My Little Serenity: Misbehaving is Magic

by Trachyon

Chapter 4: The Aliens

Wash hurried down the stairs to stand beside Zoe. Mal noted with some unease the gargantuan gun that the pilot just barely managed to carry. Wash looked across to Mal, and frowned at the look on his face.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Mal quickly broke eye contact, choosing instead to awkwardly look straight ahead. “Oh, uh, nothin’. It’s just... that gun...”

Wash looked nervously down at the he held, turning it over in his hands as if it were an armed bomb. “What?! What about the gun?”

Mal shifted on his feet. “It’s just... I think Jayne... I think he likes that gun.”

Wash turned his gaze from the gun back to Mal, completely deadpan. “...So?”

“I mean... I think he really likes that gun.”

“Okay...”

“He... he calls it Vera.”

Wash froze in place, eyes wide. “This?! This is Vera?!”

“Mm, yes.”

“...Oh.”

“You sure you don’t wanna reconsider your choice in firearms?”

Zoe smirked at Mal. “You’re not jealous of the guy with the larger gun, are you, sir?”

Mal looked down at his revolver. He looked over at Wash’s gun. Sighing, he stepped over to the bay door controls. “’Least I don't feel the need to compensate for what I’m lackin’...”

Wash suddenly found great interest in the finer details of his bootlaces, but Zoe only smiled even more. “Trust me, he’s not compensating for anything.” Mal nearly choked at this remark, but regained composure quickly. He turned to Wash and Zoe, all three now serious in light of the current situation.

“Everyone all safe?”

Wash nodded. “Simon’s with Jayne in the infirmary, Inara, River, Book and Kaylee are all in the dining room. Book's armed, too.”

Mal nodded. There was no way of knowing how many Reavers there were outside. If they got swarmed, and overrun, the Reavers would continue into the rest of the ship. Better to die quickly, than be alive when the Reavers got to you. Mal knew that Book would never take that way out; he’d get everyone to the safety of the shuttles, then maybe lead the Reavers away, while heading to the cockpit to continue sending a distress signal. Mal knew Book would do that; he’d do the exact same thing. Though maybe with more bullets.

He held his hand over the airlock release. “You ready?” Zoe raised her shotgun in reply, and Wash followed suit, albeit with more difficulty, due to its sheer weight.

“Good.” He slammed down on the button, and moved to stand beside Zoe again. Steam could be heard hissing, as pistons slid into position. The bay door slowly lowered itself to the ground outside, revealing more and more of the darkened skyline. Fires could be seen in the distance, giving the sky an eerie red glow, as smoke blotted out the natural light of the moon.

Zoe cocked the shotgun, and Mal raised both his own revolvers to eye level. Twelve shots.

The ramp finally hit the ground with a dull thud and a final dying hiss, fully exposing the outside world they had crashed down onto. Three pairs of eyes quickly adjusted to the night, and four fingers instantly went to triggers as two forms became visible directly in front of the ship.

Mal, Zoe, and Wash all tensed at once, ready to let bullets fly if anything so much as disturbed the fragile tension that had amassed.

Their eyes, however, became even more accustomed to outside, and light from the ship’s interior further illuminated the two small forms. Too small to be Reavers. Too colourful to be Reavers.

No, these looked like...

“What the fu-”

“Are those...”

“Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo...”

The pink... thing on the left gasped loudly, inhaling a huge amount of air. Before anyone could even react, it had disappeared in a blur, only to reappear in front of the three crew-members, before appearing again behind them. It was impossible to track it directly as it continued to jump about, spewing out an incomprehensible stream of words in a shrill, excitable voice.

“OhmygoshareyoureallyREALLIVEALIENS?! I’veneverseenanalienbeforeeventhoughI’vemetjustabouteverponyinPonyville (She inhaled deeply again) Arethoseraygunsthatyou’reholding? Ihopeyouweren’tplanningtousethose (inhale) ’causethatwouldbemeanandunfriendlyanditwouldruinthepartybecauseIthrowpartiesforeveryponynewwhoImeetjustlikeTwilightSparklewho’stheponyoverthere (The pink blur could just barely be seen pointing a stumpy appendage at the other form outside, as it shied away towards the safety of the shadows) Andshewasalllike ‘It’sabadideatomeetyou’ butthat’sjustTwilightbeingTwilightand-ohsillymeIdidn’tintroducemyself! My name’sPinkiePiehowaboutyours?”

The blur came to a halt before the feet of the three dumbstruck humans, smiling up at them. It was some sort of quadrupedal creature, but the resemblance to any known animal ended pretty much there.

Hell, it was pink. And its face... it was capable of showing human emotion, but the eyes were ridiculously huge and brigh-

“Hellooo! Equestria to aliens! You do speak Equestrian, right?” The pink thing frowned up at the three humans. Wash looked down at it, mouth agape. Zoe slowly lowered her gun in disbelief, her eyes rapidly scanning every detail of the alien creature. Mal slowly looked up at Zoe, face entirely deadpan. It was at that exact point, that Mal discovered that he possessed the eloquence to convey his entire emotional spectrum at that moment in time, with just one simple word.

“What."

