Sweetie Belle trys to return to normal life, but after everything she's been through, will she want to? Meanwhile, Lyra aims to get to the bottom of these "precursors" one way or another. Book II of III
The Blank Plague has burned out in Canterlot and Ponyville, but one alicorn must still undergo its ravages. But the Princess of Dreams has duties that cannot be left untended, and dreams will not bear the sun's light...
Alrighty. Lemme just get into my "I only sound like a professional" mode... From what I can tell, the basis of the story is interesting, but I had a bit of a hard time putting everything together. A few edits: -First chapter title, I think you may have meant "What goes on there, stays there" -Every character gets their own speech paragraphs. You may add actions from them or others in the paragraph if you plan to add more speech from that character, but you need to double space when a different character speaks. -Everything made sense to me in terms of text, but...well, not everyone is as good a reader as I am. Choose your words carefully, try not to repeat the same too often, and make sure to use lots of commas!
All in all, I see plenty of potential. If you plan to continue this, link me to the document. I'd like to help out.
Wait, so O'Leary was in Equestria when Lyra was just a filly, and Lyra is probaly around the same age as the mane six. I'm guessing there's gonna be a reason as to why he was there years before the other wraiths yet no one knew about him?
Other than that confusion, good show. Are you gonna actually add it to the group or not?
That was funny as hell
1739188
Thanks
Alrighty. Lemme just get into my "I only sound like a professional" mode...
From what I can tell, the basis of the story is interesting, but I had a bit of a hard time putting everything together.
A few edits:
-First chapter title, I think you may have meant "What goes on there, stays there"
-Every character gets their own speech paragraphs. You may add actions from them or others in the paragraph if you plan to add more speech from that character, but you need to double space when a different character speaks.
-Everything made sense to me in terms of text, but...well, not everyone is as good a reader as I am. Choose your words carefully, try not to repeat the same too often, and make sure to use lots of commas!
All in all, I see plenty of potential. If you plan to continue this, link me to the document. I'd like to help out.
1739195
nah this actually just for a group in which my character is involved in a story. So i thought i would add a back story to how he got there
1739204
Oh, mkay then.
Lol, totally kicked my expertise into overdrive
Ha
Well thats me but considering how the story is going to pan out i thought that would make the most sense
Wait, so O'Leary was in Equestria when Lyra was just a filly, and Lyra is probaly around the same age as the mane six. I'm guessing there's gonna be a reason as to why he was there years before the other wraiths yet no one knew about him?
Other than that confusion, good show. Are you gonna actually add it to the group or not?
1739409
I dont know what thread to add it too. The canon or non canon
1739418 Non canon, basically anything that isn't Soul Reaver goes there. Besides, if needed, it can be moved.
1739430
Kk
will read later, but i'm irish so this better be good
Yay, irish bronies. Where you guys fro, cork here, also, story looks good
1740242
Thanks
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
1740131 So im afraid to ask but was it up to your expectations or no?
1788741And i cant see that image.. Im sorry its been so long since i checked this
3434046
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3434055 Ah i see.... Well... if you really are interested about O'Leary... i believe i could post his backstory but... not too sure