Everyone knows Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake, the twins born to Mr and Mrs Cake, but on their eighth birthday day the colt and filly begin to question why they are who they are. Why can Pound fly when his mother can't? Why does Pumpkin have magic while her father doesn't? They search for the answers to these questions...
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*Sorry about the short chapters, they sort of end where they want to end.
--->Merging chapters into longer ones every 4 chapters or so, making for 1,500-2,000 word chapters after combining.
{This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, I'm an artist by nature, but I figured I'd give it a shot. Critique is highly appreciated!}
Chapters (2)
Well written, though too short to know where this is going.
150345 Th-thank you! I write like I draw you see, the art decides what to do, not me. future chapters will be longer though, don't worry!
You need to add in more description to what the characters are doing, try and describe their surroundings and their reactions when talking.
You need to make the chapter longer and maybe stretching the next chapter to 2500 words. It'll give people a good read and we'll have more to critique about than just a few lines and a couple of sentences.
Ah, all comments on chapters 2-4 must've been deleted when I merged chapters 1-4, sorry everypony! But the story is gonna end up being about a billion chapters if I don't merge the short chapters I tend to write.
249108
That's awful from my perspective, considering I wrote a really long and thoughtful comment and now don't even get to see your reply.
249120 I read it and said I very appreciated your insight, and I did not know it would be deleted upon merging chapters. I am very sorry
249155
That's okay. You edited and merged the chapters so it's clear you're already taking some of the advice I gave you which means I know you definitely read it.
Just reading beginning to end again it certainly all makes more sense as one chapter.
I hope a lot of the other mumbo jumbo that I told you in that comment helps you sort stuff out and fill in a couple gaps that could come up.
- PRG
249170 I'm gonna try to make this the best it can be, so I'll be sure to add more details just like you said! (And also I might draw some art for the fic, because I am an artist first and a writer like.... seventh)
249181
I like art. I feel like it adds to the experience so much. You know how some books have a single picture at the beginning of the chapters?
Like, I would kill for art on my stories. Sadly me cannot draw me own.
I'd love to see some art though.