Chapter 1
[NOTE: The links are for background music, and I highly recommend listening to those songs while reading for a better atmosphere.]
The Followers of Ares
Under the sea,
Under the broken lighthouse,
Under the watery grave,
Under the metallic wall,
Where sea water drips and floods the room,
Lies you.
Welcome to rapture.
Your hand drapes lifelessly as you trudge along the corridor. You cannot feel it, but you know she is down there. Your slow, monotonic thump is followed by soft pitter-patter on the wet floor. You let out a low hum, assured that the area will stay as it is. No attacks, no ambushes.
Safe.
Sliding your helmet through the chest guard, you spot the tiny sister by your side. The light from your helmet illuminates her facial details; the grayed skin, slightly-peeled band-aid and her decaying brown hair- and of course, her glowing eyes.
Just like daddy.
You straighten your sights, and continue your path. A gentle push comes from behind you, urging you to go faster. A glance to the right shows you your last sister. A voice said she was too old.
It also said it was time to go.
You see other daddies ushered by Big Sisters. As each of you step into a pod, you spot all kinds of daddies. A slouched, brawny daddy goes to your left, a tall, upright daddy to your right. You put your weapon to the side of the pod, and prepare to enter.
The pod shakes at your weight, as you turned to take up a comfortable position. You call out to your sister to come, making room by your weapon and left leg. As she skips her way to you, Big Sister steps in.
Her glow turns red, and she grabs little sister. Her sudden movements startle you as well, with you letting off the warning yellow glow. You also hear the distressed calls of other daddies.
The sisters.
The sisters were in danger.
You reach to the sides of the pod to push yourself out. Noticing this, Big Sister jumps into action. She pushes little sister backwards, and kicks you back into the pod. A loud clang resonates, with the ring of the metal wall making it feel like it silenced the room.
Actually, it has gotten silent.
You hear sudden hisses of steam engines, and machinery coming to life. Before you can do anything else, the pod seals shut. You bang and bash at the door, only able to see little sister- helplessly. As your own pod begins to work, you give in. Through the only porthole of the pod, you stare at your sister silently.
Big Sister lets your sister go now, and she immediately comes rushing at you. With watery eyes and the air of defeat, sister can only place a hand on the glass.
You do the same.
You let out a soft growl, your glow going back to green.
’Mister Rosie’, she mouths out the words, reaching onto the purse you found for her the other day.
She takes out a doll of you, and fits the weapon-holding arm on the edge of the porthole. She bends the arm and inserts what should be the elbow into a tight opening. After making sure it is secure, she backs away, and hops onto the back of Big Sister.
The sisters- big and little- leave, and the corridor goes dark. After what feels like an eternity, you spot bubbles beginning to form to a fine white line. You know these bubbles so well.
Sea water.
They are flooding the room. Not like it will bother you, but you try to break out nevertheless. You take what little room you have to hit the door, even banging your helmet to the glass. The doll hangs onto the porthole, intending to accompany you. Your eyelids grow heavy, and you rest your head on the pod wall. It resonates with a loud clang, and the sound is soon drowned out.
But now, it is time to sleep…
You hear a loud bang in the darkness. Something shoots up to the air, succeeded by a distant clang. You slowly open your eyes, only to be blinded by a bright sphere on the tall ceiling. It was odd, you’ve never seen ceilings in that colour. A few black dots move across the room.
It is a room?
It seemed more… spacious than what you have seen before. Outside of the buildings was the sea. It was always the sea. The sea was something you have grown accustomed to, something you lived for so long- something you have adapted to. And yet-
You get to your knees, and scoop the dry substance on the floor. Its form soon cracks and crumbles away on your palm, and it suddenly dissipates into the air. You watch it fly away, your vision clear as ever. It took you a moment to realize; you moved as if you were inside, but outside! (At least what’s what you thought, no walls here) The sea, simply put, went away.
A completely new world meets your eyes, a world full of lush, green structures. They were short and fragile-looking. It rustles gently over some force, looking as if it was going to snap any second. You decide to leave your pod behind, but not forgetting your weapon. Taking hold of your rivet gun, you continue your path, on a blind objective.
Trudging on through the thick build up of these strange objects, your boot kicks something hard. Looking down, you see the pod door. In a flash of instinct, you reach down and turn it over. You only manage to find the severed arm of the doll. Humming sadly, you bend down and pick it up.
