It has been close to a year since the multiverse decided that it was time for you to have a change of scenery. Living with the Apple family and working on their farm, you have carved out a surprisingly fulfilling life for yourself in this alien world. Yet, there is still something that you yearn for...something near...something so close yet just out of reach. Something, call it a fool's hope, tells you she may feel the same...and when things boil over with an old 'friend' you make a decision that could change your life in Equestria forever.
Chapters (1)
Capitalize.
This may show promise, I'll read it after I wake as I will require sleep to form a more cohesive opinion.
1792714
sleep?
"Ready to go squirt?"
You really needed a comma in there. Now I can't get that mental image out of my head...
...Good story though! Favorited!
Right, I have some cohesion to my mind now. Let's get to work...
1793338 Actually, that's an unnecessary comma. In this case, the comma doesn't work and breaks the flow of the line of dialogue. Grammar is good for usual sentences but conversations aren't perfect grammar. Dialogue is funny that way. If it wasn't in a conversation then I'd say it was a good catch, but, well, I've said all I had to on it already.
-[word]- isn't something that's a good option for emphasis, I suggest italics.
With that all aside all I have left is something I say more often than I should: don't screw it up.
ok, that with rainbow is a bit extrem...
1793968
The comma won't add a pause or anything in this case, if that's what you're getting at. It rather changes the intonation of the word.
Which in turn alters the meaning of the sentence...ehehe quite severely.
So I have to disagree with you on this. Not only is it grammatically incorrect. But rather than breaking the flow. It actually ENFORCES the flow.
Without it; the intonation isn't correct and as such, you won't convey the proper meaning.
Might just be me. I'm not trying to be anal or anything, or be"that guy" who always nitpicks on small stuff. It's a really good story and I like it a lot. It's just that for me, that line threw me off immensly. :P
-- The Emperor protects
1795307 Still, it's dialogue, everyone's going to argue about something when they pick at the details. Now, so I avoid making this conversation never end, I'll leave it be.
Rapebow Dash... classic.
Good story, but...
All of these alternate universes stories. I like it.
So in "Rainbro Dashie", Fluttershy's trying to get into Anon's pants, and in this one it's Rainbow Dash. I'm sensing a pattern here...
Dude, I fucking love these stories.
lawl
"Hey faggot. Mind taking a moment to stop waxing poetically about being a pussy and get some fucking food in me?
I fucking lost it. Good story, continue this.
These stories are the best I've seen on FimFiction.
Your imagination.
I like that shit.
Where I'd the rest please make more and by the way love rapebow dash lol xD
wow ... this is probably , no , totally is , one of the best fic's I (as a 24 7 reader) have ever seen.
1802949
Not to mention Applejack in Rainbow Dashie.
In a party she faked a drink-off to get him drunk, her not sober, and attempted to rape.
Yet
saved the day.
:P
Ha. Is it wrong that I'm kind of into the Rapebow Dash thing? Mama did always say that love hurts...
Hehe. 'Rapebow Dash.' Lol. Lololol. You write good stories, man. I like these.
You ever going to update this?????
Better update this shit, bro.
It takes a pair to make some of our favorite ponies in to something else, and you sir got a pair taking one of the most popular ones and doing it.
With that being said I like this, and Applejack is my second fave pony. I liked, I faved, I will be back for more, mark my words.
Well being as AJ is my fave i MUST like this rainbow tho oh god xD great first chapter! Im pleased :)
I laughed so hard at "Rapebow"
update PLZ!