Chapter 6
Clothing had an odd place in Equestrian society. It was completely possible, and indeed acceptable, for a pony to go her entire life without ever covering herself, and nopony would question her for it. There were, of course, practical exceptions; ponies who lived in colder climates needed to shield themselves against the elements; bakers had to ensure that strands of hair from their manes and coats didn’t find their way into their food; and anypony might wear a hat to keep the sun from their eyes. But for the majority of ponies, clothes were worn for much the same reason as they might wear jewelry – to make a statement, either about their own tastes, or to flaunt their wealth and prestige. The original purpose of the grand balls had been for the nobility to flaunt their own fortunes in the form of finely tailored suits and sprawling, unwieldy gowns; more than one noble had bankrupted himself trying to outshine his rivals.
That financial irresponsibility had, centuries before, spawned something of a counter-movement. Ponies who objected to the reckless spending of the wealthy and privileged began to clothe themselves as well. But, where the nobles would clad themselves in flowing silks and ornately crafted displays of finery, the commoners’ garb was cheap and gaudy, a twisted mockery of the wardrobes of the powerful. Soon, some of the nobles, secretly grateful to have an excuse not to spend so heavily on such limited decorations, began to champion the cause, wearing the same garish clothes in what they claimed was a display of solidarity with those beneath them. And so, a quiet struggle was waged for several years between the nobles who continued the old ways, and those who found more permanent, if not necessarily more charitable, objects on which to spend their fortunes, inadvertently triggering the start of a revolution in painting, sculpture, and literature.
The struggle came to a head when two noble mares arrived to the Grand Galloping Gala, each clad in a nearly identical gown meant to mimic the majesty of the sun. One gown was crafted from cloth-of-gold and diamonds, a work of art in and of itself. The other was made with gold lamé and rhinestones, and honestly looked rather tacky by comparison, though not so much as to be insulting to the Princess of the Sun.
The ensuing conflict was remembered for six centuries as the most disastrous Gala ever held, until the dubious honor was wrested away mere months ago. Evidently, the nobility felt that animal stampedes and assault by cake were far worse than open combat. Unfortunately for those involved, Celestia hadn’t tacitly instigated the earlier debacle, and was significantly less amused by it. Tired of the nobility’s quiet fashion war, but unwilling to stymie the flow of actual art by returning the focus of the wealthy to more and more elaborate clothing, Celestia had implemented an official limit on how much a single pony could spend on their apparel while attending the Gala. The nobles, for their part, realized that art was generally more effective means of flaunting their wealth, and the commoners continued to receive the short end of the proverbial stick, though nopony seemed desperate to spend quite as much quite as often to commission painters as they had to commission tailors, so they still saw a net gain.
Terrible fashion fell out of fashion as a political statement in due course, and in the intervening centuries it had, for the bulk of Equestria’s population, simply become something to cringe at when somepony wore it. Noble families, however, had long memories, and tailors, somehow, even longer. Accordingly, both groups still considered hideous clothes a personal affront, regardless of motivation, and reacted accordingly. And reporters, at least those who would cover future royal brides, tended to be clever enough not to intentionally offend the ponies they sought information from.
Twilight Sparkle knew all that, both from her own studies and from etiquette training Celestia had given her alongside her lessons in other, more substantial subjects. This knowledge was the only thing that saved the two smiling unicorns from a swift magical assault the moment they crossed the threshold, since no reporter trying to gain information from a designer who was set to wed a princess would dare insult their subject by wearing such crimes against good taste as the pair had on.
That thought was followed shortly by the counter-argument that a truly clever reporter might well be that insulting, either to disguise themselves or to throw their subject off guard, but by that point Rarity had already trotted over to the pair and begun nuzzling them, indicating a degree of familiarity that might make disintegrating them awkward later on.
“Hello Mother, Father,” she said sweetly as she nuzzled each of the ponies in turn, careful not to touch their clothes. They were her parents, and she loved them, and knew that they loved her, and she understood that they wore what they wore because they found it comfortable, not as some kind of insult against her or her craft. That didn’t mean that actually touching the low-quality garments wouldn’t cause her to flinch back as if burned, which in turn made her consider, not for the first time, how much the garments could be improved if her father’s blue floral shirt and her mother’s orange…sin against fashion were both introduced to a judicious amount of fire. Though not, of course, while they were still wearing them.
Greetings complete, she turned back to her friends, still smiling. “I can’t quite recall if any of you may have met before, so, everypony, these are my parents.”
“Wait, these are your parents?” Dash responded, rolling her eyes. “I just figured you called everypony 'mother' and 'father,' Rarity.” Applejack nearly hit Dash with a hoof for being rude, before accepting that, tactless or not, she had a valid point.
“Quite,” Rarity replied stiffly, glaring at the pegasus as she made a mental note to add a tremendous amount of lace and frills to the mare’s gown. Satisfied with the image of her impending retribution, she turned her attention back to her parents, her sweet smile restored. “And these are my good friends…” she began, only to be cut off as her father raised his hoof genially.
“Rarity, you don’t really have to introduce us to your friends.” He grinned proudly at his daughter. “We do read the news, you know, and any mares who save the world twice in as many years don’t really need introductions. Pleased to meet you. I’m Magnum, and this lovely young mare is Pearl,” he said, bowing his head slightly to the others and gesturing to his wife before he draped his foreleg over his daughter’s back, pulling her close to him. “Now, speaking of the news, young lady, it sounds like you’ve been keeping secrets. Were you really that ashamed of your old mom and dad that you kept your fancy marefriend a secret from us?” He made a valiant attempt to sound upset at his eldest daughter, and failed quite spectacularly.
Rarity rolled her eyes at the suggestion. “Really, Father, the only time I equate the two of you with shame is when I think of how much of a shame it is you won’t let me design some new clothes for you both,” she replied, half-playfully; it was an old issue between them, the designer constantly trying to improve her parent’s wardrobes, her parents always politely declining, each side viewing the familiar argument as a sign the other still cared.
It was thus something of a shock for Rarity to hear her mother’s response. “Tell you what, honey, you can make us both something new to wear for your big day, and Sweetie, too.” She smiled as she saw Rarity’s eyes light up with glee before joining the hug. “If you’ve got the spare time, that is. Though I have to imagine you’ve had plenty of time to get the gowns all set for you and your friends, huh?”
Rarity chuckled to herself, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Well, as it happens, I’m not quite as prepared as one might imagine,” she admitted. “My gown is, of course, mostly ready, though I might need to alter it slightly to match the theme. But the others are woefully unprepared.” She shook her head, dismissing any negative thoughts. “No matter, though. I'm certain I’ll find a way to make it all work.”
Applejack was watching the family dynamic with growing confusion, and quietly edged over towards Twilight, leaning in close enough to whisper without being overheard. “Twi, is this a unicorn thing Ah didn’t know about, or are they a mite too okay with the whole, ya know… polygamy thing that’s goin’ on?”
“If it’s a unicorn thing, then it’s news to me, and my parents and I are going to have a long talk about it the next time I see them,” Twilight whispered back.
