Ch. 31 - Royal Concert for the Consort
The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Royal Concert for the Consort
The bell above the Carousel Boutique’s door sounded a cheerful note as Twilight Sparkle and Green Grass strolled outside with Sweetie Belle trotting alongside. Although elements of their previous depression lingered, there was a suppressed sense of impending laughter that linked the two young lovers as both of them tried their best to keep a straight face and not look back at the door which had locked almost instantly as they left.
“Are you sure my sister will be all right without my help?” asked Sweetie Belle plaintively. “I mean she got injured at my concert… well, the concert she got the tickets for, and I feel like it’s my fault.”
“Well, you did say she was trying her ‘Hooves like Jaguar’ moves when she fell down,” said Green Grass with a subdued snicker. “She’s probably a little old to be dancing in the aisles, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, she is kinda old.” Sweetie pouted. “She was just trying to keep up with all of us kids.”
“Practically ancient,” said Twilight Sparkle solemnly. “Any older and she’ll sprout wings.”
“That would be cool!”
“I’m certain that nice young doctor from Pegalopolis she met at the concert will be able to take care of her needs,” said Green Grass with rapidly failing focus. “He did fly her back home and stayed to make sure she was going to be well— Ooof!”
“Cared for,” completed Twilight, threatening another elbow to the ribs to her chuckling companion. “And Asclepius is not a doctor, he’s just an EMP⁽*⁾ in pre-med.”
(*) Emergency Medical Pegasus, also known as a Pegamedic.
—
“Yeah, he said she had heart palpapatations and shortness of breath,” said Sweetie Belle unhappily. “That means she pants a lot and her heart flutters. I could have told him that. Are you sure he doesn’t need any help?”
“I don’t know,” said Green Grass thoughtfully while they walked, despite a blistering glare from Twilight. “He might be conducting an exam and taking her temperature. We wouldn’t want to interrupt that. It could be embarrassing.”
“That’s not embarrassing. You just open your mouth and say ‘awwwww.’”
“Not that kind of thermometer, dear,” said Twilight cautiously. “It goes in the other end.”
“Oh? Oh. Eww!” Sweetie picked up the pace. “I don’t think we should go back until we’re sure they’re done. Are we going to have any more magic lessons before you leave, Mister Green Grass?”
“No,” he said with a hesitation in his step. “I just wanted to have all of my students over to Sugarcube Corner for lunch, my treat. It will probably be the last time I get to see you all for a few months. I wish I could have gone to the concert with all of you. It would have been awesome!”
“Yeah, it would have been.” It was amazing just how much one little filly could droop while walking. He was concerned until suddenly she stopped, and jumped straight up in the air with a cry of joy. “I’ve got it!” Then he became more concerned. Before he could say anything, Sweetie Belle took off like a shot with only a few shouted words thrown back over her shoulder.
“What do you suppose that was all about?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Doom, most probably. If the train was in the station, I think this would be the perfect time for us to elope. It’s only a few hours to Los Pegasus and an Elvis Przewalski impersonator wedding chapel, you know. Thank yew! Yew may now kiss tha bride, thank yew very much!”
She gave him a look of Very Limited Amusement in return. “Maybe, but I don’t think Princess Celestia would appreciate me marrying her consort out from under her wing. She’d never give that written permission, and you would be sleeping in a very cold bed. Prince.”
* * *
The game was apparently Hide and Seek, and somehow both Green Grass and Twilight Sparkle had been appointed ‘It’ by some unknown agents, most probably small, quadrupedal, and without cutie marks. None of Green Grass’ students were with their parents or guardians, Spike was missing out of the library, and even Pinkie Pie was not in Sugarcube Corner when they dropped by to order treats for the student lunch. It was ominous, even more so when a dark cloud began building up over the Ponyville Town Hall.
“Them?” he hazarded, looking at the crackling electricity jumping across the thin Thundersteel lightning rod sticking out of the top of the building.
“Really? How could you guess?”
Opening up the huge front doors of the town hall revealed a concert.
A big concert.
Put on by small ponies.
* * *
“Front row seats,” murmured Green Grass, looking around at the well-lit stage inside town hall, surrounded by speakers that had somehow sprung up within the last hour. “You must know somepony important.”
“He’s a Prince Consort,” whispered Twilight with a giggle. “Bit of a geek, but he’s warm in bed.”
