An Apple a Day
6 hours for the bleeding to finally stop. 19 hours until the bandages would be changed. 49 hours until they estimated she would wake up. 12 days until she would be allowed to leave the hospital. 9 weeks until her wings have healed and pinion feathers will begin to grow. 2-3 years until she will be able to fly again.
But during those 2-3 years will be myriad of medicines, solutions, herbs, counseling, training, and pressure. There was no doubt that Fluttershy was going to survive the ordeal she had been forced to endure, but who knows what she will be like when she awakens. Just the shock of what has happened to her could very well break her mind. And what then? What good is a healthy body if it's mind is shattered?
Rainbow sighed, her breath long and labored as she looked down on the young buttercup pegasus. She couldn't help the tears that flowed down her cheeks. The sadness and agony racked her body, causing her to nearly fall out of her chair. She sat bent over, gripping her aching stomach in an effort to stop the pain. The vile sickness. The guilt.
Fluttershy had been there for Rainbow for her entire life. Her real life. The one that truly mattered. Fluttershy had comforted her. Given her friendship and companionship. And now, when it truly mattered, Rainbow had failed her. Dooming her to the most viscous pain a pegasus could feel. Having their wings taken away from them.
And what of the filly that looked up to her, not just as a sister, but practically a mother. A teacher. A confidant. A friend. And now, who knows what horrifying punishment she has had to experience. She could even still be going through whatever awful trial that that bitch Twilight is putting her through. Scoots must be terrified. Trapped alone somewhere. The filly was terrified of being alone in the dark.
The crime was unforgivable. Twilight for taking them, and Rainbow for failing to do the one thing she had promised. To protect. To shield. To sacrifice her life for her family. She would have gladly taken the punishment if it meant that Fluttershy would have been unharmed. She would have her precious wings taken from her a thousand times if Scootaloo would be safe in her bed tonight.
She was supposed to be her families protector. Such a simple task, one that her own blood had failed to do so. She had sworn to never let something like that to happen to another pony, and look now. How miserable. How pathetic. How useless could Rainbow have been?
Rainbow wiped at her wet cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy due to her constant crying. She had watched over in-case Twilight attacked while she met with Celestia and Luna. Low and behold, her caution had proven fruitful when the devious creature turned on her teacher once she had turned her back. It hadn't taken much to subdue the mare once again.
After that, she left to be by Fluttershy's side. She couldn't bear to leave the young pegasus alone. And yet, despite her efforts to convince herself otherwise, she was racked with guilt. She knew that her actions had put Fluttershy where she was.
She was so stupid. How could she agree to such a thing. Luna had taught her better than this. She had been raised to look at problems with tact and patience. Instead, she blatantly ignored Luna's teaching, charging head forest into the action without thinking. I doing so, she received a knife to the shoulder, Fluttershy's wings were plucked, and Scootaloo was gone. What an idiot.
'But it wasn't your fault.' She conscience reasoned. 'It was Shining Armor. It was his plan. You weren't well. He took advantage of your weakness and used it in his favor. To feed his selfish plan. He doesn't want justice. The idiot bastard wants his sister back. He is weak. He can't see that she is a lost cause. She is pure evil, no way she can be cured.
Her tears stopped. Now, instead of sadness and grief, she felt it. That mighty rage that shook her whole body. She whipped away her tears, a sudden sense of calm coming over her. A laugh escaped her lips before she could even think to do so.
They are so blind. Luna, Celestia, Shining Armor. They can't see how far from gone the mare is. They only see the innocent filly that Twilight used to be, not the monster that she has become. They refused to act before ponies really got hurt, and because of their negligence Fluttershy was nearly killed and Scootaloo was taken.
The laugh came again, stronger this time. She realized how much she enjoyed the action. It pleased her the more and more it came, filling her with anger and causing her smile to grow large. 'Yes. You see now. You are the only one who sees clearly.' The voice was pounding in her head now, laughing along with her. A laugh full of madness and hate.
'Only you can see clearly now. Not that imbecile Shining Armor, or those nags of princesses that you have sworn your life to. You can save them now. You can save them all. Go. Do it. Find her and punish her for what she has done.'
'you know what you must do to end it.'
