• Published 10th Dec 2012
  • 13,824 Views, 247 Comments

My Little Pony: Square Pants Are Magic - Ultimauser50



Spongebob Twilight AppleJack Rainbow Dash Patrick Pinkie Pie Fluttershy Rarity Luna

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Chocolate With Nuts

SpongeBob is sitting in a mailbox as the Mailpony comes up to put the mail inside until-
“Hi Mailpony!”

The Mailpony screams and runs as he drops the mail by the mailbox.

“Ok, see you tomorrow!”

Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight walk up to SpongeBob.

“Hey, the mail's here.” said Patrick.

“What did you get?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Let's see... Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary...” SpongeBob throws the mail that isn't his behind him until… “Hey, a magazine. That’s funny. I don't remember subscribing to 'Fancy Living Digest'.” SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight look inside the magazine.

“Whoa!” They all marveled at the magazines contents.

“Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living. This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool.”

“That seems a little unnecessary doesn’t it? To have a pool in a pool?” asked Twilight.

“Aw, come on Twilight! That actually sounds kinda fun, having a pool IN a pool.”

“Sounds redundant to me.”

“Re…dun…huh?” asked Patrick.

“Don’t worry about it Patrick, I’m just saying that it’s not really needed. It’s just a waste of bits.”

Patrick then points to a rich pony with glasses. “Well this guy didn’t waist his bits, he's got shoes!

Squidward comes up and grabs the magazine.

“Give that back to me! Stealing my mail, eh? I’d expect this from you three, but YOU Twilight? Hmph, I’m disappointed, you’re all lucky I don't report you to the authorities.”

“Hey Squidward, how did people in that magazine get all that money?”

“They're entrepreneurs, they sell things to people!”

“Ohh! What kind of things?!” asks Pinkie Pie.

“How should I know? Things people want to buy. Now keep your paws and hooves off my mail.” Squidward walks off to his house.

“That's it, guys! We got to become entrepreneurs!”

“Is that gonna hurt?”

Pinkie Pie and Twilight laugh at Patrick’s statement.

“Nooo, it won’t hurt silly! But it will be a ton of fun! Wanna help us out Twilight?”

“Uhh…sure, I guess. I’ve already re-shelved today. So why not?”

“YAY!” cheered SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie.

“Now quick guys, without thinking, if any of you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

“Uhh... more time for thinking.”

“Books?” suggested Twilight.

“No, something real, like an item, something you would pay for.”

“A chocolate bar?” suggested Pinkie Pie.

“That's a great idea! We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen.”

SpongeBob, Twilight, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie are walking out of Sugar Cube Corner with a bunch of chocolate bars.
“Fancy Livin', here we come!”

“Make way for the newest entrepreneurs!” said Patrick.

“Ok everyone, this is it. The first step on our road to living fancy. Just follow my lead.”

“Uh, SpongeBob? Doesn’t this house look familiar to you?”

SpongeBob rings the doorbell. “No, not really. Why?”

Rarity opens the door with a smile. “Hello everyone.”

“Hi Rarity!” replied Patrick and Pinkie Pie.

Twilight just looked at SpongeBob.

“Oh, right. I guess this was Rarity’s house.”

“How may I help you all today?”

“We’re selling chocolate bars, would you like to but one Rare?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Chocolate? Did you say... chocolate?”

“Yes ma’am! With or without nuts?” asks Patrick holding up two chocolate bars, one with a nut on its wrapper, while the other had a plain wrapper.

“Chocolate? Chocolate!”

SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie and Twilight back up after seeing the craziness in Rarity.

CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!

SpongeBob, Patrick, Rarity, and Twilight run away as Rarity chases after them at top speed. After losing the crazy that was Rarity, SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight walk up to another house.

“Wow, I didn’t think Rarity was that loco in the coco.” said Pinkie Pie.

“Me neither.” said SpongeBob.

“Well, I guess everyone has there obsessions.” said Twilight.

“Well, let’s try to forget that ever happened. This is our real first step.” SpongeBob knocks on the door and a griffon answers the door. “Good morning sir, would you like to buy some chocolate?”

“Chocolate bars, eh?”

“Yes sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen.”

The griffon chuckles. “A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise.” The griffon points at Patrick with a bunch of chocolate bars stuffed in his pants. “No, no, no, wrong. You kids want to be good salesmen, right?”

“Oh, most certainly, sir!” replied the group.

