Thirty-Minute Pony Stories

by Silvernis

246: Make It So

246: MAKE IT SO

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“Understood, Your Highness . . . . Yes, of course . . . . Yes, Your Highness . . . . Inescapably, Your Highness . . . . Yes, Your Highness. Sparkle out.”

Twilight carefully hangs the receiver back in its cradle, as if it’s a bomb that might go off if she jostles it. She stands there for a long minute, looking at the now-silent device, her mouth a thin, hard line.

“Captain?” says Spike. His voice is hesitant, almost fearful. “Did they . . . ?”

Twilight turns to him and slowly shakes her head. “The negotiations are falling apart, and our patrols have spotted a griffon fleet approaching from the south. Barring any last-minute resolutions . . . we strike at sundown.”

“Huh. That’s too bad. Not like we weren’t expecting it, but still . . . I kept hoping the princesses would be able to work something out.”

“As did I, Spike. Still, it’s our duty to defend Equestria from any threat, with force if we must. Violent, brutal, bloody, GLORIOUS, GUT-SPILLING, GRIFFON-ANNIHILATING FORCE! NOW LET’S SHOW THOSE BIRDBRAINS WHAT FOR!”

“YEAH!” shouts Spike, fist-pumping.

“ALLONS-Y!”

Twilight jams her feathered hat back onto her head, making sure her horn sticks through properly, then flings open the door of the wardroom and trots back onto the bridge.

“Captain on deck!” yells Spike from behind her, and the bridge crew instantly snap to attention.

Twilight jumps onto her big seat, grabs a microphone with her magic, then toggles a switch. “The griffons are coming,” she cries into the microphone, “the griffons are coming! BATTLE STATIONS, EVERYPONY!”

The bridge crew scrambles noisily into action. Levers are thrown, wheels are turned, prayers are whispered, nervous grins are exchanged, and Spike wheels a charming little tea trolley next to the captain’s seat.

“One lump or two?” he asks.

“One,” says Twilight automatically. “And that reminds me . . . Number One?”

Nopony answers.

Twilight scowls mightily. “NUMBER ONE!”

There’s a sudden clatter from the hallway, and a white unicorn skitters into the bridge.

“I do beg your pardon, Captain,” she wheezes, straightening her disturbingly well-pressed uniform. “I was just making sure my mane was properly coiffed for the big battle.”

“Whatever. Make sure everypony is doing what they’re supposed to. Also, my compliments to Lieutenants Pie and Dash, and would they be so kind as to stop up and see me.”

“Aye, ma’am.”

Twilight nods, satisfied, then snatches up a receiver next to her seat. She taps a button and waits until a tinny voice says, “Engineering.”

“Chief Applejack, how stand the engines?” asks Twilight.

“Ah’m givin’ ’em all we’ve got, Cap’n. Aetheric pressure is high but stable.” There’s a sudden crackling sound. “Uh . . . ”

Twilight frowns at the receiver. “Report, Chief.”

“Winona, Ah said not to chew on them cables—uh, I mean, we’re fine an’ dandy, Cap’n! Ah’ll have the pressure back to normal in a jiffy!”

“See that you do,” Twilight snaps. She sighs and hits another button.

“Um, this is the medical bay,” says a new voice.

“Chief Medical Officer Fluttershy, we’re on the precipice of a world-shaking battle. There will be blood, and quite possibly involuntary bowel evacuations. Is the medical bay ready?”

“Oh, um, yes, Captain Sparkle. Angel and me are ready. But, um, Captain, I was hoping I could, um, join the boarding parties this time, um, if you don’t mind.”

“Sorry, Fluttershy, I need you and your healing skills here on the ship.”

“GAAAAH! ZE HEALING IS NOT AS REWARDING AS ZE HURTING!”

Twilight hears something that sounds suspiciously like a tray of surgical instruments being hurled across the room, then the line clicks off.

“Captain!” shrieks a painfully cheerful voice. “You wanted to see us, and now here we are to see you! Wanna cupcake?”

Twilight tosses the receiver back and rises to meet the pink earth pony holding out a large frosted cupcake.

“Uh, thanks but no thanks, Lieutenant Pie,” she says, seeing what looks like a lit fuse dangling out of the side of the sugary treat.

“Suit yourself, Cap, but you don’t know what you’re missing! These babies pack a serious punch!” The earth pony downs the cupcake, but doesn’t seem to notice the muffled WHUMP that emanates from her belly a moment later.

“Are the boarding parties ready, Lieutenant?” askes Twilight.

“Yep! All our party cannons are locked and loaded.” She tilts her head, looking puzzled. “What’s that mean, anyhow? I mean, they’re loaded with fun, but they’re not really locked—”

“And where’s Lieutenant Dash?” Twilight cuts in.

“Right here, ma’am,” shouts a multi-colored blur that zooms onto the bridge. The blur slows down and becomes a grinning blue pegasus. “The airborne division is ready to go, ma’am! Just say the word, and we’ll unleash some seriously awesome moves on those griffons!”

“Excellent,” says Twilight, rubbing her forehooves together. Twirling her cape dramatically, she flings out a hoof towards the big windows at the front of the bridge. “Ensign Scratch, signal the fleet! We move out at once! All ahead flank! And remember, helmspony—drive us close to the birdbrains. I want to hit them with my sword.”

Author's Note:

I'm pretty sure my fingers got together and typed this abomination when I wasn't looking. I'm posting it anyway, mostly because it's so bad it made me lol.

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[Toreador]

Meanwhile at the griffon's headquarters:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHG!