5: Just-a good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm - by DJ-Pon3FTW & The Quiet Man
Just-a good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm by DJ-Pon3FTW & The Quiet Man
Chapter published 2nd August 2013
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Big MacIntosh lay in his bed, listening to the silence that permeated his room at Sweet Apple Acres. For not the first time that night he rolled onto his side to take a long hard look at the clock on his bedside table.
Ten minutes to midnight.
Nodding to himself as he slowly rolled out of bed, the large stallion gingerly crossed the room - mindful of the squeaky floorboard third from the left wall - carefully opened his door and ever-so-quietly made his way down the hall to the stairs.
Straining his ears as he passed first Applebloom's room, then Granny Smith's, he clearly heard their loud, undisturbed snores. He couldn’t resist a small smirk as he walked on by though in truth he wasn't terribly worried about getting caught by either the youngest or oldest of the farmhouse’s inhabitants.
As he made his way down the stairs, he paused for a moment at a picture of his Ma and Pa that was hanging on the stairway wall. Their smiles in the old photo seemed to always reach out to the draft pony as he went by, their simple joy at living ‘the good life’ etched on their faces catching at his eye and tugging at his heart with every passing.
Nodding in silent acknowledgement to the image of his long-departed parents, Mac hurried the rest of way down the stairs before crossing the living room and quietly slipping out of the house, gently closing the front door behind him as he left.
Standing alone on the front porch, nothing but a dark night laid out in front of him and a sky full of stars above him, Big Mac smiled. He had a good feeling about tonight.
"Who knows, might just get it right this time!" the large draft-pony mumbled to himself as he trotted away from the house with a spring in his step before disappearing into the tree line.
**************
Crickets chirped a subdued and earthly melody as Applejack trotted swiftly and with care through the trees. The only reason she was even out here, picking her way through her orchards in the dead of night to said midnight melody, was because she was tracking somepony.
Her big galoot of a brother, MacIntosh Apple.
Not ten minutes ago, she had been resting comfortably in her bed, tucked in snug as a bug in a rug under fresh clean sheets, right on the cusp of falling into a blissful sleep, when a sound that had become annoyingly familiar over the last few weeks reached her ears.
The barely perceptible sound of the front door being gently eased open before being quietly closed again.
She’d grimaced as she’d thrown off the sheets she’d been resting under all comfortable like and grabbed her trusty old hat. This was the third week that she had heard this sound in the dead of the night, and she was about to get down to the bottom of why.
At first, she had taken it as nothing more than a few closely spaced “boy’s nights out” with Mister Handy and a few other stallions. The intoxicated state that Mac had come home in a few of those times, as well as finding a hungover human on the couch one morning, had only helped to reinforce that notion.
However, the more she thought about it, the more she figured that there was something off about the whole thing. Normally, Mac would let either her or Granny know when he was going out of an evening instead of just traipsing off into the night. For some reason she couldn’t help but feel like Mac was hiding something even though she couldn't quite put a hoof on what he might have done to make her think that he was... apart from repeatedly sneaking off alone into the night all unannounced that was.
As she’d grabbed one of the old oil lanterns and quietly headed out the door, she’d muttered to herself as she fiddled and fussed with the lamp’s igniter “If’n he gits Mister Handy all plastered again, Ah might jest have ta walk th’ both of ‘em back ta Rainbow jest ta see th’ look on that mare's face.”
Following the winding tracks of her brother’s hoofprints through many of the different parts of the orchard, passing the Fujis, the Golden Delicious, the Granny Smiths, the Galas and even skirting the edge of the Zap Apple grove, Applejack finally came upon a sight that few outside of the Apple family really knew about: “The Titan.”
The tallest and oldest tree anywhere in Sweet Apple Acres’ orchard towered above her head, its branches reaching out so far that it was easy to tell yourself that they might go on forever. When a freak storm had escaped from the Everfree Forest back in Applejack’s great grandpappy's time it had either blown over or badly damaged almost every tree that the fledgling Sweet Apple Acres had painstakingly cultivated up to that point as well as destroying the Apple’s first humble farmhouse.
But amidst the wreckage and destruction had stood ‘Titan’ - as great grandpappy had later named it - the Red Delicious tree standing tall and proud, weathering the worst that the Everfree could throw at it, totally unyielding in its refusal to lay down and die like its ill fated brethren. Titan hadn’t given up that night, and neither did the Apple Clan, whatever life threw their way they’d face it head on just as they always did. They’d regrouped, rebuilt and came back stronger than ever. It was just the Apple Family way.
Even today, all these decades later, the Apple family looked to this tree as a source of inspiration, an unwavering sign of resilience and strength... and also as a great place for a sly afternoon nap.
“Ol’ Titan? Now why would he-” Applejack’s unfinished question was left hanging in the air as she looked down at the base of the tree to find not one, but two sets of hoofprints. Well, only one was technically a set of hoofprints. The other set was unmistakably non-pony footprints.
So, that was one question answered.
“Well, well, well... what are y’all up t’now, Mister Handy?” Applejack asked herself quietly.
“I suppose we’ll both find that out when we find the end of these tracks.” A silvery voice came floating out of the darkness over her right shoulder, causing the cowpony to whirl around and draw her hoof back for a punch she prayed to Celestia she wouldn't need.
However, the sight of the pony who owned said voice calmly walking out of the shadows and into the flickering bowl of light cast from her oil lamp made Applejack freeze.
