The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan

by Trigger_Finger

The Rats

Callahan opened his door and the door hinges squeaked as the door swung open. Callahan flicked on the light switch and cockroaches scurried about in all different directions. “Run” Callahan chuckled in a squeaky voice, trying to imitate the squeaks of cockroaches. Callahan took off his trench coat and hat and placed them on the coat rack by the door.

As he entered the ransacked home he kicked the door shut behind him and lit another cigarette. The floorboards creaked underneath his weight, a fine sign that this place was decaying every day. Callahan trotted over to the stove where a can of grease was set on the stove, as he inhaled on his cigarette he let out a chuckle of triumph, “gotcha” he muttered and picked up the can of grease. Every day before he left he would set a can of grease on the stove, the cockroaches would become invigorated by the smell of grease and crawl into the can but after they crawled into the grease they couldn’t crawl out and simply drowned.

Callahan walked over to the balcony doors and proceeded onto his balcony. He leaned over the edge of the balcony and peered to the floors below and then to the alleyway. “Where’s that fucking cat” he mumbled to himself as he looked for his unfortunate victim. He let out a snicker as he saw a white Persian cat prance along with a little bit of a limp in its walk. It approached its climbing post which it used to climb the wall of the building. Callahan smirked as he dumped the grease can’s contents downwards. Grease, along with dead cockroaches, splashed all over the once clean Persian and it let out a hiss of discomfort as it tried to shake the grease and dead cockroaches off its fur.

Callahan chuckled in victory, “stupid cat” he muttered and went back inside, closing the glass balcony door behind him. He
set the can on the stove and began to wash his hands, then splashed warm water on his face. He put the remainder of his cigarette into a nearby ash tray and walked over to his refrigerator, which was humming violently. He gave the fridge a quick boot and it stopped humming so loudly and Callahan let out a tired sigh as he opened the fridge.

Inside the fridge was a box of cold pizza that Callahan had bought 2 weeks ago, he opened the box and pulled out a slice of stale cold pizza. He looked at the pizza in disgust, ‘it’s probably chewy and gross’ He thought to himself as shuffled across the floor and then a pony began banging on the floor below him.

“Keep it down up there some of us are trying to sleep” yelled a cranky old mare. Callahan sighed in irritation and the old mare banged on the floor again “I heard that you disgraceful little shit, don’t make me call the police on you” she threatened and Callahan simply shook his head in humor.

Callahan opened up one of his cupboards and pulled out 2 Chinese ornament saucers, they were so small they had no practical use for a pony to use at a dinner table. Callahan set the 2 tiny saucers on the table and once again opened his fridge but this time he pulled out some cream mixture and premium salted crackers, closing the fridge door behind him he preceded back to the table.

He set 4 crackers on one saucer and poured the cream into the other then set the cream and crackers on the table. Callahan set his pizza down and out of the corner of his eye he spotted a rat peek its head out from a hole in the wall. The rat scurried across the floor and crawled up the table leg and onto the top of the table itself, the rat was quite large, from nose to tail it was probably 8 inches long and was plump. The rat approached the food but Callahan tapped it on the nose, “hey, don’t touch that” he ordered gruffly and the rat looked to him in discomfort. “You damn well know why I did that” Callahan scolded the rat, the rat stood on its hind legs and squeaked, “don’t use that attitude with me young man, you know we say grace first” Callahan scolded the rat, being alone from most ponies and living solitary meant Callahan had the time to learn to understand this rat.

The rat crossed its front legs and gave out a cheeky squeak, “hey, I may not have the best life but you sure as hell do… now say grace god dammit” Callahan scolded, the rat leaned back down and extended its front legs towards Callahan, Callahan touched his front hooves against the mouse’s tiny legs. “Dear Celestia” Callahan began, the rat squeaked in perfect chorus “we are grateful for you providing us with sun and life, to grow our foods and live amongst each other peacefully and freely, one day may we all live in piece Amen” Callahan prayed and the rat squeaked in chorus.

“Alright you can eat now” Callahan told the rat, who hastily started mowing down on the crackers.

* * *

When Callahan first moved into the apartment room it was pretty much the same as it was now, a dump and that’s putting it nicely. Amongst the cockroach and lice infested home Callahan somehow managed to live. Withing a week of living in the home he saw a fairly large rat and attempted to kill it, like he had the other pests in the home. The rat would constantly take his food and ruin his cigarette packs. After 3 months of endlessly trying to kill the rat he baited the rat by buying high quality dairy cream and placing a small Chinese ornament saucer filled with the cream, the same ornament saucer and cream he fed his rat to this day.

The rat fell for the trap and came out of hiding to taste the cream. Callahan lept on the rat and caught it in his hooves, but as he brought out a knife to end the rats life he saw something in its eyes, he wasn’t sure what it was but he couldn’t bring himself to kill the rat. So he let the rat go freely and it scurried away, however for some reason the next morning Callahan left out a saucer with cream and when he returned home late that night it was gone. He continued this routine for a month and one day came home early and saw the rat feeding from the saucer, it had grown fairly large, however when the rat saw Callahan it scurried away. Callahan would continuously feed the rat, one day however he had woken up late for work, the power had gone out in the building and he forgot to leave the saucer of cream for the rat.