Rainbow stood, her body stiff and rigged. Her eye were wide as a sickening smile spread across her face. It was a smile full of madness and anger and hate. It was hideous and terrifying, but to Rainbow is was something different. It was power and it was truth.
After all, the voice inside of her could never lie.
The metal door creaked open with a loud groan, awakening the rooms occupants from their sleep, stupor, or thoughts. After a moment, Noteworthy entered the boundary. Almost as soon as had crossed the threshold, he stumbled to the ground.
The occupants, Celestia, Luna, and a small army of royal guards, all looked to the stallion as he fell. Several more medically trained guards ran to Noteworthy's side, while Luna and her sister followed behind. The stallion looked as if he had run the Running of the Leaves. Sweat coated his mane and his eyes drooped in exhaustion. He dabbed his forehead with a small rag that had rested in his coat jacket.
“Doctor? All you alright?” Celestia called softly. The stallion raised his head to meet her eyes. While his body may have been exhausted, his eyes were alive with energy and excitement.
“Princesses.” He gasped, seemingly out of breath. “Twilight Sparkle. She... She's amazing.” The party in front of the stallion gave him odd looks. It was common rumor that the doctor was a little out of it sometimes, but this...
“Doctor?” Luna echoed her sister. “What did you find?” Her voice had a measure of calm, as she herself was excited by the doctor's reaction. He most have found something worth knowing if he had been this excited.
He had every reason to be. 16 years ago, he was the last pony that Twilight Sparkle had been sent to before the Princesses had taken her under their wings. As he did with every challenge, he had slaved away to find a way to help the young filly before she could bring anymore harm to herself or the ponies around her.
Needless to say, he was destroyed when Twilight had been “killed” in the explosion all those years ago. He had failed the challenge that he had so gleefully accepted. It had crushed him that he had failed his task, even driving him to the point of personally apologizing to Twilight's parents for is failure. He took his work and made it a part of himself, and failure was never an option for him.
Now that Twilight was standing in front of him, he felt a drive like he had never experienced before. A drive to make-up for his past failure, and do what he can to help her.
He had entered he room hours ago, accompanied by two assistants and had since gone silent. None of the ponies who had entered left the room until Noteworthy himself finally left. The two assistants, a doctor and nurse, both also exited the room in a similar fashion to him.
The moment they had each entered the room, Twilight's black eyes were upon them. This was by no means the same filly that Noteworthy had known. Those eyes followed him everywhere he went, his assistants included. If he even turned to look at her, she would always be there looking back with her black eyes and painfully wide smile. Of course, it didn't help that she ominously clicked her teeth at them every time they looked away. As if to remind them that she was still there.
Never the less, it was still a creepy feeling to constantly feel those eyes upon them and that terrible clicking that sounded as if it was just an inch from their ears.
For hours they worked, trying to avoid the cryptic gaze that followed them, but they could never escape it. It wore them down, always made them feel uneasy and they could never rest under Twilight's dark gaze. The constant scrutiny always set them on edge, causing the room to feel as if it closing in on them. None of the ponies complained once they had finally left the room, finally escaping the twisted gaze of the mare.
“I can't explain her... condition, with any other word than impossible.” Noteworthy gasped. A wild smile across his face. “Everything about Twilight Sparkle is impossible. Her body, her mind, her magic EVERYTHING.” He shouted, with a maniacal laugh. The sisters were taken aback. They had never seen him so excited.
A golden hoof rested on his shoulder. “Slow down, Noteworthy. Your going to have an attack if you go on like this.” Celestia said, gently. The stallion was practically bouncing off the walls. He shrugged off the hoof, shooing away a guard who was looking him over.
“No no. No time. I just need a cup of coffee. Please, you have to let me explain.” He practically begged the princess. This time Luna approached him. “No. You need to sit and rest. Take a few deep breaths Doctor.” Luna motioned outside the waiting room with one hoof, her voice demanding.
Though he was an energetic stallion and would normally argue the point, he realized that there would be no arguing with the Princess. Gratefully, he accepted the hoof offered by a guard and slowly made his way to his hooves.
It was some time later when the alicorns sat with the older unicorn. A cup of coffee and a glass of later lay in front of him, both having been barely touched. He seemed more relieved that he was sitting peacefully then anything else.
“Princesses.” He addressed the sister after a long silence. “Pardon me earlier irreverence. My excitement to learn seemed to have overcome my mannerisms.” Celestia simply waved her hoof in response.