“Probably not as talented as his students. I can’t believe they put all of this together in just a few hours.”
“Just don’t have them fix a table. Shh, here comes Spike.”
The little dragon trotted out on stage with a wireless mike in one claw, wearing a beautiful rhinestone⁽¹⁾ vest and a top hat. “Fillies and Gentlecolts. The Canterlot Coliseum is proud to present, the Diva of Pop, the one, the only, Sapphire Shores!”
(1) Made from genuine 100% Rine.
—
The curtain glided back as the music started with a crackle of a phonograph needle on a vinyl record. Both Scootaloo and Dinky were at the drum set, Sun Glimmer and Tootsie Flute had both managed to find electric guitars somewhere, and the rest of the students were scattered around the stage, dancing like the floor had been electrified. Smack dab in the center of the chaos was Sweetie Belle, holding onto a wireless mike and lip-syncing along with the ear-splitting beats of ‘Fillydelphia Fillies’. The music was loud, the few instrument notes that did not emit from the record were horribly off-key, and the ‘dancers’ were as unsynchronized as possible.
It was magnificent.
In all probability, no real concert stopped cold between musical numbers so the record could be changed, or had brief breaks when the dancers managed to get all tangled together into a giggling heap. He could see Pinkie Pie and some other white-coated pony in the sound booth, both grinning and giggling along with his students and their friends. Admittedly, they were not ready to play the Coliseum, or anyplace else with critical ears, but they flung themselves around the stage with a reckless enthusiasm that made him remember his own young years and the trouble one could get into with nothing more than keys to the school music room. The pyrotechnics were more firecrackers than fountains, and the t-shirt cannon more of a tube with breathless little fillies trying to blow through it, and it all combined into a Moment with Twilight and his students that he would treasure forever, no matter what happened in the future.
As the concert drew to a crashing finale⁽²⁾, Green Grass and Twilight rose to their hooves for a standing ovation.
(2) Just loose props, nothing to be concerned about. That hole in the town hall floor can be patched.
—
“Bravo! What a wonderful performance!” The voice from the back of the ‘concert’ was familiar, and it took Green Grass a substantially longer time to identify it than Twilight Sparkle, who happily dashed in its direction.
“Princess Celestia! And Princess Luna! What a surprise!” Green Grass wisely stayed back as the Princess and her favorite student exchanged nuzzles. Both Princesses were smiling near the door where they had been carefully hidden, waiting for the end of the concert as not to distract the easily distractible performers. Luna in particular seemed intent to catch his eye while holding back some inner joke that she was waiting for the proper opportunity to spring. Probably on him.
“It’s the Princess!” shouted all the children as they happily galloped forward in a gleeful tide of tiny hooves. Princess Celestia’s face lit up briefly as the tide surged up to, and then parted around her. With happy shouts and chatter too fast to comprehend more than snippets, the little students surrounded the Princess of the Night.
“I saved you some Nightmare Night candy, do you want me to go get it?”
“I’m going to be a zombie next year! They stare and drool like this. Yaarrrr!”
“Did you like our concert, Princess? I bet you know Sapphire Shores!”
“Do you play the guitar?”
“I bet she sings better than Stevie Nickkers too!”
“Did you have a band on the moon?”
“With so much time to practice, I bet you’re even better than Eddie van Hooven!”
“Do you want to hear us some more, Princess?”
Green Grass secretly treasured the hint of crogglement on Princess Celestia’s face as she looked at all of the happy throng ignoring her and surrounding her younger sister, until the tiny fraction of his brain responsible for conscious thought gave him a good kick upside the frontal lobes.
“Princess Celestia, why are you here?”
“Why, you, of course.” The Princess of the Sun turned to look at him with an expression of such sensual longing that his flight-or-flight⁽³⁾ reflexes were short-circuited. A few seconds later, she could no longer control herself and broke out into a hearty giggle. “Oh, you should see your face. You and Twilight took off so quickly yesterday that you never took your opportunity to ask me those questions about your thesis.”
(3) Most earth ponies had more ‘flight’ than ‘fight’ in their reflexes. Green Grass was exceptional in that regard.
—
“Thesis. Oh. Right.” He could not even muster the concentration to glare at Twilight, who apparently thought the whole situation was entirely too humorous for his own good. “Are you certain I am not taking you away from your responsibilities?”