“Lyra?! What ‘n tarnation are y’all doin’ out here?!” Applejack hissed as she lowered her hoof, suddenly very glad she hadn’t actually taken a swing at the unicorn. The earth pony was under absolutely no illusions about her chances should she ever go up against a Still Way Grandmaster... and spending the rest of the night laid out on her flank in her own darn orchard would just be embarrassing.
Lyra just shrugged and gave Applejack a smirk, her eyes moving away from Applejack and down to the prints at her hooves before following the trail off into the darkness.
“Just out for a walk.”
“In th’ middle of th’ night? C’mon sugarcube, Ah ain’t buyin’ that one lil’ bit.”
At this, Lyra just shrugged again, her almost legendary quirkiness manifesting as she started to follow the two sets of tracks as they headed away from the large apple tree. Applejack just shook her head, falling into step beside the unicorn as they both silently followed the tracks towards the outskirts of the orchards.
For a good while, neither mare said anything as they walked through the gloom. They both knew that if Lero had met up with Big Mac then there were no worries of the human being jumped, attacked or otherwise waylaid in any nefarious manner. That particular concern quelled, Applejack became curious as to why Lyra was following Lero around a dark farm in the middle of the night. Being the up-front mare that she was, Applejack didn't see fit to not satisfy her curiosity.
“So, y’all followed Mister Handy out here?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah, Fingers. Yes, pretty much. I was heading back to Bonnie’s place when I just happened to see him sneaking out of his house. Didn’t want him to have to tangle with anypony who thought they might take their chances if they caught him out alone. I wouldn’t want to be the one who’d have to give that news to Rainbow either so I figured I’d keep an eye on him. That... and I’m curious to see what he’s up to at this time of the night.”
Applejack nodded. “Sounds ‘bout right.”
“Yeah, so what about you? Sorry, but you don’t strike me as the type to take long walks in the wee small hours of the night.” Lyra said with a chuckle.
“Ah’m jus’ tryin’ t’ figure out what that fool brother ah mine's up t’ now.”
Lyra just nodded as she kept on following the hoof(and foot)prints, the trail in front of them now illuminated by the glow from both Applejack’s lantern and Lyra’s horn. It was after several more minutes of following the tracks as they crested a small hill that Applejack’s concentration was abruptly broken by Lyra's voice.
“Hey, Applejack, I think we found them.”
Looking over in the direction that Lyra indicated, Applejack could see one of the many old barns that the Apple family didn’t use any more. What’s more, this one had lights coming from inside it.
“Ah’d say y’all’re right. Now, let's see what we got here."
And with that, the two mares started trotting all extra sneaky-like towards the barn and its mysterious goings on.
*******************
Big Mac looked over at Lero as the human held the clear jar in his hands up to the closest lantern, turning it left and right within the feeble light before bringing the container to his nose and giving it a long sniff.
“I don’t know big fella... I feel like there’s something missing from this. I know we haven’t missed any of the steps, at least not from what your Pa’s journal said and from what I remember about distilling back on Earth... but I dunno, I just feel like this could be better.”
“Never satisfied are ya?” Big Mac snorted as he nudged another mason jar under the thin trickle of clear liquid that was coming out of the bubbling still behind his bipedal friend.
Lero gave Big Mac a sidelong glance before bringing the jar to his lips and taking a tentative swig of the contents, swishing the liquid around his mouth before swallowing it. Sucking air in between his teeth he turned around and shook his head, partly in exasperation and partly to shake off the lingering kick he’d just taken to the tastebuds.
“Whew! May not be quite right just yet, but I’ll tell you one thing... this, my friend, is some stout hooch!”
Lero offered the jar over to Mac who in turn took a swig. The draft pony’s face scrunched up into various expressions, many of which would have half the town rolling on the ground laughing their plots off if they could see him now.
“Eeyup! It’s got bite.” He wheezed, one eye twitching as he subconsciously wiggled a single hind leg around in the air behind him. “We get this stuff ‘right’ like ya keep sayin’, an' Ah bet we’d win th’ ‘shine run hooves an’ hands down!”
"Maybe." Lero said, sitting down on a nearby crate as he absently rubbed at the back of his head, causing his lengthy ponytail to flip about as he considered their options. "I still don't know how well it'll come across. After all, I don't know how the elders you told me about will be judging it."
"Well, seemed pretty straight forward in th’ book. They wan' it t' take their breath away an' still be drinkable." Mac said taking another, smaller, swig before continuing. "After all, they say the original moonshine was-"
Anything Mac was about to say next got cut off as the door to the barn was suddenly wrenched open to reveal a rather terse looking Applejack glaring at them from the darkness beyond the doorway. Upon seeing the setup within the barn though, her expression rapidly shifted from terse, to infuriated, to just downright livid.
"Y'all two wanna explain jus' exactly what's a-goin' on here?!" She growled.
Lero had once told Big Mac about the phrase "deer in the headlights" and if the farmpony wasn’t mistaken, that’s exactly how he felt at this particular moment in time. Moving just his eyes - he daren’t move anything else - to take in his partner in crime he wasn’t all surprised to see the startled human in exactly the same state.
While both males stood stock-still and afraid to move - maybe they were hoping that if they didn’t so much as twitch then the scary monster at the door wouldn’t be able to spot them - Lyra walked into the barn as though nothing was amiss.