Back amidst the family hug, Magnum was smiling even more broadly. “Oh, so this was a sudden proposal then, huh? Did that fancy princess of yours sweep you all off your hooves last night after her big to-do?” His smile grew mischievous as he remembered how he had proposed so many years ago. He had quickly learned that sweeping a mare off her hooves in a literal sense was a good way to end up with both of them sprawled in a pile.
“Well, no, actually. Not quite,” his daughter answered, her blush growing. “You see, Princess Luna… well, hasn’t actually been dating the six of us, as such. Nor did she technically propose, in the traditional sense.” She giggled nervously as she felt his grip on her tighten slightly. “Considering the timing of your arrival, I rather suspect you found out about it before I did, in all honesty.”
His confused smile shifted quickly to a confused frown as he released his hold on his daughter and took a step back. “You mean your marefriend just… announced you were getting married, without checking first?” He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Rarity with concern. “Princess or not, that’s still kind of presumptuous, isn’t it?”
“Oh, don’t be silly!” Pinkie interjected before Rarity could open her mouth to speak. “Of course her marefriend didn’t just announce she’d be marrying all six of us without asking first.” She smiled happily at the stallion, who nodded in relief.
“Oh, well that’s good. Because let me tell you, princess or not, if she was mistreating my little diamond here, well, I’d just have to go up to her and…”
The war between his protective instincts and his common sense was averted as Pinkie interrupted. “After all, how could her marefriend do anything, since Princess Luna wasn’t her marefriend? At least…I don’t think she was.” She paused, tapping a hoof against her chin thoughtfully. “Unless Rarity was dating her all along, and just not telling us, and she’s only pretending to have had no idea what was happening this morning as a prank.” Pinkie leaned forward, squinting at Rarity, lips pursed in thought, before she shook her head. “Nah. If Rarity had been dating Princess Luna, she’d be upset we all got to marry her.”
Pearl, now sharing her husband’s puzzled frown, looked between her daughter and Pinkie uncertainly. “Is that true, Rarity? The princess just… decided that she was going to marry you, without even asking your opinion on the matter?” Her voice was tinged with anxiety as she looked her daughter dead in the eyes. Rarity responded with a shallow nod, grinning dreamily as she did. Her mother took a breath, shivering at her daughter’s confirmation. “Oh, Rarity, this is… this is wonderful!” the elder mare happily exclaimed, pulling her daughter into a tight, joyous embrace.
Magnum fell to his haunches, blinking in confusion. “Pearl, honey? How is this wonderful? I… you yelled at me the first time I tried to propose, because I ‘didn’t do it right,’ and you made me try again all romantic, under the moonlight, next to the lake,” He pushed the brim of his hat up to scratch at his forehead. “I could have just taken an ad in the paper, and that would have been romantic enough?”
Mother and daughter looked at him pityingly, clicking their tongues in unified sympathy. “Oh, honey, it isn’t the same thing at all,” She shook her head, still hugging Rarity. “It’s one thing when two normal ponies are in a relationship; then, you need to have everything be nice and romantic and special. But this… ” She took a breath, struggling to speak through the rising emotions. “It’s like a faerie tale, dear. A princess wants to take our little girl away to her castle and marry her; there’s nothing more romantic.”
Twilight nodded, though not in agreement. “Well, that helps explain Rarity’s fascination with faerie tale romance,” she muttered to herself, though apparently loud enough for Applejack to hear. Applejack grimly nodded herself, adding another mare to her growing mental list of potentially unstable ponies. “Of course, it does raise questions regarding the societal standards wherein a princess insisting upon a unilaterally arranged marriage is considered romantic, whereas a prince engaging in the same activity would be viewed far less favorably.”
“And it gets better, Mother,” Rarity added, still smiling and pointedly ignoring Twilight’s decidedly unromantic analysis. “Not only does a princess want to marry me because of who I am and what I’ve done, we’re reasonably certain that if we try to decline she’ll try to destroy all life on Equestria!”
Magnum tapped his forehoof against his forehead, eyes clenched shut. “That makes even less sense.”
“Sir, if I may?” Twilight began, trying to sound sympathetic and finding herself marginally successful. “While I agree with you that this conversation is saying a great deal more about our society than I think certain ponies are aware, it’s been that kind of morning. You might be better off just… going with it.” She mustered a weak, reassuring grin for Magnum’s benefit. “And, speaking from experience, you don’t want Rarity to go into details about… certain things. Just trust me on this, sir. You truly don’t want some of the mental images the rest of us got.”
He was about to protest further when there were two squeaks coming from the door leading down to the storage area. One of the squeaks was slightly annoying, seemed to indicate the need for oil, and came from the door hinges. The second squeak was fairly adorable, seemed to indicate a great deal of happiness, and came from the purple and pink maned little filly standing in the middle of the door frame. “Daddy! Mommy!” Sweetie Belle squeaked happily, rushing forward to embrace her fairly frazzled father. “Rarity’s getting married!” Her voice cracked in her excitement as her mother released Rarity to tousle her other daughter’s mane.
Scooping his younger, arguably more grounded daughter up into a hug, her father nodded, his happy smile returning, at least partially. “We heard, Sweetie. It’s…” He looked around the room at the various mares, and shrugged. “Apparently it’s wonderful and not-at-all crazy.”
“Point of clarification, we’re still not entirely convinced it isn’t crazy,” Twilight corrected, wisely keeping her voice down lest she start an argument. Perhaps not low enough, however, as Rarity’s ears twitched, and she looked over at Twilight, eyes squinted as she considered whether or not she had, in fact, heard anything.
As luck would have it, Spike appeared in the door frame as she did, his tiny arms precariously clutching two large bolts of cloth of gold and three of cloth of silver, each easily twice as tall as he was. The sound of his claws scratching lightly against the floor as he walked was apparently similar enough to the sound of a snarky unicorn to leave Rarity unsure as to what she’d heard, prompting her to err on the side of caution and let the matter drop.
“Hey, Rarity, the guards want to know if – oh, your parents are here, that’s good, pleased to meet you both, I’m Spike,” the baby dragon began, interrupting himself as he nodded a greeting to the older ponies, unwilling to risk anything else with the unwieldy, expensive, and, as far as he knew, delicate fabric barely under control. “Anyway, the guards wanted to know if you really needed them to bring all of the white and dark blue fabrics you have down there, or if you couldn’t, you know, pick some up in Canterlot. Since it’s pretty much the fashion capitol of the known world, besides being the…well, the regular capitol, and all?” He shrugged. “They just think it might be…a little faster, I guess.”
Rarity rolled her eyes at the thought. “Goodness no, Spike; that would be far too dangerous.”
“Dangerous? Really?” he asked, incredulous that anything related to fabric could be legitimately considered dangerous, assuming one wasn’t being strangled by a length of cloth.
