Stuff I've written for Thirty-Minute Pony Stories. I've been aiming for "short and sweet" with these, since I'm a glacially slow writer who can literally spend hours laboring on a single paragraph. I'm hoping that forcing myself to follow prompts with time limits will help me improve my speed. If nothing else, I'm enjoying actually writing again.
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I'm going to give it a thumbs up just for this line. lol
:) Hello there fellow 30minute writer! Gosh, all of your stories are absolutely wonderful and so very well written. It deserves so much more comments...though I have noticed that there many good stories on here that go without comments. ): At any case, keep it up! I especially loved your latest one!
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Thank you kindly. These are mostly just fun exercises to keep me in practice while I work (slowly) on longer fics, but I'm glad you enjoyed them.
1854706 Oh gosh, I definitely know about that. Being that I wish to work on my longer stories from another website, I just didn't feel like my newer chapters would be up to par...so I decided to join the 30minute blog in hopes of practicing (and because I'm a recent pegasister), and I just became addicted to it all. In fact, I'm planning a longer story in the works! Though, they're mostly ideas right now...^^; I'll need help getting through all of them or running them by another.
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Best of luck with your writing.
Welcome to the herd, as the saying goes.
Thumbs up for not using any toothpaste jokes.
If that's horrible than everything I've done is utter manure.
Have a happy Twiluna
1930391
I do appreciate the sentiment, but I still think this is my worst entry so far. The writing is sloppy, the characterization is off, and I didn't have time to properly tie in the prompt the way I'd planned. I'm just really unsatisfied with how this one turned out. I'm going to have to write some better Twiluna to get the taste of this failure out of my mouth, lol.
It's definitely not horrible.
1931965
Well, thanks.
Your stories are wonderful!
1964240
Thank you kindly. I'm very happy you're enjoying them.
Now this is definitely my favorite short featuring Daring Do, and it's easily one of my favorite shorts period.
Writers, over time, develop something of a preferred narrative voice that they can get quite clingy with, and it's not that that's always a bad thing, but it's a reflex that too many use too often. When the perspective and the style is given over to a character successfully, it not only shows that the writer knows how to be flexible with their presentation, but the result is organic, believable, and interesting.
What else can I say?
This is good and you should feel good.
2005146
I try not to get too attached to my work, but I must admit that I'm rather proud of this one. It's not really a story so much as a slightly blurry snapshot of a character, but I still like how it turned out.
Very interesting point about narrative voice. I've consciously been trying to mix things up with these shorts precisely because I don't want to develop a preferred style. Jumping from, say, third-person past to first-person present forces me to really try to engage with the piece.
I have to admit, I've always felt sort of bad for Minuette. Almost all of the notable background ponies have some legitimate, fanon-driven substance. Each of them has at least a little work that distinguishes them, but she's quite literally been, as you described, the punch line for a bad joke. And that's all. (But at least here she's a Berry Punch lineHAHAHsorryillstop)
Seriously though, this renewed my plight for her and then some. I mean this:
In the context provided, that's a likable pony with something more to her character than a toothbrush. I don't care what anyone says.
The only problem I have with this piece is the environment. Don't get me wrong; the writing is pleasant and entertaining, and giving the bulk of it to their conversation is why it's so charming. But I just feel like there were some opportunities to flesh things out a bit during all of that. The only indication of their setting that I could really grasp was that Berry Punch 'ordered' the pitcher of cider they were drinking from. From there, I'm not saying that you had to pull bar cliches and descriptions out of your hat like mangy rabbits, but any reference at all to what was around them, or simply what was going on around them would've given some depth to what they were saying. When were they being quiet? When were they turning heads from their mugs and getting barmaids to blush from behind the counter? Little things like that. Then again, this was in thirty minutes or less, and it's still an impressive product for that time.
Also, Seaddle. Adorable pony puns are going to be the death of me.
2005918
Yeah, I've kinda felt bad for Minuette ever since I realized that she's normally referred to as Colgate. It just strikes me as unflattering and unfortunate. A fanon name like Vinyl Scratch is cool. A name like Colgate is just a setup for a bad toothpaste joke, especially since her cutie mark doesn't suggest anything remotely dental-related. She also doesn't seem to show up in fanfics very often, so I'm enjoying writing about her when I can.
As for the setting, you're quite right. I envisioned them sitting in a corner in a tavern/pub/bar/whatever, but looking over things now, I can see that that really didn't come through in the piece.
Fine, you can have all of my sads. I didn't want them anyway...