Now you had an objective.
You need to find sister.
”Come on, Sweetie! Give it up!” A voice calls over her ear.
”Just, one, more, try.” She bites her lips, a bead of sweat running down her forehead.
Tiny pair of hooves shook desperately, trying to reach a strange object on the branch. In an awkward pose, Scootaloo supported her up, her fore-hooves balancing Sweetie’s hind-hooves. Gathering all of her might and focus and with one final jump, Sweetie Belle flew through the air; managing to catch the doll.
The smooth surface of the doll was pressed onto her face, as she landed a few feet away from Scootaloo. Nursing her face and non-existent pride, Sweetie Belle held up her prize.
It was an odd doll; its head was made from what seemed like a baseball ball, two metal wires dressing each side of the head. A watch was burrowed at the centre, protected by the same wires forming something like a cage. Three nails were set around the watch, one above, and two under. Its arms seemed to be made from rope, going through the doll body. Red shoelace fastened with a nail clip held a can to the doll’s back.
It was extremely dirty, and smelled of salt water. Sweetie could barely make out the red stripes on the doll’s leg.
It seemed to have lost an arm.
”What’s- Ew!” Scootaloo recoiled at the sight.
”What’s that?!” She quickly asked.
”I don’t know, I think it’s a doll!” Sweetie replied, still full on her fascination over the item.
”Are you sure? It looks more like junk to me.” Scootaloo says.
Sweetie looked at the doll once more.
”I don’t know… It feels special.” She mutters.
”Psh, yeah, whatever.” Scootaloo, her interest extinguished, began to walk away.
”H-Hey! Wait up!” Sweetie chased after her friend, taking the doll with her.
Applebloom would’ve loved it, Sweetie thought. Maybe she’ll visit her tomorrow. As far she knew, Applebloom was sick- the doctors said so- but she looked fine. Rarity said she was sick in the head.
But Sweetie didn’t understand; how can you be sick in the head?
”How was your- EW! What is that barbaric device, dear?” Rarity’s greeting is cut short by the sight of the doll.
She almost drops the tea she was subsequently enjoying, and everypony knows that stain never goes away.
”It’s a doll!” Sweetie was quick to reply.
Rarity nearly spat out her drink.
”No, that’s trash, dear, throw it away!” Rarity shrunk, waving the wretched item away.
”No, it’s cute! Look at it!” Sweetie puts the doll against her sister’s face.
Rarity- after jumping two meters backwards- let out a shocked shriek.
”Is- is that a watch?” Rarity asks with a tinge of fear.
Sweetie nodded eagerly, and begun to make her way upstairs.
”And where do you think you’re going?” Rarity asked.
”Well, I have to wash it now, duh.” Sweetie rolled her eyes.
Rarity, barely keeping herself contained, resumed her work, lest her mind be assaulted with thoughts of the vile object.
Pushing through the green layers, you manage to escape the sage entanglement. It was odd, it gave away as you went by it, and it was easily broken. You’ve never seen something like that back in the industrial zone.
It was dark now, another ball of light up high. Could this be the gardens many sisters talked about? They never mentioned the giant light source. It hurt to look at it.
You finally set your eyes on a cluster of light nearby. But this light didn’t sting. No, it actually reminded you of the city. You can hear sounds, music, all kinds of noise coming from there. Even voices.
Your destination set, you head away immediately. After a good walk of fifteen minutes, you reach the small area. It seems like a settlement, quiet and nice. But you know the bad people could be hiding anywhere.
Still moving, you suddenly catch the sound of a scream. You quickly turn around- guns ready- but no bad people.
Only weird creatures.
Strange creatures.
Its mouth is open, and it is letting out a distressed noise.
”Another of them!” it shouts, before retreating quickly.
And with that, the town comes to life. Lights switch on, and more of the creatures dart out of the buildings. They are much bigger, and they seemed to be armed. They surround you, with what seems like their weapons aimed at you. You raise your rivet gun, and let out a yellow glow. Following it up with a thundering roar, you warn the creatures.
They look slightly discouraged, and back off. You take the cue and begin to walk again, glad to avoid the conflict. Suddenly, you hear a loud clang on the back of your helmet, which is followed by tens more.
