Epilogue
Epilogue
I hate being hypocritical.
Celestia lay on her bed, staring at a slew of dusty, old books. She already had most of them memorized, so she wasn’t sure why they were all open. She supposed it was because today was The Day. It wasn’t the first time Celestia had found herself in a position that nopony else could truly appreciate. Still, preparing for hundreds of years and then finding herself unable to do anything when the time came was maddening.
Looking over the open books, she was faintly surprised. Her writing had changed over the centuries, matching the vernacular of the time. Whenever she read from the older books, it felt normal and strange at the same time. She knew that the words and phrases were different from what she used now, but she remembered writing them as if it had happened weeks ago.
I’m just glad that there’re still some things that manage to surprise me.
Celestia glanced over at the one book that she wasn’t done writing in. Though it lay at the most recent end of the line chronologically, it was written in the same style as the oldest of them. It had occupied all of her attention for the past week. Responding to that letter a minute ago had been done hastily to get back to being indecisive about to write next. To be fair, it had been on her mind since she finding Her, The One. That She had been so young had been another surprise, but the Stars’ message had been amazingly clear once she had thought about it.
At least, she hoped.
Now, her Faithful Student was going to do what she could not. All she could do was write.
What am I even writing, she wondered for the thousandth time. Is this an apology? A cry for forgiveness? Informing her what’s happened?
Whatever it truly was, she knew it must be perfect. That was why she had already burnt, thrown out, or otherwise trashed more versions of this one book than she cared to remember. This would have to be the one, however, as there simply wouldn’t be time to do it over again. She knew what she still had to add; she’d built the final plan over the past months and years.
She picked up her quill.
November 26
After seeing how well writing a journal went for Luna, you’d think that I would be more hesitant to start one for myself. But, after days of having to hear how sympathetic everypony is, I couldn’t take it. Hearing that they’re sorry for me just makes it worse. I failed Luna, not the other way around.
I shut myself down. You’d be surprised how well I can hide my feelings now. Or, maybe you wouldn’t. I have had a lot of practice.
It’s helped, for the most part. Only a few dozen ponies try to cheer me up now. First and foremost among them is Puddinghead. Bless her heart, she tries. Largely though, ponies try to avoid me. I’m learning what she went through, the fear in place of respect, the bows being automatic rather than natural. Still, I dare not soften my mask... Doing so would only end in tears. Tears and sympathy. Sympathy and guilt.
January 18
Now I see why the pegasi still prefer the oral tradition to the written word. Without unicorn magic, writing would be a hassle. Speaking of unicorn magic, it seems that I do have another, less visible scar. When I tried to teleport out here, to Cloudsdale, I just couldn’t do it. Clover suggested it was possible that the Elements may have burnt out the majority of my magic. That certainly seems possible. Should I also mention that the Elements themselves are little more than rocks now? Luna would know; she was always so good at this sort of stuff.
Come to think of it, I don’t even know why I’m here. The only reason I had for coming was to help heat the city. Pegasi may be particularly tolerant of cold, but they have their limits, and homes made of clouds are not known for their insulation.
I guess I just needed to get away from the castle. “The castle.” Who am I kidding? That castle was always Luna’s. Anyway, Platinum and Clover will be able to take care of anything that comes up while I do what I can to help. I may not be able to do it all at once, but in small blocks might work.
Now, if only I could get a hang of managing both of these auras.
March 2
You’ve never had a civil war fought in your name, have you, journal?
I didn’t think so.
As bad as it sounds, it feels worse. I want to just admit that they’re right, that it was my fault, but if I do... If I do, everything would come crashing down. This conflict — I don’t know if it really qualifies as a war — is already dividing the races. Can I admit guilt without destroying everything we worked for? Can I let this destroy everything we worked for? No.
No.
I’m sorry, Luna. I’m sorry, Clover. I’m just so sorry.
April 7
“Solar Era” 1It didn’t last long. There were so few that sympathised with Luna that it’s a surprise it even lasted this long.
What do I feel, now that it’s over? Relieved that the senseless bloodshed is finished? Disgust that it even happened in the first place? Both? Neither?
