• Published 16th Dec 2012
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Six Brides for Two Sisters - Equus Pallidus



After spending Nightmare Night in Ponyville, Luna decides on how to reward the six mares who defeated Nightmare Moon and saved her from herself: Marriage.

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Chapter 5

As the door slammed shut behind the rapidly retreating couple, Celestia slumped to the floor with a weary sigh, not even bothering to pull a pillow over to rest her chin upon. Checking the sun’s position, she grimaced; it had barely been an hour since dawn, and she already wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed. She briefly considered indulging that desire, dismissing it sadly upon deciding that, given the way the day had gone so far, the young couple Cadence had sent for would interpret it as an invitation to join her, and the Princess of the Sun doubted whether she’d be able to stop herself from launching at least one of them from her balcony. It was troubling enough thinking about Twilight in that way, let alone a pair of complete strangers.

No, she decided grimly, there would be time for rest later. For now, there were plans to be made; plans which had very little to do with gowns and caterers.

‘Alright, what are the options,’ she thought to herself, eyes closed introspectively. ‘It seems I can’t turn down Twilight without breaking her heart, which her own brother seems to think would turn her into some kind of insane madmare bent on world domination.’ She considered that scenario again, and sighed. ‘Much as I hate to admit it, he’s probably right. Kind and sweet as she normally is, she doesn’t exactly handle my disappointment well. That’s probably at least partially my fault; I took her from her family, brought her to the castle, and accidentally proposed to her when she was just a child. I also probably didn’t hug her enough.’ A brief pause as she considered the other issues at hoof. ‘Or I hugged her entirely too much, given the current situation. Either way, the amount of hugs she received was unequal to the amount of hugs a filly with her personality and talents required.

‘Of course, even if I could get out of the marriage on my end, that doesn’t resolve the issue with Luna.’ She sighed to the empty chamber. ‘I can try to talk to her, but she seemed so happy about the idea last night, and the last time I told her she couldn’t have her way, things went… badly.’ She shuddered as she remembered that dark day. ‘And the time before that, she embraced evil and tried to destroy the world. So I should probably hold that as a last resort. Well, second to last resort,’ she mentally amended. After all, Luna embracing the power of Nightmare Moon could always be neutralized by the Elements of Harmony; Twilight, in a similar situation, couldn’t.

She sighed wistfully, her eyes closed as she thought of her faithful student, wondering if the marriage was truly such a terrible thing. It was one thing if it was something being forced on the young mare, something agreed to out of a sense of duty, her own happiness sacrificed to some terrible goddess. But to hear Shining Armor and Cadence speak of it, Twilight had looked forward to their eventual marriage for much of her life. ‘Actually, from that perspective, it explains quite a number of her idiosyncrasies,’ Celestia reasoned, ‘especially her near compulsive need for my approval.’ So at least on her side, there was no need to feel guilty over the misunderstanding.

There was, she had to admit, a certain appeal to it. She did care for her student, and considered her as one of the few ponies in whose company she could truly relax. For some time it had been her intent, once the mare was properly trained, to raise Twilight to stand beside her as an advisor, confidante, and, hopefully, friend. In that light, having the young mare as her wife was not an unpleasant prospect. She had, quite selfishly, been trying to think of some scheme to bring her student back to Canterlot for quite some time, without tearing her from her friends; a way to once again see her on a daily basis, to see her smile, gentle and honest; her eyes, bright and eager; her coat, smooth and sleek; her flank, soft but shapely; her tongue, flexible and…

Celestia snapped from her musings as she realized that, for the second time that morning, she’d begun to mentally admire her student’s less innocuous qualities, wondering where in Equestria those thoughts had come from. “Cadence… Cadence was here,” she reminded herself. “She probably used her magic on me, to get me in the mood for when her acquaintances arrive, and I just didn’t notice. And that, combined with her passive magic, made me think about Twilight’s… assets.” She nodded, trying to convince herself that was the only reason she’d begun to picture her student perched on the royal bed, head down and tail…

“No. No, not thinking about that,” she demanded of herself, barely suppressing the urge to slam her head against the wall. “Going to think about Twilight when she was an adorable little filly, nice and pure and innocent.” She paused, and flinched. “And if that doesn’t stop me from thinking of her that way, I’m going to banish myself to the sun.”