“Fine then, risky,” she allowed, slightly offended. She looked from the dragon to her friends, certain at least one of them would understand. When she all she received were five skeptical stares, she sighed. “Everypony, this wedding shall be the social event of the year… the century… the millennium! And it was announced hours ago, in a city where ponies do not necessarily respect the concept of ‘business hours,’” She began gesturing with her hoof towards the front windows, the crowd of ponies outside visible even through the drawn curtains. “As evidenced by the reporters who were already here at dawn, ponies were reacting to the news of our weddings before we ourselves knew. If the press knows, then the nobles almost certainly know; wouldn’t you agree, Twilight?” She gave her friend a look that Twilight would have described as intense and, if pressed, frightening.
“Well… some of them, at least,” Twilight agreed. “At least, Princess Celestia told me some of the noble families had an arrangement with the major news organizations to find out about any important happenings in advance of the general public.”
Rarity nodded. “See? And if the nobles know, then the major designers most probably know, either because they received a panicked messenger in the middle of the night from said nobles, seeking to schedule a fitting for new clothes for the event, or because the nobles themselves arrived for an immediate fitting and design session,” she continued, still gesturing, though not at anything in particular now.
“Following that chain of events to its conclusion, it stands to reason that, for the foreseeable future, high quality fabric in Canterlot might be a rather scarce commodity. And that, in turn, means that I might be forced to make your gowns out of substandard materials or, even worse you all might need to…” She threw her foreleg across her eyes, head tossed back dramatically. “You might need to get your gowns… off the rack! And that… that goes far beyond being the worst thing I can conceive of. That is truly a fate worse than death.” Rarity slammed a hoof down for emphasis. “And I shall not allow that fate to befall my friends. So no, Spikey-Wikey, I simply cannot allow my supplies to be left behind.”
Spike, for his part, simply blinked, well accustomed to Rarity’s dramatic tendencies, and shouted down the stairs, “Yeah, she says she needs all of it.” A trio of frustrated groans answered him as he carefully walked back over towards Twilight and the others…and the still remarkably large pile of pastries.
Rarity, meanwhile, had spun back around to face her parents, smiling cheerfully. “Now, Mother, Father, I do apologize, but you see, the Princess sent a trio of soldiers to convey us to Canterlot with all haste. Really, we should have departed sometime ago, but it wouldn’t have meant leaving Sweetie unattended. But, now that you’re here to take Sweetie home, I rather suspect our escorts will insist we don’t dally any longer, and it might be best if you leave now, rather than get caught in the frenzy after we’ve left.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it, honey,” Pearl responded amicably, prodding her husband back to his hooves and towards the door. “We’ll talk to you soon. In the mean time you have fun planning the wedding.”
“I’m still not entirely convinced this all makes sense,” Magnum muttered as his wife shepherded him to the exit, their second daughter skipping merrily behind, nopony paying any attention to his continued misgivings.
As the door opened, the three were practically assaulted by the assembled reporters, a cacophony of questions blending into an incomprehensible wall of noise, accompanied by brilliant flashes of light as a multitude of photographs were taken. Undeterred, parents and child began to make their way through the crowd, the door slowly swinging shut behind them. Fluttershy flinched back, the lights and sounds reminding her uncomfortably of her time as a model. Apparently her fear saturated state did little to alleviate general anxiety. The nearly closed door springing open again did little to help as she anticipated the reporters, having realized the door was not, in fact, locked, would pour into the boutique and begin questioning and photographing them all.
Instead, it was merely Sweetie Belle, bounding back in, looking at her sister with determination in her eyes. “Rarity, I’m sorry but I forgot to ask…I was just wondering…if you remembered what you promised me, when I was little? About Grandpa Halberd’s song?” Her attempt at projecting a serious demeanor was undermined somewhat by the increasing pitch of her voice towards the end of her question.
Rarity pulled her little sister to her, smiling softly as she did. “Of course I remember, Sweetie. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to sing as part of the ceremony itself, but if you can’t then I will make absolutely certain that you can sing grandfather’s song during the reception.” She leaned down to kiss Sweetie on the forehead. “Now hurry along. I can’t imagine Mother and Father are enjoying being left to the jackals out there.” She shook her head in amusement as her sister happily hopped back out the door.
“Rarity, don’t take this the wrong way, but do you really think it’s a good idea for Sweetie Belle to sing during the ceremony?” Applejack asked uneasily as the door clicked shut. “Ah mean, not that Ah think there’s anything wrong with her singing, mind, but… well, you remember what happened last time, don’t you?”
Rarity chuckled gently as she turned back away from the door. “Yes, Applejack, I recall the talent show as well as you do. But remember, that wasn’t entirely Sweetie Belle’s doing.” She shook her head in rueful amusement. “I’m reasonably certain that both of our sisters, on their own, are no more dangerous than any other filly their age. It’s only when they begin their ‘crusading’ that they become disaster made manifest.”
She sighed, seemingly breathing out some of her mirth as she did. “In any case, the traditional royal wedding ceremony is too inflexible to allow her to sing during it. Trust me, I’ve memorized it. A shame, really. I don’t recall ever seeing her as happy as when I promised her she could sing at my wedding.” She sighed again, more wearily. “Alas, she’ll simply have to wait for the reception.”
“Oh, oh! Idea!” Pinkie exclaimed suddenly, her eyes glittering unnervingly. The others looked at her, a vague sense of impending doom washing over them. “Karaoke at the reception!” she announced, smiling broadly.
Her friends blinked in unison, surprised by the relative sanity of the suggestion. “That’s…actually not a bad idea, Pinkie,” Twilight allowed, still eyeing Pinkie warily, in case another shoe was waiting to drop.
“Probably keep the more stuck up noble types from stickin’ around too long, which’ll be nice,” Applejack agreed, her own eyes shooting wide as she realized what she’d just said. “Oh, consarn it, now Ah’m startin’ ta think about the reception! Ah still don’t want any part of this weddin’ in the first place!”
“I don’t know, AJ; first you start thinking about the reception, then you start thinking about where we should go for the honeymoon, and before you know it –Bam! Imagining all that sweet princess lovin’ we’ll all be getting,” Dash teased, slamming her forehooves together for emphasis on the ‘bam.’ She grinned lecherously as the farmer’s eye twitched. “Speaking of the honeymoon, I was thinking Las Pegasus. Drinking, gambling, socially approved debauchery…” Her voice trailed off as she pictured the scene in her mind.
“Four of us plummeting to ours deaths if nopony remembered to recast the cloud-walking spell regularly,” Twilight added grimly. “If it comes to a honeymoon, how about someplace less likely to prove accidentally fatal to those of us without wings, Dash? Maybe Manehattan? See the museums, take in a show, visit the Manehattan Public Library’s rare book collection…doesn’t that sound fun?”
“You had me until the last part, darling,” Rarity agreed, pointedly ignoring the disgusted expression worn by Rainbow Dash; further retribution for Dash’s earlier rudeness was a splendid bonus to her agreement. “But perhaps you and Celestia could spend some private time there while Luna and the rest of us did a bit of shopping?” Her own eyes glazed over slightly at the idea of a Manehattan shopping spree with the royal purse behind it, only feeling a slight tinge of guilt at the thought as she reminded herself she was marrying for purely romantic reasons, and that the financial security was a fringe benefit. A very nice fringe benefit.