A small bit of awkward phrasing,
but that could just be the way I'm reading it. Either way, it's not enough to really warrant a change if you like the way it sounds.
Anywho, this was done very well. I'm happy that you avoided getting flowery with detail here; it's just so tempting for some people to try fluffing and stuffing emotional scenes like they're skimming through a thesaurus and clustering metaphors with big words to make some of the most awkward, unpleasant readings on purpose. I still can't for the life of me figure out exactly why.
But this is short, sweet, and it more or less carries the emotion fluidly through subtleties in the conversation, like reel lyfe. I wish writers utilized dialogue like this more often; just because it's naturally tailored to 'telling', doesn't mean it can't be just as good at 'showing'. I've rambled enough for one day though.
And it works! Not digging that hole for yourself really does help, especially early on; it lets you focus more on what you're writing as opposed to how you're showing it. I'll literally spend hours picking at a sentence because I don't like the way it "flows" with the other sentences in the paragraph, and then I do the same with the paragraphs in a page, pages in a chapter, and so on. But as a result, I usually get nowhere slowly, and it hinders me from considering the story, and its' individual elements as often or with the care that I think I should. Prompts like this encourage you to just write, and it reduces the strain of fiddling with only thirty-minutes to finish it all. You can always work your style into it during revision; the important thing is that you get what you want out of your head and onto a coherent medium. Now if only I could follow my own advice.
Also, not sure if this was intentional or not, but,
thirty minutes is a blessing and a curse.
2006612
It was supposed to be an artsy turn of phrase that I'm pretty sure I pilfered from LOTR. At any rate, it is a bit archaic, and I'm ambivalent about how well it works here (or doesn't, as the case may be).
I've definitely been trying to avoid over-stuffing emotional scenes, with varying degrees of success. There's a fine line between believable angst and overdone emoting.
2006759
Ah, thanks for pointing that out. Fixed!
And I completely feel your pain. I'm one of those "spend all morning putting in a comma, spend all afternoon taking it out again" people who agonizes over construction, word choice, and the ever-elusive flow. (All of which is precisely why my longer fics are taking so very long to get anywhere!)
Hm, I feel a kindred spirit in Red Pen. Poor gal. I can't help but imagine her bunking with Twilight during her leave, trying to sneak downstairs at night to pull books off the shelves.
And I can't really say much specifically. The piece itself is enjoyable, and there's nothing that really obstructs it, as far as I can tell. You did note some changes to AJ's voice though; mind me asking what it was like before the edits? I like little nuances of character like that; dialect is an art especially, having the potential to provide a range of (mostly connotative) details about someone with something as little as how they say "hello". In a writing sense, sadly, it's usually just for novelty (which is the point sometimes, but jeez.) This all depends on what you're writing to begin with, I suppose, but there's just so much that can be done with it. Whatever, so long as you don't develop a Mark Twain-shaped growth. (Check regularly, and don't be afraid to consult a physician.)
2011120
I don't remember exactly, but I think I inadvertently left out some of the things I normally use to make AJ seem "country." It's actually one of the most difficult things about writing fanfic involving her, I think. Too much dialect makes a piece hard to read (and write, for that matter), but too little can make AJ sound just like every other pony. I normally write her dialogue using "Ah" for "I," dropping the terminal G in "-ing" endings, occasionally using constructions like "didn't mean no offense," etc. The idea is to basically remind readers of AJ's accent without trying to literally replicate it in every line.
Oh, romance. So many feels.
Speaking of which, regardless of one's feels for 'Octascratch' (which is the centuries old battle that no one will give up), what you have here is d'aww~, with just the right amount of mushy. Kudos for that. Maybe a tad too much innuendo for some, but it always makes me smile.
BUTBUTBUTBUT.
I don't know if I'm the only one that gets bothered by this, and I'm not blaming you because it's short, it took about thirty minutes, it was probably just to bridge thoughts and keep the ball rolling, and the rest of it I adore. But I can't take phrasing like this in romance. Or in almost any genre. Ever. Even when it's used in first-person, and the character narrating is thinking ironically. Every fluid I have will become bile. It's not even the word choice itself that bothers me so much (though it does bother me, but that's just my nitpicking). It's that the writing directly points to the idea of the emotion that it's attempting to portray, and says, "This is what I'm about, just wanted to make sure you got that", when the writing would already do that quite successfully without wearing a shirt that says so. A set-up for reflection might work in a longer piece, depending on what was said before, and how far along the story is when it's presented, and maybe a few other choice instances, but... ugh.
Huh?
2039313
If I have to explain it, perhaps it's better if I don't.
