Epilogue
Scrape… scrape… scrape…
She twitched her ears. What was that sound? Couldn’t whatever was making it see she was trying to sleep?
Scrape… scrape… scrape…
Maybe she could sleep through it. She was just so tired.
Scrape… scrape… scrape…
She frowned. All right, maybe she couldn’t. What even was that? She opened her eyes, and looked around. Bare white walls, a strong smell of antiseptic… was she in an infirmary? Why was she in an infirmary?
She looked to her left, toward the source of the scraping. A grey pegasus hunched over a misshapen piece of soapstone, worrying away at it with a rasp. From the look of it, the pile of dust on the floor was far more impressive than whatever he was carving. He hadn’t noticed her yet.
Suddenly, she became acutely aware that she was thirsty. She looked around again, hoping to find a pitcher of water. To her delight, there was one, but it was on a table beside the pegasus. At the moment, all she could move was her neck. She tried calling out, but the only sound she could make was a dry rasp.
The pegasus ignored her, and kept filing away. Honestly, if he was trying to reduce the piece of soapstone to dust, he was doing a fine job.
She tried calling out again, but the sound was lost as the door creaked open. A white alicorn walked through, casting a worried look at the pegasus. “Is there any change?” she asked.
The pegasus shook his head. “No’ yet,” he replied. “She’ll wake eventually. Ah know she will.”
The alicorn sighed, and looked over at her — and froze. “Twilight?” she whispered.
Yes, Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. That was her name. The pegasus was Fairweather, the alicorn was Princess Celestia, and…
Everything came flooding back. Tex, the Everfree, Luna…
She forced her hoof to move, to try and pull down the blanket covering her chest. She had to see it.
Celestia’s hoof stopped her. “Not yet,” she said. “You’ve… you’ve been through a lot.”
Twilight looked back at her. She could make out the faint shadows of bruises on her mentor’s neck and back. Celestia’s eyes were red-rimmed, and her feathers were in disarray. Looks like I can say the same about you. She tried to say so, but her voice wouldn’t cooperate.
“Here,” Celestia said, levitating a glass of water toward her. Twilight drank greedily, spilling down her chin.
She sat back, exhausted by the effort. But she still had strength for one word. “Tex?” she gasped.
Celestia paused for a moment. “Gone,” she finally said. “You truly did something special back there.”
Twilight frowned. There was something else. Something important. It took her a few moments to remember what it was. “Friends?” she said with the last of her strength.
“In the room down the hall,” Celestia replied. “Sleeping. They insisted on keeping vigil, but I managed to convince them to rest after a day and a half.”
Content, Twilight closed her eyes.
When she awoke again, she was alone. The sun slanted through the window at a sharper angle than before. More important than that was the strength that now flowed through her. She lifted a hoof, shaking with the effort. A newborn foal could have managed better, but it was still an improvement.
Now for another test. Moving slowly, she shifted the covers and placed her rear hooves on the floor. So far, so good. Her front hooves joined her rear ones. She took a breath. Her legs were shaky, but they held her.
She carefully began walking around the room, gaining confidence with each step. A wall-mounted mirror at the far side of the room caught her eye. She stopped dead, eyes widening. Then took a few steps closer to make sure she was seeing right.
With a trembling hoof, she reached up to touch the area on her chest that had been shaved, and the six-inch scar that meandered across it. A half-memory of a shining lance flashed through her mind. She shivered. It had been cold. She remembered that much.
“I expected you to still be asleep.”
Twilight stiffened. She hadn’t heard the door open. But she didn’t turn around. She just watched as Princess Celestia joined her at the mirror.
“How?” she whispered.
“Luna,” Celestia said. “She petrified you. It was risky, but it… kept you alive until we could bring you here. It gave us time to bring in the best healers we could find, but... it was still close. Too close.”
“Were you there?”
Celestia paused for a long time. “Yes,” she finally said. “I was there.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said.
“No,” Celestia replied with sudden vehemence. “Don’t apologize. You did what you had to.”
Twilight shook her head. “Back there, in the Everfree… I knew I was going to die. That’s how I was able to send him back.” She studied the scar again. “I should have died.”