Applejack shook her head. “Ah had enough of Manehattan when Ah was a filly, thank ya kindly, Rarity. Too fancy for mah tastes. Ah’d rather we head someplace a bit less stuffy, if nopony minds. Maybe someplace with a beach?” It took a few seconds, as well as Dash’s restored grin, to process what she’d just said. “Oh, sweet Celestia, Ah’m planning the honeymoon already,” With the realization came a grimace, and she pressed her hoof to her forehead and turning to look at her studious friend. “Twi, Ah need you to use your magic and knock me out before Ah get any worse. Ah don’t think I can handle picturin’ myself with Princess Luna right now.”
“Aw, stop being so negative about things, Applejack,” Pinkie suggested, draping a leg over her fellow earth pony’s shoulders, an unsettlingly wide smile on her face. “After all, ponies always say that bigger is better, and Luna’s the second biggest pony in the world now. I mean, she’s bigger than your brother, and based on what I’ve heard from, oh…probably eighty percent of the mares in town, he is just amazing.” She leaned in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “The mayor told me she offered to throw him a parade as a thank you, but he turned her down.”
That final revelation was too much for the poor earth pony, her knees giving out from under her as she fell free of Pinkie’s grasp, collapsing to the floor, her face looking greener then her granny. “Ah just want to go five minutes without somepony putting disturbin’ mental images of mah parents, mah granny, mah brother, or mah friends in mah head. Ah really don’t think that’s too much to ask right now.”
“Pinkie, perhaps reminding Applejack of her brother’s endowment and supposed prowess in carnal matters isn’t a terribly good idea,” Rarity explained delicately, helpfully levitating a waste paper basket over to her friend, just in case. “It’s clearly making her uncomfortable, and frankly I’d rather not have to clean vomit from the floor before we leave.”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, Mrs. Cake has been doing that a lot lately, so believe me, I know how much of a pain that is to clean. But still…if Big Mac is parade good, just imagine how good the Princesses must be!”
****
“Oh, by Celestia’s perky nipples, don’t stop!” the grey mare shouted, all sense of decorum and refinement lost, along with awareness of just who was watching, as her marefriend dutifully instructed the royal sisters in certain…techniques.
“And now, when I do this with my hoof…” the white unicorn explained with a smirk, demonstrating exactly what to do, prompting a window-rattling moan from the focus of her ministrations.
“Did you know to do that, sister?” Luna whispered, leaning in close to her sister so as to not disturb the demonstration; a long piece of parchment and several quills were suspended in her aura off to the side, allowing her the ability to take extensive notes on the proceedings, complete with detailed diagrams, without interfering with her view of the helpful couple. “I must confess, many of these techniques seem unusual. Especially that… thing, with the…”
Celestia shook her head, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight before her, despite every conscious effort she made to do so. “The last time I was…active in this fashion, ponies would have been stoned to death for even suggesting that one, Luna,” she managed to reply, barely suppressing a pained whimper of discomfort.
Luna nodded contemplatively. “If this is to be expected of us, I fear one demonstration might be insufficient to prepare us for modern brides, Tia,” the Princess of the Night noted gravely. “If we are to ensure their satisfaction, we may need to arrange for more lessons for the coming week.”
‘Morningstar Flame,’ Celestia thought to herself grimly, ‘that would be a suitable name for my evil persona. Or perhaps Lightbringer Inferno. Fly around a bit, destroy a few empty buildings, declare that the sun will never set again…no, the way things are going, my subjects will think eternal day is actually a good idea.’ She sighed as she tabled the thought, at least temporarily. “We shall have to see, Luna. We don’t want to…frighten them all. By being too skilled, that is.” She hoped beyond words that would be enough to preclude further instructional sessions.
Noticing that Luna was still leaning in close to her, Celestia wrenched her eyes from the two ponies who had commandeered her royal bed to look at her sister, groaning as she realized what Luna was looking at so intently. “Don’t even ask, Luna. I don’t understand why our subjects invoke them, regardless of relative perkiness.” Apparently satisfied, Luna straightened on her cushion, and Celestia’s gaze turned back to the scene on her bed, careful not to close her eyes lest she see an uncomfortable vision of the grey earth pony on her bed replaced by a purple unicorn, squirming beneath an entirely different, significantly larger white-coated mare.
****
Fluttershy sat quietly, dimly aware of the discussion her friends were having regarding their potential honeymoon destination and the relative merits of the Divine Sisters compared to Applejack’s brother. Her attention, however, was focused elsewhere. Her ears twitching subtly, her head was cocked to the side, listening. It was no secret that she was a timid mare, and had been her entire life. Anypony who knew her was aware of the former point, and could presumably guess at the latter. What ponies didn’t generally realize was that trying to hear her own whispers had inadvertently taught her to listen to sounds so quiet that most ponies ignored them. It had proven to be both boon and bane to the shy pegasus, the benefits of hearing an injured baby bunny squeaking from across an entire meadow offset by the embarrassment of hearing two ponies making whispered arrangements that left her blushing.
Or, as was the case presently, a low sort of irregular stomping sound, nearly drowned out by her friends, seeming to be coming from directly below them. She’d begun to hear it shortly after Spike had returned from the basement, and hadn’t paid too much attention to it, satisfied that the three big, scary looking stallions down there would be able to handle it if something went wrong. But as she’d sat and listened, she stopped hearing the faint sound of the stallions, one by one, replaced by the sound of louder, heavier creatures, slowly moving around in the basement.
“Rarity?” she whispered, barely able to hear it herself, certainly unheard by the others, as she realized that whatever was in the basement had begun to move towards the stairs. “Rarity?” she asked again, louder, trying to get her friend’s attention, but still drowned out by the merits of size as it related to their current situation; there was a creak of wood bowing under the weight of something heavy. “Rarity!” she shouted as the creaking grew louder, closer, whatever was walking up the steps joined by two other apparently enormous creatures, along with whatever was making the loud, thumping sound.
Her outburst drew all eyes to her, and she pointed at the door, trying to stay as calm as possible. “I’m sorry to interrupt everypony, but I just thought you should know that there’s something coming up the stairs and it sounds much too heavy to be a pony and I don’t think the guards are down there anymore and it sounds like there’s more than one and we might want to do something about that.” She paused and gulped down a breath; her vocal speed had nearly rivaled Pinkie at her most excited. “You know, unless you have some big scary monsters or something down in the basement that you just didn’t tell anypony about?” She looked at Rarity, suddenly hopeful that her friend might just have a few exotic pets she’d failed to mention. Rarity's anxious expression quickly dashed that hope. “Well, I guess that was a bit of a long shot, anyway.”
