30 years have past since Luna was freed of Nightmare Moon, the now Legendary 6 have children meant to carry on their legacy in the Elements Of Harmony, but when one of the New Bearers returns after being exiled for dealing with dark magic and murder, he finds a burning Ponyville, the Legendary 6 and the New Bearers slain, he must seek out what he lost so many years ago and reclaim his honor with vengeance.
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Not bad, tracked, I'm curious as to how this will go
Not bad, indeed. In fact it's pretty good. Looking forward for more.
I really liked it, but I noticed quite a few spelling errors. Allow me to enter Grammar Nazi Mode.
Sand and dirt whip through the harsh windstorm as a lone, cloaked stallion makes his way to the door of The Hoofbeat Inn.
Past tense, whipped
To the right of that table sat four older stallions, probably the sad husbands of the mares.
A little confused here, do you mean "the husbands of said mares"?
But what was the cause of all the attention sat upon his brow, a horn broken off four inches from it's base.
Don't really need the "what was" there.
Suddenly their was a great commotion
There was. And perhaps a comma after "suddenly"
"I was ponynapped, and my capters broke it"
Captors.
He ordered a water
Should probably be "ordered some water"
"Than you should have enough money to pay."
Then, not than.
Another glass at their swords.
Maybe "glance"?
All the guests excpet Night, the guards and Tips screamed and ran for the stair, Night sat there quietly, the guards drew their swrods and Tips ran for the backroom again.
Just some jumbled letters, nothing major.
/Grammar Nazi
Sorry if I came off as a little negative. it's a damn good first chapter otherwise. In fact, have this:
itsapeach.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/charlie_sheen_seal_of_win_by_iceyninjagurl-d3bspip.jpg?w=300&h=300
And this is now officially my longest post on this site
Shit just got real! Great chapter!
This is, quite frankly, amazing.
126109
thank you internet grammer nazi you made my day
Oh sheesh y'all
131944
I concur,
Shit just got real indeed. Almost makes me wonder if it will seem like he did it...
This story...is great! I hope he will finally admit that hes really son of Twilight Sparkle and sing his name aloud.
Five stars and tracking!
Beautiful, he just sang his name out aloud!
that was sad and a little bit confusing but i liked it all the same
Aww man.....soo good!
It seems that the new bearer of generosity is pretty generous at giving out death...
why is he apologizing if shes the one who broke off his horn and banished him?
Vilis Malum. Grade A douchebag.
218556
It was actually Celestia who shattered his horn and banished him. He is apologizing to Twilight for being selfish enough to forget who he was and run out on his family and friends. I apologize myself if that was a little confusing
218556
It was actually Celestia who shattered his horn and banished him. He is apologizing to Twilight for being selfish enough to forget who he was and run out on his family and friends. I apologize myself if that was a little confusing
218289
My apologies if it was confusing, I am a young writer and so can't really explain stuffs all that well lol just ask and I will do my best to answer any questions you have. And anything else you want answered, I can add to the story when I rewrite it.
Ok I thought it was him messing up a spell that was ment to turn Rainbow Dash's daughter into a carrot that got him in trouble not him ripping her lungs apart.
224702
haha that would be interesting...but no, it was meant to expand her lungs so she could hold her breathe longer that went bad...as if you couldn't see it coming
ok i take my last coment back i reread everything and i see my error now...the carrot thing came from a diferent story i had read aroung the same time
225068
don't worry, i had Past Sins in my head the whole time i was writing it lol
o.o *sits at edge of my chair*
SO EPIC!
I want to make love to you right now because this story is really rustling my jimmies. Your description, your vividness and your powerful writing keep making this story forceful and grand! I want to see Vilis/Arch pay for what he did and suffer the consequences. Thank you for making my day that much better.
365981
i think i will skip out on the love making this time
I love this chapter.
So is this the final chapter or is there going to be more witht he revised?
888986
i have not decided whether to put my full attention into revising the story or splitting my work partways so i can finish this story AND write the new one.
Most likely i will end up finishing this one before any more revised chapters come out.
Update!
When will the revise to be done or this story will be done, Im dying to know what happens next.
Found this story last night, read it, then found out this non chapter is 34 weeks old. Not cool bro.
only 34 weeks? dang i thought it much longer then that! my apologies but i find it hard to write this story and pass highschool.. I've been meaning to get back to it and i will as soon as possible. then again ive promised that before.
I'm sorry to ask but will this story be updated or is this story on the permanent back-burner?
When will you update this?