It's Hearts and Hooves day, and everypony is spending time with their special somepony. All but one. Bon Bon spends time alone, remembering her life with her loved one. Only memories to comfort her through the dark day.
Chapters (1)
Jake x2
Joined 11th Dec, 2012 ·
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In b4 Regidar.
1794817 I found this on his page. You might want it.
i1306.photobucket.com/albums/s574/Mr-101/ib4regidar.png
Your story isn't all bad, but your grammar, spelling and capitalization are all off. Also, you write dialog incorrectly. It's 'sposed to look like this:
"Funny statement," she said, laughing.
"Rude remark." He turned around walked away without another word.
You keep missing the punctuation within the quotation marks.
It's also very confusing when you switch between flashbacks and present time. I suggest having flashbacks italicized. Makes things a lot less confusing.
Finally, keep pacing in mind. Things escalate way to quickly.
I'd suggest getting yourself an editor/pre-reader. It'll do your stories good.
1794856 It was made for me a few days ago, lol.
1794817 But seriously, don't do that in future. Poultron's shitting his pants again and is raging at him, threatening to ban him because people keep doing that.
Apparently, "He's instigating and not using his powers to stop it."
That wasn't me making stuff up, that's what he's actually saying.
1795081
Poultron is threatening to ban Regidar?! What madness is this?!
1795081 Wow...threatening to ban him over something of such a trivial nature? I swear, this site is run like a fucking dictatorship on occasion. Makes my stomach a bit uneasy.
1795133>>1795163 Oh, it really is. "Rules" only exist as long as they benefit the
bourgeoiseadmins. And.... Madness?THIS!
IS!
BUTTHURT!
1795185 Couldn't have put it better myself, my friend.
Also, this fic was decent. Not tremendously good, due to several grammar mistakes and occasional choppiness, but the concept and idea were executed nicely. You warrant a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure cyan is a blue.
I think the story is written very nicely, it's just a litte short :) but I don't like the story at all :'( way too sad. And why wouldn't Lyra use her magig powers to free herself? *murmur*