look at it from a different point of view. Would you enjoy someone clipping in a part of a different movie into one you're watching? Or would you rather have a few breaks during the movie? One of my favorite book series is Wheel of Time, and there are times where it changes between a dozen points of views from everyone in the story. But they are all relevant, you know what's going on in the entire story world at almost all times, because it moves around, and even references what's happening in the other side of the world, as well as meeting up. Most of them have strong ties to the main character(s) beforehand, but there are a few instances where (like here) the chapter is about something seemingly random, but it is about someone/something/someplace already heard about, not random out of nowhere you are playing rugby when you thought you were having tea on a yacht.
6471726
6471804
I still completely disagree about an author changing their story for the sake of inattentive readers. However, I may be having some trouble seeing your point, because I did read the side story in small pieces as it came out beside the main story. The problem was, nobody else bothered to, so it had to be moved over here because it was relevant to the plot. And that is my main gripe: You keep comparing it to an infomercial, or another story inserted into this one, but it isn't. It is another part of the same story, clearly and tightly connected to it from the beginning. The only way to not see that is to not read it at all. This calls back to my question of how it would have been okay for you to implement this without significantly changing the story's contents. Because as far as I can see, there is no nice way to interweave it.
6472058 If it was that badly needed in the story, it should have been integrated into the main story as it was completed, in small pieces. Not crammed down our throats all at once. You can't expect anyone to read a side story just because. I didn't even know about it until it got shoved in here.
If it changes part of the story, it should be inside the story, not left to the side and ignored. People came for the main story, most of them don't really care about a separate story within the same universe. But most of them would have read it and maybe connect with it if it had been introduced slowly into the story.
If it was a true side story and could be read separate, then it would have deserved being its separate story on the site. If its required for the story, it should be with the story. We aren't game companies releasing half a game now and the rest through DLC along the line...
OK, you can't understand the commercial references. You go to a play/theatre act. You have a small idea what it's about. You follow along and start to enjoy it. And then it goes from a high class play to the life of drug dealers and lowlifes in the slums for no reason whatsoever.
You go to a restaraunt, you order lasagna. In the middle of your meal, they try forcing you to eat sushi and tacos.
You are in the middle of listening to Beethoven, and all of a sudden, death metal and rap starts playing.
This is what it feels like as it happened, and how it currently is, and I hope you can even partially understand an analogy here...
6472058
And to answer your question of how to implement it without too much hassle/chaos.
Retroactively, there is none. Not without causing even more confusion with people caught up or part way through what has been written. It could be added in between chapters that are rather mellow and slow. A chapter here, a chapter there, maybe even two if it feels right. And future updates, have the main story go, and throw a side story in when the main story is mellow. It's meant to add spice, and the author could very easily work with it. An author is supposed to be able to meld everything together, not clump everything together. If it can't be integrated without it being a royal fustercluck, it should be looked at again and reevaluated.
6470235
Im not trying to bash you or anything of the sort. I actually enjoy the story, but I just have a few gripes with this 'side-story' deal, as you have read. I just hope you can take what I say with a grain of salt and continue with your work and hopefully make everything more manageable and user-friendly.
6472161
Again, your analogies fail. From the very first chapter, the side story incorporates characters and ideas already mentioned in the main story, and it moves right back in to support the main story.
“It's meant to add spice, and the author could very easily work with it.”
It is not meant to add spice. It is a key part of the story. Neither is it the same thread of narration that the rest of the story is, so the most useful way to describe it is as a side story. Perhaps there is a better way to implement it, but your criticism does not read as a problem with the author, but rather as a problem with your inability to commit yourself to what you are reading. He puts it as a side story and nobody reads it, he puts it in the main story and people complain. What was he supposed to do? Not tell the story at all?
6472424
You answered your own bloody question. If it was meant to be an integral part of the story, there are plenty of ways to add it inside the story. Not have it sit off to the side, not being looked at and then added because it didn't get enough attention for you.
It references names and ideas? So I can go write a short story containing elements of different universes, stories, and fandoms, and claim it's a side story? I actually went back and had a look at the first two sections labelled (side story) and I see just that. A side story that doesn' really feel like a part of the story, just mentions.
My inability to commit to what I'm reading? I had to sit and read an entire volume of an encyclopedia and recite as much as I could whenever I was suspended from school as a kid. I can damn well commit to reading something.
As I have already said multiple times in my comments, if it is relevant to the story, weave it into the main story, not set it as its own story.