"Hey Fingers. What's up?"
"Uhh..." Was all Lero got out before Applejack went off on the two of them.
"Oh Ah'll tell ya what's up here, Lyra! These two idjits are makin' moonshine!"
Instead of the reaction Applejack was expecting, which was to say, a reprimand, she heard a short chuckle.
"Moonshine, huh? Last time I heard anything about moonshine was in guard training. My instructor said it was super illegal but that he could tell us, from personal experience, it was unlike anything else you'll ever drink. Apparently it'll put you on your flank faster than you would believe." Lyra said, nonchalantly switching out the mason jar under the still’s slow but steady stream with her magic as she made her way around the setup, appraising every horn-width of the boys’ handiwork with a critical eye.
"Wha- ya know what, never mind! Back t' yew two! MacIntosh Apple, Ah'm disappointed in ya! We done been over this already; moonshinin's all types ah illegal an' th’ run's far an' away too dangerous fer Mister Handy! Speakin' ah which... Ah know mah brother didn't get this fool idea back in his head all by his lonesome now, did he?"
As Applejack continued to give the two stallions in the room the flank-chewing of a lifetime, Lyra couldn't help but giggle a little at their plight. Her attention returning to the spigot, the unicorn noticed that the clear liquid had ceased flowing, leaving an almost half-full jar of illicit hooch.
Glancing back and forth between the forbidden beverage and Applejack for a moment, Lyra shrugged, lifted the glass container with her magic and pulled it towards herself while nopony was watching. Holding it close to her muzzle, she peered into the jar and tentatively took a sniff. She gave a little snort as the vapors burned, but left her curious, as once the burn had resided, there was the faintest hint of-
"Apples...?" She glanced up at Big Mac and gave another short chuckle. "Figures."
With that, she furtively brought the jar to her lips, took a small sip and promptly froze. The taste could only be described as pure fire with hints of apple and grains that danced together to make a flavor unlike anything she'd ever tried before.
And quite honestly, she liked it.
Taking another, more generous sip, Lyra let the moonshine swish and swirl around in her mouth for a bit before swallowing, leaving several more notes and flavors behind. She had to give it to the boys, they were certainly onto something.
She was broken out of her reverie by Applejack, who was still giving the two amateur moonshiners an earful... or three.
"Hay, Ah've got half a mind t'let Lyra bust tha both of ya!"
"Hey Appleja-"
"What with her knowin' th’ two of ya, she may let y'all off easy, but-"
"Applejack!" Lyra tried again, this time with a bit more volume to catch the angry Apple mare's attention. Snapped out of her tirade, Applejack looked over to the mint green unicorn, confusion written on her features.
"Yea, Lyra?"
"You need to try this."
To say that Applejack's jaw nearly hit the floor would be a quaint understatement. She looked at the other mare in a state of shock. The very LAST thing she was expecting to hear from a guard member, auxiliary or not, was that she should try one of the most illegal substances in Equestria.
"Say what?!!" Applejack all but shouted.
Lyra took another sip before replying.
"You need to try this. It's actually pretty good."
Now, Lyra had not only Applejack, but also Lero and Big Mac staring at her with matching expressions of utter shock plastered across their faces.
"Y'all're meanin' to tell me that yer ain't gonna do anythin' about this?"
Lyra cocked her head to the side a bit at Applejack's remark. "Like what? Arrest them? Nah. It would be more trouble than it’s worth. And they’d just get off with a slap on the hoof and a stern warning anyways."
For a while, nopony spoke or moved. Applejack, Big Mac and Lero just traded glances between each other and the mint green unicorn.
Finally, as she let out a defeated sigh, Applejack walked over to Lyra and held out a hoof.
"Alright, let's see what we got here."
Admittedly, Applejack could use a drink right about now anyways.
Taking the glassware from Lyra, the palomino pony scrutinised the moonshine briefly before tipping the jar back and taking a big gulp before anyone could even open their mouth to advise against it.
Applejack's eyes suddenly flew open as the moonshine burned its way down her throat, forcing the mare to fight the urge to cough. It took almost a full minute of wincing, winking and walking around in circles for the cowgirl to regain her composure, and when she eventually managed it, she just stood in the middle of the barn, her attention flicking from the jar to Lyra, to Lero and then back to the jar again.
After a few more seconds of what sounded much like growling, Applejack returned to letting rip with her honest opinion on this darn-foolish attempt at cooking up a batch of the nation’s most infamous liquor as she finally blinked the last of the tears from her eyes.
"Whoo doggie! That's some bad-ass firewater fer sure!"
"Not bad though, is it? Try just sipping it." Lyra said as Lero and Big Mac visibly relaxed, if only a little. They weren’t out of the woods yet but at least the immediate danger of an undesired gelding seemed to have passed.
Taking Lyra's advice, Applejack took a more reserved sip from the jar and seemed to "chew" on the alcohol before she swallowed. Her eyes conveyed her curiosity and bewilderment before she looked back at the pair of fools.
"Ah'll admit, this is some fine hooch. Maybe y'all ain't complete amateurs after all. Still, there ain't no way they'd let Mister Handy run cuz he ain't no pony. An' there's no way Ah'll let either of ya run cuz of how dangerous it is. Hay, Rainbow'd probably agree with me!"
