Princess of the Fading Sun
Chapter 1 - Princess of the Fading Sun
Ponies called it the “Twilight Years of Equestria,” and she was certain whoever had come up with the term had thought themselves to be incredibly clever. Equestria was dying and soon the sun would set forever. The former paradise was seeing its final years under the rule of Princess Twilight Sparkle.
She rose from her throne and plodded over to one of the balconies, her hooves weighed down by decades of memories. Twilight’s forlorn gaze went up to the empty evening sky. It brought so much pain to her heart, but yet she was drawn to stare into its abyss. The sun had nearly set, just a hint of orange and red peeking above the horizon, and there was no sign of the stars or the moon. The darkness was wrong, and there was nothing she could do about it.
It was not the night for petitioners, and the princess had told the guards to send away any visitors for the day. It was the third time that month that she had canceled court. With each passing year, she found herself more and more prone to turning inwards. Luckily, the guards and palace staff never questioned her decisions. They understood.
Equestria was coated in a blanket of snow that gave it a serene sense of beauty that betrayed the true state of her kingdom. It was easy for her to imagine that Winter Wrap Up would be coming soon to uncover lush fields of green. However, eventually when the snow melted, withered and dying grass would be revealed instead.
Twilight looked out at the setting sun. The cold and distant sphere of light was barely capable of illuminating the land. Even in the warmth of the palace, she felt herself shiver. In some other time, the New Year’s celebration would have marked the approach of spring. Now, it just meant another four months of winter. Sometimes farmers would still come and plead for longer days and brighter light, but most had learned that their cries would fall on deaf ears. The first time a pony had thrown himself on his knees, begging her to try just a little harder, Twilight had wept openly in court. Turning them away greatly pained the Princess of Equestria, but the pathetic orb of light that was Equestria’s new sun took all of her strength to maintain. She had nothing more to give.
Twilight could feel the thin sheen of sweat on her coat and hear her own heavy breathing. Some nights her heart would thunder like a distant storm. Every day ended the same way, and with each dawn she would question if she had the strength to shepherd the sun all the way across the sky. Near the beginning hope and optimism had filled her heart. Her plan had been to replicate both nights and days. However, her optimism had nearly brought about disaster.
Equestria’s ruler shuddered at the memory of when her sun had almost winked out. She had never told anypony about how close things had come on that day. Now, the concern was always in the back of her mind that, if she pushed herself too hard, one day she would find herself completely exhausted before the sun had set.
Twilight was only one pony. She needed time to recuperate, and so had made the decision to leave the night sky empty. There would be no moon, and there would be no stars. That was the price to pay for Equestria to have a sun. Without her burning orb the heavens would be nothing but an unchanging solid wall of black.
The sun inched ever closer to the horizon. Soon it would be completely hidden, and the light was rapidly fading away. Inside her mind Twilight could imagine that she heard the ticking of the mental machinery that drove it across the sky. The royal timekeeper would not need to remind her to keep to the schedule today. Twilight's eyes followed the gulf of darkness that lay between Canterlot and Ponyville. She saw nothing. There were no signs of evil things prowling under the nearly empty sky.
“But yet, they are there.”
The unicorn knew that dark beings danced and ran about in the inky blackness that ponies called night. Beyond the limit of cities and towns, far from the streetlights that kept the shadows at bay, night meant a constant danger. If a pony traveled beyond the reach of Twilight’s protection once the sun had set, his or her life was forfeit. With the start of Twilight’s reign, things that had not dared to show themselves under Celestia’s rule began to emerge. There were also the other things, the things formed from the darkness itself.
Twilight thought of her dinner that night. The daffodil salad had been exquisite; the palace staff would tolerate nothing less for their princess. However, she knew not all ponies ate as well as her. Fewer and fewer farmers were willing to risk living outside of the population centers in that dangerous darkness. It was compounding the already existing food production issues caused by her deficient sun.
In the courtyard below the Night Guard prepared for their patrols. Ponies performed the final checks on their armor, pulling and tightening straps of fabric. Their motions were precise and practiced, the ritual being one they performed on a nightly basis. There was no idle chatter or banter between them, and each of the ponies gave the task their full attention. Their metal barding could mean the difference between life and death for themselves or their comrades. From some ponies, a sparkling glimmer gave away the enchanted plate of the Guard’s officers. At least some of that armor had been made by her own student.
