The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Dear Princess Celestia
High above Canterlot, a Royal Guard chariot thundered through the night sky just as fast as it could travel. The drivers had been given specific instructions from a certain Captain of the Royal Guard as to where they would fly, how fast, and just exactly what to say. Of course, a certain purple passenger’s first command was to disregard all that, and to fly the way she told them. She knew her brother well.
The second passenger in the chariot was a bit more hesitant about the whole affair. There was a matching smile on his somewhat greener face as the chariot rose into the sky, but his grip on the edge of the seat was ironclad, even to the point of causing small dents that would be looked at rather skeptically in the morning by the maintenance crew.
When the speeding chariot crossed the downdraft that marked the edge of Canterlot airspace with a stiff lurch, the passengers inside exhibited significantly different reactions.
“Wheee!” shouted one, her forehooves held up above her head and a giant grin covering her entire face. “Again!”
“Bleargh!⁽*⁾” exclaimed the other one, hanging over the edge of the chariot and discovering one additional educational experience of the night: Do not throw up into the wind.
(*) Closest translation of the actual noise. Phonetically transcribing it would take a full paragraph, and nauseate the reader.
—
Feebly, Green Grass crabbed sideways around to the side of the chariot and repeated his experiment, with more satisfactory results.
“Isn’t this fun!” screamed Twilight at the top of her lungs. “Princess Celestia never flew at night.”
“I wonder why not,” shouted Green Grass as soon as he finished.
“Afraid off us hitting thinks,” shouted Axe between wing strokes. “Zat why we fly so high⁽¹⁾.”
(1) Also Royal Guard regulations about night flying, but Axe and Stonehoof never paid much attention to little details like that.
—
“High?” shouted Green Grass in a girlish shriek, finally realizing that the tiny lights so far below were actually small towns. “Lower! Lower!”
“Hokey, you da boss. Come on brudder, he want lower.”
Green Grass’ pupils shrunk to pinpoints as he realized his mistake. Both Royal Guards promptly folded their wings as the chariot plunged headlong through the inky sky towards the distant ground.
“Wheee!” screamed Twilight, raising her hooves in the air and letting the wind whip her mane into a frenzy.
“…” screamed Green Grass, causing more than one nearby female bat⁽²⁾ to look around in curiosity.
(2) And one distant Princess.
—
“Isn’t this great?” shouted Twilight, wrapping a foreleg around Green Grass
“Pull up!” he panted, eyes closed and with one leg around Twilight in a crushing embrace.
“Vat? Speak louder, ve got vind in our ears.”
“Pullupwe’regoingtocrashpullupPULLUPPULL— Ooomph!” The two guards extended their wings at exactly the same moment, pulling the chariot out of the dive and into a tree-clipping altitude while Green Grass and Twilight collapsed together onto the floor.
“Isn’t this great?” shouted Twilight right into Green Grass’ ear. “It’s fantastic! I love it!”
“This is crazy!” he shouted back. “This is insane! This is—” Suddenly his entire view turned purple as Twilight grabbed him in a vigorous kiss. The sounds of branches snapping across the bottom of the chariot and terrified birds diving for cover seemed to vanish into the night, leaving only her warm lips and the feeling of one hoof gently cupped behind his head. “This isn’t that bad, I suppose,” he stammered when Twilight quit, seeing only her beautiful smile and hearing only her happy giggle.
“Not bad?” She grinned and gently bopped him on the nose. “You taste terrible.”
“I’ve been sick,” he responded quickly. “But I’m feeling much better now.”
“Let me check,” she murmured in return, sliding into his embrace for another kiss. Ahead of them, Axe and Stonehoof gently raised the trajectory of the chariot to a more comfortable level and smoothed their wingbeats to a gentle flapping that even their synchronized flight instructor could not have found fault with. Their navigation instructor, however, would have been quite upset about how long it took them to make the simple flight to the Ponyville library, even though their passengers had no complaints at all.
* * *
“Shhh. Spike’s asleep, I can hear him snoring.” They kicked their shoes off just inside the library door and tiphooved through the dark room.
“What now?” whispered Green Grass, feeling somehow guilty as if he were sneaking into a bank vault.