Twilight took a step towards the door, her horn flaring to life, ready to defend her friends from whatever was climbing the stairs. She wasn’t sure how Fluttershy knew, but she wasn’t going to take any chances. “Spike, grab a scroll, quill, and ink from my saddle bag. If I tell you to run, you start running, get to a safe spot, and send a scroll to the Princess telling her we’re in trouble. Ask her to send the guard, and…Spike! This is no laughing matter!” She looked at her assistant in annoyance, the young dragon laughing riotously. “Whatever’s down there managed to get through three guards, and if it can beat us, then Ponyville is going to need help.”
Spike choked back his laughter, wiping away a tear as he looked at his de-facto mother. “Sorry, Twilight, and no offense to Fluttershy, but if weight is what we’re basing this on, well…I don’t think we have much to worry about.” He shook his head, still chuckling as he looked at Rarity. “You don’t actually know how much blue and white fabric you have down there, do you?” he asked, as the first creature appeared in the door frame.
It was large, barely able to pass through the doorframe, its translucent charcoal exterior pushing against the wood, bending it out slightly. Beneath that exterior was a mass of dark blues and whites, muted by the grey tones but still identifiable. Beneath that second layer, only visible from the neck forward, was the Night Guard sergeant, straining under the weight of a dozen seemingly heavy rolls of fabric.
“I hate to impose upon the royal fiancées” he grunted, barely able to remain upright, “but if somepony could help with these, my subordinates and I would certainly appreciate it. Poison’s managed to keep everything bundled together, but he’s not doing so well lightening the load for us.”
“I told you, Snake; you want a shield, I can do that. You want toxins, venoms, and other malignant substances neutralized, I’m your stallion,” came the reply from the stairs. “You want close to a hundred bolts of cloth carried around, plus this crate, this is the best I can do. They never trained me as a porter. And it didn’t help that the dragon suggested we bring some purples and yellows, ‘just in case’ they ended up being necessary.”
Showing remarkable professional restraint, White Snake managed to not roll his eyes, though he acknowledged the unicorn’s point enough to mentally decline any disciplinary measures. “In any case, ma’am,” he continued, looking directly at Rarity - or, it seemed, directly above Rarity, “I’m not entirely sure that all of your materials will be able to fit in the chariot along with the rest of you. Do you think you could narrow down the most important selection to take with you, and we can come back for the rest?”
Blushing, Rarity nodded sheepishly, and stepped forward quickly to help relieve the guard of some of his burden, while Twilight, threat passed but adrenaline still coursing through her, walked towards the stairs to help the other two guards.
****
It took Rarity, aided by Fluttershy, ten minutes to sort out the truly necessary selections from the lower-end material kept on hoof for projects which didn’t demand the best quality fabric. In the end, she settled on four previously untouched bolts each of white silk and midnight blue silk, two of royal purple silk, one of pale yellow silk, and four high-thread count bolts of white linen, as well as the cloth of gold and silver, and her crate of…special materials. It still couldn’t be called traveling light, but the two pegasi guards thought it would be enough to successfully make the trip back to Canterlot.
Once the initial selections were complete, Rarity had excused herself, galloping upstairs, returning less than two minutes later with a carefully packed make-up case, a small jewelry box, and two garment bags, one of which she said contained an ‘emergency gown’ while the other contained her own wedding gown, made in advance and simply waiting for the occasion. None of her friends felt any particular need to question her possession of an emergency gown, or why she kept her wedding gown pre-packed in the same manner. Given enough time, one simply learned not to question Rarity’s priorities, just as one learned, occasionally painfully, not to question the Pinkie Sense, or not to espouse the virtues of pears within earshot of the Apple Family.
The guards, meanwhile, simply didn’t want to annoy the future royal brides, intent on being able to take brides themselves at some point in the future, and thus anxious to avoid the application of burning iron to the sensitive areas of their bodies.
Finally prepared, or at least as prepared as they were likely to be for the foreseeable future, the door to the Carousel Boutique swung open, a dark grey wall of force ballooning out from the shop as the pegasi guards stepped forth, gesturing for the press to step back, Poison’s shield providing added incentive for those who hesitated to comply. The unicorn himself was hanging back, prepared to bring up the rear of the procession and transport the pared down selection of fabric.
By unspoken agreement, Twilight was the first of the Element Bearers to step through the door, drawing upon the nearly forgotten instructions Celestia had given her years ago. Head held high, eyes ahead, muzzle turned up just enough to project an aura of power and authority without looking imperious or, worse, like one had just smelt something unpleasant. She was actually impressed by how well it seemed to work, having never had the occasion to practice it before. The swarm of reporters on the other side of the force wall actually stepped back further than seemed necessary, and some of them went so far as to bow as she passed. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to impress the photographers enough to preclude them taking more than a few photos of the mare who was to marry both of their divine rulers, nor did the locals interspersed in the horde seem terribly impressed.
A step behind her, for once thankful to be completely ignored, walked Spike, a sealed scroll in claw bearing the message Twilight had written out just before the door had opened, ready to send once they were on the chariot. He kept pace with Twilight, but wasn’t himself particularly concerned about his bearing. Nopony seemed inclined to pay much attention to a baby dragon when there were six mares engaged to royalty to focus on instead.
After Twilight and Spike, in the second proper position by virtue of unspoken threat of painfully feminine apparel to any blue pegasus who went ahead of her, Rarity exited her combination home and business, her gowns, make-up, and accessories supported by her magic, initially emulating Twilight’s regal posture…right until the cameras began to focus on her, and which point she played to them, tossing her mane playfully, pouting flirtatiously as she looked directly at the photographers, and generally basking in the attention until a nearly unnoticeable field of purplish magic tugged on her ear, forcing her to begin walking again, her resumed attempt at regal bearing spoiled slightly by the hint of a frown tugging at her mouth, giving the impression that she’d just stepped in something unpleasant, as was getting a fresh scent of it with each step.
Third, by unspoken realization that nopony else particularly cared about ordering at that point, was a reasonably unusual sight: Rainbow Dash on the ground. And not only was she not flying, she didn’t seem overly concerned about it. For Rainbow Dash was currently partaking in her third favorite activity, less favored than speed or napping, but also less easily indulged in: Rainbow Dash was strutting. She didn’t care that it was slower even than walking, she had an audience, they were talking pictures of her, and she was engaged to the second most powerful mare in Equestria - if that didn’t give her cause to strut, then nothing ever would. Where the ponies ahead of her had at least attempted to project a sense of regal poise, she was content with an aura of casual confidence – she was cool, she knew it, and she was magnanimously allowing everypony else to bask in her reflected glory
Applejack found herself copying Dash’s slow pace, if for an entirely different reason; where Dash was prolonging her time in the spotlight, Applejack was delaying her approach to the chariot just as a prisoner would delay her approach to the gallows. Accidental interest in the reception and honeymoon aside, she was still against the whole affair, not least of all for fear of Granny Smith’s reaction to it. The last time an Apple had gone ‘against the natural order,’ Granny had personally overseen the tribunal expelling him from the family. It had caused more than a minor uproar at the time, though the outrage had been less about the Family’s rather backwards stance on the matter, and more that the Apple Family was allowed, by royal charter, to maintain a legally binding internal court system.
