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Instead of Queen Chrysalis' defeat by Cadence and Shining Armor, what if she captured them after they tried to get away and decided that Twilight Sparkle was too smart to be left alone. What will happen to Twilight? And what is Chrysalis planning to do? Will the others even be able to defeat her when Twilight isn't even there to help? Takes place during part 2 of A Cantorlot Wedding and then delves off from there.
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You may want to fix the description.
...Make more, NOW.
1767048
That's just the prologue but I think I will update it. I didn't originally intend it to be so long or so detailed. It was supposed to be just Twilight's part but then the only way to post the chapter was if it was longer than 1000 words. I will have more soon though so don't worry your pretty pony head
1767120
No, the description looks broken.
1767143
OH GOD YOU MADE IT WORSE
1767048
Just updated story for no absolute reason...
1767104
Heres your update!
i don't think changing perspectives is a very good writing element. one view is usually enough and it's more like i'm reading the same scene twice.
It's shouldn't be alternative world :P?
Sigh
Celestia and Luna could use elements because they shared tham, Celestia had 3 and Luna had 3, and they bond was the reason they worked together.
However when Luna became Nightmare Moon, Celestia had only 3 elements full of power and the other 3 elements what Luna had in Celestia hooves worked weak, that is why she failed to cure Nightmare Moon and was forced to banish her, and since bond between Celestia and Luna was broken, so did the elements, and for 1000 years they waited for suitable users.
As why element of magic was gone, I got no idea, for me element of magic is Faith, like from the story Faith and Doubt, Faith suit Twilight alot, and why should any element be limited only for Unicorns, Alicorns by they raw power when other elements base on emotions and are not limited ?
The reason elements worked under Twilight command was because they all shared bond of frendship, and as it got stronger, so the elements, Elements in episode with Discord afected entire town when in episode with Nightmare Moon it just hit one target.
Celestia, Luna, Shinning Armor do not have acces to 6 th element, and even if they did, they would need to share strong bond of friendship with mane 6, and since Twilight is they friend, there is no way they would let somepony else take her place, and if they would, it would not be true friendship, they would do it only to save the kingdom and so the bonds would not be strong.
Basicaly I would rather go with scenario that Twilight even as Changeling would be able to get out of Chrysalis control and use element with her friends, or she would try to negotiate a more peaceful solution ( pointing out flaws in Chrysalis plan, that even if they win, they would not harvest love from ponies who hate tham ), or I would still go with orginal idea about Cadence powering up Shinning Armor for KO love shield, or just let Luna safe the day.
And there is another think what I find weird in the story, I mean, Chrysalis did mistake in the show by understaminating Twilight and the rest, sure, just turning up to a possible assasination, sending all her guards outside so no one was watching over prisoners.
But you are making the same mistake in the story, Chrysalis already did a terrible mistake by sending Twilight to caves, and not only Twilight got out, but she also found Cadence, why did Cadence not escape in the first place, I m sure as Alicorn her horn laser canon would be so much stronger than Twilight and she had weeks to run away from this place, and why would Chrysalis want to send all her enemys to caves Twilight and Cadence already escaped from, giving tham chance for a counter attack.
Please think about what I just pointed out here.
1769685
I appreciate your advice very much and the constructive criticism. That is the only GOOD criticism that an author could ever be given. Many Thanks!
You are very insightful my friend. I will make those changes soon. I didn't realize that the princesses could,t use it like that. I'll make a few changes then to the upcoming chapters as well. Also thank you for pointing out my mistake.
~Shads
So Is that a fake Twi at the end?
If so, the Queen is defiantly covering all the loose ends.
2026914
Close, about Fake Twi, well you'll have to wait for the next chapter, no spoilers! However, Remember that changeling Twilight made the plan, not Chrysalis. How do you think this will play out?
2027637
I say death and destruction for all!
1769735 I think the changes are a wee bit too fast and the chapter a bit small. You have the potential... use it.
2027637 Could you link that story to me please? The one in the author notes.