“However.” Noteworthy continued, nodding his head in thanks to the Sun Princess. “I cannot in any other way describe that young mare, but with the term impossible. Nothing about her seems to make sense. Her physical, mental, and magical abilities are far beyond that of anypony I have seen, save for you alicorns yourself.”
Moments ago they were interested, but now the princesses were infatuated with what the stallion had to say. Could he be implying that she was as powerful as an alicorn? Surely it would be impossible. Wouldn't it?
“Go on Noteworthy. What is it?” Luna chided him, pressuring the doctor to continue.
The middle aged stallion took a deep breath. “During the last few hours, we examined almost every square inch of Twilight Sparkle, obviously while keeping away from areas respectively. In doing so we have discovered several things that contradict everything about the young mare.”
The door to the small room opened, followed by a mare carrying several documents and papers. Noteworthy took them, giving his thanks and turned back to the alicorns as the mare left. He lifted the top document, opening it to the first page.
“After you explained to me what she had done and what she was capable of, I decided to look into the physical as well her mental and magical physique. In doing so, we discovered several discrepancies that completely defies all logic with a unicorn.” He turned the document, showing the sisters a basic sketch of a unicorn body, both inside and out.
He pointed with his hoof, running it along several muscles and ligaments in the diagram. “Here is a base average of a unicorns body type. Smaller muscles and ligaments, as well as generally smaller body types. Our organs relies more on our magic, as well as our basic bodily functions. Basically, magic fuels a unicorns body, while Pegasi and Earth Ponies use their own physical strength.”
“What makes this interesting, is that Twilight however, has no magic fueling her system. I ran several tests and found no magical residue in her veins or organs. This means either two things: Either all the magic that her body borrows is used up completely, something I have never witnessed might I add, or her bodily functions are running completely independently and relies on pure muscle energy in it's entirety.”
Luna and Celestia stared intently at the doctor, surprised but waiting for him to go on.
“Seeing this, I thought, “Maybe she just doesn't have enough magic to run her system. Or possibly her magic is just to weak.” But after further investigation, I once again found myself to be incorrect.”
“It took me and my assistants several tries, but we finally got an idea for her magical abilities.” He begins to dig through the papers, searching for one folder in particular. Pulling it from the stack he opens it, squinting at the information within.
“As you know, the average magical strength of a unicorn is 35,000 ohm, while more experienced and gifted unicorn average out at around 125,000. After our first successful scan of Twilight's horn we estimated that her magical capacity is somewhere between 950,000- 1.3 million ohm. An off the charts record.”
“The reason we took so long to get an accurate reading is because her magic was too powerful for normal scanning materials. We had to use specialized rods which were made for testing mages abilities before we even got the barest hint of a number. After that, it took sometime before we got an idea of her power range. We still don't know an exact number, and there is the possibility that it could be even higher than that.”
“But that's not all.” He returned the folder to the pile, pulling out yet another in it's place. “Going back to Twilight's physique, we discovered something rather grim.” He slid the file across the table towards Luna. It contained graphical displays of injuries all across Twilight's body. “As a pony is wounded, scar tissue takes the place of skin, usually just below skin level, which a new thinner layer of kin grows over. A normal pony has somewhere between 8-12% of their surface skin in scar tissue by the end of their life.”
“After careful inspection, we found that Twilight's body surface, we estimate that her body surface is made of 37% scar tissue along with her skin. Over 3 times the average amount seen in normal ponies.”
“Twilight is anything but normal.” Luna mumbled, her expression grim and tight. “She has definitely seen battle throughout her life. You don't get these kinds of wounds from tripping in the kitchen.”
“However, there is something that concerns me. A certain set of scars to be exact. One of my assistants, Ms Dusk, noticed some shading behind her mane. It took some time, as we didn't wish to shave her mane, but we got a rough sketch of what scarring.” He nodded for Luna to turn the page on the file.
On the next sheet was a much large drawing detailing a section of scars behind her mane, on the lower part of her neck. It was a crude carving, obviously intentional and done with expert craftsmare-ship. It was no quick job nor a battle wound. In fact, the distancing made it so that Twilight could have easily done the job herself.
It was no random set of cuts either. They were cut to form a rune shape, but Luna could not put her hoof on what kind it was. Celestia however, after taking a glance, knew precisely what the painful scars were.