“If what doesn’t stop you from thinking of whom how, sister?” Luna asked as she stepped in from the balcony. Already on a hair trigger, Celestia spun and loosed a burst of solar energy from her horn. Thankfully, she hadn’t taken the time to aim, and the bolt flew harmlessly past the Princess of the Night and through the still open window, vanishing into the distance. Luna looked over her shoulder, following the path of the magic as it faded from sight, before turning back to her sister with a grin. “I’m sorry, I realize I didn’t knock, but isn’t attempted disintegration a bit of an overreaction, Tia?” she added playfully as she walked towards the other alicorn.

“Bit of a stressful morning for me, Luna. I wasn’t expecting to read my own engagement announcement over breakfast, after all,” she pointedly replied as she moved to sit on a purple velvet cushion, gesturing for Luna to join her. “And never mind who I was thinking about, or how I was thinking about her.”

The Princess of the Moon looked at her sister with a twinkling eye and knowing grin. “Thinking about a ‘her,’ are we, Tia? I wonder who that could be.” She sat on a matching pillow, facing her older sister with a thoughtful smirk. “And I assume the stress is also related to the happy news?”

“You… could say that, Luna,” Celestia replied, forcing herself to smile for her sister’s benefit. “Is that what brings you by, so we can discuss the preparations for the… joyous event? Events?”

“No, actually. I heard you yelling at our inexplicable niece to begin assembling the necessary suppliers, so I can’t imagine there’s much to do until we have them available to us,” Luna answered casually, ignoring the slight tremor in her sister’s smile as she levitated a silver tea service out from behind her mane and set it on the floor between them. “I was actually wondering if you might like to hear about the rest of my evening over tea, now that is isn’t quite so early in the morning.” She looked at her sister earnestly, smiling happily.

“That… that is a wonderful idea, Luna,” she agreed, still forcing herself to smile. “But, first, I just need to confirm something, if you don’t mind?” She paused, smile still fixed on her face as her sister nodded happily. “So… I’m assuming, considering that my beloved Twilight didn’t mention our prior engagement, which I was, of course, fully aware of, that you didn’t actually… propose to the Elements of Harmony, at any point?”

Luna cocked her head to the side as she continued to look at her sister, brow furrowed, lips pursed. “Well, no, I didn’t,” she admitted, eyes narrowing. “But the old laws grant us both the right to wed anypony we choose, so long as they are eligible to join with the royal line.” She brightened considerably as she spoke, while her sister kept watching her, smile fixed upon her face. “I even checked before I made the announcement, to ensure there hadn’t been any changes to the laws governing royal marriages while I was… away.”

“Oh, that’s right. We do have that as one of our royal prerogatives, don’t we?” Celestia muttered, cursing to herself. Forcing herself to stay calm, she lifted the white porcelain teapot in her golden aura and filled the two matching cups, anxious for the caffeine contained in the dark liquid at the same time she yearned for the soothing effect of the tea.

“It’s still on the books, right after the law giving us the right to cut out the still beating heart of any mares who claim to be prettier than we are, and just before the provision outlawing pants,” Luna confirmed with a playful smirk, dropping two cubes of sugar into her cup, followed by a generous quantity of cream.

“Yes, I remember now. One of these days, we should probably go back and prune some of the laws we enacted while we were young, vainglorious, and hormonal.” Celestia took a sip of her unpolluted tea as she fondly remembered the heady days near the beginning of their reign, mostly glad she’d been able to purge all evidence of it from recorded memory. Nopony had questioned that life was better under the rule of the Royal Sisters than it had been under Discord, though there had been some questions raised about particular decrees issued on a whim by an emotionally overwrought young goddess and her even younger, rather playful sister.

“What, even the rule that, if there’s cake in our presence, we get as much as we want?” Luna asked as she stirred her tea with her own magic, suddenly frowning.