Unfortunately, even with all their skill and preparation, there was a chance that at least one of the ponies in the courtyard would not return when the sun began its ascent at dawn. The previous night had marked the loss of another two of her Guard. As her eyes passed over the ponies, she saw signs that each and every one of them had seen battle before. The Guard wore scars as another pony might wear a saddle or jewelry. But even ignoring the torn ears and the mangled snouts, Twilight knew they were experienced ponies. It was their eyes. Their eyes showed they had seen horrible things, and despite everything, were still terrified by what they might see with each coming night. Still, even with their fear, her guards would do their duty. They would not back away from the danger. They fought the things that went bump in her gloomy nights, and they would be dead because she was not strong enough to protect them.
She felt a trickle run down her cheek and blinked away the tears. She could not afford to weep. The Princess of Equestria must be strong for her ponies.
Twilight had seen far too many ponies buried. The week had hardly begun and she already had more funerals to attend. It would be so easy to look away, and yet she forced herself to watch as the second flight prepared to launch. If she could, she would be there later when they returned. She owed them that much, but she would not cry.
The fact that she finally understood the responsibility and worry that Princess Celestia must have felt for all of her little ponies did little to comfort Twilight. Even after so much loss, Twilight still hoped that each and every pony would return each morning. She had already given up on so many of her other hopes. It seemed a shame to let that one die, even if it would inevitably shatter day after day.
For a few years at least, Twilight had possessed such great dreams. A council of the most powerful unicorns in all of Equestria had convened to see if they could pool their power to brighten her sun and bring some light to the dark nights. Their efforts would restore Equestria and herald salvation. The ponies had worked tirelessly for three years.
“They tried to banish the darkness for me, but the darkness said ‘no.’ ”
Their combined magical power was just a drop in a bucket compared to what she required to maintain and move the sun. When the council had first gathered she had begun to grow impatient for them to begin. She had not understood why they did not form the circle. Finally she had asked.
She had been given her answer.
What was, in all probability, the most powerful casting circle that Equestria had seen for generations had been at work for over ten minutes before she had asked her question. Narrowing her eyes and focusing her senses she finally felt them.
It was not until that moment that Twilight realized just how strong she truly was. She wondered how frightened the examiners at the Academy must have been to see a filly with so much raw power during her entrance test.
The circle had been a failure. Everypony in Equestria could work together and they would still be insignificant ants next to her. With a wave of her hoof she could turn them to dust.
And yet, compared to her former mentor, she was still nothing.
The council of unicorns could, if they put forth the effort every night, sprinkle the sky with a handful of stars. While it would lessen the sharp sting of the nights, it would be far too little to affect a real difference. Twilight had been forced to decide that their abilities would be better used elsewhere.
“And so my nights remain empty.”
The entire endeavor had nearly shattered her spirit. It destroyed her hope of a brighter tomorrow. Any improvement in Equestria would take generations and the suffering of countless ponies. The experience had also forced her to question the story behind Hearth’s Warming Eve, a story that inspired her so much as a filly. Either the tale was simply a farcical lie or it was missing something important. There was no way the unicorns of old could have raised and set the sun by themselves, at least not without some other element in the equation.
Twilight wished she had asked her mentor about the story while the Princess had still been around.
Sometime after the debacle with the council of unicorns, Twilight found herself sorting through some of Princess Celestia’s old papers. At first it felt like invading Celestia’s privacy, but she had justified it in that there may have been something important regarding the safety of Equestria. It was nearly forty-five years ago, and enough time had passed that most of the documents were terribly out of date. However, she had found more than a few gems that made the search worthwhile.
Then she found the Princess’s diary. Titled “Diary, Vol. One Hundred and Thirty Seven,” it was a remarkably dry and factual account of the Princess’s day-to-day life. Twilight had wondered why Celestia had bothered writing half of the entries. She had never discovered what had happened to volumes one through one hundred and thirty six, but the volume she had was more than enough.
Once she realized what it was, Twilight had set the diary aside. It had been a place for Celestia’s private thoughts and Twilight was going to keep it that way. The bound book sat on Celestia’s desk for nearly two years until Spike made a suggestion.
“You know, there might be something important in her diary. Maybe about the Elements or what it’s like controlling the sun?
She shook her head. The dragon had wanted to go through the book since they had found it.
“No Spike, it’s her private diary.”
