V. Weatherpony
HRH Princess Luna of Equestria
The Royal Palace
Canterlot
Your Majesty:
According to Pinkie Pie, the best way to avoid succumbing to discouragement is to assess one’s situation with positivity. Thus, it gives me great pleasure to report that I have managed to maintain employment for more than one day.
In truth, however, I was rather stunned to be offered a job on the local weather team in the first place. I would have thought that my record of attempted regicide would disqualify me from any sort of government position. I had not realized that “The Nightmare” and “Penumbra” were considered two separate entities for legal purposes, nor do I now know whether to attribute this to your sister’s goodwill or to an intercession on your part, though I suspect that particular question will be answered in your response.
Rainbow Dash seemed to be quite impressed with my abilities in my initial evaluation, though this may be due to her astonishment that I would even think to clear the skies of clouds by using lightning to cause a chain reaction, rather than bucking the clouds one at a time with my hind legs. Then again, she may have been equally engrossed by the fact that I was able to produce the initial bolt by kicking a cloud with one of my forehooves, as opposed to jumping on top of it. Personally, though, I see no reason why she should have been surprised at this display. After all, you originally made me as powerful as your sister, and even in my diminished state, my pegasus magic is nearly as strong as hers.
In any case, my talent for creating lightning lead Rainbow Dash to place me with Thunderlane, a stallion who specializes in the management of cumulonimbus clouds. I must confess that I thought this sounded like a very noble profession, and I was glad to learn that a thunderstorm had fortuitously been scheduled that very afternoon, which would give me an opportunity to observe how a millennium of progress had affected the creation of these most majestic of clouds.
Sadly, what I witnessed that day was not the artful and meticulous condensation of the water vapor in the local atmosphere, but rather the assembly of clumps of mass-produced cloud that had been delivered from a factory. Rainbow Dash explained to me that this was necessary, as pegasi would have no time to control all the weather in Equestria if each cloud had to be specially made for the occasion. But why can they not simply allow the weather to run its natural course, only interfering when absolutely necessary, as in the old days? Have these ponies truly become so shiftless as to prefer the convenience of meteorological foreknowledge to the quality of a hoof-crafted rainstorm?
Still, despite my disappointment, I returned to work the following day, which was mostly spent keeping cumulus clouds from overdeveloping. Thunderlane was quite casual in his interactions with me, but, having learned my lesson from the spa incident, I interpreted these as normal workplace conversations. I did, however, find it very odd when he expressed his approval of my “tight flank.” I proceeded to ask him why he thought the region on my side between my rib cage and my hind legs was “tight.” The conversation that followed revealed that he had actually been referring to the general area to the rear of my cutie mark. Accordingly, I informed him that that area was actually called the “haunch,” and that one should not be careless with words, lest they lose their specificity and therefore their general usefulness. Thunderlane agreed with this idea, and he subsequently promised to use the proper terminology in the future.
Five minutes later, it occurred to me that Thunderlane’s initial remark implied that he had been staring at my haunches. Alas, Rainbow Dash pushed a cloud between him and the bottom of Ghastly Gorge, causing me to waste a perfectly executed buck to the jaw. By the end of the day, I had tendered my resignation, citing the unfriendly work environment. That said, Rainbow Dash seemed genuinely disappointed to see me go and informed me that she was more than willing to make a position available should I change my mind—but so long as that particular stallion remains on the Ponyville weather team, this seems unlikely.
Ever the optimist, Pinkie Pie insisted that the fact that I had lasted twice as long at this position as I had at the others was evidence that I was gaining valuable workplace experience. I have no doubt that she genuinely believes this to be true, though whether it would be prudent for me to entertain this idea is uncertain.
Yours sincerely,
Penumbra Noctis
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You know, "flank" as "butt" has bothered me for a long time. But I never thought of attributing it as modern Equestrian language butchery. That is clever.
Although, since I'm anal retentively technical, I think dock reffers to the part of the back adjacent to the base of the tail (above the cutie marks). While the backs of the hind legs, past the cutie marks, would be the rump.
A good rule of thumb I use is when they're sitting down, what you see is the dock, what you can't see is the rump.
1754417 - True, but "rump" doesn't sound very dignified.