The Princess waved a hoof casually. “I was not doing anything back at the castle—”
* * *
“...furthermore, in conclusion, I would like to draw Your Highness’ attention to the chart I have prepared on page 1,256 detailing the damage this tax would do to the fruit production of the southern half of my Barony, and your loyal subjects who depend on...” Baron Frazzleberry paused to turn his page before continuing onward.
His loyal servant, Level, sighed and attempted to remain as perfectly flat as his namesake. His special talent of keeping things secure on his back was the only reason he had become the Baron’s assistant in the first place, even though his current position of standing in front of the closed door to the Royal Bathroom while the Baron read through the tax abatement proposal resting on his back was embarrassing. The Princess had vanished inside nearly two hours ago after receiving a letter, and had simply said, “Keep going, I may be a while.” There was an ever so faint breeze that filtered out under the door indicating an open window inside the bathroom, and a suspicious silence that would imply a certain lack of ‘Royal’ within the Royal Bathroom, but he remained where he was. Being a mobile desk was not the worst job in the world, and it paid the bills.
* * *
“—that could not be delayed for a few hours. You were not in the library, so my sister and I had to go looking for you.”
“‘Twas the delightful music which drew us here,” said Princess Luna warmly. “My older sister doth tend to music not of this nature. Tell me children, might you show Us more of this manner of rock and or roll thou didst play?”
“Yea!” Princess Luna was fairly dragged forward to the stage by little ponies who were more than happy to show what this new ‘electric’ did to a guitar, while her sister and several other adults took their opportunity to quietly slip away unnoticed.
* * *
Green Grass fairly threw his hat and cloak on the rack at Berry’s bar before ducking inside the main room, closely followed by a few discordant notes from the concert in town hall.
“Hi Berry! Up early today, I see.”
“Hiding from the noise,” grumbled Berry Punch as she wiped a cloth across a nearby table. “What idiot let the Cutie Mark Crusaders into town hall with a sound system this early in the morning?”
“Afternoon, sis,” corrected Cheerilee as she looked at the clock. There was a fairly large pile of student papers and tests around the mulberry-coated teacher, and she looked grateful for a break from grading. “You hiding out from the end of school too, GG?”
“Nope. Could I just borrow a couple back tables to do an interview for my thesis defense, Berry?” he asked quickly. “Normally I’d do it in the library, but I didn’t want all the attention to distract the subject, and this gives me space to spread out my notes.”
“You find some crotchety old geezer like General MacApple who's gonna drink up my booze and complain about us young ‘uns?” asked Berry with a mischievous grin.
He grinned back. “Actually I once described her as a ‘delightful young mare.’ She’s got a unique perspective on the events in my thesis, and I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity while I had the chance.”
Berry threw him a soapy rag and helped wipe down a couple tables while chortling. “Another young mare? Did you finally lose out on your opportunity with our librarian? I mean, she may not have much experience, but I’m sure her teacher could arrange lessons.” Berry Punch paused in her cleaning to hold one hoof across her chest dramatically.
“Dear Twilight Sparkle, my favorite and most clueless of students. I hear that you are dating now, and I just wanted you to drop by the castle sometime so I can give you that talk about the birds and bees. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”
Cheerilee giggled and waved a student’s paper. “You know, you probably shouldn’t joke about that, with all the times the Princess just drops into town. What would you say if she just dropped in here?”
“I’d say — Oh hello, Twilight. What brings you down to my — OH MY STARS, IT’S PRINCESS CELESTIA!” Both student and teacher walked into the bar while Cheerilee gracefully bowed, and Berry Punch simply froze rigidly in place.
“Good afternoon, my little ponies. I hope we will not be bothering you with this interview.” The ceiling in the bar was fairly high, but the Princess’ mane gently brushed it as she made her way to the indicated seat. Twilight sat opposite to her teacher, and carefully sorted the stacks of notes into piles down the tables, arranged in the predefined order of questions Green Grass was wanting to ask.
“Would Her Highness like a refreshing beverage before we begin?” asked Green Grass, deeply pleased on multiple levels by the actual comfort level displayed by the Princess while sitting in an earth pony bar, instead of a fancy tea room⁽⁴⁾. It felt a tiny bit like a betrayal of his unicorn ancestry, but was compensated for by a much larger warm, fuzzy feeling for generations of earth ponies systematically snubbed by unicorns over the centuries.
(4) It was by no means the least respectable location Celestia had ever been in during her lifetime.