“I think she would have wanted you to read it.”
That was all it had taken to break her resolve. As much as Spike had wanted to page through the book, she had wanted to read it more. For the most part, Twilight thought it could have been mistaken for the court logs. Many entries reminded her of her own checklists and notes. However, a hoofull of entries had made Twilight glad to read the book. While she started in an attempt to learn more about Equestria, in the end, she just wanted to learn more about her mentor.
Twilight still remembered when she first read the entry about a day Celestia met a young lavender unicorn with incredible potential that had nearly destroyed a testing chamber in an uncontrolled magical surge.
-Power unlike any I have seen in thousands of years-
When Twilight read what had been contained in those pages she had set the entire palace into a panic by disappearing from her study. It was Spike who found her sobbing in her old room from when she had still been in school.
-Cannot recollect a pony with more potential strength-
Spike had found her crying into her hoofs underneath her low bed. Every third sob had been punctuated by a sneeze from the massive accumulation of dust. Nopony had been in the room since she had moved to Ponyville.
-Controlled by a dangerously untrained filly. Steps must be taken-
At first, Spike had failed to coax her out from under the bed. He had managed, however, to get her to push out the diary opened to the offending page.
-A seal on the majority of her magic-
She remembered the gasp of her then assistant as he read over the words. While she had wanted to react with anger at the betrayal, she could only muster tears of sadness. Twilight had hoped the dragon would feel outraged on her behalf. That he would rage about how the Princess had kept such an important secret from her.
-Fade over time. She will never know-
Instead he surprised her.
“Wow, I can’t believe how much effort she went through to keep you safe.”
“Keep me safe? Don’t you remember all those times I struggled to cast spells in school? When other ponies made fun of me because, even though my talent was magic, I just didn’t have the strength. What about times when my classmates beat me up and I couldn’t do anything? What about when mom died? How was she keeping me safe then? The Princess intentionally handicapped me and kept it a secret.”
That fact cast doubt on everything the Princess had ever said, especially those last final words, and Twilight felt her tears returning.
Spike seemed to jerk back as she poked her head out from under the bed. Twilight saw his eyes widen in realization as he saw that she crying because she was sad.
“Well yea, those were all the things I was thinking of. Remember how you told me about when you had just started at Celestia’s school and some of the other students were making fun of you. You said you cast a spell to get back at them for their ‘prank.’”
Twilight set her head down across her forehoofs with a pout
“I tried to cast a spell to get back at them. I wanted to change their mane colors.”
“And?”
“And… It blew up in my face. I was really bad at control back…”
“What do you think would have happened if you had full access to your magic back then? What if you had all of your power when you were first learning teleportation? Would magic really have been the way to deal with those bullies? Or would something worse than just turning yourself pink have happened?”
She sat up, but could not repress the shudder at the thoughts of what she might have done accidentally with her unsealed magic.
“But she never told me.”
“What would you have done if you had known?”
“Tried to find a way around the seal.” She at least had the decency to look bashful.
“I mean, this type of seal that she talks about… It couldn’t have been easy could it?”
“Not at all. Even for Princess Celestia it would have required careful crafting.”
Spike climbed up into the nook between her forehoofs as she lay back down on the floor.
“Is the seal still there then?”
“No. It would have broken when Celestia… When I became princess. It explains the surge in power I felt back then.”
“Did you read this last line?”
Twilight shook her head.
-should tell her when she is old enough to understand-
Tears were pooling in her eyes again.
And so Twilight had been left with the power and responsibility to create and control a new sun.
Over the next few weeks, Spike would help Twilight to realize that the deception that she had first interpreted as a betrayal had been undertaken with care and consideration. Even if control had not been an issue, Celestia’s seal had been important.
Twilight wondered if she ever would have reached out to her friends for help in stopping Nightmare Moon if she had access to her full magical reserve. She might have been strong enough to think there was something she could do against a full alicorn. She might have never met her friends. Celestia had made the right call.
Twilight shook her head.
She tried not to think of her former mentor. Despite being forced to grow up so fast and being the de facto ruler of her homeland, she could not help but feel like a little foal inside. She wanted nothing more to see her teacher again. She could almost imagine the Princess’s wings wrapped comfortingly around her in a protective embrace. The warmth would soothe away all of her worries until only the two of them remained.