Comments

[Trachyon]

Okay, I have some apologising to do... again.
Firstly, I am sorry that this chapter is so short, and I hope the content aspires to make up for it.
Secondly, I am sorry that it has taken so long to post this up. I promised one every week, but I find it harder and harder to stick to that schedule without letting my college work decline in quality. Sorry, but college takes priority, and I have a mildly huge paper on Astrophysics/Cosmology due in within a few weeks (Okay, so it’s only 5000 words, but it’s still a scary project).
Thirdly, I left you with another cliffhanger. Sorry about that, too.

Also, my laptop broke. As in, “The Space Bar, Backspace, and Enter keys all do not work” broke. I now have to make do with either a virtual keyboard, or finding whatever computer I can within college to continue work on this.
Well, it’s taken 5 chapters, but things are finally getting underway, story-wise. Thank god it wasn’t as slow to pick up as Final Fantasy XIII. (I kid; I enjoyed that game once I got into it, and FF XIII-2 is pretty cool from what I’ve seen, too.)

tl;dr: Please don’t be hate me.

(Also: A prize to whoever finds the word ‘anal’ hidden in this chapter. Don’t cheat with Ctrl-F, either; you have to use your eyes. God-damn I’m childish.)

Edit: Damn, Fimfiction really butchered Pinkie's ramblings...

[Nia Moone 0]

heh, i like it when Pinkie's dialogue violates fimfiction's document borders...

[MC BR0N3]

...Wat?? 太空所有的星球塞进我的屁股？
"All of the stars in space enter my ass"??
WHAT???
Also, when could Pinkie speak Mandarin?

[MC BR0N3]

292699
屁股. It means ass.
I did not cheat, as I'm Chinese.

[Trachyon]

292969
A. That's Wash cursing. Probably shoulda made that more clear, but oh well...
B. Did you use Google translate? The correct translation is "Shove all the planets in the universe up my ass." Meant as an exclamation of disbelief.

I think Wash actually says this in the show at some point. I'm being as careful as I can be with the Chinese: I've currently stuck to phrases (and variations of phrases) that have appeared in only in Firefly/Serenity, because I know they're correct, and funny as hell. I have a friend who speaks Chinese, though, so I may ask her help with some new phrases...

[Primordial Deomontus]

I found a spelling error when Pinkie was talking 'butt' and I suppose that is the anal?292699

[Trachyon]

292904 Ah, shiong mao niao, I didn't mean for that to happen...
Should I edit it to make it fit, or should I leave it in as a joke about Pinkie's medium-breaking abilities?

[Nia Moone 0]

293013

i say leave it. fits Pinkie's style...

[MC BR0N3]

292999
太空 refers to "Space". You meant to say 宇宙？
And no. No Google Translate.

[Frost]

292699 "IveneverseenANALienbefore" Do I get a prize?

[Trachyon]

293010 Eenope.
It's the actual word, no synonyms.

[Trachyon]

293028
Well, here's the original phrase I used: 太空所有的星球塞盡我的屁股
It had that English translation right next to it, but I'm more inclined to trust a person than a website. Anything I can do to improve it?

i had thought previously that adding in the occasional Chinese phrase like that might add some fond memories and depth to the story, but I'm wary about using it, knowing that it could be silly and potentially off-putting to those who speak the language better than I...

[Trachyon]

293160 WE HAVE WINNER!
And your prize is, apparently, a miracle. I was originally intending to work overtime to get keep this story rolling, even on a damaged computer, except now it seems I don't need to do that.
I don't know what you did, but whatever higher power up there saw you point out the word "anal" with the eyes of a hawk. Seems he decided to gift us both by fixing my laptop completely. Yep, my laptop may be old and tattered, but it looks like love'll keep her in the air (metaphorically speaking) for as long as needs be. Plus, I'll still be working double-time on this.

Of course, if that's not enough, I could be your friend, too
i mean... if you wanted to...

Also, I shall forever credit you as "The Man Who Discovered The Hidden Anal In My Story"

(Secret butt fun!)

[MC BR0N3]

29531
Other than the space/universe thing, everything seems fine. I'm enjoying the story, and I'll keep an eye out for errors and the like.
And Lol. Congrats to Frost.

[Doublrainbow]

I like this *thumbs*

[Frost]

295342 "Eyes of a hawk"? Ironic, as I'm near sighted. Also, a miracle is enough.

[LittleSallyDigby]

Wash nodded. “Simon’s with Jayne in the infirmary, Inara, River, Book and Kaylee are all in the dining room. I... Book was reluctant, but he took the guns. Put them on the table.”

This bit doesn't quite sound like Wash to me. Wash uses longer and more complicated words when he's joking ("Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!", "That part'll happen pretty definitely"); not so much when he's serious. Instead of "Book was reluctant" I'd write him saying something more like "Preacher didn't much like your plan" or "Book wasn't too keen on it".

Aside from that, though, you're doing great. “This?! This is Vera?!” was incredible.

[M-Tails-P]

295313
Sigh...
CHINESE USE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SWEAR WORDS!
我去你妹的望文生意的死老外！

[More Dakka]

in one ep jayne established horse meat is considerd steak. wether thats just him or the status quo isnt certan but it would lead to an interesting conversation.

[Ari Dufresne]

1655921
I hope to go to your sister's business culture dead forigners!

What does this even meen?

[Marcthelightspark2004]

So. Bucking. FUNNY!!