The secret
Rainbow Dash has a secret. Its been eating at her for the past five months now. Ever since that train ride home from the Crystal Empire. You see, she wants to tell everypony what the secret is but shes afraid she might lose Twilights love and the others friendship. She has been keeping this secret for so long, ever since she was a filly in Flight school. This secret is so important to her the only ponys that know are her parents. And soon you, but not just yet.
Rainbow Dash walks up to Twilights house and stars to knock before she remembers its HER house now too. She sighs and walks in. Twilights reading her books at her desk, as usual, and Spike is busy re-shelving all the books that had been returned to the library today. "Hey Twilight, hows the studying going." Twilight looks up long enough to give you a kiss before she goes back to reading. "O, you know, Same Stuff Different Day. How was the weather today?" Rainbow smiles as Twilight continues to read while talking. "We had a rogue thunder cloud strike town hall but this time Derpy was the one who stoped it, not the one who released it." "Other then that, it was just a matter of clearing the skys." Twilight nods and continues reading. Rainbow frowns. "Im going out for a walk ill be back later." Twilight just nods saying "Cya later." Dash walks out the door before Twilight realizes what she said. She looks over at Spike. "Did she just say shes going for a 'walk'." Spike nods with a confused look "Yep, a walk."
Rainbow Dash walks through town ignoring all the other ponys around her. 'Who am i supposed to talk to? I'm the element of loyalty, so im the only one of my friends i can trust not to tell anypony else. Well, besides Pinkie but i don't think i want to confide that in her.' Dash sighs, realizing Pinkie was the only one she could trust to keep her secret, so she heads towards Sugar Cube Corner. When she arrives she finds Pinkie in the back making some cupcakes. "Hey Pinkie, do you have a minute?" Pinkie smiles at Dash and puts the last tray of cupcakes in the oven. "Sure Dashy, OOOO you have to try my cupcakes when their done baking. They have a secret ingredient that you'll never guess." Dash looks at all the ingredients scattered around the kitchen. "Maybe later Pinkie. I want to talk to you about something, but you have to pinkie promise not to tell anypony else." Pinkie does with her usual jesters. [Dash then turns towards the readers] "Don't think I've forgotten about you. YOU have to pinkie promise not to post spoilers in your comments." Dash turns back to Pinkie. "OK Pinkie. I'm about to show you something that might scare you, you just have to remember that no matter what you see, i'm still the same Rainbow Dash you first met in ponyville all those years ago." Pinkie nods and Dash takes a breath to calm her nerves, readying herself for what she was about to do. There's a flash of green light and Pinkie nearly screams. Her eyes go wide for a few moments and her hair instantly deflates. She takes a nervous gulp and remembers what Rainbow Dash said. She slowly calms down enough to walk over and examine the pony standing in front of her. "Wha... what happened to you?" Dash takes a breath and says three words Pinkie will never forget. "Pinkie, I'm a changeling.
Pinkie gasps. "Your a changeling? If your a changeling, where is the real Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie starts to look worried and scared, so Dash quickly explains. "I am the real Rainbow Dash. I've always been a changeling, well part changeling. You see, my father was a Pegasus while my mother was a changeling. I am only half changeling. I have all the powers of a normal changeling, but i don't feed off the emotions of other pony's. Instead i get nourishment from food, just like everypony else." Pinkie's hair starts to re-inflate and she starts to walk around your unfamiliar changeling body. "But why did you tell me all of this?" Dash changes back into her 'normal' self. "Ever since me and Twilight fell in love on that train back from the Crystal Empire, I've been dying to tell her. But i cant bring myself to do it. What if she tells the Princess and i get treated like every other changeling and get banished. What if she shuns me. What if she doesn't love me anymore." At that last statement Dash breaks down and starts crying. Pinkie grabs her in a hug and Dash bury's her face in Pinkies shoulder.