In Twilight’s mind, Princess Celestia suddenly returned. She would make everything better. After harmony was restored they would then curl up together in front of a fire, as Twilight would tell her teacher about everything that had happened. The white alicorn would assure her that everything would be fine and they would laugh the night away until sleep overtook them.
But she knew that dream was but a dead future. A possibility that would never be, aborted by fate before it ever had a chance.
If things were ever going to get better, Twilight would need to make things better. It would not be an easy task. Every day of every year would be a struggle, and the price she would need to pay would be the blood, sweat, and tears of all of her ponies. It was such a high price, but she could see no other path. Twilight would just need to make sure that she substituted as much of her own blood and tears in the place of her ponies as she could manage. However, even in a brighter tomorrow, some things would never be right. Celestia would never be returned to her.
And Twilight would never hear the laughter of a certain pink earth pony again.
“Princess?”
Twilight jumped at the sound of a voice to her side and spun around. Her face broke out in a smile. The other mare was wearing a casual military uniform, but the epaulets and patches on the vest marked her as the one pony that was both the Captain of Twilight’s Guard and chief commander of Equestria’s military. Even without the uniform nopony in Canterlot would mistake the distinctive mane of Equestria’s Captain Commander.
“Please, how many times do I have to tell you? The only other ponies around are the door guards, and they know that we’re friends. You don’t need to call me ‘Princess.’ There’s no need for those formalities when we are alone.”
Even as Twilight spoke the words, a plea she had made many times before, she knew they would do no good. The years of pressure of leading soldiers and the trauma of combat had changed the relationship Twilight had with her friend. The aging pegasus was not nearly as carefree as she had been in her youth. Twilight certainly knew that it was hard for death not to change a pony, and Rainbow Dash was certainly no stranger with death. Battles left scars, and there were some scars that went deeper than the skin.
The pegasus before her frowned. “We aren’t alone, Princess. As you just said, there are guards around, and it doesn’t matter if they know we are friends or not. How many times do I need to tell you back, that we need to set a good example for them if I am to hold them to high standards? Besides, formalities reinforce discipline.”
Twilight let out an un-princess like snort and walked up to the pony and rubbed up against her friend’s side in something that was a cross between a hug and a lean. It was a conversation they had had a dozen times before, but Twilight would not give up. The other pony tensed at the contact, but Twilight just smiled.
“You’re the last pony I ever would have guessed to end up caring about formality or discipline. I’m the princess and if I want to be relaxed around my friends then I will. I’m allowed some abuse of my position after all.”
Twilight started to press her side into the rainbow maned pony with a bit more force. The increased pressure relieved some of the soreness that had been bothering her all day, and until it was gone the unicorn had not realized just how much physical discomfort she had been feeling.
“Are your sides still bothering you?” The pegasus turned to look at her with concern. “I thought they were just itchy.”
Twilight frowned as she replied, “It started off as just an itch, but my sides have been hurting a lot since the start of the week.”
“Twilight, I know you can be just as stubborn as Applejack sometimes, but you need to see a doctor.”
“Don’t worry Dash.” As she spoke her frown transformed into a smile despite her friend’s overprotectiveness. She had managed to make the pony forget her title. Point Twilight. “I’ve already seen the royal physicians and they know what’s wrong with me. It’s just some growing pains, is all… Apparently I’m going to be a proper princess soon.”
Rainbow Dash leaned her head away so she could give Twilight a quizzical look when the unicorn did not elaborate further.
Even before she had seen the doctors and they had run their tests, Twilight had suspected the answer. Over the last forty-five years, all of her friends had shown signs of their increasing age, and most of them had developed more than a few gray hairs. Rainbow Dash was the only one whose mane looked just as it had when they were young, and Twilight was more than a little suspicious that the pegasus only still had her multi-hued coloration thanks to a regular and meticulous dye job. Unfortunately, she had yet to prove her hypothesis. The unicorn could not imagine how much work it would take to properly color the rainbow mane, but it would explain why her captain of the guard always seemed busy every night at the end of the week.
However, Twilight looked as if she had not aged a day. If anything she was in better shape than when they had all lived in Ponyville. Her doctors told her that she was indistinguishable from a pony in her twenties. She had become much more toned as the years had passed by and had lost most of her “pudge” as Rainbow Dash liked to put it. She had even grown a few inches in height.
She had eventually been forced to give away all of her old saddles.