Celestia rolled her eyes, momentarily distracted by the suggestion. “Well, no, of course we’re not going to repeal the cake rule; that’s just crazy talk, Luna. We are the grease that keeps this country running, the glue that binds our nation. Without us, there would be no order. And without order, there would be no cake. Thus, since we are indirectly responsible for all cake, that cake is our absolute right.” she reasoned, gesturing dramatically with her hoof and taking another sip of the hot liquid. Not for the first time, she wondered at the oddities of their bodies; immune to sedatives, including alcohol, but perfectly accepting of caffeine and other stimulants.

“Good, good,” Luna agreed in relief. “I should very much like to ensure the cake rule remains in effect. Perhaps we should extend it to our brides as well; I should hate for any of them to be denied a satisfying quantity of cake.”

‘Oh, yes, that’s right. We have bigger problems than cake right now,’ Celestia thought to herself, pressing her still raised hoof against her forehead, cursing herself for becoming temporarily distracted by the thought of a threat to her cake supply.

“Actually, about the weddings, Luna… I mean, yes, of course we both have the right to marry any unclaimed, eligible pony we like, but don’t you think you should at least ask them?” she suggested gently, her forced smile stretching even further as she looked hopefully at the other alicorn.

Her hopes fell as her sister shook her head, her own smile still genuine. “Nonsense, Tia. The servants have assured me that many mares dream of becoming a princess, though those who actually become acquainted with the available prince seem to abandon that desire rather rapidly. Not that I can blame them for that.” She rolled her eyes at the thought of the insufferable princeling, considering once again the possibility of replacing his entire wardrobe with jester’s motley. “But where Blueblood is a boorish buffoon, I am a whimsical delight, as the events of last night proved,” she proclaimed proudly, her smile literally shining through some unconscious application of magic. “Ah. The screaming, and the tears, and the piles of candy offered to me in exchange for not murdering all of the foals. Truly it was a fine holiday. Not to mention when your student and I lured one of her friends into an alleyway with the promise of sweets, tackled her, and demanded she not scream until our intercourse with her was complete.”

Celestia gently set her cup back down on its saucer, consciously forcing herself to continue breathing at a normal pace, all the while her mind crying out for her to panic. “Luna, my dear, beloved sister… you do mean ‘intercourse’ in the sense of having a conversation with her, correct?”

“Well, of course. How else would one have intercourse between three mares?” the Princess of the Night asked, puzzled.

‘I have an awful feeling we’ll be finding an answer to that question sooner than I’d like, Luna,’ Celestia thought to herself, suppressing the urge to shudder at the images leaping unbidden to her mind.

“We’ll… come back to that, sister. What worries me… Luna, you need to remember something – the mares that dream of being princesses generally dream of marrying a dashing prince. Given our rather severe lack of dashing princes, they usually move on, and find a stallion who is suitably appealing. What they generally don’t do is change their focus and set out to marry me.” She tilted her head to the side as she tried to remember back across her long life. “Actually, I don’t recall any of them ever trying to court me after they found the active prince to be… well, you remember our track record with princes before you left, and you see what the current one is like. Those who lived in the interim were not generally better behaved.

“We’re getting off topic, though. My point, Luna is just… what if the Elements of Harmony are… straight?”

The suggestion was met with a blank look from her sister. “I… do not understand, Tia. I have met the Elements, as have you.” Luna frowned as she puzzled over her sister’s words. “They are each of them generally curved and rounded, as is the norm for our subjects. What are these… ‘straight’ mares to which you refer? Have they some manner of deformity, which leaves their bodies in a rigid state?” She frowned thoughtfully, placing a hoof against her chin. “It sounds as if that would indeed be an unpleasant fate, though I fail to see the current relevance.”

Celestia closed her eyes, wearily rubbing the side of her head, trying to dispel the growing, throbbing sensation within her skull. “Right, that’s a more recent definition for the term, of course you wouldn’t know it.” She once more reminding herself to find a dictionary of modern idioms for her temporally displaced sister as she considered the best way to explain. “In this context, ‘straight’ refers to… ” Her voice trailed off as she considered how best to explain the situation, settling on, if not the best solution, the least vulgar. “Luna, it’s been a long time, and I can’t quite recall anymore; what did we used to call it when two mares were together?” She paused, her eyes still clenched shut. “Intimately together.”