“Well, no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these!” The griffon holds up an orange bag.

“Wow...what is it?”

“It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead. It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort. But, I'm wasting my time. You kids don't need these bags.”

“We need em’, we need em’!” pleaded SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie.

“Uh, guys? I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

Next thing Twilight knows, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie walk off with their arms full of the orange bags.
“So long kids! Happy hunting!” The griffon chuckles “Suckers.”

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie sing as they make there way to the next house.

Fancy livin’,
Here we come
La la la la laaa!

“Guys, that was a horrible idea! We’re supposed to be making bits! Not give them away!”

“Don’t worry Twilight, we just needed something to carry the merchandise easier. Let's try next door!” SpongeBob uses his foot to ring the doorbell. And the griffon from before answers.

“Yes?”

“Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“I don't recall. But it looks to me you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You kids are too smart to be without my patented candy bar bag carrying bags.” The griffon holds up two larger red bags.

“We'll take 20.”

“Guys! We’re not supposed to-”

Once again, before Twilight could get a word in edgewise SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie are carrying two big red bags.

“I’m not even gonna say anything.” said Twilight.

SpongeBob knocks on the door and Lemon Hearts answers the door.

“Hello, how can I help you?”

“We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?”

“That sounds heavenly. I’ll take one.”

“One chocolate bar coming up!” SpongeBob unzips his red bag but another orange bag comes out. He laughs nervously as he keeps trying to find the chocolate bar but only finds more orange bags. Patrick unzips his pants up and down ‘trying’ to find a chocolate bar. And Pinkie Pie tries unzipping a bag but confetti pops out. “Huh? I didn’t know I packed confetti in my bag.”

“I know they're in here somewhere...”

Twilight just looked at the three annoyed and she levitates a bag next to her and unzips it pulling out a chocolate bar. “Here you go ma’am, sorry for the inconvenience.”

“It’s no problem at all. Here you go.” Lemon Hearts gives Twilight three bits.

“Thank you for your business ma’am.”

“No problem.” Lemon Hearts heads back into her house and closes the door.

“I got it! One chocolate bar for the nice...”

Chocolate!!

“...lady”

SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight run off with Rarity chasing after them. “Chocolate!! Chocolate!! Chocolate!!”

SpongeBob, Twilight, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie are sitting in a diner going over there next course of actions.

“We're not doing so well, guys. We need a new approach, a new tactic.”

“Umm, I got it. Let's get naked!”

“No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?”

“To carry the merchandise?” Twilight said rhetorically.

“Well, there’s that…but what was the other reason?”

“He said we were mediocre.”

“That's it Patrick! He made us feel special!”

“Yeah, he did. I'm going back to buy more bags!” said Pinkie Pie running off.

“Me too!” Patrick shouted excitedly running after Pinkie Pie.

“No, wait you guys!” shouted SpongeBob and Twilight. Patrick and Pinkie Pie freeze where they are.

“Why don't we try being nice?”

“Oh, ok.” Patrick and Pinkie Pie said in unison.

“That’s actually not a bad idea SpongeBob. Let’s try it.”

A few minuets later SpongeBob, Patrick, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie are walking up to a house.

“Remember everyone, flatter the customers. Make them feel good.”

“Don’t worry SpongeBob, I already got it covered. Ready Patrick?”

“Ready Pinkie.”

Patrick knocks on the door and Noteworthy answers the door.

“Hello?”

Pinkie Pie is holding up a giant cut out heart with her and Patrick staring at him. “We love you.”

Noteworthy just stares at them and slams the door.

“Huh? What happened?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pals. Let me try.”

SpongeBob rings the doorbell and Noteworthy opens the door again, but slowly.

“Just, please, go away!”

“Uhh...ahem. H-How ya doin'?”

“How am I doing?”

“Wanna buy some chocolate?”

“We got him now!” shouted Patrick and Pinkie Pie.

“Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?” Noteworthy points at Patrick and his stomach is bubbling.

“Hehe, it tickles.”

“As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.” Noteworthy shows a picture of a fat version of himself when he was 13. “You can keep that for five bucks.”

Patrick holds up a pile of bits. “I'll take 10!”

Twilight knocks the bits out of Patrick’s hands and pushes Patrick down the road. “Keep moving lover boy! Keep moving!”
A few moments later the four are walking down the street again.

“We haven't sold one chocolate bar.”