"Actually..." Lero started. "I've been talking to Rainbow about it. She thinks it's a cool idea. And as for the whole 'not being a pony' thing, I don't technically fall foul of any of the prohibitions so I should be able to run."
"Y'all tell'er how dangerous it is?” Applejack asked before another, more troubling thought entered her mind. “Or for that matter, that Honeydew and her bunch might have kinfolk enterin'? Celestia knows if they do an’ they catch wind yer running they'll try t'get one’a 'em t'put yer in th’ hospital... or worse."
Much to Applejack's chagrin, Mac was the next one to speak up. She still wasn’t one hundred percent sure if Mister Handy was a good influence on her kinfolk or a bad one.
"Actually sis, fer th’ next three'r four years, they ain't gonna be there. In fact, there ain’t gonna be many of the Honey clan there at all."
Applejack gave her brother a dead stare over the top of the mason jar before she took another sip, letting the ‘shine roll around her tongue before she asked. "An' jest how the hay do y’all know that?"
"Brae's side of the family still runs. Said last year there was some sorta fight started cuz’a ah griffin bein’ there supportin' his stallion. Seems Honeydew's kinfolks was in on th’ whole thing no less. Elders done banned 'em cuz ah how they all acted. Said that they were a disgrace an’ it jus’ weren’t the Earth pony way. Then they done told them that they weren’t to come back fer a few years and kicked them out’a th’ area."
After setting the jar down, Applejack sighed before facehoofing lightly in frustration,
"Guess tha apple don't fall far from th’ tree with them do it?"
She gave pause for a second before looking up at her brother and Lero.
"Y'all ain't gonna let up, are ya? Y'all got yer fool heads set on runnin'... don'tcha?"
Matching nods came from the boys.
“Nothin’ I say is gunna change yer minds, is it?”
The pair of shaking heads made Applejack deflate slightly. If it was one thing she knew about her brother, it's that he had the same stubborn streak as she did. If any of the Apple siblings set their mind to something then, by Celestia, they did it. It was a trait they all got from their Pa. Sometimes, it wasn’t necessarily a good thing and it looked like Mister Handy was pretty much the same way. Even though he still confused the Apple mare on a few occasions, she would swear up and down that when it came right down to it he had an earth pony's heart in that funny upright chest of his.
Giving one last exasperated sigh, Applejack finally relented.
"Alright... Y'all can try ta enter the run, jus’ don't 'spect me t' be happy about it though! And y'all can be sure ah this...” She fixed the idiot twins with her best ‘Granny style’ stink-eye. “Ah'm comin' with ya!"
Big Mac and Lero both grinned large style. It wasn't until a voice they'd nearly forgotten about chimed in that they remembered the mint green unicorn who was now poking around the still again.
"So, Fingers, is what you've got here the final product?"
Looking over to Lyra, Lero shrugged, just glad so far that he and Mac had come out with both their plans and their distilling equipment - and their manhoods - intact.
"Not exactly... There's something that's just not quite right about it. Can't put my finger on what it is though. Mac says we've about got it, but I don't know..."
"It's like one of the flavors just isn't falling into place, right?"
Lero nodded. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."
With that, Lyra picked up a full jar of the moonshine in her magic as she gave the human a mischievous grin.
"What if I told you I knew somepony who could tell you exactly what this needs?"
Big Mac and Applejack gave Lyra the same look Lero did: it was generally known as ‘shocked’ though many were known to refer to it as ‘you what?’.
"I'd say let's ask them as soon as we can!" The human blurted, holding his hands out towards the still floating jar of illicit hooch.
With a chuckle, Lyra levitated the jar over to Lero’s waiting grasp.
"Then let’s go. After all, she should be getting up about now."
As Lyra turned and walked out of the barn, the others trailing along behind her, Applejack, Lero and Big Mac all shared a look of confusion before they simultaneously asked "She?".
******************
"Pinkie Pie? Really?" Lero asked nervously (though he would deny it) as they approached the back door of the town’s premiere bakery, Sugar Cube Corner. Though Pinkie had been nothing but friendly to Lero, her hyper nature had a tendency to leave the human a bit... disoriented.
"Yea! Pinkie's a pretty talented pony. Think about it, first time you tried the cupcakes from Sugar Cube Corner, what did you think of them?"
"That they were the best cupcakes I'd ever had in my life. Why?"
Lyra gave the group a lopsided grin as she stopped by the door.
"Because according to Bon Bon there was a time when they weren't that good. Don't get me wrong, the Cakes are excellent bakers in their own right, always have been, but once Pinkie added a little sprinkle of something or another to their mix... well, those cupcakes became what they are today - Divine. She just knows how to make things like this beyond ‘just good’. Probably some sort of earth pony magic that a unicorn like me could never touch."
"Aww, don't be so sad Lyra! Here, have a cookie!"
"Oh, hey Pinkie." Lyra said nonchalantly as she brought the cookie that mysteriously seemed to have magically appeared in her right hoof up to her mouth.
The reaction Lyra’s three companions all gave to the pink party pony's sudden appearance however was a little less nonchalant and was in reality more akin to nearly jumping out of their respective skins.
"Gah!!"
"Whoa nelly!!"
"What'n'tarnation?!"
Lyra gave the trio an amused grin before she turned her attention back to the bouncing earth pony.
"Hey Pinkie, we've got something for you to try. It's not tasting quite right and we need to-"
"Brown sugar!" Pinkie sniffed, as she peered deep into the mason jar of moonshine. So deep in fact that she seemed to have at least three quarters of her head inside the jar.