Luna leaned back, putting more of her weight on the pillow beneath her as she tried to recall the answer to Celestia’s question. “I seem to recall there were two principle ways to refer to such relationships before my banishment, sister,” she eventually replied, still perplexed by her sister’s line of thought. “In public, most of our subjects referred to it as ‘the love that dare not speak its name,’ if they spoke of such things at all. Though I recall that, as I walked through the world of dreams, a great number of ponies dreamt of watching such relations, simply referring to them as ‘hot.’ Mostly stallions.”

She considered the word, frowning introspectively. “Those dreams never made sense to me. There seemed to be no particularly great heat produced by such couplings. Which reminds me, Tia: have the social taboos against incest changed significantly in the past thousand years?” She took a sip of her tea without looking at her sister. “I ask because a significant number of ponies, including a substantial majority of stallions on the palace staff, have frequent dreams involving the two of us in such a fashion, often muttering to themselves that… I believe the phrase is ‘princest is wincest,’ Tia.” She took another sip of the sweet, milky liquid as she finally looked at her elder sister. “Sister, is something the matter?”

It was, admittedly, a rhetorical question; there could be no doubt that something was the matter with Celestia. Her smile, formerly pleasant, if forced, was now twisted into a vaguely manic grin. Her pupils were shrunk to pinpricks, her right eye squinted nearly shut, her left eyelid twitching uncontrollably as she stared ahead, looking without seeing. Both forehooves now massaged the sides of her head, the formerly gentle throbbing grown to a massive, pounding affair as Luna had elaborated on the dreams of her subjects and, more distressingly, her staff.

She wasn’t entirely shocked to learn that some ponies had such dreams, of course. Some ponies always had such dreams, just as some ponies dreamt of possessing a harem of willing, attractive servants to tend to their every need, carnal or otherwise, and others dreamt of performing deeds of great heroism to the adulation of the crowds. What disturbed her was the apparent prevalence of such dreams, especially among those who worked in the castle. She had spent centuries cultivating the image of a divine, virginal goddess, a maternal figure to her subjects, an example for them to emulate. If artists wished to portray her as the idealized standard of beauty, so be it, but she had always striven to ensure it was a pure, incorruptible beauty, the radiant glory of the sun itself. To be, above all, respected and, perhaps, slightly feared, an approachable ruler while still an unassailable authority when the need arose.

And apparently, less than two years after her younger sister’s return from the moon, the two of them had become a preferred masturbatory fantasy for many of the stallions who served her most closely. And, considering Luna’s statements more carefully, at least a few of the mares. It was, to say the least, unnerving.

Besides which, it made her centuries long refusal to indulge in her dreams of harem maintenance for the sake of her image all the more frustrating.

“No, no… well, yes,” she shakily responded, gaze still unfocused. “Yes, quite a number of things are the matter, actually. More and more by the moment.” She carefully lifted her tea up from the tray, her telekinetic grip stable despite her mental unrest. She took a long, calming drink, trying unsuccessfully to settle herself. “Still, we’re getting off track, and we’ve more immediate issues to attend to, one of which you alluded to yourself, Luna. The short version of the issue is that whatever we wish to call a relationship between two mares, ‘straight’ mares are… disinclined to engage in those relationships themselves. For the most part.”

“Ah. A new word yesterday, and a new meaning today; how fun,” she said simply, looking at the contents of her tea cup as she swirled it with her magic. “So the issue then is… of course.” She nodded as realization dawned upon her. “You fear they shall assume that my desire to marry them is guided by impure motives, and that those among them dedicated to their straightness would be uneasy, as I am a mare.” She sighed as she set the cup back on the saucer.