You feel no pain, however- but you are now agitated. Your helmet glows red, and you raise your weapon. With hesitation you fire away, landing a shot on each one of them. They go down quite quickly, not needing you to waste more of your rivet. Soon enough, they disperse- many dead amongst their ranks. You ignore the scene and move on, still searching for your sister.
Sweetie Belle ducked as she heard the roar outside. Rarity was just by her, cowering as well. Sweetie, ever so curious, peeked over her window to see the source of the ruckus. It looked like the one that came up in the newspaper, and like the one that kidnapped Applebloom. It had this weird looking device, something that resembled a vacuum cleaner.
The monster held it with both hands, and promptly aimed it at the loyal guards. She saw small bursts of fire at the tip of the machine, and as it glowed, a guard dropped! It quickly knocked everyone down, and began to move on. Its eye was red with anger, as it began to destroy the place.
Not Applejack’s stand!
More guards arrived, but they seemed to be afraid of the monster. It growled and roared, breaking through anything with its powerful arms. For a moment, several unicorn guards managed to subdue it with their magic, but their magic barely holds on. The monster thrashed even more, fighting back the magic. It seemed rabid, its machine still going off. It then suddenly jumped to the side- thrown by the magic of the guards. Flying at the force, the creature slammed right into the Carousel Boutique.
Rarity dragged Sweetie backwards, practically scratching out her throat. The monster groaned and slowly got up, and somehow turned to face Sweetie and Rarity. The two sisters froze in place, fearing their death. Luckily, the monster ignored them and got up.
Then Sweetie saw it.
A small piece of rope hung on its belt. It seemed so familiar that-
He must be looking for his doll!
Sweetie sprang up and ran up the stairs, with Rarity chasing her in full hysterics. Sweetie pulled out the newly cleaned doll, and ran outside.
”SWEETIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Rarity shrieked.
”He wants his doll back, sis! He wants it back!” She shouted back, not even looking back.
”What?!”
Sweetie groaned.
”You don’t get it!”
Jumping under the broken cart, Sweetie saw the monster pinned by the magic again. Taking no more time, Sweetie jumped into action, the doll on her magic grip. The guards immediately stopped as soon as they saw Sweetie jump in, afraid they might hurt a filly.
You slowly rise to your feet, reaching for your gun. Instead, you are faced with a smaller creature. It looks harmless, no weapons in sight.
”Hello, mister! Are you looking for this?” It asks.
The white little animal hands you your sister’s doll.
But- it can’t be…
You slowly look over her, studying this creature.
You can feel the ADAM within her.
Sweetie watched as he slowly took the doll, and take out its severed arm. It then tries to reconnect the arm, futilely tapping the two ends. Sweetie chimed in again, using some of her magic (which she learned from her sister) to fix the doll. The monster watches calmly as the two ends meet and fuse, becoming one again. It then took the doll on one of its massive hands, and looked down at her.
Its eye turned green, and it crouched in front of her.
The guards stood by in awe, watching a filly stop this juggernaut.
The monster grabbed Sweetie by her back and plopped her behind his head. And as if nothing happened, it began to walk around. The guards stood in confusion, the fight ending so abruptly. As for Sweetie; she was scared, but she soon found her newfound height fun.
It was like having another daddy.
A tall, big daddy.
As you began to walk around the dead bodies, you cannot help but to feel calm. You found your little sister. And as you feel this new world world ripe with ADAM-
Nothing will separate the two of you again.
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After seeing what a regular Bouncer and Rosie can do, I kinda want to see one of those black-and-red Elite ones taking on major enemies of Equestria... Like the entire griffin kingdom, all at once.
I think this was better than "Minion of Ares" since you have worked a bit more on the background and plot. (I can't wait for the next chapter...
)
Even though this is a sidestory to MoA, it still seems to have originality, which is quite schocking, all the other sidestories I've read who's made by a different author always has it's similarities, but this is just original. (Don't worry, it's in a good way.)
1787717
Backstory wise, it fills ine some holes. As far as flow is concerned, it had its hiccups and was confuzzling with tenses at times.
Gonna watch this.
A sequel YESSSSSS
14 favorites within several hours...
RIDING OTHERS' FAME, HO!
small addendum to my previous comment: I like where this is going, but I have to say that the links should be better structured, or made into actual links; see the example below. All in all, the story structure is sound, but the background music is too clumped together, and should not be used as story dividers. Other than that, looks good.