Once again, Lero jumped as he quickly looked down to his hand where only moments before, the jar Pinkie was holding in her forehooves had been.
Now, in the jar's place, was a cookie. Large, probably chocolate chip, definitely a cookie.
"How did she..?"
"It's best ya don't ask when it comes t' Pinkie Pie. Nopony knows!" Applejack said as she herself munched on a cookie. Raisin and oatmeal, still warm and just the right texture.
"Yup! Definitely brown sugar! That's what it needs!" Pinkie said, smacking her lips together as she bounced over to Lero and gave him back the jar. “Not too light or it’ll be too subtle and you’ll lose it in the kick, but not too dark either or it’ll overpower the apples.”
Pinkie’s bouncing momentarily ceased as her extraordinarily flexible brain worked through all the possible taste combinations. When it came to choosing the right ingredients, baking (and brewing) was a serious business.
“You could try heating the sugar first to release a bit more of the flavour but careful you don't scorch it or it’ll just taste all ‘blurgh’. You could also try just a touch of cinnamon if you wanted an ‘ummm’, or maybe a dollop of honey if you wanted an ‘aah’... but me, I’d go with a touch of peach for that extra ‘wahwahwah’ taste. Oooh!! When you get done, be sure to bring me some so I can have another taste! That's some tootin’ly good moon-"
Pinkie was cut off as Lyra's horn suddenly lit up, sealing the earth pony’s lips shut.
"Pinkie, you know what this is, right?"
The pink pony nodded quickly.
"Then you know that it's technically illegal, don't you?"
Another nod confirmed that she did indeed understand the highly illegal nature of their conversational topic.
"Good, thing is we need you to keep this a secret. Okay?"
As Lyra relaxed her magical grip, Pinkie nodded... and nodded.. and nodded. Lero was starting to wonder how on Earth she kept her head attached.
"Okie Dokie Lokie! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"
Lero was still stunned but smiled all the same.
"Thanks Pinkie. I owe ya one." He said, reaching over and scratching her behind the ears.
"Hehe, that tickles! Anyways, no problem and good luck at the you-know-where with the you-know-who and the you-know-what!" The stage-whispered support was accompanied by a large and equally theatrical wink.
"Wha-" this time, Lero just stopped and shook his head in bewilderment. "I give up!" Lero said with a chuckle as he took a step back.
"Well, now ya know what it needs. Think we can get it right tomorrow?" Mac asked, glancing at the cookie in his own hoof with slight trepidation. He’d never been overly fond of hazelnuts.
"I think so, especially with the expert advice." Lero said, gesturing towards Pinkie.
"Mind if I join you tomorrow? I'd like to see this myself." Lyra asked with her ever-present air of cryptic humor.
"Sure thing, Horny." Lero said with a chuckle.
"Ah'm comin' too. If'n it winds up bein' better than earlier then y'all'll probably sweep the run! ... If they let y’all run that is."
Lero nodded as he stretched, letting out a big yawn. As he looked at his Wonderbolts watch, his eyes went wide.
“Ay-ay-ay!! How did it get so late... er, early?!”
Lyra chuckled “Well, you did leave your house around midnight... The walk to and from Sweet Apple Acres takes a while and our... activities, shall we say?, did span a good few hours.
As Big Mac yawned as well, everypony else laughed (and yawned) and unanimously decided to head on home and meet up that next day.
As the group parted ways, Lyra followed Lero towards his house on Zweibrücker Street, striking up a conversation with him as they went.
"So, Fingers, what’s got you stuck on this moonshining business?"
Lero looked down at her, giving a small shrug and a goofy grin as he finally started to nibble on the cookie Pinkie had mysteriously given him.
"Well, it's one of those weird parallels with this world and my old one. Moonshine is something of a human tradition too, though its origins are definitely different."
This intrigued Lyra. She had heard from Rainbow and Twilight that there seemed to be a lot of things that were oddly similar between the human world and Equestria. Names, historical events, locations, even some cultural practices in certain regions. It made the human seem more and more interesting to Lyra as she came to know him better.
"So how did moonshining start where you came from?"
"Well, it all really started shortly after America, one of the bigger nations of my world, became its own independent country. The first president, that’s what the US calls its leader, put a heavy tax on alcohol which pissed a lot of people off and sparked a movement called ‘The Whiskey Rebellion’. After that-"
Lyra listened to Lero as they walked as he told her about how settler's families had made their own hooch, despite it being illegal, how it became part of an entire culture for that period, how alcohol was banned entirely during a time called 'prohibition' and how, despite that prohibition being first enforced, then lifted, moonshine stayed alive and illegal. Even how to his last days on his world, there were still people making moonshine despite the increasing opposition to it by the nation's government. It was a tale worthy of the history books from which he had learnt it and an in-depth (though still attention-grabbing) telling worthy of a professional historian.
"So when you heard we ponies had a similar tradition, you figured you'd try your hand at it?" Lyra asked as they reached the front door of his house.
"Pretty much. I guess it still has that old-world outlaw charm to it even though I'm in a completely different time and place." Lero said with a wistful smile.
Smiling back at him, Lyra shook her head slightly. "Just when I think I've got you figured out, Fingers, you surprise me."