Princess Celestia made an odd sound beside her. Twilight looked up, and saw that she was biting her lip, tears overflowing from her eyes. “Never do that to me again,” she whispered fiercely. “Never.”
Twilight reached out and touched her shoulder. The Princess responded by reaching out with a wing and hugging her close. She nuzzled her mentor’s neck, a chill running down her spine. What must it have been like for her? Seeing her brought in by a panicking Luna, petrified and impaled by a spear?
“I don’t blame you,” she said quietly.
Celestia stiffened. “Is that the truth?” she asked.
Twilight took a moment to search herself. None of this would have happened if Celestia had not accidentally brought Tex into their world. But for the life of her, she couldn’t find a shred of blame for it. Or for anyone involved. None of them had been truly prepared for what happened.
She nodded. With that simple movement, she felt the tension drain out of her mentor. Her own breath hitched, and she felt her vision became misty with tears.
Abruptly, Princess Celestia stepped away. “Your friends will want to know you’re awake,” she said, her cool demeanor back in place.
My friends, Twilight thought, a twinge of guilt appearing in her chest. She hadn’t given any thought as to how her actions might have affected them. She would have some apologizing to do, it seemed.
But there was one thing she had to ask.
“Princess,” she said. “Did… did I do the right thing?”
Celestia looked at her for a long moment. “Yes,” she finally said. “You did.”
She left, leaving Twilight to stare at the door and think. A long moment later, a chorus of excited voices erupted from the other side and her five friends burst in, surrounding her, every one trying to ask her own question.
Twilight said nothing and instead drew them all into a group hug. They understood her intent and hugged her back, content, as if suddenly everything was right in the world.
And perhaps, for a brief moment, it was.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Luna-tic Scientist · 6.3k words · 499 23 · 11k views
- OnTheWay · 18k words · 198 7 · 6.1k views
- D G D Davidson · 4.3k words · 204 9 · 4.8k views
- Palm Palette · 3.6k words · 55 8 · 1.6k views
- Boneman · 1.1k words · 23 3 · 801 views
- Pascoite · 5.1k words · 320 10 · 4.6k views
- stanku · 51k words · 68 7 · 2k views
- Rainbow Sparkle · 5.1k words · 32 11 · 1.4k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.224 seconds
Total duration
920 users online
1,393,524 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'd have liked to have seen Luna in this epilogue, but I suppose there wasn't much to say there.
Wonderful story, have a thumb!
i'm not sure what to say. it was a great story, though.
I get what you were going for with Hardened Warrior Luna who remembers a more violent era like it was yesterday (because to her it was). But, I think you overplayed it a bit.
Also while Twilight has probably already forgiven Luna there is no way she's forgiven herself. It would probably take a whole sequel to explore how this incident has affected their relationship. Hint, hint
Musings and last chapter spoilers:
Towards the end there Luna realized she was in the wrong but went ahead because she thought it was the "only way." Then Twilight proves that Celestia and Shining Armor were right and there really was a more ethical better way and almost dies in the process. If Luna had been honest and up front and involved Twilight from the beginning with their combined magical knowhow they may have figured out the portal spell without a near-death experience epiphany being nessecary. Speaking of Luna almost killing anypony would be traumatic. But this was Twilight Sparkle who almost died. The pony who saved her from the Nightmare. The first pony aside from her sister to be her friend since her return. Heck, possibly her first real friend ever! Luna has got to be a total wreck at this point.
4264708
Yeah, I would love to see a postscript chapter seeing Luna's perspective and how she and Twilight make up after all that's occurred.
4264708 I'd say Luna deserves it. Of course, no one will be able to move against her if they even ever considered it. Still, even if Twilight forgives Luna - and I have my doubts about whether she could truly say that - I doubt her friends would be able too. Then there's the ripple effect of her interactions with Shining Armor and Fairweather. They know that Luna sent Shining in possibly to die, and Luna's admission to the team probably won't do much for morale.
All in all, a good story, though I didn't think it would be so short. Sequel?
This story is one of few that I like at the beginning for the idea but dislike in the end. Have your deserved red thumb.
....YAAAAAAA!!!! She lives!
Excellent story!