Then there’s the response the citizenry had. The parade. To their credit, they demanded banishment, rather than execution, for the prisoners that were captured.
I went to them, the prisoners, told them to go with my blessing. They spat at me, and I allowed it. I let them hate and rage at me for hours. But it gradually faded. I think, by the end, they understood. But who am I to guess at what lies in the hearts of ponies? If only I had known what was in Luna’s heart...
October 31
Solar Era 1One year.
November 1
Solar Era 1What does it say about me, journal, that I could only manage two words? An entire day and only two pathetic words. She deserved better, more, not what happened a year ago and not what happened yesterday.
The Night of Nightmares.
Never has something been so aptly named. I didn’t allow myself to sleep, fearing what it would bring.
Luna, if only you were here to guide me as you guided so many others. Dear Sister, I would never let you go, never again.
But I digress, as I often do now. The citizens all gathered, yesterday, to recount the horror stories you subjected them to. I listened for hours, felt like years. I’d heard some of the stories before, of course, but I’ve never understood how a pony so kind as you could think of such horrible, awful things, how you could subject anypony to such torture. As I listened to them, one after the other, I noticed something I never had before. All of them, every single one, all of their nightmares had one thing in common. Each of them was alone or had been abandoned. If only I had seen your loneliness.
How could I have been so blind? And when I failed you, Sister, why? Why? Why not speak up? Now we’re both relegated to this anguish for Stars know how long.
This nightmare won’t last only a night.
April 17
Solar Era 11A messenger of the Stars came, bearing a prophecy. “On the longest day of the thousandth year, the Stars will aid in her escape, and she will join you.”
I knew it would be a long wait, but this...
The ponies I see around me, their great-great-great-grandchildren will be dead, buried, and long-forgotten before even half that time has passed. Must I wait so long for you to join me once more? Every night, every time I raise the moon, it hurts.
To live a thousand years this way is...
I almost wish she had ended me. I wish she had killed
I wish she was here.
January 15
Solar Era 48This year, I was finally dragged out to “enjoy myself” by the new chancellor. Bread Pudding (no relation to Puddinghead) is trying to follow the precedent set by Puddinghead, cheering me up. For the record, he’s doing a terrible job of it. I can forgive him for reducing my load of paperwork. How was he to know that is one of the few things that I can do to feel near to her again?
Stars, that seems bleak when penned.
At least he hasn’t tried to stop me from singing you back to sleep, Sister.
But I cannot abide by this mockery, this besmirchment of Luna’s good name. This vile, repulsive, repugnant, unpalatable, intolerable, contemptible piece of shit that he dared to drag me to, this “Hearth’s Warming” play.
His chancellorship will not last the week nor will that abomination ever be seen again.
January 16
Solar Era 48He didn’t know. He simply didn’t know.
I have never felt as old as I do now. How do you explain to somepony that their whole life has been filled with cruel lies?
Apparently not as I tried to.
If the pony who once turned down the title of “The Orator” by giving a speech can’t convince who is supposed to be her trusted advisor that her sister was not a queen leading the windigos to destroy us and was not, in fact, evil, what does that mean?
What more can be done than explain how Luna wept herself to sleep at night, how she had not wanted to bathe the world in ice but had to be convinced, how the one truly responsible was standing before him, guilty as sin?
His only response was a look of pity. It was not one given out of sympathy for loss. No, this was a look one would give the hopelessly deluded. I don’t even know what to do.
Luna, I need you to help me make sense of it all.
June 20
Solar Era 58Nopony understands. Not a one. All for nothing.
October 31
Solar Era 58If I cannot save Luna’s memory, perhaps I can save her. Damn the Stars and their thousand years! I will find a way to free her myself. I may no longer have the magical might. I may no longer have the Elements. I may be attempting the impossible. But I have the time. Oh yes, time I have. I’ll spend it all to hasten her return by just a day.
September 12
Solar Era 103The years have nearly paid off. I am almost done, just need to find the perfect three. A unicorn, powerful, wise, magical. A pegasus, fast, passionate, kind. An earth pony, strong, indomitable, loyal.