1754469
I don't think dignity comes included in catcalls, but I'd understand you not wanting to attribute that towards ponies.
We are bronies, we make our own rules, whether its the idea that we can like a show targeted for little girls or calling the completely wrong end of a pony a flank. Of course the humor is greatly appreciated at the strangeness of some of our terms.
1754469 Haunch would work in that context, I think
1754469
I find "badonk" to be quite culturally-inclined.
I rather like "plot" myself. It's a bit nonsensical, of course, but it works as a slang term (perhaps not unlike "badonk"?).
This chapter... I don't know whether to
or 
Why not both?
Someone needs to explain to her the concept of 'filing a minor sexual harrassment complaint with management'
True Story: I bellow across PVC Pipe production factory, a loud enough place OSHA requires minor hearing protection, "Hey Dick, I need you to look at this extruder, I don't think it's laying pipe in the finisher right."
Dick is senior line coordinator. His name is Dick "Not Richard Dammit" Strong. His parents must have had a sense of humor, or optimism.
He's specifically the person I'm supposed to get the attention of if I think there's a problem with the line. I don't have the authority to shut the line down, and every single pipe that comes out messed up costs the company $50, I can't leave my station to go get him, there's no-one to ask to go get him, and there's no access to the room loudspeakers in the room.
Lady down the line files a complaint and I spend 4 hours in what was still called then, ironically, 'sexual harrassment training'. Even though management's assessment was "Evidence and statements collected indicate the employee was involved in any workplace improper conduct, behavior, production of a sexually hostile environment, or speech."
(That's why I only got 4 hours at normal pay, as normal company policy is 8 hours, payed at minimum wage rather than base rate)
Wisdom according to Thunderlane:
> New pony on the team
> It's bucking Nightmare Moon
> Aggressively hit on her
1755675
Dat dock.
Penumbra is best weatherpony.
By the way, this could do with a comedy tag.
1764716
For some reason nearly everyone seems to forget "plot". Oh, well.
1867429 - Why on earth would ponies call their backsides "plots"? That comes from a joke about only watching the show for it's plot (superimposed over Fluttershy's rump). There's no reasonable context that would explain how it could become an expression in-universe.
It's nice for someone to bring up the flank thing. I tend to stick to "plot" rather than flank because, well, yeah, what they call the flank is not actually the flank.
I'm just really pedantic. I also consider it a shame that she never did hit Thunderlane. Once again Rainbow Dash ruins everything
1762052 I would assume Penumbra's history is not common knowledge. I don't imagine I would want it widely known if I were Penumbra, certainly.
1867440
Convergent evolution of language so that, just as human breasts are referred to as "tracts" of land, the rear of a pony is referred to as a "plot" of land?
> I would have thought that my record of attempted regicide would disqualify me from any sort of government position.
That's a weapons-grade piece of funny there.
You go, Thunderlane! Well, except with the workplace sexual harrassment. That part's not cool.
For some reason I can imagine Twilight's first date going along these lines ...
1903771
Sounds to me like she did kick him in the jaw, and "unfortunately" Dash caught him with a cloud before he could fall to the bottom of the gorge, presumably unconscious.
1757261 Innuendos. Innuendos everywhere.
Oh,wow......
3832942
This was my reaction as well.
2912480
Maybe he'll learn a lesson.
Personally I think our society is, at times, uptight, paranoid, strange, etc. We have some serious double standards too... I'd call Penumbra's action excessive, but it does get the point across quite well.
2499648
Damn straight, I don't think Penumbra realizes how snarky she can be without even intending to.
2704425
Yes, so much yes!
2704425
So can we all
I believe Penumbra would make for a nice guard or policemare. Teach her how to act as one and do interrogations and watch the criminals run in fear.
My goodness, this was perfect.
This is the best of the "Luna reintegration" trope, but with somepony who looks fairly normal, all things considered.
And it adds in the reformed villain aspect of the whole thing.
The letter format also enhances the humor, since it allows the reader to fill in details without the story seeming like it lacked said detail.
1755188
I think the issue is that if she had said rump she probably would have realized what he was getting at immediately. If she was a little bit off in thinking of where he was talking about, that would allow the joke to proceed.