Anyways, there you have it, my (very short) tutorial on music placement in stories.
1787830
Noted, making fixes now.
Gosh dern all these hyper links
I wanna see them go on an adventure! XD Like to the Zebra lands, or Griffin Kingdom, or the Dragon highlands, or... Somewhere! Away! Where ponies won't get hurt. Yeah. Please?
MOAR!!! Please?
eh ! different writting style ! not bad though maybe more in the way what could think a Big Daddie (mister bouncer was still cool, don't take it bad Nether if you read this)
ah.. well, look like Mister Rosie isn't dead
You have all my attention from right now !
There are a lot of grammatical erros. I'll point them out eventually (if you want.)
MOAR
yes just yes
This is my new favourite Bioshock pony crossover series....well the only Bioshock pony crossover I read lol
But still THIS IS AWSOME
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Love it
all i can think about is the big daddy doing this>>
with that big daddy doll
Words cannot describe the feels.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/312/893/8ee.png
hehehehehe i see what you did there, BUT i have to say bouncer big daddies are my fav cuz you know stick with originals, but I LOVE ALL BIG DADDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loved how it tied in w/ MoA, although I don't recall the Rosie hearing the Bouncer's call at the beginning. (I probably missed it) But also I like the more serious tone this is tackling onto rather than MoA. Overall loved it!
You know this can't just end like this, unless there's another writer working the next part, to which I say "Gimmie!"
I wonder what's gonna happen now that Rosie has found his little sister? Good job by the way.
I know the picture is a Bouncer, but it has Sweetie Belle and it goes with the feeling at the end of the chapter.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/355/2/4/welcome_home_by_gimpcowking-d4jtqot.jpg
1790445
dis guy gets it
Nice chapter, stupid guards should be able to read body language. Slow and searching, they surround it. he warns them and they attack. Silly guards
Sweetie will see the problem when he expects her to gather ADAM. Or do the sisters choose to gather and expect the Daddy to stand guard?
Huh it says incomplete ad it is very well done. Have this thumb and star I am tracking this piece.
So in reality Sweetie is the actual sister while Bloom just got unlucky.
I'm just waiting for the Rumbler.
What a day that'll be.
Or, god forbid, a Lancer.
Loved the music, really sets the mood.
I like what you did with the line there at the end regarding having a "Big Daddy"
Oh Sweetie, you adorable little lovable moron...
1787777
Heyooo!
Oh man, with the music this fic is creepy as hell! Love it
Yet again Sweetie Belle proves that she is Best CMC
Maybe she'll get her cutie mark singing 1930's and 40's showtunes.
1795202
1795292
Yep, still gonna do something on Sweetie living her life with Big Daddy following her around.
... Eventually.
1796985
Yep, all taken from the game's soundtrack.
The backround music was great! Thanks for that!
MOAR. This was an AWSOME chapter!!
Would it be too much to ask for a Big Sister next?
1798694
EVENTUALLY!
I want it NAO!
Question
Is the Rosie a
images.wikia.com/bioshock/images/1/1b/BS1RosieNeptunesBounty.png
or a
images.wikia.com/bioshock/images/1/1f/BS1EliteRosieNeptunesBounty.png
1855641
The first one was on my mind when I wrote it.
Sooooooo..........update?
It's good, but you have a couple problems.
First, be sure to make some kind of mark to indicate when the reader switches perspectives. It gets confusing when we switch from the Big Daddy to Sweetie with no indication. (Also do this for time skips or scene changes).
Second, write in the past tense. It doesn't make sense when you say things like
or
Otherwise, you're all good.
So......
This dead?
more plz
Are you ever gonna' continue this? Because this is pretty badass.
MOAR I WANT MOAR
That feel when this has been almost a year that this FF came out and stil no update
Nigga you dead?
3333161 he dead.
3523348 Eeyup.
The good thing, though. I've been in talks with the author. I'm gonna be doing another of the stories
3523993 Let me hug you.
3525624 I'm not going to start on it until after all of my exams, so probably late December, but Guardian of Ares, involving a certain cannon-wielding Daddy, is a go!
3525659 Fair enough. Nothing is more important than a good education. Best of luck with your exams.