“First, we need to do something about these outfits or Rarity will be furious.” A violet glow spread across his body and began peeling off his tuxedo, pressing and cleaning it as the various pieces flew across the room and landed on the couch, quickly followed by Twilight’s elegant outfit. Green Grass felt weirdly naked, even though he was wearing almost as few clothes as he normally wore. Strangely enough, he missed his hat most of all.
“Secondly, you need a bath. You smell terrible. Go on, scoot off to the tub.”
Green Grass raised an eyebrow questioningly. “What about thirdly?”
Twilight just grinned in response. “You’ll see.”
* * *
The halls of Canterlot castle echoed softly with the sounds of two Royal Guards having an unusually subdued conversation on their way to an appointment. Most likely the quiet was caused by the fact they were walking through the residential section where most of the occupants were sound asleep, and even more so by the lateness of the hour.
Axe whispered yet again to his partner, “Der Captain say he vant a report if anyting unusual happend. I say dis unusual.”
“Und I still say dis is not dat unusual. But I only go wit you, if you shut up. Hokey?”
The light but firm knocking right below the brass plate that read ‘Captain Shining Armor’ went on for a long time before the sounds of commotion inside finally turned into a rumpled-looking unicorn at the door. Both guards studiously ignored his bed-knotted mane and sour glare, and in particular they ignored one ear, which appeared considerably damp and slightly chewed.
“Yes? Oh, it’s you two. Whada want? I mean, report. Now.”
Stonehoof saluted, a fairly slow motion much akin to an avalanche in its inevitability. “Captain Shining Armor, suh. Ve vould like to report our misson vas a success, vit only one ting to report. Der stallion, he threw up.”
A familiar⁽³⁾ feminine voice called out from inside the room. “Honey, who is it?”
(3) One might even say it was a loving voice.
—
“Just some of the guards from work. Nothing serious,” Shining Armor called back.
“Well hurry up. It’s cold back here.” Captain Shining Armor turned back to the pair of guards, who had taken on the immobility and serious face of statues. “Is that it?”
“He threw up a lot, sir?” ventured Stonehoof cautiously. “Like most of de way back. Your sister, she take care off him though. Und ve get chariot washed.”
“Good job, then,” said Shining Armor rather tersely. “Take tomorrow off. Dismissed.” There was an exchange of salutes, and the door closed quite solidly with the sound of a lock. Both guards trotted quietly away, getting outside the building and nearly a block away before their control failed, and they both broke into laughter.
* * *
Spike woke up with a yawn and poked his nose out into the chilly bedroom. That short dash between the warm bed and the warm kitchen crossed a lot of cold floor, and really made him think about actually wearing that cute little girly pair of fuzzy slippers Rarity had made for him last month. Over the past few weeks as the library had grown more organized, his ‘lair’ had really started to take shape, starting with the space freed up by removing the heaps of books Twilight had been stuffing under her bed instead of returning to their proper library shelf. A faint snort distracted the little dragon from his growing collection of treasures, drawing his attention to a hoof sticking out from under the sheets of the big bed.
Looks like it’s getting too cold for Twilight out in that little wagon. Oh wait, that hoof is green. That one is purple. Green, purple, green... Better go get breakfast ready before Twilight wakes up and freaks out about me being in the same room with them.
* * *
A low rumbling shook the Golden Oak Library, gently rustling the branches and rattling the bottles of manecare products on Twilight Sparkle’s dresser with gentle clinking noises.
“Hey, cut that out.” A gentle elbow into Green Grass’ hungry tummy woke him up as Twilight pulled the blanket tighter. “No growling.”
Green Grass buried his nose into her mane and took a deep breath. “Mmmmm. I smell something cooking. Must be my hot marefriend. Ooof!”
Twilight drew back one sharp elbow in a promise of continued physical discouragement, somewhat countered by the broad grin that covered her face. “You hush back there, or you’ll wake up Spike, and I’ll send you back to your frozen wheelbarrow.”
“You wouldn’t kick a stallion out into the cold without his warm blanket.” He tunneled in closer and wrapped his hooves around her chest for a change. “I think I like it better when you’re on this side.”
“It’s that lumpy mattress of yours. It forced me into lying on top of you so I could get some sleep.”
“I like this mattress. It’s soft in all the right places. Ooof! Seems to have some sharp, bony bits though. Ooof! Maybe it just needs fluffed up?” Green hooves began a light circling around under the blanket as Twilight squirmed and complained.