“Those. I know what those are. Luna don't you remember, the library in the Crystal Kingdom all those years ago?”
Suddenly, the night Princess picked her head up. “Yes, now that you say it, I do. It's true name was lost, but it had a different one. The Scarlet Promise.”
“Yes. A Blood Oath.” Celestia continued. “That kind of marking can only be made with two ponies. They each must agree to form the bond, and then must carve the signal into each other. The ponies them make an agreement before mixing their blood together and sealing it with a sign of promise. The most common was a kiss.”
“Yes, each pony then had 1 hour each. They could tell the other any secret they could think of. After that hour was up, neither of them could speak the words they heard to another pony unless given permission. It was a way for two ponies to reveal themselves t one another fully, without worrying about the other telling their secrets. But magic like that hasn't been seen in centuries. She couldn't have just found that in a common library book.”
Celestia spoke once more. “We would be wasting out time trying to find where she found such a spell. I wager you, however, that we know the other pony with a set of matching scars. She is sitting in the room just down the hall.”
Luna knew the pony well. Octavia seemed very adamant that she couldn't tell them certain things. Now they knew exactly why.
“Well, our journey into the horrors of Twilight are not yet finished. Among the outer injuries, she has suffered dozens of inner lacerations, broken bones, fractured bones, and organ ruptures. Upon further investigation, we found that several of her organs, her stomach and digestive tracks, were severally reduced in size.”
“This only happens in two cases, either from a certain disease which she does not have or from prolonged starvation or periods without food or water. She shows signs of increased food and water intake as early as three weeks earlier, but the damage has permanently shrunk lower bowls. It may not kill her, but extended periods of movement must cause serious pain and discomfort.”
“There is one final point to all of this, however. While in it's entirety the injuries and sufferings I just listed are enough to kill dozens of ponies, there is one thing that had gone un-checked. Her body itself.”
“Twilight falls three inches short of the average height for mares in Equestria. This, coupled with her magical abilities and her sever injuries means that she should not have survived alone for 16 years. Hell, even with help it would have been nearly impossible to live. It's no wonder she was blowing holes in schools as a filly, her body is too small to handle the magic she holds. Every time she used a large amount of magic, her body would HAVE to shut down and rest or else she could have a heart attack or her organs could just shut down on the spot.”
“The points I have given all go to show that, in essence, it is almost nearly impossible for Twilight to be standing in front of us today, and yet there she is. The possibilities lie in the thousandths-of-a-percent, but she overcame them. I don't know how, but that mare has had a will to survive so strong that she literally fought off death.”
The room lapsed into silence. No pony spoke as Noteworthy collapsed back into his chair. They all sat stunned as they each took in the news, Noteworthy included. It had deems impossible when he read it, but now that he said it out loud, the gravity of the situation hit him like an angry minotaur.
Luna massaged her temples with both hooves. This was so much to take in. Twilight had walked into Tartarus and crawled back out stronger then ever. She was easily the strongest mortal pony ever born. And yet, she sat in a room a few doors down with that sick smile on her face
Luna rose from her chair. She didn't like it, but she knew what she was going to do next. Celestia knew it as-well. Everypony should get to tell their story before they die. And Luna wanted to hear what the sick mare would tell them, either before she died herself or The Sisters had to act.
Sometimes, you have to put the sick dog down.
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its. Or you could say "if it's mind shattered."
tracts
You could go with Thaums. That's pretty classic.
it would be interesting to see rainbow kill her before the sisters arrive and either they see her standing over the body or get there afterwords
a watt is the SI unit for power, perhaps this would fit better that the ohm which is the SI unit for resistance.
Mnemon: A theoretical fundamental unit of memory.
I feel lie since magic requires knowledge (or something similar), this term would be perfectly suited to the 'magical output' of unicorns/alicorns.
mlp.bartstuff.eu/mlp-tvictory.png
AMAI: Average Magical Acceleration Index
This would fast a unicorn can use magic ( like 200 over 4 seconds would 50 AMAI.) I'm pretty sure those numbers are wrong but meh
AAMD: Average Ambient Magical Discharge
This is how much magic a unicorn is putting off when thier not casting a spell ( higher AAMD= more power)
M: Magica
This would be the actual unit for magic usually just called M
Alright I'm done giving random suggestions that may or may not have anything to do with what you asked
Thaum was used as a unit of magical measurement in the "Discworld novels". There is quite a few to use like mana and such, but Thaum I think suits it best. Just my input.