Very much diserves a sequel
*slow clap of riveted amazement*
I must say I'm glad this didn't turn out as I was afraid is was going to. When Applejack said he was starting to feel weak around Tex I thought he would gradually suck all the magic outta the ponies who hung around him the most. AJ & Twi would gradually lose the ability to speak & think until they were more like a pony from our world except brightly coloured & wearing a hat. Compared to that the stabbing wasn't so bad.
Would really love to know how Luna is doing at the end of all this.
Tears of guilt are the most delicious
.
and no one will know how big an adventure 'Tex' had.
That was a fun story.
Loved it.
4264913 I'd have loved to make it longer, believe me. But I honestly couldn't think of any way to do it without making the whole thing drag.
4264708 I'm aware that I may have overplayed the Warrior Princess Luna thing a little bit, but it's just a concept I like too much to go at in a lackluster fashion. In any case, I had fun with it.
As for your musings, that's something I didn't actually consider in any great depth. Now that you raise the point, however, it might be something I'd consider going over in an expansion. We'll see how that turns out.
4265456 Believe it or not, that was my original idea. This was originally intended to be a darkly humourous oneshot that, through its multiple reworkings, evolved into this.
>>Everyone else Thanks for the praise, criticism and everything in between. I have a lot invested in this story, and it's nice to see such positive reactions, even with an ending as undoubtedly controversial as the one I chose.
Thanks for all your support. Now, on to my next project.
4268181 Just going to put my response below:
Perhaps you can do it from each pony's point of view. For example, you could a chapter from Luna's POV when she stabbed Twilight and the subsequent events that led to Twilight in the hospital; one from Celestia as she was informed of what had happened, seeing Twilight as she was at death's door; one from the Mane Six and their interactions as they waited for news. Then you could have chapters dealing with Twilight's subsequent physical and emotional recovery, Shining Armor and Fairweather as they deal with any fallout within the Guard, How the Mane Six deals with Luna, their trust in the princesses - after all, it was Celestia who started all this, and so forth.
4268600 That is an intriguing idea, I'll admit. There does seem to be material for a sequel should a burst of inspiration come along. But for now, I'll leave this one be. I've been working on it for too long now, and I have another project that I'm dying to write.
I'll keep your ideas in mind, though. I honestly hadn't put much thought into the fallout of this sequence of events, so it's nice to have it pointed out to me.
We'll see what happens.
to save a horse
4268930 Well, that's all I can hope for, for now...
This was good. I don't agree with your conclusion, but I think you handled it in the more interesting way.
4264708 Yes, and that is where the story falls flat. There's no point to Twilight being stabbed other than to heighten the melodrama. She could have come to the epiphany of the horse's 'other' magic easily enough otherwise, simply by making a single observation from a chapter or two earlier.
>>>Not just grass; wildflowers, mosses and creepers were dotted throughout the entire thing. A couple saplings even stretched upward. From what she could tell, her floorboards were gone, either rotted away or somehow transmuted into greenery.>>>
Plants of dozens of species came out of nowhere, grew to adults almost instantly in the floor of her basement, with no light, no water... sounds like magic to me.
You scared ne by the end of the last chapter, then I relised how small the chance of that being the ending was.
Loved it. There were some really interesting ideas in here.
Utterly intriguing. Wish it had met Pinkie Pie, though, so we could have an unstoppable force vs immovable object debate.
Although I agree that Warrior Luna seemed a bit overplayed, and I eventually skipped pretty much everything involving Fairweather, the rest of the story was very well written and had a nice idea to it. A fun read, and managed to suck me in to read it all in one go. Some closure from the other characters, more musings around what happened after, or even the story having been more focused on the magic side of it, would probably have been more my cup of tea. However, everyone likes different tea.
Mr author, leaving Luna out of the epilogue was a cowardly escape from the tight corner you've written yourself into. While the idea and the story was quite well written (even if it could use a little better-balanced pacing - lengthy, slow approach and very terse, not quite satisfactory climax) not resolving that issue leaves me with a really bad aftertaste.
4496596 To be honest, I've been considering adding a scene where Twilight and Luna have a chat about prior events. Might be worth doing, even just for the practice. Haven't really decided if I want to go through with it, but I might tack it on.