"I could say the same about you, Horny. Thanks for not busting us back there." The two of them shared a small laugh before Lero got down on a knee and offered up a fist.
"No problem." Lyra said, bumping the proffered fist with a hoof. "Now, I'm going home to get some sleep. See ya tomorrow. "
"See ya tomorrow... Well, later today I guess." Lero said before he quietly opened his door and slid into his house.
As he was closing the door behind himself, he could have sworn he heard Lyra's fading voice say "Three - two -".
"See ya tomorrow?" a tired, but playful voice suddenly floated out of the darkness on the human’s left hand side.
Whirling around he found his rainbow-maned mate walking towards him from their bedroom, a saucy expression making its way across her face despite her obviously tired eyes and the worst case of bed-mane he’d ever seen.
"H-Hey, Rainbow." He stammered, the slightest hint of worry in his voice.
As she reached him, Rainbow stood on her hind legs and set her forehooves on his shoulders so she could look him straight in the eyes.
"What's going on tomorrow? Got a hot date for us?"
Not hearing any accusations of wrongdoing in her tone, Lero relaxed.
"Ok, you remember how I told you Big Mac and I are planning on entering The Great Apploosian Moonshine Run?"
Rainbow nodded, the oddly playful expression never leaving her face.
"Well, I guess Applejack heard him sneaking out tonight because she and Lyra caught us."
It was at that point that a brief flash of worry crossed her features. She knew Lyra was an auxiliary guard member and that moonshine was definitely illegal.
"Was that why Lyra walked you home? Is she making you do community service or something?"
Lero chuckled as he kissed Dash softly on the forehead.
"Nah, she was just making sure I got here safe. The weirdest thing though, was that Lyra actually liked our moonshine. She's not busting us, far from it actually, she even stopped Applejack halfway through giving Mac and I an earful to make her try it too. Not only that, but she had Pinkie try it so she could give us some advice and I think I know now what we need to get it just right. That's why we're meeting Lyra tomorrow, she wants to try it when we finish the batch. Applejack's coming as well."
"We?" Dash asked as her saucy smile made its way back to her muzzle.
Lero gave her a smirk as he dramatically replied. "Unless you just REALLY don't want to try the TOTALLY AWESOME moonshine Mac and I are going to cook up."
Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes. "Oh, trust me big guy, I want to." Her expression quickly turned to sultry as she started to slowly trail a hoof down his chest. "I really... really, want t-"
"Rainbow? Lero? What are you two doing out here?" Twilight's sleepy voice called from the darkness, causing the pegasus to jump slightly and release a silent groan at being caught. Lero winked at Rainbow as he peered over her shoulder at their unicorn herdmate yawning and shambling her way out of the shadows.
"Just talking, Twi. We'll be in there in a minute."
Though not entirely placated, Twilight merely nodded and turned to head off to the bedroom, rubbing her eyes as she disappeared from view. Ever the diligent student she had passed out on the couch about an hour before Lero had left due to a long-haul heavy-duty study session. As the last signs of Twilight’s tail melted into the gloom, Rainbow turned back to Lero to ask him a question.
"Should we tell her? After all, Celestia doesn't exactly look kindly on moonshine and all that."
"Yeah, I think we should. She doesn't take being left out of things well and it’s not like we should be keeping secrets from each other. We'll tell her in the morning but we'll just have to ask that she NOT send the Princess a friendship report about it." Lero said with a grin before he yawned. "Now, I don't know about you, my love, but I'm tired and since we’re all off work tomorrow I’m looking forward to having a long lie in."
Rainbow answered with a nod and a yawn of her own before she gave her stallion one of her most lascivious looks... in which she had recently become extremely well practiced.
“But just because we’re havin’ a lie in, big guy, don’t think that means I’m gunna let you sleep in.”
With that, the pair made their way to the bedroom where Twilight had already passed out again and was snoring lightly across the middle of the bed. Snuggling up to her, Lero felt himself and Twilight being covered by Dash's wing as they both drifted into sleep’s comforting embrace.
********************
Princess Luna sat on a large cushion on the balcony of the Royal Observatory of Canterlot Castle, gazing out to the horizon as Celestia's sun was just beginning to make its presence known for the day and the eastern sky was only just being touched with the first hints of red and orange as the dawn grew ever closer.
As she waited for the day to break, she daintily sipped upon a cup of tea. Chamomile with a touch of vanilla and cinnamon, one of her favorites. A nearly perfect way to end the night it seemed, until something caught her attention.
A strange presence in the dreamscape of Equestria.
Setting her tea down, Luna closed her eyes and focused on this oddity within her domain until, after what seemed like a considerably long time, far longer than it had ever taken her to enter one of her subject’s dreams before, the scene finally started to come into focus within her mind’s eye.
As she made her way through what felt like an unusually thick fog, rolling and billowing around her body before finally boiling away into nothingness, she recognized the faces of some of the ponies surrounding her. Two of the bearers of the elements of harmony, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, were the first of those surrounding her that she could name, around them were a few others from the town of Ponyville. But they were not in that town, or any other town, instead it was more of a glade or a large clearing, with a treeline all around, not too near though and not too far either.
As was always the case, no-pony would notice her presence in the dreamscape until she willed it, and until then she could move about freely, safe in the knowledge she would draw no more attention from the owner of this dream than any other nondescript background pony.
It wasn't until she saw him that it all made sense. There, standing tall above the rest of the ponies, was a tall, red-maned biped. Bellerophon Michaelides.