The unicorn thought she understood why. It was a matter of willpower. Equestria needed her and she could not rest until it no longer needed her. Since she was the only one left with the power to maintain Equestria, it simply meant that her ponies would always need her, and if that meant she could not allow herself to age, then so be it. Magic was the ability to exert one’s will over the world around oneself, and no pony had more magic than Twilight Sparkle. It had surprised her at first, but made a certain kind of sense that her magic was sustaining her body. Her youth was not a result of a conscious choice, but rather the result of a deep need to be there for her ponies.
Over the last decade Twilight had begun to suspect that she might live indefinitely. Her medical exams certainly seemed to indicate that time would no longer be a specter waiting for her in the shadows. However, she began to have a horrible suspicion. She could not shake the thought that it was her presence that caused her mentor to succumb to her injuries so many years ago. Twilight suspected that the princess’s immortality was a result of the goddess’s will power. Celestia had lived because she had needed to. There had been no other choice.
However, Twilight feared that as her mentor had lay broken and injured another option had occurred to her. In her last moments, had the Princess thought that Equestria no longer needed her? Perhaps Princess Celestia had decided that her student was capable of taking over her duties and finally allowed herself the eternal rest of death. Or perhaps, Princess Celestia had not wanted to die, but her trust in Twilight had weakened her resolve just enough.
If that was the case, Twilight was, in a way, responsible for her mentor’s death. She was responsible for weakening her beloved teacher’s will and causing her to slip away. Equestria’s current fate rested squarely on Twilight's shoulders. If it was indeed the case that Celestia had passed away because she had trusted her student to care for Equestria, Twilight had failed the alicorn spectacularly.
Or maybe Celestia had simply not wanted to go on without her sister. There were so many possibilities and so few answers.
The memories began to well up within her. Twilight would never forget the heartbreak she felt as the Princess whispered those final words to her and had taken that final breath - the anguish she felt as she saw her mentor’s sun wink out of existence as it was extinguished.
“I’m growing wings.”
Rainbow Dash jumped away from her, nearly causing her to fall, and spluttered in disbelief and confusion. Twilight would wait for her to get it out of her system.
“What- How! How is that even possible? You’re joking. You’re joking right? I know you’re you and all, but still a pony doesn’t just grow wings.”
“A pony doesn’t not age either, but yet here I am. I don’t even need to dye my mane and I look just as good as ever.”
Twilight paused for a moment giving her friend an expectant look. When no comment on the concept of mane dying was given, she continued, “I suspect that it is a natural byproduct of my magic maintaining my body. I wouldn’t be surprised if both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had both once been ordinary unicorns. I’ve been developing a theory that all immortal beings are transformed by their internal magic. If Discord ever breaks free again, I plan on asking him if he has always looked as he does now.”
Twilight spoke methodically repeating thoughts she had been working through over the last few days before continuing her explanation.
“My current state of youth is a result of a unity of spirit - as it were. An inner harmony caused by my dedication to Equestria. It seems to make sense that a byproduct will be unity in my physical self as I begin to embody traits from all types of ponies. I think it has been happening for a while now. You were the first to notice that I had grown more muscular and gained a couple of inches. Size, strength and stamina are traits of an earth pony. I just hope that my wings don’t take another forty years to grow.”
“Why not?”
Twilight did not even try to keep the whining tone out of her voice. “Because it hurts. It feels like something is trying to push out from inside my body. If this discomfort is anything what it is like to be pregnant, I now sympathize much more with Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. The wings have already partially formed, but need to break through my hide. That hurts, hurts, hurts! Plus, the doctors tell me that everyone is going to start seeing ugly bulges on my side where the wing bones are pushing through.”
“That’s why you should have grown your wings before being born. Pegasi are definitely cooler.”
She knew it was childish but she stuck her tongue out at her friend in response.
“Well Twi, that is awesome news. I guess you’re finally going to understand why pegasi are the best ponies. Once those babies are fully grown you’re going to be getting flight lessons from the best flier in all of Equestria.”
Twilight smiled. In her excitement Rainbow had forgotten all about formalities, and now it was time for some teasing of her own. These moments where the real Rainbow Dash, not Captain Commander of the Equestrian guard, shone through were some of her favorite times.
“Speaking of the best flier, how are the new recruits? You’re starting to get kinda old you know. Pretty soon you might even have to start dying that mane of yours.” Still no reaction. Twilight smiled as she continued her jibe. “Any of those young ones able to give you a run for your money?”
