Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,738 members
The Writers' Group56,365 stories ·9,290 members
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,140 members
One-Shots18,892 stories ·2,368 members
Derpy tales743 stories ·1,208 members
Soarin' wants to beat the flight altitude record. Rainbow Dash thinks she can break that record too. She wants to face him in a race for the record but things get complicated. Who will be the first one to break the record? And, more importantly, how will Rainbow cope with her feelings?
Page generated in 0.109 seconds
Total duration
1,110 users online
1,695,457 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hey, I hope you like this shipping/comedy story
I had to resubmit it due to an unintended editing error. Now, everything is fine, I hope...
If you don't mind, please leave a comment why you liked/disliked the story
(and remember to (up)vote, if that's okay with you).
I was gonna say... why was it not on my read list? lol
This story. It's adorable.
Well, I certainly like it. I can't quite explain it; as I previously said, some improvements you made to this were pretty good. And to say I have any huge problems with it is a downright lie, so really, I enjoy it.
And don't be bothered by like to dislike ratios. The way I see it, only the comments below that explain WHY they like it or don't like it matter. Seriously, if a story has more dislikes than comments (I've seen that far too much these days), I just don't get it, you know.
1764590
thanks
1764630
Thank you
And it's true, my stories that have low likes to dislikes ratio usually have a lot of comments explaining why...
Maybe it's because some fans despise straight shipping?
This was quite cute
Have a thumbs up and a fav.
1764659 Can you change your avatar? When ever I read anything you say, I read it very loudly and scarily.
I see nothing wrong with this one. I like your style of writing and the lack of mistakes.
Only thing I did notice that you used Parentheses a lot, at least more often than many others.
1764674>>1764807
Thanks
:1764807
Using parentheses is my bad habit - maybe I will finally get rid of it
I hope they are not overly irritating.
1764734
But how can I be a berserking pony without Flutterrage?
A lil messy and a bit slow on the built up, but overall quite fun. ^^
1764824
They're not bad, just confusing at sometimes because they aren't always required.
and then he said he liked-liked me! Can you believe that girls!? Me and Caramel!? That was the funniest thing I’d ever heard!”
1.WHERE DID THIS HAPPEN
2. YOU SHOULD BE WITH POKEY!!!
Ugh. The pacing was breakneck, the characters were idiotic, and the sets were repetitive, giving the piece an overall vapid feel. I got the sense that you were hiding behind the "Random" tag to avoid having to flesh out the plot, too. You went out of your way to strip the redeeming traits off the characters and then threw in gags about this, as if we were supposed to applaud and laugh at the fact that you don't understand their personality.
Your writing will be better if you take more care to preserve the spirit and dignity of the setting. The fics people love are the ones with depth. Slow down, build the world out more, describe your scenes in more detail, and perhaps most importantly of all, try to love the characters you're writing about.
Use the random tag more carefully too. It's license to be peculiar, which this isn't. It's not license to be incoherent, which this is.
1766355
Sounds like a fair critique.
Thanks for honesty.
But, could you write more on this 'incoherency'? I mean, I agree the story might not be entertaining, it might be rushed, it might lack details, plot might not be fleshed out enough... but incoherent - why?
I see it this way - there is the W-bolts' show; RD wants to beat the record, and is too confident about this; her friends warn her/try to help her prepare; the 'race' begin; Soarin gets rid of the costume due to RD; RD had a crush on him - as mentioned at the beginning; Rd and Soarin are alone on the cloud - Rd uses this as an opportunity; they fly back on the ground and everypony is happy; bonus - Derpy beats the record | As I had planned it to be a short story, I decided not to describe too much... - okay, I agree it's better to describe more, but it doesn't make the story incoherent, so I guess it's not the problem... | I think RD stayed in character at least until the cloud scene, then she was ooc. her behavior on the cloud could be random, but was foreshadowed at the beginning - so ooc, but not necessarily incoherent. | Soarin/Spitfire - as side characters, we can't really say what's ooc for them - to me - he's the stupid one, and she's the nasty one, as seen in the story.
1764824 Trixierage?
1768414
One form of incoherency would be to have a bad continuity. That's not the only form. Anything that makes the story hard to follow makes it incoherent. Coherency is a matter of how easy it is to understand how the story got to where it is, and how easy it is to figure out where it might be going in the future. The narrative is intact as you described it, but all of my complaints contribute to this story being incoherent.
My critique was a little too harsh. The story put me into a bad mood. I didn't actually get past the start of the flying upwards sequence, and I only got that far by forcing myself to keep reading.
Something that didn't get included in the harshness was that I want to say I really liked one of your jokes. Having Twilight Sparkle put all the sports books in a 'useless books' cart is amusing. Having her claim that it's just a matter of organization makes it even better, because it's so very likely just a lie to spare Rainbow Dash's feelings. Rainbow Dash may be willing to openly insult 'eggheads', but Twilight Sparkle is too afraid to upset her friends to do anything like that. She keeps her thoughts about 'jocks' to herself. It comes across as an interaction very well-fitted to their personalities. (Note that it should be a useless books cart, not a carton.)
1768937
Yeah, maybe I will change the avatar to Trixie...
1769651
(but you liked at least one thing 
)
I can only apologize for this story
From my perspective the story seemed to be rather coherent, but if a reader says it's incoherent, the reader is probably right - it's he who follows the story. Thanks for explanation - and your critique was maybe harsh, but apparently honest.
And don't worry - it will take some time before I get to write another story (so no more bad stories from me for some time
) - exams are coming and I don't have enough time now 
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/A%20Cute%20Folder/Derpioning/tumblr_mdepxeN20t1qfiuz5o1_400.gif
Dat ending
This is one of my favorite SoarinDash stories.
My only comment. What the buck happened between that cloud and getting to the ground? I know that they had a make out session on the cloud but what else happened.
4659795
Um... They had a make out session and then they flew to the ground, I guess... or am I missing something?
I was wondering how Dash made Soarin go head over hooves for her so fast.
4674287
He wasn't assertive enough to refuse 'the make out session' and well, I think that'd be enough
Good point. Honestly, I'd have a hard time too.
I'm sorry I love this ship but you did it wrong and is looked like rainbow used a love potion or something really I don't feel like it was natural it didn't feel right