When I do, oh Luna, you’ll be back. Accursed Stars, I’ll show them!
Soon now.
October 3
Solar Era 103Tonight, Luna, tonight I will see you again.
They’re at the door, waiting like good fillies. Friends already, look at them. They don’t, no, can’t consider that Luna is responsible for that. Already taking her gifts for granted. Just like everypony always did. Like I did.
No more.
These three will bring you back. You’ll see how clever I was, piecing together everything. I took your research places it never went. Aren’t you proud? You will be, when you’re back.
Time to make the trade. See you soon, Sister.
(October 4?
Solar Era 103)Of course Sister you’re worth more more than three yes more so much more. I can get more many more much more it will be enough this time. Of course you’ll see. You’ll see me and I’ll see you and we’ll be together! I like that. Together. together together together together together gather the fillies and colts together bring them to the mountain together send them away together then we’ll be together yes good We’ll show them that you’re good. We’ll do it... together! hahahahahaha That’s how we’ll laugh at them for being wrong. And we’ll do that together too! I should get them now. Yes. No? You’re right I do need them to be perfect. You do give the best advice. Nothing but the best for you. Don’t worry I know where to look.
(October 21?
Solar Era 103)
Dear Luna,I write to you, tonight, rather than sing. I cannot bring myself to do it.
Forgive me.
Were they worth too little?This will be my last entry. I have done too much and too little. I have ended too much and not enough. I have killed hundreds. I thought they
It does not matter what I thought, only what I did. So many parents left without their foals. So many tiny beds empty. So many stains on my soul.
Their parents will not forgive me. I do not forgive myself. What I did cannot be forgiven.
If I were to hear of some insane criminal who had done even half of what I had done, I would not hesitate in my sentencing. I will not hesitate with my own.
When you return, Luna, I would beg for you to remember me as I was.
Goodbye.
November 7
Solar Era 103Some goodbye that turned out to be. I couldn’t even get that right. My unfortunate resistance to poison kept me going until “help” arrived. Still they remain, watching me, preventing me from attempting it again. There’s always more of them. They never sleep.
I think they were told that it was an assassination attempt.
They would stop me if I tried again. I don’t know why, though. Don’t they know I deserve it? I know everypony knows of what I did... Stars, what I did.
Maybe they think it would cause more unrest if I die. I don’t even know anymore. I just want it all to be over. I can’t lead. I can’t help. There’s nothing for me. Why didn’t they just let me die?
February 9
Solar Era 104Can you see them, Luna? Do you watch them die from the cruel prison you have been relegated to? This war they fight over us... my fault, like everything else.
Do you cry for them?
I wish I could, but all I feel is numb. I wish I could understand, but nothing makes sense. I wish I could see you, but...
April 19
Solar Era 104The rain outside can’t wash away the blood of thousands. That blood was spilt in my name by my “supporters”.
I can sink no lower. Sending you away, murdering, instigating wars... What have I become? I just wanted to make everypony safe and happy. I just wanted you back.
These things are beyond my limits. I know that now. Do you hear me, Stars? I know my limits.
And I know what happens when I go beyond them.
Never again.
May 12
Solar Era 144I should go out, according to (Chancellor) Feldspar. The ponies need to see me helping, he says. But I “helped” Equestria right into this situation. I can’t trust myself to do anything but the same again.
Equestria is on shaky hoofing as it is. I keep getting reports of griffon incursions. Many pegasi are wounded, and we are slowly losing control of the weather. If this situation isn’t changed somehow, the winter will surely bring famine and more deaths than even the war. Without you here, Luna, it will be so much harsher than what we put them through.
I have to do something.
I want to help.
Maybe there is something I can do, something small, something within my limits. Give a speech, provide an example... I can’t do all of it on my own, but together, we can.
May 16
Solar Era 144I truly have become selfish. “Find a family you can help. Help them, and they will help you in turn,” I said. “I will lead by example,” I said. How could I have guessed what awaited me at the first household I visited?
That earth pony couple and their daughter, no older than Luna was when our lives were upturned, opened their door to me and invited me in. Their filly, Greener Fields, spoke to me so bravely, so like you.