—
“I’m not certain about the availability of tea here, but I understand⁽⁵⁾ Berry Punch has a most excellent beer.” The Princess brought out a small cluster of bits in her golden magic field and laid them gently in front of Berry’s stunned hooves while a matching three bottles levitated out of the cooler behind her and landed on their table with a soft thump. “Now, Lord Green Grass. Where did you wish to begin?”
(5) She had not ever been in Berry’s bar before, but Axe had been very descriptive about his own visit.
—
To say Green Grass was happy about having Princess Celestia as an interview subject for his thesis was slightly misleading. He was deliriously happy that she was willing to answer questions about the thin spots in his historical studies, while still being somewhat suspicious of the absolute veracity of her answers from his experience so far. Such suspicions were not reduced by her unexpected arrival, not when she could have instantly sent a dragon-powered warning note even if she had decided to travel on the spur of the moment. Over the centuries that had passed since the Battle of Pericorn Heights and the subsequent Treaty of Rosebuds, certainly at least a half-dozen historians far more qualified than himself had probably asked exactly the same questions he planned to ask and most probably gotten exactly the same answers, if not word for word. Still, he rattled perfunctorily through his list at a fairly rapid clip until he reached the end and paused.
Despite the close proximity of the Princess, Cheerilee was still happily grading school papers at the other table like any other teacher at this time of year. After all, teachers had their priorities straight. Unlike her sister, Berry Punch had retreated to a rather uncomfortable-looking position behind the bar and had her eyes riveted to the Princess as if she could not believe Celestia was actually sitting calmly at a seat in her bar just as relaxed as if she had been there every Tuesday for a year. There was a small glass of something most probably wine-based in front of Berry, clutched like it was a magical talisman to prevent the inevitable failure in the space-time continuum caused by the Princess actually drinking a beer. Perhaps she was thinking of leaping across the bar and switching the drink with the rapidly vanishing beer in order to save the Princess’ delicate constitution from hops poisoning, or maybe she was just holding it for the familiar odor in hopes that it would wake her up from an ongoing nightmare.
Curiosity was a deadly thing. The questions he had asked Princess Celestia at the reception would never have passed his lips had his body been sober instead of intoxicated on stress poisons. School had taught him many things, primarily among them was: Truth is Relative. There is the way things really are, and there is the way things were supposed to really be. Reality vs. Theory. It was best not to confuse them, in particular when reality clashed with a teacher’s pet theory. In that case, the teacher was right, even if in reality they were so wrong it glowed in the dark. There was no greater teacher than Princess Celestia. She had taught him more lessons in one evening than anypony should ever have to know, some of which almost certainly things she had never told her own special student, and which he suddenly realized were things he should not tell either. Not for his own sake, but for hers.
Still, he had to know.
“There are no reliable records of the members of your diplomatic mission to the Griffons after the treaty was signed. Officially, the prevailing thought is they went their separate ways, and just never did anything so important as to be noticed again, the Treaty of Rosebuds being the pinnacle of their achievement. Twilight, please stop writing.” The faint background scratching of her quill stopped, but he could hear her light breathing as if she were next to his ear.
“You disagree?” The Princess’ voice was soft, and carried no farther than their own table.
“Of course not. Historical records of the event are flawless. If a diplomatic mission of four innocent ponies were slaughtered by the Griffons, it would have shown up. The battle that was fought would have been much more severely prosecuted, and I doubt that Captain Hardhoof would have rested until their entire aerie was in flames. A great number more soldiers would have been killed on both sides, and the Pericorn Griffons would most probably be extinct, instead of fairly reliable allies and providing trade with several hundred families of earth ponies in the Pericorn Valley today. There is no need for me to put that in my thesis, because historians do not deal in hypotheticals, we deal in facts.”
“Ah, indeed.” Somehow the Princess had managed to finish the last of her bottle unnoticed, and she gently placed it in the center of the table, with a number of bits as a tip. “Historians never have to deal with Realpolitik—”
The entire building trembled with the subsonic thrum of a giant, lightning-powered subwoofer being plugged in. “—or sisters,” she continued as a second impact shook the building. “That sounded familiar.”
“Sorry about that.” Ditzy’s voice sounded more subdued than usual as the door to the outside world opened and closed, and the mail mare came trotting into the bar. “Twilight are you—”
She stopped, and carefully placed the library newspapers she was carrying onto a nearby table while looking back and forth between Green Grass, Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle.