“You do know I sold a chocolate bar to Honey Hearts right?”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Ooookay, we’ve sold one chocolate bar, but still I have a feeling we're too easily distracted.”

Patrick is watching Pinkie Pie juggle while she’s walking on her hind legs.

“Huh?”

“Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.”

“Agreed.” said Twilight.

“Say what?” asked Patrick still staring at Pinkie Pie.

“Let's shake on it.”

“Right.” SpongeBob and Twilight shake hands/hoof while Patrick had finally looked away from Pinkie Pie.

“Did you two say something?”

“Remember guys, focus.” SpongeBob knocks on the door and Sea Swirl opens the door. “Yes?”

“Good afternoon ma’am, we're selling chocolate bars.” Hypnotic music plays while Patrick and Pinkie Pie stretch there eyes back and forth on Sea Swirl like Kaa the snake.

“Why are these two staring at me?”

“Focusing.” replied Pinkie Pie and Patrick as Sea Swirl slowly retreated back into her house with Pinkie Pie and Patrick’s eyes following her.

“Back up, Jack!” She slams the door on Patrick and Pinkie's eyes. Patrick and Pinkie Pie look around her house.

“Nice place you got here!”

“Yeah, It’s super duper neato!”

A few minuets later SpongeBob, Patrick, Twilight and Pinkie Pie are walking down the street again. SpongeBob and Twilight are conversing while Pinkie Pie and Patrick are just eating there merchandise.

“I can't understand what we're doing wrong.”

“We know what to do, but we’re going about it the wrong ways.” replied Twilight.

“There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!” SpongeBob points to a giant billboard.

“'Eat Sun Chips: They’re Delicious'” read Pinkie Pie.

“They are most certainly not delicious.”

“I agree. They taste too stale.”

“Not the way I use them.” said Patrick and Pinkie Pie.

“Yet they sell millions of bags a day.”

“Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell this many.”

“That's it, Patrick. We've got to stretch the truth.”

“I don’t know SpongeBob are you su-”

“Chocolate!”

SpongeBob, Patrick, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie run off at top speed until they arrive at another house.
“We'll work as teams of two. Let me and Twilight get this customer warmed up, then you two come in for the kill.”

“The kill.” Patrick and Pinkie Pie repeat simultaneously.

SpongeBob rings the doorbell as an elderly pony answers it.

“Yes?”

“Hello, young lady.”

Patrick and Pinkie Pie chuckle.

“We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?”

“Mom!”

Her mom, who is a worm-like shaped person, comes up in a wheelchair. “What? What! What’s all that yelling?”

The four look at her in pure shock.

“You just can't wait for me to die, can you?”

“They're selling chocolate.”

“Chocolate?”

“Yeah!”

“What? What are they selling?”

“Chocolate!”

“What?”

“Chocolate!”

“I can't hear you!”

“THEY’RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!”

“They're selling chocolate?”

“YEAH!”

“Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!”

“Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating!” SpongeBob said nervously.

“It’s not?” Twilight replied confused.

“Nope! It's for—”

“You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.”

“Really Patrick?” asked Twilight.

“No, no, no...”

“Live forever, you say? I'll take one.”

The daughter smacks her forehead and she gives Twilight fifteen bits as she gives her a chocolate bar.

“Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!”

“I hate you!” She closes the door and SpongeBob jumps for joy.

“We did it guys! If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!”

“Hooray for lying!” cheered Patrick and Pinkie Pie.

“Guys no! We can’t just-”

CHOCOLATE!!

The four run off at top speed again. A few moments later the four arrive at another house.

“It'll make your hair grow.”

“Great, my wife's trying to grow a beard.” said Goldengrape.

“It'll make you sound smart!” Twilight said nervously.

“I'll take 20!” Mr. Greenhooves.

“It'll keep your face from getting any uglier!”

“Just in time.” replied a Pink Pony that looked just like Patrick.

“It’ll help you break the 4th wall!” said Pinkie Pie.

“I’m already doing that!” said Pinkie Pie’s clone.

“Oh, *giggles* right!”

“They’ll help make you fly.” said Twilight.

“You'll fall in love.” said SpongeBob.

“They'll bring world peace.” said Pinkie Pie with a rainbow in her hooves.

“You'll walk through walls.” said Patrick as Pinkie Pie actually walked through a brick wall.

“You'll rule the WORLD!” said Pinkie Pie and SpongeBob.