Dash finally gets control of her emotions again. "Thanks for understanding Pinkie. Im sorry for keeping this a secret for so long, but would any of you have excepted me as a friend when we first met if you knew?" Pinkie looks like shes about to start crying. She hangs her head in shame. "No, we would have been to scared to go near you, like we were with Zecora. We never would have given you a chance." Dash hugs Pinkie to cheer her up. "I understand. If our places were reversed, i would have done the same thing. Ever since my mother left me and my father all I've wanted was to be a normal pony. When i enrolled in flight school, i was prepared with a disguise. I loved flying and rainbows were the most beautiful thing to me back then. It was only natural i made myself blue like the sky with a rainbow mane. After flight school when my father passed, i decided to move here to be near Fluttershy. Ever since then this form became me and the other form became a shadow." Pinkie nods in understanding. "What are you going to do about the others?" Dash thinks about it. "Nothing for now. Im going to need alot of time to think this through." With that she said goodbye to Pinkie and flew to her cloud house to think in private.
<A/N Now im sure you know that for the sake of time and boredom i cant just let Rainbow Dash take as much time as she wants. Whats going to happen? Find out soon in the next chapter.>
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Friend...
Don't put author's notes in the body of your story.
In fact, it's safer not to put them anywhere in there at all. Period.
gifsforum.com/images/image/moar/grand/for_thel_love_of_god_more.jpg
1767818 Im getting a vibe that you want more?maybe?
1767803
[youtube=H6OtFKNDPUc]
1767830
moar or i eat your soul!
1767840
YES SIR RIGHT AWAY SIR. (Starts pounding on keyboard furiously)
I enjoy the idea, but you need to edit.
FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA USE GRAMMAR!
Seems interesting, but the only problem I had has already been pointed out. If you must put author's notes, put them at the end. But never in the middle.
Fav'd
I knew y'all would like this.
The way that you placed your notes throughout the story make it look like you took inspiration from My Immortal, the concept is overdone (although that alone isn't enough to hate on a story if you give it a proper spin on things) and finally, there are far too many typos to count. These are the reasons that I have decided to give your story a thumbs down. Honestly, get rid of the authors notes, and run the story through spell check a few times and this might have potential depending on what direction you intend to take the story, but as is, the story is almost unreadable.
(Re-reads previous post)
cant believe i said y'all
1767854 proof read sir proof read
1767863 My Immortal? never even heard of it. as for spell check i have to do whats left on my own as my spell check is retarded and can't spell worth a shit ether.
The masses have won. (Removes A/N)
All authors notes in the middle of the story have been removed. I shale now start on the second chapter. (Looks at time) HOLY **** I just realized ive written two stories in four hours.
I have not read this story yet, but just seing the cover photo i have to say... rainbowdash has magenta eyes, not green
1767903
XD Thats so funny seeing as if you read the story it explanes WHY her eyes are green. The cover art reflects the story inside.
whoops that seemed a little rude, sorry im a little tired after four hours of non stop writing. Plus ts 3:00 in the morning here.
1767874
Have you tried using the spellcheck program in google documents? In my experience it's crap compared to the one in Microsoft Word, but I'm seeing things in your story like you not putting two "p"s in the word stopped and not adding apostrophes to words like I'm and I'll. At that point even google's spellcheck should help you immensely.
On an somewhat unrelated note, My Immortal is somewhat hard for me to describe. Tvtropes probably has the best description of it here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/MyImmortal
1767909 you are absolutly right, i shouldnt judge a book by its cover.
1767937
I wish to hear your reaction once you have read first chapter (WITHOUT SPOILERS PLEASE) I am working on second chapter as i write this post.
I should be thanking you for pointing out her eyes. As long as no spoilers are posted it should help anyone trying to judge this story by the posts feel that bit of curiosity as to WHY her eyes are green. (I Bet you'll never guess without reading)
1767954 now that ive read it... i like the idea. You need to work on the presentation, large blocks of txt isnt very inviting. And please new paragraph, indent. Its hard to tell who is talking. But all and all, i cant wait until chapter 2.
(p.s. were her eyes alwayse green in this story? Or just when she reveals the secret?)
1768009
OOOOO you almost made me spoil chapter two. But no the green eyes are only supposed to be a hint, along with the green sparkles surrounding only Rainbow Dash in the picture.
her eyes are normal. Everything looks cannon until twili....
1768021
got it
ALMOST FINISHED WITH CH.2. IS ANYONE EXCITED???
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The second chapter is finished. Now working on epilogue.
If you except the few time in the first chapter were the narrator speak like we were Dash, it's not a bad story.
CHILD!!! Only Pinkie can break the fourth wall!
6049982
I agree. Its not right when the others do it. They are supposed to ask who she is talking to. Pinkie is the fourth wall break queen
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