So this is the stallion of Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash? Fascinating. Luna thought to herself as she continued to watch the dream. She found herself rather mesmerized at Lero's movements, wondering to herself how he did not fall flat on either his muzzle or haunches... And, she couldn't help but note, the latter of which were rather toned.
Did we really just think that? Luna silently reprimanding herself as she tore her eyes away from the human and looked around. Now she thought about it the sight was somewhat familiar to her, though she couldn't properly place it. While she could see a great plethora of earth ponies the number of pegasi or unicorns was rather lacking.
It was then that she noticed what many of the earth ponies, and even Bellerophon himself, had with them. On every table, in every saddlebag, in many an outstretched hoof as well as in the lone human's hands were jars. Dozens upon dozens of jars.
That was when it clicked for the Alicorn of the Night.
Thou dreams of the ancient earth pony feast in our honour? Our ponies still partake in this, their celebration of our night? Their greatest feast? Their most wondrous festival? Why wouldst thou dream of this? You, who are most alien to this world?
Luna turned back to Lero, a perplexed expression on her face as she tried to figure out why she was seeing this.
But then, something she didn't expect happened. Lero turned, looked straight at her, and smiled.
Walking over to her, he stopped a respectful distance from the nation’s co-regent, and then he just... just... folded. His whole being seemed to bend over in the middle, his head and upper body leaning forward and down towards the ground as one of his hands swept underneath him, seeming to just miss the floor by a scant few hoof-widths before folding back up against his chest while the other was tucked up tight against the small of his back.
Unfolding himself and standing tall once more, the human gave her a large smile, full of warmth and welcome.
"The illustrious Princess Luna, I presume?"
Luna's eyes snapped open, finding herself back on the balcony of the observatory. Her breathing was quickened and she felt a shiver she hadn't felt for the longest time traveling the length of her spine. Looking up to the moon as she steadied her nerves, only one thought permeated her mind.
"He could see us?!"
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Ah moonshine. One of the few drinks that can easily be weaponized to the point that tankers fear it.
Has this been published before? I'm pretty sure I remember the plot and the Dukes of Hazzard reference.
It was a tale worthy of the history books from which he had learnt it, and in depth - though still attention-grabbing - telling worthy of a professional historian.
2979565
If I were to hazzard a guess, then I'd say yes.
2979565 this is a continuation of sorts from "Someday the mountain might get 'em, but the law never will" And yes... Dukes of Hazzard references will be present haha!
I'm looking forward for more stuff about this whole moonshine run. I hope to see Luna having an appearance there as well.
Heh. Luna's first entry into Lero's dreamscape, and she notices the strangeness of it... and he can see her. I like that touch. I think it ties in with Lero not being magical, too; dreams are dreams, but his mind works in a different way to perceive them than she's used to.
I love everything about this! Especially the parts with Pinkie and Luna!
Lero is going to be like I thought I saw Luna in my dreams, but that's just crazy.
2980468
That's what I'm thinking about too like he just assumed that Luna was simply part of his dream instead of actually being in it.
I really hope to see more of this, especially on Luna's angle in this. Not only is this the first encounter between Luna and Lero but dreams provide a unique stage. There Lero can show objects from Earth that are not present in Equestria instead of just describing them. There has been awfully little on dream visits to Lero by Luna outside of the Blank Plague as written by 2979886. The dream scenes in that one were great in every possible way.
2979886
2980616
Yes, indeed. I'd assume that under normal circumstances Lero will act like she is just part of the dream and take her presence in stride, unless of course he achieves lucidity. Then he might actually recognize Luna's presence for what it is, which would make a very interesting encounter.
Haha he scared luna, seems even her her age gleans new surprises >:]
Love the chapter. I hope there are more about the moonshine run. Especially if this is Luna's first meeting with Lero.
The Moonshine Saga continues, and my suspicion that Pinkie Pie is an exile from Faerie only grows. Great stuff here, especially the teasing of Luna and Lero having a more... significant mutual relationship, let us say.
This is such a cool chapter, I can't wait for Luna to finally converse with Lero!
for a moment there I thought we were going to cross into Gaiman's realm again only with Dream.
"out on an evening" "out one evening" "out for the evening"
Mistakes aside, this was quite an interesting chapter. I'm looking forward to see where you take the Moonshine run. That bit about the Honey family was funny btw.
3022489
The second point's been corrected, thanks.
The first point stays as it is as "going out of an evening' is a valid turn of phrase 'round some parts, just maybe not yours.
I rather like the idea of Lero's dreams simply working different from other ponies.
I wonder how he would react to such a violation of privacy?
Moonshine burns like fire, kicks like an angry thorough bred, and tastes like nothing else on this planet.
I actually like these moonshine chapters pretty interesting and the dream was most interesting wonder how the meeting between both will go? :D
When the hell did Lero get special dream-powers? For what possible reason would Luna have any sort of trouble accessing his dreams? And why isn't he shitting his pants in fear at seeing Luna? The unsupressed magic that gives her that wavy mane? That's the same as Celestia's. If Luna's mane is all wavy, then that means Lero's going to have the same exact reaction as he did with ol' Celly. That's almost explicitly stated in the original story. I say almost because it's an easy thing to infer from Celestia's explanation of his fear.