A few moments later SpongeBob, Patrick, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie are all bandaged up and Patrick uses two of his rumors to ring the door bell and Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and SpongeBob chuckle.

“This'll be the best lie yet!” said Pinkie Pie.

“Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate.”

“I don’t know SpongeBob, this doesn’t feel right.”

“Aw, don’t worry Twilight, we’ll apologize to the good people after we’re done.”

“I’m not sure that’s going to work the way you think it will SpongeBob.”

The door opens.

“What can I do for you kids?”

“Hello, would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.” said Pinkie Pie.

“Really? Small world.” The griffon walks out in a body cast. “What's wrong with you guys?”

By this point the whole group is in shock.

“Uhh...we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.”

“*sigh* Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms.”

SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight look sad.

“At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” the wheel under his leg breaks off. “Oh no!” he falls down the stairs and groans.

“Quick guys, let's help him.”

“Agreed!” said Twilight.

SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie carry him inside while Twilight uses her magic to lift him.

“Careful. Put him down gently.” despite SpongeBob’s words Patrick drops him anyway.

“Ow!”

Twilight gives Patrick an ‘Are you serious?’ look.

“…What?”

“You poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you...”

“Well, there is one thing. As you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high. But luckily, I'm able to keep myself alive by selling chocolate bars.” The group looks across the room and sees boxes of chocolate bars stacked on top of more chocolate bars. The four take the boxes and head outside while the crippled griffon looks out the window at SpongeBob, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Patrick walking off. “Such nice kids. It does my heart good...” he unzips his cast showing that he is the griffon from before. “...to con a couple of class-A suckeroonies like those guys! Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

With the others, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie are carrying there boxes while Twilight is levitating her boxes with magic.

“Don't get me wrong, guys. It's great that we helped that guy out but there's no one else in town to sell chocolate bars to.”

SpongeBob falls backward and the box he was carrying falls on his face. “Let's face it guys, we're failures.”

“I can live with that.” Patrick puts his box on top of SpongeBob's then sits on it.

Pinkie Pie places her boxes down and sits next to Patrick. “Me too.”

Twilight places her boxes down gently and stands next to SpongeBob. “Don’t say that SpongeBob, we can still do it.”
“Oh yeah? How? We’d need a miracle to-”

Rarity appears behind SpongeBob. “Chocolate!!” her shout is so powerful she knocks the entire group across the path.

“No! Please don't hurt us! No please have mercy!” pleaded SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie pleaded hugging each other.

“Okay Rarity, let’s just calm down, let’s just calm-”

Finnaly! I've been trying to catch you guys all day! Now that I've got you right where I want you...” Rarity’s calm and collective nature returns and she pulls up a wagon full of gems. “...I'd like to buy all of your chocolate.” SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie drop all their chocolate they have. Chocolate falls out of Pinkie Pie’s hair and a Hershey Kiss falls out of Patrick's shorts. SpongeBob, Patrick, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie melt into puddles of there respective colors.

“Thank you for your patronage Rarity.”

A few minuets later Patrick and Twilight are pushing the wagon while SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie are riding inside the wagon with the gems.

“Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?”

SpongeBob pops up from under the gems in the wheelbarrow. “Not yet, pally. First we got to spend all the money.”

“But what are we gonna spend it on?” Patrick’s question makes SpongeBob and Twilight to start thinking.

-Five hours later-

Squidward walks up to the waiter all dressed up. “Good evening, sir. Table for one please.”

“Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to two private parties.”

“But it's my only night to be fancy. Who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?”

"Oh, just four rich entrepreneurs and their dates."

Inside the restaurant SpongeBob, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy are sitting at a table, while Pinkie Pie and Patrick are sitting at a table for two people and are sharing a milkshake.

"It's really nice that you guys invited us to The Diner. I heard this place was nice, I'm glad we got to try it."

“No problem Fluttershy, I think this idea went pretty well.” said Twilight. “It had a rough start, but I guess the end result is good enough.”

“I just wish you guys had told us about your chocolate idea, we would’ve helped!” said Rainbow Dash.

“The idea was sorta last minuet, but we made it work right SpongeBob?”

“Yup! And I think Patrick is enjoying it too.”

They turn to Patrick and Pinkie who are just drinking there milkshake staring at eachother.

Author's Note:

This episode was requested by chaos2012, Break V, lol2424242424. Please enjoy and I’ll see you all next request.