Follow the story of police sergeant Derreck Callahan as he embarks on his everyday life in Brooklyn and tries to make ends meet.
Rated teen for swearing and some violent scenes
And for the record I had help from a good friend who willingly helped proof read my story and helped me edit it because I'm just a big dumb redneck, anyway if you liked the story be sure to give thanks to Nekosama321
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You need a better editor.
Your editor literally let a huge mistake pass by, not changing the word "Hand" to "Hoof"
Is this even about ponies?
1766554 uh yeah why is it not right or something... god I need another drink
1766592
It's probably because it's hard to see this as actually pony related. You tossed some pony words here and there and added Blueblood apparently, but for the most part, its not MLP.
Also, wrong character tag dude. The blue one is for Original Characters, not the green one.
Wow......can't believe I let that slip.......AAH WELL!! Mistakes will always be made
~The Editor
1766592GOOD STORY SO FAR!! I know that I told you this already, but what I didn't read was great!
Well I reckon I should probably finsish this book... and I shall write more pony like things... god I need another drink
A tip to help get started: Remember that Equestria and Earth are not the same when it comes to psychology and technology due to both the presence of magic and the lower amount of nations.
A perfect example would be weaponry: They could have gun powder, as fireworks are seen in the show on multiple occassions, but they have yet to actually use the substance as a component of weaponry.Also, unless one is a unicorn, using even a small firearm would be difficult, if not outright harmful. They would have to hold it in their hooves, which would put them at risk of losing their balance when falling, or in their mouth, which would likely cause injury to the teeth and jaw due to the recoil. Due to those factors, a handgun just seems out of place in Equestria. I would probably go with a blowgun for an Earth or Pegasus pony, or a crossbow, atlatl, or just plain magic for a unicorn
1769410 awe come on man, the improbablity is what makes it awsome, I mean take Expendables 2 for example, Swcharzenegger who is 64 years old rips the door of a smartcar, that's completly unrealistic, trust me I tried it and the door just bends and warps, but it makes for a good story, but thanks for the tips I'll try and refrain from being too unrealistic