Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
1,028 users online
1,366,764 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
soon :3
Alright, this is great, I need more xD
Another amazing chapter! Can't wait for more!
damn luna is so cool
You just gotta love misunderstandings.
Deckard has the worst luck; family murder each other, gets the stare from fluttershy, and stolen tags from shining armor.
He got fuckin shanked. That must've sucked like hell for him.
MOAR!
yay
Aaaaaaand, there it goes. I was wondering when this was gonna jump the shark for me, and it just happened. Right about the time that the Captain of the Royal Guard got his ass handed to him by a random human with, as far as we know, no formal training in melee combat. A certain amount of skill in combat would be expected from spending several months in the zombie apocalypse and living, but enough to stomp a trained soldier, who was wielding two weapons telekinetically, with no apparent effort whatsoever? Not likely.
This story has a lot of potential, so I was really, really hoping this wouldn't happen. You've used several unique and clever elements in this story that I thoroughly enjoyed, but that just totally ruined my ability to stay immersed in the narrative. I have a more detailed critique I'll send you in PM with what I really enjoyed and what could be improved on (at least to me) that way I don't take up too much space in the comments.
1780960 I guess your kind of right. But I also didn't make this chapter. But just so you know. The guard was never trying to even kill him. He didn't even try at all. If you noticed it said how the weapons were supposed to stun any"pony" it hits, and he is not a pony, Thats why shining kept wailing on the bar. because he never wanted to "kill" anyone. But it didn't stun him so he was caught off guard when the human fought back and disarmed him. Wouldn't you be a bit surprised if you hit someone with something that should stun them, only for them to get in your face and yell "NOPE" and hit you.... I think I wouldn't expect it honestly.
1782365 What kind of guard, no, what kind of person at all, would start swinging two chunks of metal at someone and then be shocked when they fight back? And if he "didn't want to kill anyone", what kind of justification is there for Shining's reaction? "Oh man, this thing that I was waving chunks of metal at just decided to defend itself and threatened me before letting me go completely unharmed. Screw being nice, I'd better stab it in the chest."
1783339 no.... I said he would be surprised because the blades were ENCHANTED to stun him, THATS why. And I am emphasizing that I did NOT write the first like 8 chapters or so. So.... ya
1783367 I know you didn't write them, but since you're the one posting them it seems logical that I direct critiques of the story to you. I mean, I can go put them on the user page of the guy who wrote the original, but that wouldn't be very useful to anyone. Granted, I'm saying this assuming you have some sort of creative control over the story, since you've been given the right to continue it. As I said in my PM, there are a lot of really interesting and unique elements in the story, and I think this story has a lot of potential, but there are ways that it can be improved. That said, if neither you nor the original author are going to do anything to try to improve the story, then I have no reason to continue watching this, as much as I wish I could.
As for the swords, yes, I get that they were enchanted and didn't work. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a huge logical inconsistency. Why would a trained soldier stand there beating on a metal pole for ten minutes and then be shocked that the stunning spell didn't work? That should have been pretty obvious after the first 9 1/2 minutes. And what kind of intelligent being, regardless of training, would take a spell designed to work on a specific species, use it on a completely different one that he's never seen before, and then be completely shocked and caught off guard when it doesn't work as planned?
1783579 for the last part of your comment, he probably fought him and didn't think because he was angry or sonething, idk, I just am saying I'm not actually changing it because I said I would edit grammar and such, not anything else.... keep the original chapters, but make new ones when they r done.
1783579
For the fight I will said, that there where pretty even. Decker has his side and strength and Shinning his training and magic. The reason for the result most probably was because of the little information Shinning has and the racist jump to conclusion. Yes, he is a training soldier and he probably know how to confront the unknown, but from what we see, he probably thought, that those creatures, where only a bunch of brutes that didn't have much experience and only relay on their own strength (he keep call them monsters) so, when the fight start he was a little surprise that he actually knew how to think under pressure plus the whole stun thing didn't work.
When the creature pin him, he probably thought that there where even more dangerous if they can think and react that fast, so that is why he attack him.
P.S (and this is for pinkie imagination) : I think that from this point the other author start to put the parts that derail the story. Pinkie, from this point are you going to put chapters 100% yours?
1793756 no, I am not.... yet. There are a FEW more chapters. Then I will continue it... yes.... off of my ideas.
1795538
Great, I can wait to see what you plan to do with the other 2 humans …je must probably both will hug Twilight when they found out there are save.
Hey, don't you think it will be funny if one of them confuse one of the ponys? I mean, before they meet the rest of the 5 girls Twilight explain a bit of everypony and he identify the wrong pony, like for example:
Twilight: "You will easily identify Pinkie, she is the more energetic of all of us" Chris approach Rainbow Dash and extend his hand
Chris: "Hi Pinkie, nice to meet you"
Ok, um, how? In what fashion was he hugging them that he can lift them both off the ground without realizing it, because they aren't bi-pedal, when you lift up the front, the back will still be on the ground. Second there should be no way he could lift up two fully grown horses, especially without realizing it, so I am going to account this to 1 the magic in the world is effecting him, or 2 the jump-start they gave him gave him a boost of strength.
Why would you forgive shining!?
3006943 How does Goku forgive people after they kill him and/or others?
OK, gotta say, Shining Armour had just pretty much committed Murder and his punishment is demotion??
NO. My suspension of disbelief doesn't go that far.
This story was okay up till now but that killed it.
3361396
I like how this guy here pointed out a legitimate flaw in the story and got downvoted regardless.
To the REAL author: I found the entire scene with Shining Armor to be horribly out of character for 1 ) What we know of Shining's personality, 2 ) What we know about his position and abilities, and 3 ) Any form of trained GUARD.
Specifically: His special talent is making SHIELDS. As in barriers that prevent harm to occur or to imprison a target. He is the CAPTAIN of the guard, in a world with at least 8 or more sapient species (that we know of). And he is trained to protect, not attack. From everything we know, his first reaction should have been to simply put a barrier around the "creature" until backup could arrive (in this case the Diarchy), not charge with sharp pointy things, no matter how enchanted.
This does not bode well for the story as a whole, and smacks of a personal dislike of the character and an excuse to show him in a bad light.
3395623
Not to mention Celestia only fired him for commiting MURDER. You would think that murder would be a pretty big deal in ponyland.
This is late but...*eye twitch* Shining Armor is not fit for captain position....being a decent leader especially military or police leader or high ranking officer does not include: racism or any sort of prejudices, hot headedness, unable to receive advices from other, unstable mentality (though, depending on the indivitual), too cold a heart,...and many more...
Shining's action is not excusable!
3395623
Who shit in your cereal?