Either way, I still can't see the correlation to the story. Read the first 2 chapters and still don't really know or care about what's going on to them. I'm supposed to be invested in characters that randomly show up and make a couple references to what is going on? If it had been implemented gradually, yes. An exposition dump in the middle of the story I came for? Hardly stands a chance. It has to be built up on, not just magically appearing out of thin air.
It's the same reason I can't stand fics about random people stories in the fandom. Why should I care about anon1 in the middle of equestria? Because they made a couple mentions of <insert random character name> and are being chased by predators?
6472565
“Either way, I still can't see the correlation to the story. Read the first 2 chapters and still don't really know or care about what's going on to them. I'm supposed to be invested in characters that randomly show up and make a couple references to what is going on?”
Then I must simply suspect you have low reading-comprehension. One of the only three characters shown in the side story is freaking Rainbow Dash, while Fire Flash is the dragon who attacks the library back near the beginning of the main story, and clearly has ties to both Rainbow Dash and Spike (using just the chapters you've read).
“If it was meant to be an integral part of the story, there are plenty of ways to add it inside the story.”
And he tried two; a side story readers are directed to in one of the author's notes (I'm pretty sure), and within the main story itself. You didn't like either one, and I strongly suspect you would find a way to harp on it in any other way he cared to add it. From another one of your lines, you give me the impression that you don't like OCs. Is that it? Fire Flash is an OC, so you can't muster interest in chapters centered around him?
6472424
I think we can both agree that, despite Beowulf being an undeniable classic, it's not my fault if I refuse to read it in the original Old English. I hope we can also agree that, if I don't "commit to" "a stori about twilit sparkl nd spik xpressin theyre luv", it's not my fault. I also hope you wouldn't hold it against me for refusing to commit to reading a story written in French quand, a ce moment, je sais un petit peu de la langue seulement (when, at the moment, I know only a little bit of the language).
I'm also sure we can agree that, as you read a story, the new information changes your impression of it. (Otherwise, an excellent first chapter followed by unimaginable drivel would earn a five-star rating.)
That means that the point we disagree on is where a failure to maintain interest ceases to be my fault and starts to be the author's fault. (And, to be fair, Metal Pony Fan already used up quite a bit of the slack I cut by expressing a setting and characters with much potential in very average prose. If this were Divided Rainbow, for example, I'd be mildly annoyed, but I'd certainly keep reading. Mike Teavee's headcanon about why Starswirl's unfinished spell behaved the way it did is very intriguing and he knows just how to parcel out the tidbits to keep me speculating and engaged.)
6472599
Except that if I had the time and care to, I could list every single bit of information left out, changed, or added when movies were made of Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and Harry Potter, as well as list all the twists and turns of Wheel of Time and a lot of the weird happenings in Dragonlance. I read LotR and Hobbit in second grade, and understood them. My book report that year was on The Hobbit. I described what was going on in the first three books of Harry Potter to my parents in third grade, and got them addicted to them and we were at the midnight release for books 5-7. It's not about not being able to comprehend, its more along the lines of, I don't really care, why should II now care about what's happening to random character A who had some distant relation with character E. Add in random characters B-K and my interest and caring news are at all time lows. What happened to the story about Main Characters A-F and the additional characters that I'm reading the story for? That is the problem. I didn't come to read, nor do i really care about, RD's wannabe BF and his misadventures with someone else. And that is probably exactly why no one read this when it was in its own story.
6472652
“That means that the point we disagree on is where a failure to maintain interest ceases to be my fault and starts to be the author's fault.”
Basically. It isn't the fault of the original author of Beowulf that it isn't written in modern English, nor is it the fault of the author if they write in French and you do not. My problem is when you decide you don't want to continue reading, and try to claim that it is objectively the author's fault, rather than just a matter of taste.
6472656
“I read LotR and Hobbit in second grade, and understood them.”
The Hobbit was originally meant as a children's book. I can understand that. But The Lord of the Rings? In second grade? I have a very hard time believing you.
As for the story… Refer to my last sentence to ssokolow.
6472843
You ignored my "a stori about twilit sparkl nd spik xpressin theyre luv" example and addressed only the easy targets.
Then we'll have to agree to disagree. I'm absolutely certain that it's an objective structural flaw in the story but, since I never studied literary theory professionally (computer science major with a hobbyist interest in it), I'm at my limit when it comes to convincing you of that.