She lost her older sister in the war.
I wept. There, in front of them all, I wept for her, for you... but mostly for myself.
And that little filly, so like you, comforted me.
I did the only thing I could. I took them back to the palace with me. I gave them your rooms. I don’t know if I could live without Greener Fields, having met her. That filly fills a sister-shaped void in my soul.
February 28
Solar Era 145Today, my Faithful Student said how she was glad to get away from her old home. She said that it was easier to live with the memories being distant. She couldn’t have know what that would mean to me... or perhaps she could. That filly always surprises me.
The rest of the day, I could only see where Luna and I had sat together, where she had read, where she had leaped from the balcony and taken flight. The memories are all still here. They pull at me every day.
Some of the memories have teeth. When I look out and see the great gash left in the earth I...
I should not be in this place. It was yours and later ours, but it was never mine.
Luckily, being the princess of an expanding country has its advantages. Building a new capital city in a more central location will be a welcome decision, I think. A third of this one’s population is completely mobile, and the other two thirds would gladly accept leaving the Everfree and not needing to be on guard all the time. Everypony will see this as a good and wise decision.
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at that...
January 25
Solar Era 152I am surprised it took my Faithful Student so long to bring up how she was a substitute for you. But after that play, thankfully changed for the better, she did mention it. Bright mare that she is, she probably knew all along and never said anything until today. Greener Fields said she knew that she was the little sister I had lost and couldn’t forget and that, to her, I was the older sister she could barely remember.
Things changed after that, not much, but they did. Somehow, speaking of that unspoken arrangement altered it, and it won’t be the same again, I fear.
June 3
Solar Era 153We both saw this coming. She was growing up. Greener Fields needed to live her own life.
She left me a present, a doll of you, made it with her own hooves, I think. I must have crushed the poor thing when I hugged it. It looks a little flatter now.
I think it is time for a change of scenery. The new castle is mostly complete, last I heard. I think I will go, support the builders and so forth.
September 7
Solar Era 154Stars, it’s been a while since I last wrote in you, journal. You’re supposed to provide an ear... or page, I suppose... to listen to what nopony else will, right? Since Greener Fields left, I just realized stopped fooling myself. She was just a way to make things right by finally being a good older sister.
And you won’t judge me, journal, when I tell you my darkest secret, will you?
There were times, weeks even, when my Faithful Student was all that mattered, when I even forgot you, Sister. It was only when I felt you beginning to wake from the peaceful slumber I put you in and you raged again that I remembered you.
I would rage too, Luna. You deserved better than a sister who forgets you.
Greener Fields deserved better than a teacher who used her as a crutch.
Equestria deserves a better princess than I can be.
What does everypony see in me? Everypony I love ends up hurt or alone or both.
I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before I find out how I hurt Greener Fields.
It will be just like how I hurt the stallion in charge of building castle Canterlot. After being there so long, after “helping” so much, after just being me, he lost the ability to direct his workers. They only look to me now. I don’t know why. I’m no architect. I’ve never built a castle.
Luna did...
I think it would be best to simply remove myself. I can go up north to keep watch for that little filly and visit the small guard contingent who do the same so thanklessly.
May 12
Solar Era 538Luna, could you ever forgive me? I don’t even know how long my most recent crime against you has gone on for, and that is a crime unto itself.
I no longer sing you to sleep for your sake. I don’t even do it for my own. It has simply become a... a habit, a thing I do reflexively.
I will try to recover the feelings I once had, but it has just been so long...
November 13
Solar Era 982Too long, journal. Centuries too long. I have spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for Cadence. Waiting for some message from the Stars. Waiting for you, dear Sister.
At last, I wait for Cadence no longer.
But it has been far, far too long. Generation after generation has gone past and faded, but only now does the one pony who will not fade away appear. If only she had been here before.
I suppose that late is better than never.
As I write, she is curled up at my side, asleep, finally peaceful. When the guards brought her back, she was crying about her “auntie Luna”. The guards were understandably confused. Once she laid eyes on me, she only said “auntie” and ran to me.
What could I do but comfort her and take her under my wing?