“I… yes, let’s go with that,” Celestia agreed kindly, finally feeling herself begin to regain some control over the situation. Not necessarily a great deal of control, but at least swaying Luna was proving easier than she’d anticipated. “I understand that your offer is meant as a reward for them, a gift for saving you, with no concern for… physical matters. But I fear they shall not understand your kindness; that they might, in their misunderstanding, reject you.” It pained her to remind Luna of the perceived rejections of the past, of the terrible consequences, but it was preferable to the alternative. Slightly preferable.

“Very well, sister. It would seem, then, that there is only one solution to this conundrum, given the circumstances. Only one way to ensure I do not alienate any of those I wish to honor, those I wish to call friend.” Luna closed her eyes as she contemplated her solution, head tilted back, her starry mane billowing out behind her.

“I’m afraid you’re right, Luna. I know it isn’t ideal, but I feel that it will be for the best. I promise you that.” The elder princess nodded to herself, her nervous reactions fading away, surprised at how easily she’d been able to sway her normally head strong little sister. Now she only needed to convince Twilight to postpone their own wedding, and…

“We are agreed, then. I must either find, or develop, some manner of magic which might temporarily grant me the equipment of a stallion.”

She suddenly felt what little control she had gained vanish just as quickly as it had appeared. “I’m sorry, what?”

Luna nodded solemnly to her sister, eyes still closed. “It is the simplest, most reasonable solution, sister. If any of the mares who would be counted among my brides would prefer a stallion as their mate, I must find a way to make myself a stallion, if only temporarily.” Her voice was perfectly level, perfectly serious, her expression solemn and dignified. That composure merely added to the surrealism of the idea.

Celestia, for her part, simply gawked at her sister. She was perfectly aware how undignified it was for the millennial ruler of Equestria to gawk at anything, but no response besides open-mouthed, wide-eyed incredulity seemed sufficient given the current situation. “Luna,” she croaked, barely able to make herself speak, “in what possible sense is ‘grow a magical penis’ the simplest solution to any situation, let alone this one?” It was taking every ounce of her already depleted willpower to not snatch up something large, heavy, and solid with her magic and hurl it at her own head. “If the lack of certain tools was the only concern, there are artificial devices which can mimic the necessary functions, rendering the need for transmutation spells unnecessary. If Cadence is to be believed, some of them are quite elaborate, and enhanced by magic to seem very realistic.”

She slammed a hoof over her mouth as soon as she realized what she’d said, but too late. Her sister was smiling now, her eyes twinkling with delight as she looked at her sister. “Ah ha! The problem is resolved, then, without the need for transformative magic at all. We need only procure some of those devices.” Luna frowned thoughtfully for a moment, head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing. “But… if you already knew the solution, then why did you pose the situation as a problem in the first place, Tia?”

Being divine gave one an interesting view of the workings of the universe. During her long, long life, Celestia had encountered many creatures, strange and familiar, wonderful and terrible, weak and mighty. Yet among those various and sundry beings there was but one yet alive who was her equal, and one other who was greater than her, at least if all one considered was raw strength of magic. Her equal sat before her, and her arguable better sat once again in her garden, serving as a roost for birds.

Despite that, she was not so vain as to think herself all-knowing or all-powerful. If nothing else, there were forces at play that dwarfed even her power, abstract concepts which shaped reality around themselves. Order. Chaos. Good. Evil. Light. Darkness. And, amidst everything, bringing balance to them all, Harmony. Twice before she had called out to the powers that bound the universe together, to the cosmic forces of creation, to grant her a boon. Twice before had Harmony answered her; when first Discord had been sealed in his stone prison, and, more recently, when her sister had been returned to her, purged of the corruption of the Nightmare.

Now, she called out for a third time, with a far, far simpler request. ‘Please, let something happen that will change this topic. Let anything happen. I’ll take Discord breaking free again at this point, just please, end this conversation.’ And, as before, she received her answer, in the form of a timid knock on her chamber door.