The charter had subsequently been rescinded, and the decision reversed on appeal, but that hadn’t stopped Granny Smith and the rest of the family elders from shunning the otherwise happy couple. And now Applejack was poised to share the same fate, condemned to a life separate from her family, her nights spent nestled comfortably next to the Princess of the Night, occasionally feeling her silver-shod hooves caressing…
She cursed as the final phase of Dash’s grim prophecy came to pass, and continued her slow trudge to the chariot.
Pinkie Pie bounced along happily behind her sullen friend, planning the ‘Cheer Up, Applejack’ party she’d need to arrange, in addition to all of the other festivities they’d need before the wedding. She only hoped she’d have enough time to make sure the entire extended Apple Family would be able to make it to Canterlot in time, certain that nothing would help her friend’s mood quite like having her entire family there when she married Princess Luna.
After Pinkie passed by, the reporters all turned back to the door, none of them wanting to be accused of lingering too long on any of the future brides’ flanks, and certainly not daring to photograph them, and absolutely not daring to use a special zoom function to get nice and tight on one specific anatomical feature…at least not after Spike had noticed one of the ponies with a camera had a Misbehaving Mares Monthly logo on his cap and quietly mentioned that to Twilight, resulting in a crushed camera and bruised…ego for the stallion in question. That focus quickly turned to confusion when the sixth and final bride-to-be failed to exit the building, a confusion which only amplified when a strange bush suddenly appeared in the doorframe. An exceptionally strange bush, in fact, which looked like somepony had just thrown some green cloth over themselves as a hasty disguise upon realizing their lifelike tree costume was still sitting in their cottage. The illusion was not helped by the long, pink tail sticking out from the back.
Had these been practically any other kind of reporter, somepony would almost certainly have realized that was no mere shrub. Conveniently, reporters charged with covering social affairs were not, as a general rule, the cleverest of ponies, and the miraculous shrub passed by with only a few photos taken as fodder for an eventual slow news day, all eyes waiting for the former model, current Element of Kindness, and future Princess-Consort to appear.
As the third royal guard passed them by carrying a large selection of cloth and collapsing the shield behind himself, the reporters assumed that the missing mare must have flown on ahead and began to trudge en masse towards the post office to dispatched the undeveloped film back to their respective organizations, completely ignoring the mysterious shrub being helped up onto the deep blue chariot.
****
“That had no business working,” Twilight announced once the chariot was in flight. “I weep for the future, if that’s the current state of journalism.”
Rarity patted her friend’s back reassuringly. “Oh, don’t worry about it too much, dear. Those were the society and gossip reporters, not the real ones." She rolled her eyes at the thought. “Really, half the time I think a filly could do their jobs just as well, if not better. And at least they’re not as bad as the fashion correspondents. Some of those can be fooled by a hat and a pair of glasses.”
“I still think somepony needs to do something about it; nopony should be fooled that easily by such an obvious disguise,” she countered, shaking her head. “Anyway, we’re airborne now, so send the letter, Spike.” Her assistant nodded, raising the scroll to his lips and expelling a small plume of green flame which consumed the scroll before speeding off in the same direction they were traveling, racing ahead of them towards Canterlot.
****
“Yes, Princess Luna, there actually are some that are enchanted so the wearer can feel what the recipient does,” the grey mare explained, blushing slightly. Her modesty had returned now that she was no longer on the receiving end of the demonstration, and she was slightly uncomfortable standing before her divine diarchs wearing a simulacrum of an anatomical feature she normally lacked.
She was not alone in that discomfort, as Princess Celestia very much wanted to throw herself from her balcony. The fall wouldn’t kill her, of course; it wouldn’t even inconvenience her for longer than it would take to teleport back up to her chambers. But she was hopeful that it might bring a premature end to the couple’s demonstration, and was reasonably certain the fall would be less traumatizing than watching what was to occur next.
She was about to make a run for the edge when a trail of green flame streamed into the chamber, heading straight for her. It stopped six inches from her horn, reforming into a scroll which she quickly snatched up with her magic, noticing with relief that the mare had stopped explaining the functions of her accessory when she had noticed the scroll’s arrival, much to the annoyance of her marefriend. Unrolling the parchment, the Princess of the Sun brought it to her face, hopeful that Twilight was letting her know that she and her friends were safely away from Ponyville and in the process of fleeing as if the dark spawn of Tartauros were at their heels.
Her heart sank as she read the letter, written in Twilight’s familiar hornwriting. “Dear Princess Celestia. Luna’s guards were able to find us before we left town, and we’re currently on our way to Canterlot. Assuming no trouble, we should be there in about an hour. So much to talk about, we’ll see you both then.” And then, as she read the closing, she smiled despite the active efforts of her brain to be concerned. Twilight had clearly begun to close the letter as she always had, but “Your faithful student,” had been crossed off.
Instead, the message was signed, “Love, Twilight Sparkle.” As Celestia’s rationality warred with her emotions, she passed the letter over to her sister, who simply smiled before turning her attention back to the couple waiting on her sister’s bed.
“We still have approximately forty minutes before my sister and I must leave to greet our future brides,” she instructed the pair. “Until then, please continue your demonstration.”
The two mares complied with gusto.
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I keep feeling like I should apologize each time I post one of these.
So, first off...took longer than I expected. I was aiming for less than two weeks, and that didn't work out. I blame a lingering cough, and also myself for deciding it was a good idea to include Rarity's parents. It was not, though I think I found my way out of that trap eventually. Feel free to disagree.
Second...sorry if it felt rushed. I tried to maintain the pacing, but at the same time...I needed them out of Ponyville, so I decided to go with a longer chapter to accomplish that. Hopefully it worked, if not...apologies.
Third...yeah, elated to point two, it was a bit of a bridging/set-up chapter. Tried to keep it reasonably funny, but if it failed to live up to expectations...again, apologies.
See what I meant when I said I kept feeling like I need to apologize?
Anyway, since people have been mentioning it...alright, here's my current thinking, in regards to sex. There's probably not going to be any explicit sex in this story. Well...scratch that, there's definatly not going to be any explicit sex in this story; if it does warrant a proper sex scene, it gets its own story so as to not force explicit content upon anyone. Assuming I don't screw things up something royal, I've already got a sequel in mind, and my plan is to have a plot-related story containing a fair bit of explicit content bridging the two, without it being required reading for the sequel. That way everybody wins. Except me, who now has to convincingly write lesbian horse sex.
Side note - After reading this chapter, do people think the little scenes in this chapter where the focus switches to the Princesses are bad enough to merit a sex tag and/or the mature rating? Opinions are welcome.
And I think that's all I've got. Gave the text a twice over, but still probably missed a few errors, so any spotting of those is, as always, appreciated, and hope people still enjoy.
Oh, actually...one more thing. So...when I started writing, I promised myself I wouldn't go and create one of these myself, not least of all because...well, I've no idea how. But, since someone ELSE apparently actually created this page (maybe? I don't know), I don't see an issue with mentioning it, in the event someone/someones might want to do something with it. Or not. Whatever's good.