And in regards to the pacing, I was told a while ago that my stories moved too quickly. Seems I've overcompensated a bit. Pacing still continues to be my #1 issue, but I'm working on it.
4479065 You've got me curious. What was it about Fairweather that you didn't like? I thought I'd done a decent job of him as an original character. That said, his entire presence in the story was for experimental purposes, so I'd appreciate any criticism you might have.
4498355
It shows.
You could have removed him from the story and it would lose very little. All of the guard except for Shining appear completely insignificant in the end. All their build-up, all the character development goes out through the window as they serve as disposable mooks in the finale. The conflict between Fairweather and his daughter? His dedication as a faithful guard? His late wife? All wasted effort both on your side and reader's, slowing the pace but serving no purpose in the story because when shit hits the fan he doesn't get a single line in, and even in epilogue remains as an annoying, insignificant background element.
Blaze was important to the story. She acted as counter-balance to Luna. Even though she didn't mean squat in the end, her letting Shining go was a significant turn of events. Fairweather? Patchwork? All the rest? Well, I guess you wanted to fill the guard with *something*, flesh them out, but since they played no role in the end, that was pretty much all wasted effort.
Meanwhile, you built a very strong conflict - on top of the clear, simple conflict Luna vs Tex, you built another one, deeper, harder, and way more engaging - Luna vs everyone else, including even herself. And then:
Seriously? Twilight is here representative of everyone else, implying they should feel the same way. And Luna isn't even called out by name, just bundled with "anyone involved." That single paragraph is meant as resolution of a conflict that dwarfs the simple, explicit conflict of the story.
How's that for anticlimactic? Even a conflict that had nearly no build-up (Twilight-Celestia) gets more, and a better resolution in the epilogue!
4498545 Fairweather and the other guards may have been wasted effort, but they gave me some practice in writing original characters. So while it didn't benefit the story, it benefitted me, if nothing else.
Now, that aside, you've raised some interesting points. I think you've done a good job of convincing me to add a scene with Luna, or to revise the epilogue entirely. Might be a bit late for that, but practicing something is never wasted effort in my book.
Oh, and if you have any suggestions, I'm willing to listen. Thanks for your interest and criticism.
4498355 The other reply you've gotten here holds up some of the points I had in mind. But in hindsight, I think I could have enjoyed him as a character more if I had gotten a bit more depth to him, a reason to empathize with him, which would have made me less coloured when reading more of him. But not everyone can like everyone, and that probably goes for characters as well. I think if I'd had a more clear sense of his motivation, his attitude could have felt more in touch with what I expected. (That might come down to headcanon about equestrian hierarchy, I'm not sure.)
In addition to this, there was an apparent lack of clear conflict between Luna's and Fairweather's goals (Luna's to destroy the target, Fairweather's to deal with the target as ordered (Although different, it felt like these two goals easily could work together)), which made Fairweather feel a bit unecesarry. This is probably not good character critique, but it sums up a bit of how I felt about him. He was a character, but he just felt out of place for me.
I wanted to get back to the mystery the girls faced towards Tex, which was a very nice ride to read. This desire to get back to the mystery was probably why I ended up skipping (or skimming, rather) Fairweather and a lot of those sections. And I suspect this coloured my opinion of those sections and the characters.
Oh, and I'll tag on as I saw you reply to something else; I did not feel like the pacing in this story was too slow, for me personally at least, but that it might have been a bit choppy with the change of group perspective?
~
4498694
Practicing your trade is always good effort, indeed! And you had a good grip on me for most of the story. And a revised epilogue or added scene for a conclusion sounds like it would be lovely.
4498694
I hope you do it right. Personally I don't believe one section would suffice. I mean: Luna might have been forgiven by most, but nothing will repair the damaged trust.
1. Celestia will think twice before sending Luna on a mission again. Not the right times for this kind of approach. Not the right times to let her sister lose even more trust of her people.
2. The guard, knowing she might manipulate any one of them into dying just to prove some point, while still loyal, will definitely lose a lot of trust, will think twice on every her order, and instead of following blindly, will be forcing themselves to follow up. Morale fell, trust fell, she's no longer the kind of leader they'd follow into the fire.
