Thirty-Minute Pony Stories

by Silvernis

220: Hard to Starboard

220: HARD TO STARBOARD

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I take lunch precisely at 1:00 like I always do. A late lunch means I can keep the shop open for everypony else to come in on their lunch breaks. It also means less waiting in line wherever I decide to eat. I rotate among a few places throughout the week, depending on my mood and where I feel like wandering, but today I stop at Horte’s and order a tulip sandwich. It’s delicious, as usual. When I’m done, I head to Sugarcube Corner. I always stop at Sugarcube Corner for dessert, and I always—well, almost always—get a muffin. Derpy swears by the banana ones, though I’m partial to chocolate walnut myself. After I eat my muffin, I brush off my hooves, say goodbye to the Cakes, walk out the door, and stand on the stoop, thinking the same thing I always do.

Left or right?

Left leads back to my shop. The street is pleasant, lined with stores and homes that I’ve walked past hundreds of times. I know it like the back of my hoof. It’s familiar. Routine. I know where I belong on that street. It’s safe.

Right leads to the library. That street is also pleasant, lined with stores and homes that I’ve walked past hundreds of times, but it’s not familiar, nor routine. I don’t know where I belong on that street, in that library. It’s not safe.

It’s terrifying.

I know what the problem is, of course. It’s the same problem I had before: I’m scared of what will happen if I actually do anything. Longing and lusting for a pony who probably doesn’t even know you exist isn’t fun—actually, it’s awful; you can’t stop thinking about her even though you know you’re turning into an obsessive wreck—but eventually, you get used to it. It becomes strangely comfortable, and after a while, you’re reluctant to do anything but wallow complacently in the hole of unhappiness you’ve dug. What if she turns you down? Worse, what if she accepts you? You couldn’t deal with the painful finality of rejection, and you have no idea of how you’d handle being in an actual relationship with her. It’s far easier to simply stay in your hole. You might be miserable, but at least you can delude yourself into thinking you still have a chance.

At least until she finds another pony, one who’s not crippled by fear and indecision.

I still hate Bon Bon a little, mostly because she reminds me of how completely I failed—

No.

Not this time.

I don’t want to dig another hole this time. I won’t dig one. I’m tired of being a coward. I’m tired of standing here every afternoon and making up excuses to go left. I’m tired of lying alone in my bed at night wondering why I didn’t go right.

Not today. Today I’m going to do it. Maybe I can ask her for a book or something? It doesn’t even matter—I don’t know what will happen, or what I’ll say, or what she’ll say, but I will go to her today.

I take a long, deep, shuddering breath and turn right.

Author's Note:

Yeah, I derped with the muffin-eating bit. The character is a unicorn, so there wouldn't be any wiping of hooves involved. *shrug* C'est la vie.

Comments

[PresentPerfect]

Is this supposed to be Lyra?