“Enter,” she called out uncertainly, shrugging in response to Luna’s quirked eyebrow of curiosity. The door slowly swung open, and a grey coated, dark maned earth pony stepped into the room. She was trailed by a white coated unicorn with a shockingly blue mane and an odd pair of tinted glasses, her horn aglow and several moderately sized, non-descript cases floating at her side. The earth pony dropped into a low bow as the door was pushed closed telekinetically, appearing distinctly uneasy in the presence of the Royal Sisters, while the unicorn seemed to be too busy admiring the room’s design to pay much attention to its occupants.

“Rise,” she bade the deferential mare, smiling to herself as she noticed the duo’s cutie marks. “You played at the last Gala, yes?” she asked the first mare, once more beginning to feel her customary control returning to her. “Did Mi Amore Cadenza summon you regarding the entertainment for the upcoming events?” It wasn’t a perfect solution, given that it still involved preparing for the wedding, but at least it saved her from having a discussion with Luna regarding mating habits.

The grey mare looked nervously to the side, cheeks flushed as her companion trotted over to stand beside her, smiling brightly, seemingly at nothing in particular. “Not… quite, your majesty,” the earth pony answered, a hint of nervousness, but no trace of embarrassment or fear, barely audible through her carefully practiced accent. To a trained ear, she clearly wasn’t from Canterlot, but she did her best to pass as a native. “She did mention the potential need for our respective services in that regard in the note she sent, but her primary wish was for us to assist your… education, Princess.”

Were Celestia not already purest white, she would have become so as the pieces feel into place. ‘No,’ she pleaded with the cosmic forces, ‘no, please don’t let them be…’

“What my marefriend is trying to say,” the unicorn abruptly added, still smiling, “is that Cadence asked us both to come up and show you how a mare pleases a mare these days. Once our good deed is done, then we go talk to her about the public work.” The mare was earnest, her smile genuine; there was no sense of shame, no implication of a quid pro quo, no indication that she felt forced to provide the lesson. Her apparent marefriend was still blushing, but she nodded, smiling as she looked at the unicorn.

‘I will do literally anything you want if this doesn’t happen right now,’ she promised, willing herself to ignore the madness of trying to bargain with primal forces which existed beyond thought. ‘I’ll turn Equestria into a totalitarian state dedicated to order at the cost of individuality. I’ll free Discord and embrace chaos as the natural state of things. I’ll embrace evil and bring about unending daylight. Just please, please don’t make me take lessons on how to please a mare while my little sister is here with me.’ But the cosmos paid her no heed.

“How serendipitous, Tia!” Luna proclaimed, grinning at her sister before she turned to the mares. “Tell me, are you familiar with the use of phallic simulacrum?” she asked hopefully. “It seems I may have need of them soon. Along with any other techniques you might impart to us, of course.”

“Uh… ’phallic simulacrum?’ Oh, wait, you mean… yeah, yeah, I think we can do that; not much to ‘em, really,” the unicorn laughed as she realized what Luna had been asking after. “See, babe? And you didn’t want to bring the gear.” She playfully nuzzled her lover as the containers she held aloft sprung open, revealing an assortment of ‘accessories’ ranging in complexity from simple, straightforward toys to intricate, vaguely unsettling devices, and in purpose from the tame, almost boring to a few which, if Celestia was correct in her guesses, might actually be illegal for one pony to use on another, regardless of consent.

And, stored in their own case, isolated from the other devices, three items whose intended purpose she couldn’t even begin to guess at. Celestia leaned away from that case, eyeing those items warily, as one might look at venomous snake, coiled and ready to strike.

“With your permission, majesties, may we begin?” the grey mare asked, her confidence bolstered by Luna’s enthusiasm.

Before her sister could respond with something, anything to dissuade them, Luna nodded vigorously. “Indeed, please do,” she cheerfully instructed, before turning to look at her sister. “We shall have to remember to thank Cadenza for this, sister; a tutorial in the physical aspects of love shall be most useful, if such is expected of us.”

For her part, Celestia, Ruler of Equestria, Goddess of the Sun, simply looked on uneasily as the lesson began, unable to look away despite her desire to, softly whimpering to herself as her sister paid careful attention. And, in the castle gardens, a flock of pigeons took to the wing as their perch began to shake, almost as though the statue was laughing.