The poor filly doesn’t seem to be quite complete. Her memory has gaping holes in it. From Luna’s journal, I do not think it would be wise to try filling them in. Some things are best forgotten, I think. But deep down, I believe she knows that something is wrong. She clings to me even now in her sleep. It is as though she fears that I will leave her.
Fear not, Cadence, my niece. I will find a way to make this right.
Because perhaps... I dare to hope... she is the answer to my prayers. Perhaps she arrived so close to Luna’s return for a reason. The Stars work in mysterious ways, after all. I am living proof of that.
She whimpers in her sleep on occasion, and I cannot help. That is something only you could can do, Sister.
She had nopony. I had nopony.
We have one another now.
I think things may be looking up.
October 31
Solar Era 983For the first time in so very nearly ten centuries, I have had more of a connection to my sister than the cold reminder of her quietly seething moon as I am forced once more to go through this “celebration”. This year, this beautiful year, I am able to cradle to my chest a pony who was embraced by you, Sister.
There are some things that not even a Faithful Student can replace, though I do so love Sunset for trying.
But she is not my darling little princess Cadence. I don’t know that I have ever thought of anypony as a daughter before, but raising this wonderful child for nearly a year, taking care of her and trying to fill in some of the gaping holes in her past... I call her daughter deep in the recesses of my mind.
Soon, Sister, we will be a family just like we dreamed so long ago.
November 13
Solar Era 983Today was the day we decided to call Cadence’s birthday. When she blew out the candles on her cake, I nearly wept. The poor filly... She didn’t need to tell me what she wished for. It was the same thing she wishes for every night. But despite her wishing, the memories do not come. Whether that is for better or for worse I can only guess.
If only I had been there with Luna when she went north. Maybe then none of this would have happened.
June 24
Solar Era 987This was a long time in the coming, I suppose. Oh, Sunset, I am sorry. I let you become the latest addition to the list of those I’ve hurt. If only I could make up for what I did, for what I should have done.
I wish for the days when Sunset was my Faithful Student, and she and Cadence could play together without jealousy. Those were the good days. Watching the two fillies play was always such a joy... But looking back, I can see all the signs.
That seems to be the story of my life. Always “If only I had known.” Always “If only I had seen.” Always “If only I had been there.”
This time, if only I had known how slighted, how unimportant Sunset felt beside Cadence. If only I had seen Sunset taking Cadence’s crown for what it was, a cry for attention. If only I had been there for her when she needed me.
Poor, poor Sunset. Now she, too, is beyond me, gone to a place I cannot go.
She was so like you, Sister.
And Cadence was like me, I think. When she found that her friend whom she had known since her arrival was gone, she went to keep watch by the portal. She says she will keep watch every time it opens, and I don’t doubt her for a minute.
August 26
Solar Era 990Dear Stars, it has begun, a sign at last. I would have never thought... a tiny filly. She is the one. The one who will reunite us.
The Stars truly wanted to attract my attention, a Sonic Rainboom, the first in ten or so generations, and a flare of magic the likes of which I have not seen in three or four centuries, on the same day, no less. They led me to her.
She must be it.
I did not see it at first. I thought that she would just be my newest Faithful Student and maybe, I hoped, a companion for Cadence.
But when I walked from the room, I was stopped dead in my tracks from the revelation. Her cutie mark was the Stars themselves. There have been others with stars as their cutie marks, but these circumstances... It can only mean one thing.
She must be ready.
January 16
Solar Era 991I can’t help but think that She doesn’t... understand the point of this latest version of the Hearth’s Warming play. She only seemed to care about the “windigos” and how their biology worked and the spellwork behind the Hearth’s Warming Heart. There were no questions about how the ponies could live apart like foals usually ask.
I am beginning to wonder how She can be The One. I thought that She would be... more, somehow. She is so intelligent and perceptive, but She is just missing something. It took so long for Her to get along with Cadence, but after they bonded, things turned around, so I remain hopeful.
But there are so few years to get Her ready. She will be so young...
June 20
Solar Era 1000Tomorrow. It is all out of my hooves now.
