After the events of Metroid Fusion, Samus is now facing the consequences of defying the Galactic Federation. The once legendary hunter becomes the hunted. Thanks to PonyofTacos for letting me borrow his idea to build upon and giving me a few ideas. Hopefully I won't butcher his idea. MLP, or Metroid (Though from what I've been hearing since it's release, The Other M already did that.). Also this won't be exactly like Metroid Fusion, I'm going to add a (few) feature(s) from the Prime series into this, well mainly the scan visor at the moment.
I know it's a sight for sore eyes but hey, I'm barely a writer, but art is COMPLETELY out of the question. What could be a better title image than that? Also, in case you are wondering, I won that fight.
a good start. a good way to catch those pesky errors is to read out loud to yourself. your brain can be tricked, but your ears are much harder to fool.
Go on... You have caught my interests... I AM METROIDFAN!
Oh hallelujah a good Metroid fic!
Interesting! I'm a big fan of the Metroid series, so this definitely piqued my interest.
One recommendation I have is to get someone to proofread for you, or at least to read your chapters out loud. You have some grammar issues, which don't make the story unreadable, but they can be a little grating and detract from immersion.
A final recommendation I'd have is to change the title. Even as a fan of the Metroid series, I didn't immediately realize upon seeing your title that it was a crossover. I think calling it "Metroid V: Equestrian Frontier" would help you snag more readers; then fans don't have to rely on the summary or the screencap to realize that it's a Metroid fic.
As a dutiful writer of crossovers myself, I definitely look forward to seeing more.
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WARNING
3RR0R
5Y5T3M CR@5H
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System Reboot
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Chozo Power Suit; Custom Variant; Samus Aran
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Suit Diagnostics...
...Zero Suit Online
...Power Suit Online
...Varia Suit Online
...Gravity Suit Online
...Hazard Shield Online
Arm Cannon Diagnostics...
... Power Beam Online ... Long Beam Online ... Wide Beam Online ... Charge Beam Online
... Missile Launcher Online ... Super Missile Charge Subroutine Online ... Seeker Missile Subroutine Online
... Wave Beam Online ... Power Beam Phase Shift Subroutine Online ... Wavebuster Charge Subroutine Online
... Ice Beam Online ... Advanced Cooling Subroutine Online ... Ice Spreader Charge Subroutine Online
... Plasma Beam Online ... Plasma Welder Subroutine Online ... Flamethrower Charge Subroutine Online
Visor Diagnostics...
...Combat Visor Online
...Scan Visor Online
...Command Visor Online
...Thermal Visor Online
...X-Ray Visor Online
...Echo Visor Online
Movement System Diagnostics...
... Morph Ball Online ... Spider Ball Online
... Morph Ball Bomb Online ... Multibomb Charge Subroutine Online
...Power Bomb Offline - Command Override Accepted, Crystal Flash Subroutine Online
... High Jump Boots Online ... Spring Ball Subroutine Online
... Speed Booster Online ... Boost Ball Subroutine Online
...Gravity Boost Offline - Obsolete
... Space Jump Online ... Screw Attack Online
... Grapple Beam Online ... Lasso Subroutine Online ... Voltage Subroutine Online
...Power Grip Online
WARNING ... ERROR ... UNKNOWN ... M@6!T3CH D!@6N05T!C5...
...ERROR! @RC@N3 5H!7D Online?...
... ERROR! @RC@N3 B3@M Online? ... ERROR! H@RM0NY CH@R63 5UBR0UT!N3 Online? ...
...ERROR! CH@05 D!FFU5!0N B3@M 5UBR0UT!N3 Online?...
...ERROR! CH@05 D!FFU5!0N M!55!73 5UBR0UT!N3 Online?...
...ERROR! @RC@N3 V!50R Online?...
...ERROR! T373P0RT@T!0N Online?...
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All Systems Nominal
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WARNING ERR0R 3RR0R W@RN!N6 !3RR0Ri...
UN5T@B73 T3CHN0706Y D3T3CT3D...
FU77 5U!T 5Y5T3M F@!7UR !MM!N3NT...
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Override Command Accepted
Unstable Technology Deactivated
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...
All Systems Nominal
After thinking it over, (for a few days), my brain suddenly went nuts, and I came up with this.
I tried cramming as many items/upgrades as possible without them requiring something other than Chozo or Federation tech.
The gravity boost would be still worthwhile even if Samus has the Gravity Suit upgrade, but would become useless after obtaining the Screw Attack unless she can't turn while in the air, (underwater).