More more please
I've heard other stories use 'Thaum' as a unit of magical measurement. Use that instead?
A somewhat common unit to measure magic in fantasy books seems to be the "thaum", in that form as well as others such as the adjective "thaumic" and SI-like constructions such as "kilothaum" and "millithaum".
I like Thaums as well, or you could use the Latin term 'vis', meaning "of force". Kinda fits.
You know I have seen and read situations like these, mainly concerning Rainbow Dash. Now this is just a theory but I think Twilight planed this out, knowing Rainbow Dash would be angry and vengeful after what happened to Fluttershy, she would go and try to kill Twilight herself, which would most likely give Twilight the exact opportunity to escaped and possible inflict even more pain on the Pegasus. Again just a theory but if Twilight came up with an escape plan that would be to me the best scenario.
Anyhow really enjoying this story and just the dark setting of it. Really am looking forward to the next chapter.
I always thought ohm fit nicely with the idea of magic. The best way to see how strong someone is is to make them push against a weight, or in other words add a resistance until they can no longer overcome it. I imagine them using magic resistant materials until the magic is contained and the metric for said materialsnwas ohm.
uh oh... and they said the Dark Magic 'left' Rainbow Dash...
Joule, watt, Horsepower
4375074 death rides a big black horse with flames for eyes and rides around wearing his cloak and he named his horse
binky
I heard that martial artists deliberately develop a smaller digestive track which , combined with their diet, allows them to gain nutrients faster. Don't take my word for it, though.
You know how the first time you read something everything catches your eye? I saw a typo that would slip through a spell checker.
and some sentences that might roll better of the tongue with just one word difference.
For this one I would ask your advice:
I'm trying to write myself and thought that this sentence should be "Fluttershy had been there for Rainbow her entire life." I'm not a native English speaker so I'm asking you if the second "for", which is technically correct, would be used here in the spoken form.
Great chapter. "Ohm" is technically correct but most people can't think of science and magic as related so I think I'll add my unofficial vote to thaum, pocus, or the "SS"" (after it's namer Star Swirl, like Volt and Watt). Joules would also be technically correct.
4375804
No wait, it's even better because it can defy magic. Oh, and it's apparently a natural element of the world so anyone who uses it is "misunderstood". But the best part is that it sends out subliminal messages so that anyone "good" will never seek a way to counter it.
As soon as the word "dark" is used then it can do anything. It's magic!
I had a player in my group who wanted me to let him have "dark" powers. I then pointed out that if it was that easy to gain power in my story then what is keeping all the bad guys from doing the same?
Personally, I think it's the "fear of the unknown" that we all posses. If we are the things that others are afraid of, then we are safe.
4376533
BINKY!!!!!
That's from Mort, if I'm not correct.
4376793
heh, i prefer to be in the Pilgrims of Dark covenant. unlimited Bonfire Ascetics and the Emperor serving me...
anyway, i was referring to Rainbow Dash's previous possession wherein Celestia et. al. couldn't find a trace of the dark magic affecting her (i believe it was Dementis)...
You could use Chi, or Joules as someone suggested - it being a measure of energy already.
Thaums sounds pretty good to me as well.
4376942
Corruption is like the Spanish Inquisition. No one expects corruption, not even if you have seen it thousands of times before. It's probably hidden in the dark so you can't see the black thingy unless you look for glowing eyes, mood swings, or do an aura reading, etc.
Sorry, pet peeve of mine.
There's always only one side that has brains, and the other will never think about countering them.
Also, I joined the Gravelord Covenant at lv 3. All you have to do is keep running and you get that Gravelord Sword for free. Only died 2 times, and one was mandatory to open the secret door.
4377009
it's a known trope. it annoys people with a sense of preparedness...
4377042
Tell me if you heard this one before:
"Sir, the prisoner escaped!"
"What? Didn't you block all the exits?" answers the warden.
"Yes," they reply. "We suspect she escaped through one of the entrances instead."
You can measure a character's worth by their opponents.