3. Shining restraining her - that will reflect on her own trust towards the guard. Instead of charging the enemy with full focus, trusting the steel wall behind her back, she will consider her escort to be another potential threat. Not helpful if you need all your focus on the enemy, and she will begin trusting the guard again a only long time after they trust her again.
4. The relationship between her and Twilight surely must have soured. There's good will on both sides but it's a long way from rebuilding trust.
5. Cadence will be totally furious. I don't think she'll forgive Luna for trying to get her husband killed. I seriously wonder what act of sacrifice on Luna's side could ever repair this relationship.
6. The society. Luna was a stranger to the new world, she was adapting. How far did these events set that process back? Sure ponies may just not know, may forgive, not mind that. All the worse! She expects them to be mad at her. She will feel even less fitting into this world, simply not understanding that kind of mindset.
7. Herself. Whatever she does, doubt will cripple her. Whenever a decisive action is needed, she will hesitate. She won't trust her instincts, no matter how right they are. Hard decisions she'd just take before will paralyze her now. And how can she be a leader, with judgment so impaired?
Do you believe you can get all that resolved in one scene?
I believe what would fit here is a sequel - with a threat that truly calls for the Warrior Luna to oppose it, and the new Luna struggling to recover all she had lost. Think mane 6 sent to parlay and taken hostage, guards dying through indecisiveness, Luna willing to sacrifice herself for Cadence and Shining...
4499918 ... Man. You weren't lying when you said I'd written myself into a corner. I think what happened there is that I put so much thought into the actual events that I completely forgot to deal with the consequences.
I do like that idea, though. I'll keep it in mind. Considering my slow writing pace, a full sequel might be a tall order, but I'll see what I can do.
Either way, I'll do my best not to disappoint.
Missing from the epilogue: Shining holds Luna still, while Applejack kicks her in the face.
She didn't just abuse her authority and put lives at risk, so she could relive her glory days. She made it personal.
5116723 exactly my thoughs, friend.
Did I miss something or do we not know what Celestia was trying to accomplish by bringing him here?
5355432 She wasn't trying to bring anything to Equestria. All she wanted to do was make a window. She ended up making a door.
No, that's a totally original idea. Not inspired by The Mist at all. Shut up.
A lot of Tex's scenes are actually really funny if you just imagine them. Something about all these ponies freaking out while a pony from Earth just does what it does is really funny to me.
Hmm... me like.
Very good and imaginative concept, good narrative tone and nice technical execution.
And at times quite powerful writing.
Have a green thumb.
6020200 I appreciate it. In a lot of ways, this story ended up being one of my biggest disappointments, but I'm really quite proud of it in others.
Now I just need to get around to addressing all those themes I didn't tie up in a sequel that may or may not actually happen.
It would have been nice to see the last chapter of Tex being back home and turns out the order would be Twilight
This story is probably the best alien in Equestria story I have read. It was really well balanced between the characters and the development in the story. I loved the take on the normal everyday horse from our world being just a normal horse and not being able to think or talk at all.
That's probably one of the best parts of this story and it's more of a mystery story. I would have loved to see Tex at the end being home and see who the owner was, because it would be interesting for the story that it was Twilight making the whole different universe theory or at the least the author who disappeared long ago.
Thank you for writing this story!
A lovely little story here. The timing was right, the tension was right from chapter to chapter, and overall the thing was compelling. I read it all in one go.
I have a general question but it isn't meant to imply any criticism, just wondering. If Twilight could travel from Equestria to the EQG world through a magic mirror, and if Starswirl and Celestia, in the comics, could go to many worlds until they found the one with the good version of King Sombra, didn't ponies already have an understanding of the multiverse and how to use it? I couldn't help thinking in the last full chapter that if it had been Starswirl facing the spear it would be a perfect explanation for how those magic mirrors came in to being. Though I suppose you could say the magic mirrors travel from place to place in the same universe, though that seems like a stretch, somehow.
Oh well, just some random thoughts, but it is a good story that leaves me having those. Again, a good story and congratulations on a job well done.
8058269
Seeing this story was 2013. I think the MLP comics didn’t come till later in 14 and they are mostly at the start not canon till like S8 they started allowing newer comics become cannon.