When he returned home the rat was waiting for him at the door, Callahan smirked and poured the rat some cream, the next day he purchased some premium salted crackers, usually Callahan wouldn’t buy crackers but decided to see if the rat would like them. Coincidently the rat did enjoy the crackers, however one day after returning home the rat hadn’t eaten the crackers or the cream, Callahan looked around and found the rat under his stove, the rat had given birth to a litter of baby rats, Callahan chuckled and brought the saucer dishes closer to the rat, never before had he felt this much for something else, well minus his family but they don’t count for this.

The happiness didn’t last however as one brutally hot day Callahan opened his balcony doors and sat back down on his chair as he lit up a cigarette to try and pass the time. Suddenly a Persian cat burst through the balcony door and zipped over to the stove and began clawing at the rat and it’s babies, “you stupid fucking animal” Callahan roared as he attempted to grab the cat, but before he did the cat killed the mother rat, his only true friend, and most of the litter. As Callahan grabbed the cat the cat bit his hoof and Callahan threw the cat against a wall, “FUCK” Callahan roared and looked to the rats that the cat had killed.

The cat, now knowing it was outmatched attempted to escape out the balcony door, Callahan chased it outside but before it could escape Callahan kicked the cat in the side with brutal force, the cat let out a hiss of pain as it flew over the balcony railing and down to the unforgiving ground below. Callahan grunted in discomfort as he looked over the edge, hoping to see a splattered cat on the pavement below, he was disappointed however as it was garbage day and there were tons of garbage bags filled with trash that broke the cats landing. The cat walked with a limp and Callahan snarled and he hoped that the cat would walk like that forever.

Callahan looked back to the dead rats and let out a sigh of sadness, as he walked over he contemplated what to do with the rats, he could simply throw them in the garbage but he couldn’t do that to his friend. He put on his trench coat and placed the dead rats in his coat pocket but as he was finishing collecting the bodies he heard a quiet squeaking, like that of a baby rat in distress, he looked under his fridge to see a lone baby rat. He cradled it in the palm of his hoof and promised that he’d take care of this rat.

Later that day he drove down to Central park and buried the deceased rat family by the small creek that ran through Central park, figuring his old friend would have like to be buried here. From that point on he raised the lone surviving rat, feeding it cream and crackers like he had it’s mother, and also taught it many other tricks, like saying grace before eating, teaching it to let him wash it to keep it clean, he even training it to use a kitty litter box when it needed to go. That was 2 years ago.

* * *

Callahan sighed to himself as he remembered that terrible day and quickly subdued the thought. He finished his stale piece of pizza and realized that his rat was sitting on his leather recliner couch’s armrest. Callahan stumbled over to the couch and sat down, as he leaned back the couch reclined and both he and the rat let out a sigh as Callahan turned on the television and started watching late night T.V.

Callahan heard dripping and looked over to see a bucket he had placed on the ground a few feet from him getting filled with dripping water. He looked up to the ceiling and saw a disgusting toilet bowl stain on the roof, the ponies that lived above them had a problem with their toilet bowl seal and whenever they flushed their toilet dirty water would pool below the toilet and drip into his house. He let out a sigh of comfort knowing that at least if the floor broke that he wouldn’t be underneath it when if it did collapse.

The T.V. was playing some sort paparazzi T.V. show where they showed all of the famous celebrities like Bon Bon or Lyra and showed them in ridiculous and embarrassing moments. The rat grabbed the television remote and changed the channel “hey Squeak, I was watching that” Callahan retorted, he had named the rat squeak on account that it’s squeaking was what allowed Callahan to find the rat. Squeak looked at him and gave out an arguing squeak as he changed the channel to COPS.

“Man I have to do this every-day, I really don’t want to watch this” Callahan groaned, Squeak replied with a tiny squeak, “hey I don’t care some of the mares on that other channel were kind of cute” Callahan retorted and Squeak once again let out another squeak in protest. “Trust me, most mares think I’m 45 and don’t think I’m all that attractive so you damn well know why I don’t just get a mare-friend” Callahan replied but Squeak stuck with his argument, Callahan sighed and laid down on the couch with a sigh of tiredness. He took his shirt and tie off and slipped off his trousers so he was only wearing his boxers. The couch’s leather was cold and sent shivers up his body but it was better than the feeling of the humidity that still irritated the other half of his body. And finally after a long hot day he passed out as Squeak watched the police T.V. show.

* * *

A loud banging thundered through Callahan’s room, Callahan rolled over and looked to his digital alarm clock, it read 3:39am, he had to be to work by 6:30am. Callahan let out and irritated sigh as he rolled off the couch and stumbled towards the door, Squeak had fallen asleep and had left the television on and it now was playing infomercials. The visitor continued banging on the door. “I’m coming I’m comin, don’t get your panties in a bunch” Callahan called out to the visitor, Callahan moaned in tiredness as he thought to himself if he should put on some more respectable clothing. He shrugged off the thought and opened the door to meet his visitor.