4377063
yup, i only find that amusing for some time before it gets old or is overused in the same story...
so, what do you think of stories like The Prestige? the story of Death Note up til L gets replaced?
How about Gauss for a unit? It is used too mesure the strength ob magnetic fields, an alternative would be Tesla, wich gives Moore impressive results ( 1 Gauss equals 10.000 Tesla).
Awsome story by the way.
Greetings Form germany, 3ee
4377170
Thanks for the recommendation, and good afternoon to you.
4377222
Hanks, and no problem.
So it seems like twilight is the villain of the story
And it looks like my hope of her being redeemed was doomed
4377282
What gave it away? Was it when she tore Fluttershy's wins off?
Even still, why now did you think that? She wasn't really even in this chapter. Really, I would expect people to feel sorry for her.
4377286
The last sentence clinched it
4377289
stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3508160/fair-enough-o.gif
4375063 this is probably my favorite, I like the measurements like AMAI and such. Mix this with Sciguy's suggestion (kilothaum, millithaum) and I think you've got a pretty good measurement system for magic. just my opinion.
Well you did said magic output so why not M.op. or mop... sounds strange but most abbreviations sound funny anyway...
To me ohm is a unit of electrical resistance and always will be so it seems just kind of off to me. As in I feel I know know how much loss I would have running an electrical current through a unicorn. I would suggest perhaps an actual unit of work, energy, or force. If you want to be a little obscure maybe look up erg or dyne as measuring units with kind of awesome names.
4377857
Thanks bro. Hope you find more that you like.
In
Close the single quotes.
Why is this not capitalized?
his
than
ponies
Pick one to be plural, not both.
"too"
Lose both the closing quotes. The first one is premature and the second is not needed since the doctor continues speaking in the next paragraph.
Why did you use a measure for electrical resistance? I see "thaum" used a lot for magical ability.
No closing quote.
No closing quote.
skin
Awkward addition, but it is dialog so you can keep it.
to
"bowls" or "bowels"?
None of those closing quotes are needed.
What? Word change maybe.
than
Sentence needs a period.
When choosing a unit of measure, I suggest not using one based on someone's name. Examples are Gauss, Tesla, Joule, and Newton.
I writings suggest something like thaums for magic levels. "Thaum" is already a prefix meaning magic, so that helps, and it has a similar sound to ohm. The only issue I might see is that there is a fairly popular fantasy series that uses it as a measure of heat, so since people might confuse the two.
4377113
Oh, I enjoyed those. If you want some easy and free recommendations then I could point you to a few favorite webcomics of mine. One is "Dominic Deegan, Oracle for Hire." is premised on "what does an Oracle do when he's not giving vague hints to the heroes?" Someone who can see the future vs people who don't care if you figure out their plans because they can build around that or are just that powerful.
He's snarky, sarcastic, and actually loses a few times. The art in the beginning is sub-par but the author gets better.
Some people don't like the strip, but the fact that he could quit his day job and live of donations should tell you something.
My favorite author would be Terry Pratchet opf the Discworld series. The entire series is freaking hilarious and his world is so genre-savvy that it actually makes sense.
Example: The ruler of the most grand city on the world is an assassin. His family motto is "Don't fix what isn't broken."
He legalized crime so now the police can't catch criminals anymore because he figured "organized crime will always be there so why fight it?". On the other hand, if new criminals try to get a foothold in the city then he just alerts the locals that someone is intruding on their domain and the problem fixes itself.
The crime leaders who do not wish to accept his rule found a hand written letter next to them when they woke up informing them that this could easily have been a knife in their chest and that he is not afraid to fight dirty. Perhaps they would like to play nice now?
In fact, you can even visit the local thieves' guild and buy insurance against them: they calculate how much you would lose to them based on your income, life style, house security, etc, and then you just pay upfront. For one year you do not have to fear having your evening ruined by muggers, or find your lock broken.
4377286
Again, apologies once more for my behavior. I really am liking your story, and I realize it's probably more a personal issue of me hating that I can't get some decent writing done myself.
Your story evokes a dark atmosphere of " rulers facing a threat greater then any they have encountered in centuries. That's what it's about, and how hard it is for them to maintain their morals when faced with an immoral monster who is actually a tragic victim herself.
4378578
That about sums it up. Why the apology though? You know I love your comments.