Luna held the slim volume in her hooves, not trusting her magic yet as her form continued to fill in. Celestia watched as a range of emotions crossed her sister’s face. Shock and sorrow were predominate among them. Sometimes Celestia caught a hint of anger from the twitch of her sister’s ears.
When Luna reached the last page then looked up, Celestia could not read what was in her sister’s eyes. Luna slowly closed the book and laid it down. Then she rose and wordlessly walked from the room, not closing the door as she left.
Celestia watched her go and reached out weakly as her sister left her. Then she slowly pulled her hoof back to her face and began to weep into it.
She lay like that, sobbing, for a time until she felt a light contact on her nose. Blinking her eyes open against the tears, she saw a butterfly had landed on her. When its wings flicked open, she saw a pair of pink and midnight blue flecks.
Celestia’s breath caught in her throat. She surrounded the butterfly in magic and felt a thread, strong and true, trailing out of the room.
Deep, wordless joy filled Celestia as she leapt up and galloped out of the room, following the magical string.
Luna was waiting.
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I am really, really excited to see it up at last. It's been a long journey, and watching you grow in the process has been wonderful. I'm proud of you, man. You wrote a novel.
So
Gonna go to disney world? hehe.
But seriously. Very happy about this one and that it's done and fulfilled.
3759053
Thanks for the high rating; I did try my best to earn it.
Stick around if you would. Things that I hinted at are to be more fully revealed.
Let me be the first to *slowclap*
not really much to say the words speak for them selves. Cool story bro.
3760044
Thanks for your kind words, Chalice. I'm glad you liked the little story I could think up, and I hope you'll stick around.
Wow...
What an ending, man.
Bravo... Just, bravo.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3760473
Thanks, Skeeter. I really tried to make it something special, and I'm glad you think I did.
Wow, i didn't know there was a continuation to Paradise, even if not an official one. It's one of my favorite "dead" fics so i'll read it for sure. Tracking it for now.
3760732
Thanks! I hope you like what you find.
It's creepy how you described the effects a serious chronic depression had on Celestia.
Bravo! I really enjoyed it.
Congrats on getting the story in the featured section!
3760794
Good! I did what I set out to do, then. I'm glad you liked it.
3760831
Thanks. And thanks once again for even okaying this... I never thought that it — that I — would come so far.
And so, it leaves. Bravo. That was fantastic.
This is the second to last story to end which had "email me new updates". Yeah, I've been following this since I started...
3762022
Thanks for sticking with me for so long, and I'm very glad you liked it. Hopefully you'll also like what's coming too.
3762031 Oh, before I forget. If I understood correctly, you should link to episode 3, not 1&2?
:P
Congratulations on finishing your story. I was never good at long speeches, so I'm going to leave it at that, for I fear if I continue I will wholeheartedly undermine the realism of my joy and replace it with disgust over the cliche happiness which I posted in a comment.
3762041
I meant pretty much that the story lead right into the series, and we know it from there. But the first two episodes pretty much slot around the epilogue neatly. If I actually went to write them out, I'd have made them flashbacks similar to what I did with Streamline. Hope that clears things up.
3762114
I'm glad you liked it!
Finally finished Paradise, time to read this
Do not disappoint me
jooooooooookkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnng
3796319
hehe, "Do not disappoint me"?
Fuck that
That was beautiful. Thank you.
3811334
)
I'm very glad you liked it! (Maybe you could upvote it... if you want...
3811912
Oh hell yeah I will
3813674
Thank you kindly!
I'm a big fan of Slywits Paradise, as its pretty much the fic that first got me into pony fics. So this was a real treat! Well done. I loved it. :)
3826790
Thanks! As you may have gathered, I'm kind of a big fan of Paradise too.
3876574
I'm very glad you liked it.
first story with a 100% like ratio that is completed i'll get right on it once i finished reading the one i'm reading right now
4329987
What do you mean by that, exactly? Surely there must be other completed stories with 100% ratios.
In any case, I hope that you enjoy what you find herein and have a nice day!
4333226 I mean it's the first only one I saw, not that it's the only one with a 100% ratio on the whole fimfiction
4333245
Ah. I thought you might have meant in some particular group.