Please explain it to me
2039379
Nope. If you really don't understand, I'm not going to destroy your innocence by getting into details.
But I love that stuff if you know what I mean
I've only one question. Was it the one from Ponybello Road?
2043548
You, sir/madam, win 9000 saucy cookies.
Meanwhile at the griffon's headquarters:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHG!
3rd chapter in....i don't understand anything. the way it's told. ugh. i can't tell WHO it's about and half the time i don't understand it
2100391
They're not "chapters" in the traditional sense. Each part is a standalone story or scene written in response to a prompt.
This one was a little experiment with second-person and present tense.
Firstly, because I'm a pedant.
And you definitely seem to be in a TwiDash mood lately.
Were you placing these bits in a timeline of sorts, or were you writing just 'cause?
Either way, I likes.
2100678
Oops. Thanks for pointing that out. Sometimes I lose track of these things.
And yes, I most certainly am on a Twidash kick. (What can I say; they're a cute pair.
) There aren't really any deliberate timelines in this collection, though -- I've mostly just been playing around with some themes/subjects that I enjoy (e.g., Daring Do, Minuette, TwiDash).
Oh, why not. Today's just the day for wubs! Even the
I-met-you-in-the-club-and-got-you-drunk
kind.
Oh thats so sad and heartwarming...
Wow
You could write a longer story around this one.
At first I thought Twi'd just broken some bones...
and then
Oh.
Pinkie SURE is tactuful, but I guess she copes with things differently.
Twi certainly handled things poorly, though considering the situation...
There's a right and wrong way of handling things. In this case, Twilight's lost her Right, but isn't in the wrong
Yeah, still sad
2129700
I am, actually. It's about halfway done.
2129786
Yeah, they're both pretty traumatized, and neither one is taking it very well. Like, at all.
That's the funny thing about dark in this fandom: it always seems to work so sporadically. Might just be because of what the source material is, but, tangent.
The letter conveys what's needed of the prompt. Betrayal, and a sense of justified anguish are easily discernible, and that's all something of this length requires while reinforced by the context of the show. There are a few bits of diction and phrasing that I might think as "too poetic" for a Twilight still covered in blood, with the police banging on her door. Although, Twilight's an articulate gal, and I guess one could argue that she's had time to cherry-pick words, depending. Speaking of which--I'm not sure how it could be done seamlessly in this instance--but successfully tying thoughts back to the canon of the show, especially dark ones, provokes more response than any prose ever will. A hint or a nudge as to what started this bitterness, or at least when it started to give some depth to the situation (provided that the reasoning is sound), could play to such a piece's strengths, though I can't certainly say what it would do, for better or for worse.
Also,
Afterwards, Minuette decides to OD on laughing gas and Rainbow Dash feeds her to a giant flytrap for not following through with foreplay.
Good times.
2160489
I think I know what you mean about "poetic," but that was mostly deliberate -- given the circumstances, Twi's going to be a bit more rambling and flowery in her writing than she would normally be.
Tying this letter back to canon events in the show would definitely be interesting. I'm not sure I want to dwell on this one enough to go back and edit anything else in, but the potential is definitely there.
Also, fixed. Thanks.
2160521
I have to admit, I had this looping while I wrote:
Someone needs to ponify this.
Hmph. Haven't had pancakes in forever.
It's a very pleasant piece in consideration of romance. For all the hectic convolution that can be sifted into a love story, with varying degrees of success, "simple and sincere" is your bread and butter, because it's the basis of most romantic relations. It's not the easiest thing to pin down either; some writers get really flowery with it, and it ends up doing nothing for the reader besides giving them stuffing to push through. There's a very fine line between stuff and fluff, but rule of thumb is that fluff is like something fluffy: warm, ticklish, comforting, and you can even sit with it on the couch and pet it if you want. But the longer it's inside, the more likely it is to piss on the carpet.
Mostly a non-issue here. Under eight-hundred words; not one of them was wasted. The prose is tight and vivid, and the characterization is solid.
Well done~.
This is fantastic. The balance of mystery and intrigue is perfect for the tone, and the final sentence was chilling. I can't stop wondering who this mysterious pony is. Great job.
2221440
Spoilers: this one was basically a "practice" piece for a planned longer fic about Luna's fall and banishment, and the lover who stood by her through it all. Not sure if I really want to finish it, though -- it would be basically just be a not-very-original angst-fest.
I loves me some teenage wingies and scootabelle. Also, Rainbow here was fantastic, the perfect amount of older 'sister' advice and delightful teasing. Nice job.
If i could give you another thumbs up i would
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