Twilight had expected Rainbow Dash to respond to her little jab with some over the top response or to scoff at the idea of anypony being faster than her. Instead her friend was silent for a few moments before solemnly responding.
“There is some good raw talent in the newest batch. I’ll need to wait until their mettle has been tested before making a judgment call. My gut tells me though that none of them would make a suitable replacement.”
“Replacement?”
“As you said Twi, I’m not the young pegasus that I used to be. I’m still fast, but I don’t think I could still pull off a rainboom anymore. My turns aren’t as tight as they used to be, and on particularly cold days my wings have started aching. I was worried until the doctors told me that it’s just arthritis. Then I was just sad. As much as I don’t like to think about it, I’m not going to be around forever. Not all of us are so lucky as to be immortal.”
Rainbow Dash paused as she tilted her head in thought. Twilight could tell she had something more to say and so remained quiet until her friend finished.
“Though, I suppose maybe you aren’t so lucky to live forever are you? Eventually the rest of us are going to head to the great pasture in the sky, but you’re going to need to keep carrying the burden. I guess I never really thought about what it will be like for you personally when we’re all gone... But I want to make sure the burden you are left with will be as light as possible. Equestria, or rather you, are going to need competent ponies around. I’m not going to give my position up to just anypony, so I’ve started to keep my eye out for an eager young recruit to groom as my replacement.”
Twilight let out a sigh that was a mixture of relief and sorrow. She had not realized it, but she had been holding her breath. “So you’re not retiring then?”
“Hay no! Twilight, you’re going to be stuck with the best pony in Equestria until the very moment I croak.”
Rainbow Dash shot Twilight her nearly patented cocky smile.
Twilight allowed herself to smile as she tried not to think of the loneliness that the future would bring. It was the same loneliness she was certain Celestia had felt. Instead she rubbed her side against her friend again in what she hoped was a comforting gesture.
“Hey if your wings are really bothering you so much we can get you a scratching post to rub against; you don’t need to use me.”
And for the first time in a long while, Princess Twilight Sparkle of the fading lands of Equestria let out a genuine laugh.
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I haven't commented on a story yet, but here I am - this is absolutely fantastic! I adore how you gradually unfold what caused the current setting, rather than exposit-dump all at once.
You've got yourself a track!
Of course, it helps that the "Princess Twilight" genre is my favorite.
Here's to the next chapter, haha!
this is so saaaddd
thay need a nuclare fusion bomb to re start the sun and poor twi imortalitys a bitch
You know that clicky noise from Adventure Time, used to describe sweet, high-quality armor?
You're getting that noise from me, about this story so far.
I like this beginning!
And I better see some major sad stuff at the end! 
Wow such a great plot and well written, bueno
keep on writing bro can't wait for the next chapters
I especially liked the parts about wing biology, I must say.
I don't normally read sad fiction, but this has all the right components for good, dark mythology (that's why I can accept you openly embracing a MLP-cosmos in complete contradiction with everything we know about stars and planets). Twilight Sparkle indeed. I should have seen that coming.
Interesting story! Curious as to what the others are doing, and wondering if they have tried using the Element of Harmony to boost the sun...
Noticed a small punctuation error:
“Are your sides still bothering you. I thought they were just itchy?”
Misplaced question mark- The first sentence is the question.
Hurts, Hurts, Hurts!
Indeed... growing wings would probably feel fairly agonizing. I'm interested to see where you go with this.
Will twilight ever be as powerful as Celestia? and what is the storyline of this story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Is this Grimdark or just Dark? Is there any hope? You're crushing my heart, Mister!
Anyway, I'm going to keep track of this.
This is amazing. First story that I am tracking. Keep up the good work!
Interesting. This has potential; I can see a number of ways this could go, and I may have missed the mark with all of them.
I await more in anticipation. Keep it up.
Um...no, I don't think growing limbs would hurt, if your body was doing what it was supposed to be doing. If you break your leg, it doesn't hurt for the entire duration of your having the cast, does it?
Hmm. Very nice, can't wait for more.
124063 but see, the body isnt supposed to grow wings. it'd be like the skin is stretching out to a ridiculously painful extent, and then a crapload of feathers are exploding out. it sounds painful.
and even if its not, its more fun to write than "yo, cool, i gots me some wings."
incidentally, im going to read this story
If Twilight Really cared for Equestria she would free discord and ask for his help.