"That way everybody wins. Except me, who now has to convincingly write lesbian horse sex."-Equus Pallidus good luck with that. you're life as a writer is ever easy is it?
I'm always bad at leaving positive reviews, so I'll just say that I enjoyed it greatly and that I look forward to reading about the honeymoon... And the wedding night!
Sorry Twilight and Applejack, this massive pairing of Twijackdashpieshyrarelunestia is just too appealing to my burried-deeply-inside pervert. 
I hope the sequel will be about the honeymoon or something. Such things deserve to be elaborated upon greatly. As long as things don't take a dark-serious twist like conspiracies to overthrow the crown or something. That would just clash with the lighthearted, romantic tone of this fun comedy. 
Poor Celestia. Poor, poor Celestia.
this gets more hilarious every chapter..
also, I would add a sex tag OR the mature rating, it does not need both.
2239093
You've probably earned the sex tag after this one, and your starting to get really close to mature tag. Yet you still keep it vague enough to be comedic, well done.
Still not trying to think about it... damn it.
I really liked this chapter overall it got very funny in the middle/second half and the first half was interesting and clever with a surprising and by no means unwelcome display of world building, Celestia's perspective at the end was awesome! Loved the characters discussing the honeymoon!
also I liked the references to other episodes and Rarity's fathers reactions.
"It's is wonderful and apparently not crazy."
I still feel SO sorry for Celestia.....
....But I'll still laugh.
Nah i don't think it requires the mature rating its just insinuating it so teen is fine as long as you don't go off detailing to much your good.
also I am lovin this story you gonna go with anything of season 3 happening in this or these stories... such as the new twilacorn or anything?
Dear Princess Celestia,
U w0t m8?
Love, Twilight Sparkle
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1mcjgBkeW1r0b7mzo1_400.png
That Fluttertree, I heard the alert theme while she sneaked away, awesome chapter as always Celestia can't get a break can she!
2239093
Yes, you probably should include the sex tag, but what's posted so far seems well within the boundaries of the "Teen" rating. Very much enjoying this, by the way. Funny stuff!
Give up Applejack. Resistance is futile. xD
2239093
Darn it, I have to go to work, I can't be wandering around on tvtropes for hours right now!
2239198
Out of everypony involved I feel the worst for her. I really do.
2239093
I wouldn't worry too much. Suggestive certainly but not bad and certainly adds to the funny. Maybe bump things up to a "Teen" rating if it's not already.
Also: Sequel? Yespleae.
Great chapter btw
---
Am I alone in thinking that this may become something of a Twilestia and Luna x The other Mane 5 fic?
2239375
I support your
idea.
Celly needs a vacation.
You aren't really describing what is going on with Vinyl and Octavia so I don't think its anything more than mildly suggestive. Admittedly on tv they put up a sex warning if two people just kiss but I don't think stories on the net need to go that far.
Personally I like the story on the whole myself. I look forward to the disaster/hilarity/romantic wedding that shall be coming about. Also, suffer in embarrassment Celestia. Mwahahaha. You've had around a decade to realize Twilight thought she would be marrying you and that is a little long to be completely oblivious so a bit of embarrassment isn't that great a punishment.
Im enjoying the story and its pretty funny, so will you be putting all the 'other stuff' into that separate story as an actual story or just the scenes that you dont want to subject others too?
I love how, despite their incredible discomfort - especially Celestia's- both the princess and Twilight are slowly starting to actually enjoy the idea xD
This story is fantastic, waiting for next chapter! :p
If you start apologizing for this story, then I have to consider feeling bad about the fact that I just broke down howling with laughter in the middle of my workplace. Please don't make me consider that; it was too enjoyable to have to regret.
As far as actual critique goes, not every chapter can be consistently hitting you with spasms of mirth, by virtue of the fact that stories don't really work like that. If this was a bridging chapter/set-up chapter, then you did a very good job of keeping it amusing, as I never even noticed. I about keeled over at Flutterbush.
I actually enjoyed the inclusion of Rarity's parents, as well as their respective reactions. I don't think I'd enjoy it as much if EVERYONE was noticeably mentally unstable, as it would take away from the uniqueness. The behavior of the Mane 6 is made all the more amusing by the fact that they're supposed to be main characters, and their fluctuating levels of sanity brings a grin to my face that could be described as "sadistic" at best and "supervillain-esque" at worst.
The exception to this rule, of course, is Celestia, and she's just perfect the way she is. The last sane mare in this whole debacle, and the madness is frantically beating its fists on her mental defenses as it attempts to rip that status from her. Her fall will be delicious, and I welcome it, because I am a horrible monster who giggles at the torturing of fictional characters through expositional mayhem, both his own and not.
Having said that, I don't believe anything has gone anywhere near the need for a mature or sex tag. If wisecracking and simply talking about sexual matters is enough to warrant cries of "SCANDALOUS" and the like, I don't want to live on this planet anymore. The worst you've done is to prompt the generation of horrible mental images a la poor Applejack, and people can only blame their own imaginations for that.
It goes without saying that I'm favoriting this story. Very much looking forward to future updates, and the promise of a sequel makes me glad to know I will be amused for a long time to come.
As a last little note, your profile picture is the best visual I've seen for a hypothetical image I need for one of the stories I want to try my hand at. I just refuse to write without something visual to go off of, so until I can obtain a picture to set for the story's "profile pic", as it were, I'll leave the hilarity to others. I'd love to know where you got it, though, or if you drew it yourself.
once you've fiished this you should right a clop version.
The fact that Shrubbershy actually worked had me rolling on the floor.
It may be enough for a mature rating, but I don't think the sex tag is necessary. Anyway, YAY, update!
As always, a funny read while still maintaining a decent plot... er story line.
Poor AJ, she's really the only one of the bunch that doesn't want anything to do with this anymore.
Twilight is perfectly happy to be marrying Celestia, maybe a little nervous, but happy none the less, even if she has to marry Luna too.
Pinkie, Dash, Rarity and even Fluttershy have their reasons for accepting, even if it's simply to not have to run for the rest of their life...
Even Celestia's starting to come around, at least as far as certain pleasurable physical interactions with her beloved student. By Celestia... demonstrations.
2239198
Twilight:
Pros: YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES
Cons: I have to share the experience with my equally-surprised friends.
Rarity:
Pros: YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES
Cons: She's straight... Nothing that can't be fixed with practice, of course, dear.
Applejack:
Pros: It's mighty convenient, and ah could do a heck of a lot worse
Cons: Ah'm straight. I don't want a part of this, to think about this, to- oh lord the mental images are back, make 'em stop
Pinkie Pie:
Pros: So. Many. Parties!
Cons: Not enough time! Also all that icky adult stuff. Also? Responsibility. Eugh.
Fluttershy
Pros: Luna seems... Nice?
Cons: So much attention, being intimate with another pony, The Royal Canterlot Bedroom Voice.
Rainbow Dash:
Pros: So much attention, being intimate with another pony, The Royal Canterlot Bedroom Voice.
Cons: Being fast in the bedroom isn't always a good thing
Who does that leave us with?