“Hello Ditzy,” said the Princess gently. “Did you have any mail for me?”
“No, Ma’am. It all went into the Canterlot bag this morning, and Powder Puff is flying it there for you now.” The mailmare continued to look back and forth among the three occupants of the table, sometimes not even moving her head as one eye would drift out of alignment. “I’m so confused,” she finally blurted out. “Green Grass, are you starting a herd?”
“What? No! What would make you think that?”
“Well, you’ve been spending so much time with Twilight lately, but then today’s papers came out and—” Conflicting purple and golden auras fought briefly with the newspapers sitting on the table before they zipped over to the two suddenly concerned mares.
“Princess to Wed Mystery Prince,” murmured Green Grass, trying to read the upside down papers. “Royal Wedding in the Cards. Mysterious Prince Woos Princess. The Mystery Prince Revealed. Is Recent Weight Gain Actually Baby Bump?”
Green Grass took a good, long look at Princess Celestia so that he would know what she looked like when she was angry. It did not help. She looked identical to her normal self except for a tiny tremor at the edge of one eye.
“I told the guard to stop the photographer, and be absolutely positive the paper did not get this wrong,” said the Princess rather coldly. “If you will excuse me, I must see an editor about a correction.”
“Princess Celestia, did you mean Axe?” Twilight looked concerned as she mentally reviewed the events of last night. “The pegasus guard you talked with before you and Green Grass went into the reception? Because Princess Luna talked to him right after the two of you were announced, and he went back to his station. I don’t think he actually ever talked to the photographer.”
Outside, a deafening chorus broke out, with a certain familiar voice singing the lead:
♫ YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO ROCK!
YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO ROLL! ♫
“Luna.” Princess Celestia stood up abruptly and turned to leave. “You will excuse me, Lord Green Grass. I must have a word⁽⁶⁾ with my sister.”
(6) The word was ‘Pain!’
—
Without even pausing for a response, the Princess began walking for the door. By the time she reached the doorway, she was trotting, and the ‘whoomp’ of giant wings opening corresponded almost exactly with the sound of Berry’s door being ripped off its hinges and sent flying into the street.
“LUNA!”
The Princess of the Night paused in her guitar solo as the thundercloud powering the amplifier went suddenly silent, and several windows in the town hall shattered. She tilted her sunglasses back up onto her face and shrugged effortlessly out of the guitar strap. “Children, it hath indeed been a pleasure to jelly⁽⁷⁾ with thy band, but I must be going now. Thank you so much for allowing me to participateandI’llseeYOULATERBYE!” The velocity of the dark alicorn grew exponentially as she plunged for the doorway, emerging just moments before her furious sister arrived, and twisting up into the sky towards Canterlot with howls of delighted laughter.
(7) Princess Luna’s study of modern Equestrian idioms was still a work in progress.
—
“LUNA YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU, DEAR SISTER.”
“I’LL GROUND YOU, I SWEAR!”
“ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME! THE EXERCISE WILL DO YOU GOOD. CAKEFLANK!”
“I AM NOT FAT!”
“PLUMP RUMP!”
“COME BACK HERE, YOU BRAT!”
“TUBBY TIA!”
The Princess of the Night took a look backwards and redoubled her wing strokes. Celestia had indeed gained a few pounds where they did not belong, but she was overcoming their penalty with pure, sugar-fueled concentration. Together the two sisters flew high in the sky towards Canterlot, in an exuberant display of pure alicorn speed that was truly appreciated by both Twilight Sparkle for its technical details, and Green Grass for the rapidity which it moved the Princesses farther away.
“You don’t think Princess Celestia will really hurt her sister, do you?” he asked, looking at the tiny dots vanishing into the distance.
Twilight regarded Green Grass skeptically. “Afraid of marrying somepony so prone to violence?”
“No, just trying to figure out the size of the bucket of water I’ll have to keep in the bedroom if she— Ouch!”
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Ha! Tubby Tia, may have to use that one.
Typo
where they had they had been
Another LOL chapter.
There are so many bits that had me chortling I can't mention them all, but the section I found the most delightful was all the Foal's streaming around Celestia to get to Luna. Luna playing Rock and Roll was a close second.
Why do I see a Bass Guitar in her future, and sneaking out in disguise to 'jelly' at some local hot spots.