The order she obtains them in doesn't matter, but once Samus obtains certains items/upgrades, subroutines come online. The only one I think I added that wasn't already another item/upgrade was the Advanced Cooling Subroutine, which would be needed before she could use the Plasma Beam and its upgrades, (or risk melting her gun, her, and anything else she doesn't want to). Morph Ball + High Jump Boots = Spring Ball. Wave Beam + Grapple Beam = Voltage Subroutine (if something needs energy, grapple onto it and just charge the damn thing yourself).
And whats a Metroid game without planet exclusive upgrades? Seriously, Samus would need some kind of magic weapon to deal with shit on planet Equuis. Plasma Beam? Annihilator Beam? Hyper Beam? Fuck that shit! Charge up the Arcane Beam and see if they can withstand a blast of Harmony. And lets not forget Harmony's opposite, Chaos. Diffusion attacks are a go!
Also, since she can't use a Power Bomb without leaving nothing but a glass crater, then using them for full heals in dire straights sounds like a good idea to me. And then there's teleportation, what else is she going to use those rare Power Bomb ammo for the rest of the time?
Last thing, there's a big difference between the Magitech and the Unstable Technology. The UT is something I thought up that combines all the leftover little bits of stuff Samus gets from each of her adventures, even if she doesn't keep the upgrade itself after the end of the game it appears in, (Light Suit for example), her suit still has some data on it. This would be one of those 'Last Resort' type things that if left on for too long not only can, but WILL KILL YOU. Anybody know what they do to Spartan III's that die in the field and can't be recovered? They overload the micro fusion reactors in their power packs, cue mini nuke explosion.
TOTAL CAHOS!
Metroid crossover? Obligatory reading material.
Commencing read... now.
So far, so good.
It brings a tear to my eye to finally see another well written Metroid crossover. I can now count on THREE fingers how many of those I have seen, and that's including Metroid crossovers with other franchises. Hell, that's including my own
To be honest, I feel like there was a slight dip in writing quality here. Your technical skills don't seem as well displayed this time around. Do you have a beta-reader yet? If not, it would probably be in your best interests to seek one out, because a good proofreader can make a huge difference in the quality of your story.
I am... not quite understanding Samus' actions. The way you're portraying her seems to indicate a startling lack of common sense, which makes very little sense (see what I did there?). After spending decades as an intergalactic bounty hunter, one can imagine that she would be more then a little versed in the nuances of diplomacy, and would not be so quick to initiate hostilities when she can UNDERSTAND what's being said to her. After all... She certainly didn't try to kill our Luminoth friend in Echoes when he started talking to her, and that situation bears quite a few similarities to the one she's facing here.
mmmm this has much potential im enjoying it,as fan of both series i want to see where this goes
Obligatory reading finished
I liked it... I didn't love it. While I personally don't agree with your portrayal of Samus' character, the limited characterization provided by the games outside of 'Other M' (which we all agree doesn't actually exist, right?) means that it's kind of hard for her to seem out of character. While I personally think that your variant of Samus is being a bit too flippant over the whole issue, and has made a big mess of things on the diplomatic front, I won't make to big a deal over it. I'm just happy I've found another crossover I can actually stand to read. Just do me a favour and don't turn this into some silly ponies versus Federation, Space Pirates, Metroids, Phazon, and everything else type story. Because if we're honest about things... When the Federation comes looking for Samus, Celestia and Luna are going to hand her over. They're not going to throw themselves against an extra-galactic empire to protect somebody they don't even trust.
I'm actually quite interested in seeing exactly how you make this work, because I really can't think of anything that could allow this to work out remotely well. I guess we'll find out later, won't we?
Oh, and like I said earlier, a proofreader would do wonders for your story. I'd look into requesting somepony's help pronto.
Lyra was adorable!
Some minor grammar issues...not the least of which is "Do you like Samus?" I think you want a comma after the like. Without it, that sentence's meaning is changed from "Samus, do you like this?" to "Hey, that Samus is pretty cool, huh?"
I know I'm late to comment, but I've read all the other good stories in this group and this one caught my eye. I look forward to seeing where this goes in a few seconds.
Very good so far, please continue soon.
Welcome back and great chapter, hopefully the next one can be a little faster, but I know it can be a b**** to do these kind of chapters were there's a lot going on and it sets the foundation for future interactions. Anyway you've still got no dislikes, so you're doing great keep it up.
I love the dialogue between Samus and Adam, this should be good.
A drone? Oh no no no Samus, that rainbow was no drone, that was Rainbow Dash. Not that she'd know, but details.
Samus is usually more of a fighter than a stealthy person, but she can't just kill everyone to calm her itchy trigger finger, she does have morals.
A few chapters later,she is going to find herself holding a baby Mother Brain.
Since Samus is eating a cupcake, I take it she's in her Zero Suit, or at least has removed her helmet.
Well, I want more.
4294898
Er.... magic?
Hey, idea! What about Samus scanning a pony and findimg insteand a changelling!?