Luna:
Pros: ALL THE FUCKIN' BRIDES!
Cons: ... I fail to see the problem with this?
Celestia:
'
Pros: ... I fail to see how you fail to see the myriad of problems with this. Though, Twilight is cute gargh I did not just think that
'I feel your pain, Princess
Cons: If I don't, Twilight kills us all as the best-case scenario. If I do- Oh dear god, if I do follow through with this, I'll be on the other side of this little demonstration... Wait, does this mean her friends will watch and why does that turn me on, for my own sake?!
2239746
Shrubbershy fooled those simple minded plebbles.
:3
Teen + sex tag seems to have become the accepted tagging for implicit sex.
This fic makes me feel like I'm destined to Pony Hell even more than Beating The Heat did.
And I am completely okay with that fact. Carry on!
A very amusing chapter. I'd no idea it was meant to be just a bridge.
Honestly, I don't think this story warrants a 'mature' tag yet. Definately 'Teen - sex', but certainly not mature.
Nearly loled at Shrubbershy, and even more so when it worked. Also liked the bit with the photographer from 'Misbehaving Mares Monthly'. That was hilarious.
'bruised... ego'
Right. Ego.
Honestly, I think everyone tries way too hard with Celestia's 'evil' name.
Lightmare Noon.
Alternatively, Brightmare Noon.
Bam. It's short, it rhymes with Luna's, it's a pun, and it establishes a pattern. What's not to like?
At any rate, this story is hilarious, I love how the voices of reason are being corrupted, yada yada we want more~
Glorious chapter. Glorious. The only thing missing is Discord.
Discord, what is your opinion of these current happenings?
Discord: Just marvelous, Skippy. Just marvelous. Couldn't have planned it better myself... No, wait. I would have added talking wedding cake. Yup, the wedding cake would sing a song. Hmm.. maybe later if I get an invite.
2239837 You are a fuckin' hilarious dude. Props to you.
2239093
A sequel sounds nice. As for sex... I really like the way you're currently handling it by having it occur offscreen, myself. If you write anything explicit, I'll just do what I normally do and skip over those scenes, skimming the dialogue on my way through.
This chapter wasn't as funny as some of the previous ones, it's true. Probably because there's less conflict than many of them had and the scene with Rarity's parents felt a little cut short but it still was enjoyable overall. It's the difference between "great" and "good".
And slowly, all parties involved begin to lose their minds. Celestia is about to throw herself off the balcony, Luna is watching another couple have sex, Applejack can't stop thinking bad thoughts, Fluttershy is having a nightmare with all the attention, Pinkie is going to have to plan multiple parties at once, Twilight is actually starting to go along with this, Rarity needs to make a ton of dresses and agrees wholeheartedly with all of this wedding business and finally Rainbow Dash is aggravating Applejack's problem.
The only sane man here is Spike.
Well, you went into more than I would have liked you to with Octavia/Scratch, but that just made me sympathize with Celestia more. I would have jumped off the balcony too, if I was there.
I kinda feel bad for AJ
And even if CriticalMess can't update The Sordid Truth, at least I know I can count on you.
My only complaint is that you misspelled "Tartarus" (don't know why Tara pronounces it like it has an "o" in it).
This TVTropes link you gave is not to a 'page' but the absence of one. That's just how TVTropes (and wikis generally) works. This fact is adequately demonstrated by the fact that it has 0 items in it's history.
For example: this obviously nonsensical link that I just made up shows up in just the same way as "SixBridesForTwoSisters".
I am very entertained.
2239465 2240171 I should clarify - My current plan is as follows - No strictly explicit scenes in this story. What we've seen thus far is about as descriptive as things will get in that regard. Then, a rather shortish sequel story which will be fairly explicit, while also plot-relevant. But, while it will be related to the overall plot of the...dear lord, this is turning into a series, isn't it? Regardless, while it will be related to the continuing plot, it won't be necessary to read it. Thus, people who want the sex scenes can have them, people who don't want the sex scenes don't even have to worry about skipping over them. And then any explicit scenes that might crop up in subsequent entries get their own side story. I think that works out well for everyone.
Except me, because now I need to remember all this.
2239586 Honestly, I don't even remember. I think I just did a search for "Crazy Twilight avatar", maybe on deviantArt, and it popped up.
2240000 My personal opinion on it is that, if Celestia is going to go evil, one may as well include either Lightbringer or Morningstar in her alter-ego. It just fits too well to NOT make the reference.
2240699 That was intentional, actually. I refuse to accept that practically EVERY OTHER LOCATION is a pun, but they missed changing Tartarus to Tartauros.
2240804 Fair enough...I don't honestly know. I just know that one day, typing in the story title on the TvTropes search bar did nothing in particular, then the next day it popped that up. I snooped around, and it looked like someone created a link on one of the other pages, which I assume resulted in the creation of an empty page. I honestly try not to think too much about how that site works; I lose enough time there without that information.
Very good and I think I found an error you spelt came camee.
2239093 [ORIGINAL COMMENT REDACTED FOR REAL CONTENT]
This story, it has words, I like words. There are also characters, they do stuff. Stuff is fun to do! That is also important for stories. This has all the requirements to be a story. Yay!
2239093
No problems. Still quite a few laughs, and as long as it's not 30k words next time i'll be fine. I've seen 30k+ word chapters before, and they take quite a while to read.
Also keeping it as a separate story would be good so you can keep the rating for this one down to teen, and thus more views! Just make sure to have nice little links for those who want to read those scenes in the chapter itself! A few times i've seen them missed, and it wasn't fun hunting the other story down, especially if both were written by different authors.
Well, i think that's the epic line of the day, right there.
No, they're vague enough that it won't need at least the mature rating.
2239837
That was downright hilarious. Please keep it up, if you can/want!
@AJ, i know the feel. I don't want to have those kind of mental images forced into my brain of my own family members as well.
Also, discord laughing so hard his statue shakes at the end of the previous chapter. I must have missed that bit on my original read-through when that chapter came out. That's just a great mental image there.
A Sex tag does not necessarily imply blatant clop, although I'm reasonably certain that it's taken to be exactly that by a substantial percentage of the audience.
That said, you've scarcely put a hoof wrong anywhere in this story, so I'm not worried about what may or may not register on the old Fap-O-Matic.
The sex tag only implies blatant clop when taken in combination with the mature rating (unless gore is also present, in which case I can't tell if there's going to be clop or not). Teen + sex usually implies "there's vague sex in here", so I think that that would be just about perfect for this story. I don't think that this story needs to go mature, and it certainly shouldn't get both mature and sex.
TL;DR go with Teen + sex.
2240511 WHY hasn't that fic been updated?! WHY?!
I'm just waiting for the moment when Celestia's sanity finally goes "you know what? fuck it" and readjusts too the new reality.
Mainly because I am expecting it will be done HILARIOUSLY!
Poor poor Applejack.
On the other hand, we now know Rainbow Dash has prophetic powers.
J'adore!
And that Celestia after reading the last line of Twilight's letter-- D'awwwww!