4378608
I kind of feel bad for nitpicking on your characters and insulting their intelligence while they are simply adhering to tropes. You know that I would kill Twilight right now and not give her the time to escape, meanwhile unknowingly bypassing Rainbow's rage driven corruption, and then mind-rape Twi's preserved brain for Scootaloo's location.
This would also preempt any surprises that she may have stored in Holding runes on her body, or stuffed up in her not searched body cavities.
Again, I am used to D&D where I would tattoo my body with contingency spells. In invisible ink. Under the skin of my hair, and applied on my bones. Not even mentioning the clone I grew in a vat that will receive my soul if I die, and that I am actually under the effect of a Soul Jar spell. The body you see for you is just my latest.
Magic is OP, 'nuff said.
4378671
Please, nitpick to your hearts content. I'm always up for an discussion.
Man alive, you really do love D&D. You must be a nightmare to play with
4378693
On the contrary. Being magical Superman means nothing in the grand scale of things for who cares if you can resurrect yourself after the demons slaughtered the castle? Your side still lost. Casting any spell means that you can be detected so I'm always looking for non-magical means of power.
In truth, I always play a weak Trixie like character. I'd rather find new exciting ways to use a weak spell then just find an epic power. I often say "Nothing in a game is real, except for what you experience from it." Thus, I simply aim to have fun and challenge my brain.
Only read this part if you can stand rants: A side effect is that I can't stand how people belittle the advantage Unicorns have over Earth ponies. Earth ponies always remind me of disabled people who must accept that everyone and every machine can do anything they can. Yes, it drives us to become inventive or develop a strong will but I never met a handicapped person who would not give almost to have what most take for granted. How many Earth pony OC's do you know?
4378760
That is an odd question, but a rather good one. Truthfully, I can't actually name any off the top of my head. I know of a few, but none of them are coming to mind. Guess it just goes to show.
4378773
Yeah, I guess. I once read that "the easiest way for a sad person to feel happy is to push someone else down".
Again, I know that I am being hard on your story. I am delighted to see creativity in magic for once. Instead of just Twi using a new spell, she combines lesser skills.
Apparently your story is capable of evoking enough emotion that I want to reach in and save your Equestria.
Step 2 in my master plan would be to create a fetish / voodoo doll with that demon to track down who put it in Twi and then purify them. I got the entirety of nature behind me, so I guess that will work out.
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First paragragh: Oh, that awesome. I'm glad you feel so strongl for the chracters.
Second Paragragh: fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/267/9/a/batman___dafuq__by_foooxft-d5fqu0q.jpg
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Uhm, it's like a spiritual compass. If you have something that belongs to a person then you can track them down. Dementis is created by whatever dark force is behind all of this so that works.
It could also function as a voodoo doll, allowing one to affect that dark force from a distance or even in a different plane of existence.
Basically, picture all the things that the bad guys do, but now used by me on them. After all, they're not the only one who can steal ideas and "corrupt" them.
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Okay, now that you explain it, it makes more sense. I didn't quite understand your meaning when you said, "fetish."
Kinda changed the whole context for me, lol.
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Fetish means "focal point of emotions" and is the correct term for magical foci. Unfortunately the word has gained another meaning in modern times.
This entry in the monster manual opened my eyes: The Justice Archon.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98693.jpg
It's like a "Summon Demon" spell for Good aligned characters. Just like the demon that it technically is, it will demand a price for its services. Now, there is one thing that you must keep in mind when bargaining for a price, no matter what creature you summon: What does it desire and what can you offer?
What does a Justice Archon want? To smite evil of course. If you summon it for a justified cause then it demands only half the regular price. If you summon it to fight a Devil then it fights for free.
Think about it: Evil always ends up backstabbing its users but Good actually supports them and will forge long lasting alliances.
Anything Evil can do, Good can do better.
Okay, people, I've read the first five chapters of this story, and before I go on, I have to ask this: Does this story get better?
The plot seems interesting enough, but the best word I can think of to describe the writing is "amateurish." It's not painfully bad or anything (or bad enough for me to downvote it), but it's not good enough for me to really enjoy reading this.
But I know that writers often get better as they go on, so I have some hope that more recent chapters will be quite good. But I don't really want to read 100k words just to find out when I can ask everyone around here instead. So tell me, readers, does the writing here get better at some point?