Oh man that scene in the end had me in stitches
Something tells me that Twilight Sparkle and Green Grass have become enmeshed in the affairs of the Great. Specifically an inter-alicorn prank war.
Luna shenanigans are the best shenanigans.
Bwahahaha! You got to be careful writing those funny scenes or some reader (me) might pass out from lack of oxygen intake during a laughing fit! That scene with Luna and Celesta was hilarious! RUN, LUNA, RUN!!!
1991824
Yes. Yes they are.
Awesome chapter!
"The word was 'Pain'" <---- That nearly killed me.
Ah, sisterly love, nothing shakes up the court quite like it.
Great job, thank you for sharing this story with us, it makes my day every time I read it.
I just loved the concert, and the conversation at the bar was very interesting. I wonder what's going on with that treaty.
The size makes the beginning quote's misstep more obvious. Also, that's hilarious. Also also, when is Tia going to embarrass them both with that letter?
OOOOOOOWNED!
*7
hahahha!
Well, Sweetie seems to have left her stage fright well behind. Good for her.
Also, I hope Berry Punch puts a "Princess Celestia drank here" sign over the bar. That'd be fantastic.
Hahahahah I loved the interaction between Celestia and Luna that was comedic gold my good sir!
Twilight just said that to a filly? Nice!
Aside from that did Rarity just, ahem, get her diamonds polished?
The 6th and 7th footnotes were bucking hilarious.
Cheerilee and Berry Punch being sisters is a very good headcanon and I like it very much.
NO ONE SINGS BETTER THAN STEVIE NICKKERS! If you knew the amount of time I spent when I was younger and so was she obsessing over the source of that name, and her garments which are phonetically identical to that name, you would think me weird, or possibly male.
3876955 There's probably a fic in there somewhere, begging to get out. (Edit: And I did it for the EqD weekly writing workshop as Now Appearing All This Week - Nightmare and the Apocalypse )
After a thousand years of exile on the moon, Princess Luna is back! And she's getting the band back together. Rock and Roll fans all over Equestria, tremble at the Punk Rock band that even the Elements of Harmony could not stop, and feel the Songs of the Night!!
Featuring Grogar on bells, Tirek on the keyboard, and showcasing the Princess of Lunar Power on her electric guitar, put your hooves together for...
"Nightmare!"
So, Celestia never did end up doing what she came to Ponyville to do. I think. Dammit, Luna!
That's the only way to dance. Just ask Twilight.
Well, that brick joke sure came back in a hurry.
The other big brick joke of the moment is still in the air, however, gathering mass for its inevitable descent.
(Leave it to Georg to turn brick jokes into kinetic energy weapons.)
Okay, now I'm imagining the Yakety Sax playing in the background during the Great Alicorn Chase.
Soon of a bitch! This was the most hilarious chapter yet of a great story :
I gotta ask, how the hell is this supposed to be pronounced?
IIRC, Nicole Oliver remarked at one point that Princess Celestia is secretly a big classic '80s rock fangirl.
I guess Lulu is taking a liking to it as well.
Afterwards...
Night Guard: "Uhhhh, Princess Luna... there's something on your face."
Luna: "!"
*Sudden-BUCK*
Celestia: "IT WAS PAIN!!!"
Makes sense. She may officially be Princess of the Night but her true job and title is, first and foremost, Guardian Protector of Foals.
Oh, so it is Tuesday. That explains everything.
Successful bullet-dodge! We'll get them next time, sir!
That's probably already sitting on your pillow. Spike is nothing if not thorough!
Still not a no
9339208
https://youtu.be/c2QQQZAVvSI
New and improved
10299990
Yay Spike
Somewhere in the multiverse, Green Grass found himself hiding in the royal gardens amongst the sunflowers, trying to avoid a forced marriage to yet another horrible bride. Little did he know that a curious nose pressing into his own would wind up with him in a forced marriage of a different kind. With time, and patience, such looks from the Princess of the sun would be both common and welcome.
As for the yellow earth pony who decided to avoid all the commotion in the royal gardens? With prices in Canterlot so high and his hope for his travel guide so low, perhaps he decided to continue on his way to Ponyville. Rustic, friendly community with a beautiful librarian who would be willing to teach him the complexities of the ponish language. Maybe it would build into something more?
You know, that's one of those phrases I would personally refrain from using, if only due to a phonetically similar word.
7827241
No clue, but I bet a Pole would know.