Now that was truly awesome. Ehh still needs to be 20% cooler. JUST KIDDING!! KEEP ON GOING DUDE
o__o .... *uses backscratcher on Twilight's side* Scritchy Scritchy. >_>; *Instead of Brushy Brushy?*
i never thought alicorn twilight could be pulled off so well.. this is beautiful. honestly, i hope it gets really depressing cuz i havent read a good, manly-tear-inducing story in a while. you've got what it takes, i can tell. but i hope you take it there. good luck, my friend.
You know, in my current fragile emotional state, it would probably be a bad idea to read a sadfic. Too late.
Eager for more.
I will track this, i'm intrigued.
Wow, I am really diggin' this story. Excellent work!
Fluttershy had a child?!('
'); I can't imagine her with a child. I hope it is revealed who it was with. My money's on Big Macintosh.
123692
Thanks for the catch. I actually found two more punctuation errors while fixing the one that you pointed out. javascript:smilie('
');
Unfortunately, I'm not great at self editing, but hopefully people will keep me honest.
124063
When children do teething, they scream all day, don't they?
So a magic being's appearance is dictated by their will, as is their immortality? So Discord looks that way specifically because he wants to look chaotic, and the winged unicorns look that way because they want to represent unity and power. Interesting. And any signifigantly powerful unicorn with enough will could become a winged unicorn and control celestial bodies. This is rather interesting, although winged unicorn Twilight is a bit over done, but because this is so good, I'll overlook it.
Look forward to seeing more of this.
This would be a good time for the Terran Federation(not Star Trek) to show up and offer to help them out of this.
I'm really liking this so far. This is the first story I've managed to catch at the first chapter, so I'm really curious as to how it'll turn out. Nice job.
There's a lot of punctuation errors in here, which is one of the first things that pops out right at me. Definitely would try to work on that if you could. I see a lot of areas where commas aren't being used when they should.
Idea is real good, and is executed even better, but there are some things that come into question. First off, I'm fairly sure when/if Princess Celestia and Luna die, the sun and moon will not just vanish. I really wouldn't be able to picture that, nor would I picture Twilight creating a new sun and moon. Also, I think the Princesses only had to raise the sun and moon, and then it would move on its own (However I could be wrong.)
I definitely like this story idea, but there are some points were I went:
or where I facepalmed. May look into more chapters at a later time.
4 out of 5
This is definitely gonna be sad. I can tell.
inb4 YOU DON'T SAY?!
Its sad but I want to read more :) . I can imagine the Gala being very different since the night is dangerous now. Is it grimdark because of the possibility of writing about Twilight having to save a pony from dying from the darkness? Like I don't know maybe Rainbow Dash? I have no idea but is it "pluss" or is it "plus"? I thought you used only one "S" with it.
124063 It does hurt, right now my sister is in my pain because her bones are moving in her pelvic area for the baby. I always thought pregnant woman were hurting because the baby might have been to heavy. But they actually are having their bones and joints move just so that baby can form and pop easier.
i want to know what happened to pinkiepie
Awesome start to my favourite story topic!
Favourited and tracked, tracked, tracked! Tracked like a TANK!
So far, I do like this story. I'm a little behind, obviously, seeing as I just started now. But it's alright. The lack of Pinkie will no doubt depress me.
But do please continue posting. It's quite good so far.
>Your the last pony I ever would have guessed to care about formality of discipline.
>Your the last pony
>Your
cats
Yay I am 5000 viewer =) Great story btw. Been reading it on my kindle on the train.
D: bro no... sad story is sad
... must read on though!
Great story, nuclear bomb the size of manhatten to the rescue.
Hope you see this sometime in the future, dead, or no.
fantastic intro, really sets the tone...
This story is more than old enough to require a re-read by myself in order to give the update justice, even if you hadn't revised the older chapters.
To celebrate that revision, I shall nitpick them!
peeking
Twilight's?
teleportation?
soothe
shone
Starts nice.
I think there is a missing word here: "one hundred and thirty six,"
I can't believe I put of reading this story for a year or more, I regret it now D:
In order to decide if I wanted to read this or not, I decided to look at the earliest comments. I find that I want to read this.
I wonder how much longer Equestria will last.
Uh... wow.
Hot damn. I think this just took the top of my priority reads.