Which is a shame, because this was otherwise really good. The moonshine-related world building was creative and interesting. The characters were fairly spot-on, the comedy was... well, it was quite funny, and the pacing was solid.
I was 100% on board, and then, bam! Random dream powers and the removal of a major plot vector outta nowhere! It was too much, too fast for me.
I want to be clear, I have no complaints about the writing here. The writing and story-telling are both solid quality. The problem, however, is that when you write within an established universe, throwing in sudden changes like those that don't jive at all with the original universe (especially with absolutely 0 justification or preamble) is really, really jarring. Completely destroyed my immersion.
Spend some time establishing why those things came up. Even if I don't like a change, an explanation of it can pacify me enough to not drive me entirely out of the flow of the story, the way this did. At least it was at the very end of an otherwise great chapter.
3181429 Who said Lero has any dream powers? You'd expect Luna to be at her own feast, wouldn't you? How often does she step into a dream where she is expected to be present? How does dream magic work when exposed to an alien mind it wasn't designed to deal with? Lero probably wasn't aware of her presence at all, but we have too little information on all of the many different factors that could have caused that scene.
3235845
Her difficulties in finding him, her inability to control her own presence in his dream, and her general lack of mastery over the dream-scape are all implied to be because of Lero. Luna's dream powers are magic, and Lero has absolutely no special resistance or sensitivity of any sort to magic. Nor is he affected differently by it. Hence, Lero's dreams should only be different from the ponies' in their content, not their nature. She might not understand what she's seeing if he dreams of things like cities and cars, but it would not affect her capacity as the caretaker of dreams in any way.
Essentially, his mind is not truly "alien" in that it works any differently from a pony's, otherwise he'd be unable to relate to them. And by having her have so much trouble, the author is either implying that Lero's extra-special in some sense or that Luna's basically incompetent. I mean... after who knows how many thousands of years, wouldn't you think that Luna would have gotten used to getting into the minds of different species? What with so many sapient critters running around?
How often does she step into a mind that expects her to be present? Probably millions of times by now, seeing as how she's a famed and glorified figure known by most of the world during two different eras and also... you know... kind of been around for thousands and thousands of years.
I suppose that scene where he bows to her could be him seeing a dream Luna, rather than the real Luna. That'd be slightly better... but all of this goes back to a very important theme of the original story that everyone seems intent on forgetting or ignoring:
Lero wasn't important.
It may sound counterintuitive, since he was a major character. However, the author took constant pains to portray him as a very average guy. He didn't only not have special powers or resistances in any sense... in a lot of cases, he was outclassed by the average pony because of their physical and magical advantages.
Part of the little conflict there was in the story was Lero's inner conflict at dealing with the fact that he was a disadvantaged fish out of water, viewed through the eyes of somepony who loves him. But that was a very minor part, because the story was actually always about Rainbow Dash. She was the main character. She was the special one. Lero was just her love interest, special only because of the character interested in him, his unique circumstances, and the fact that he wasn't a pony.
The title Xenophilia isn't referencing Lero's attraction to an alien... it's referencing Rainbow Dash's attraction to an alien.
Hence, when authors try to give him all these major characteristics (such as throwing off the dream powers of a freakin' ancient goddess of dreams), they are going against one of the major themes of the original story. Altering important premises is generally bad form when you're supposedly trying build on the content of the original.
Now that I think about it, the story also doesn't explain why Lero would even be dreaming of Luna, when it heavily implies that they've never actually met before.
Yes... at this point, the author could have had her turn around to see a fake dream-Luna that looks almost nothing like what she actually does (because he wouldn't really know what she looks like since they've never met in person)... but it still doesn't make sense that he'd be dreaming about her in the first place, when there was no special reason established for her being on his mind.
As I said in my previous post... this little side-story had been a fantastic addition to the Xenoverse, until it took a completely unnecessary turn by portraying Luna as this... half-competent dream-bungler that, at best, can't even seem to tell when someone's actually seeing her or simply dreaming about her; and Lero as having special dream... if not powers, then we'll say properties. Same difference.
Even after all that, my complaints are not about the writing. The writing is very solid and entertaining. It's the lack of faithfulness to the characters and major themes of the original, when it claims to be a continuation of that universe. And, of course, I point these things out not out of spite or hatred. I genuinely think the story has a lot of potential. If I didn't, then I wouldn't waste my time leaving long critiques and pointing out inconsistencies (within itself and between it and the original work).
3235997 Well....
1) Lero's resistance or sensitivity to magic was never actually addressed in Xenophilia, though it may have been implied.
2)
I myself (and probably many others) did not ignore or forget this, it just went completely over my frikkin' head!
This is why I'm glad we have comment sections.
Kudos by the way for noticing this little nugget!!!!
3307353 actually lero has basically called himself a xenophile in fact it happens in the first chapter of xenophilia just after rainbow kisses him and is one of the few times the narrative focuses on his point of view
>TFW 293k words to go.
I like it when there a lot of good thing to read.
They're making booze, aren't they.
It's the little details like this that really bring out the characterisation.
It's either "the wee hours" or "the small hours", not both - "wee" already means "little".
... it reminds me immediately of this:
+10 Internets for the first to figure it out without looking it up (answer in the spoiler tag below).
(quote comes from the pilot episode of MacGyver - the very first spoken lines, actually)
Now that brings Manson's "This is the New Shit" to mind.
Did I mention that it pains me to see this rated [T] and not [M]? ;D