“Hey! Careful. Eeep! Stop that, Spike will hear us making—”
“Haycon?” Green Grass gave another sharp sniff at the smells of breakfast filtering up from the kitchen.
“No! Making out.” Twilight squirmed around until she was pressing against his nose and smiled. “Actually, I can hear him downstairs. What do you say we…” A violet glow lit her horn as the bedroom door closed with a secure click before the noises downstairs dwindled from an obvious privacy spell.
Green Grass froze. “I don’t have that note,” he whispered.
“I don’t care,” she whispered back.
“No, I promised.” Green Grass tried to look serious as Twilight licked the end of his nose. “I intend to stand on that promise.”
“Seems to me you’re lying on it now.” Her hooves gently started to wander. “I don’t know if it would be more fun to tease you, or call your bluff.”
“You wouldn’t,” he gasped, trying to escape a hoof that had found a particularly sensitive rib.
“Try me.”
“I mean it. Eeep! I’ll get. Out. Of this. Bed.” Mercifully she stopped her assault, only to begin a second, more devious attack. A scroll and a quill floated out from a nearby dresser, and Twilight began to write.
“Dear Princess Celestia, I would like permission— Eek, stop that. To use your Consort— Would ‘consort’ be capitalized if it isn’t in a title? — for immoral purposes, repeatedly — Not the ear! — until he’s an old, withered prune — No teeth! — Your fai... fai... faithful studnet... student! Twi... Light... SPARKLE!” She tossed the scroll on top of the dresser and turned her concentration to better things.
* * *
Quite some time later, Green Grass and Twilight Sparkle trotted out of the library together, shoulder to sticky shoulder in the morning sunshine.
“Does Spike always get this grouchy when his pancakes get cold? I swear, he must have practice throwing those things.” He intentionally avoided looking at the one pancake that had somehow managed to get impaled on Twilight’s horn and stuck to the top of her head with a syrupy adhesive.
“Not the only cold thing around here,” grumbled Twilight good-naturedly, with a shoulder check that nearly knocked Green Grass off the path.
“Hey, I offered to let Spike send that letter.”
“Don’tyoudare!” Twilight blushed and shoulder-checked the tutor again. “I’d die of embarrassment if Princess Celestia saw that. I’m just going to tuck it into my hope chest and treasure it, for future blackmail. It’s a Moment.” She slowed her pace. “We don’t have many of them left.”
“There’s still a few. Today. Tomorrow. Hearth’s Warming. I got my next work assignment in the Hoofington-Wheaton district. It’s only a few hours by train away.” They leaned together as they walked in the direction of the Carousel Boutique by the most indirect route possible.
“I understand why you have to go to Canterlot this week because you need to meet with your faculty advisor before your thesis defense, and you promised to help with the Hearth’s Warming pageant setup afterwards. I know why you need to go to your next job, because teaching is as important to you as being Princess Celestia’s student is for me.” Twilight sniffed, and leaned her head against Green Grass’ warm coat. “Neither of us should have to give up what makes us special. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
Green Grass leaned his head against hers as they stopped walking. “I know. I will never ask you to give up your life. You have so many incredible friends.”
“You say you just want to be a friend, and I’ll drop you in the fountain,” she grumbled between sniffs.
“It’s frozen solid.”
“I’ll drop you on your head, so you won’t hurt anything important.”
They stood there for a while, leaning together and unwilling to look in each other’s eyes until Twilight spoke again.
“It’s just… I know how these things work! I saw them at school all the time. One year all the students are blubbering about how they’ll always miss each other and love each other forever and write every week! A year later they can’t even remember names. My head knows what you say is right, but my heart is saying something different.”
Green Grass leaned into her warm shoulder and flicked his tail over her back. “I’m glad I made that promise. The last thing we need is any other organs in this discussion.” A deep, hungry rumble seemed to shake the ground momentarily, and he winced. “Except that one.”
Twilight giggled. “The way to a stallion’s heart is through his stomach. And you’ve got quite a path there.”
“Hey! It’s a smaller path now.”
“Paved with whipped cream. And cookies. And little candy sprinkles.”
“Stop that, you temptress of tarts. I was wanting to say goodbye to my students this morning, then you can have me all afternoon.”
“Yum. I’ll get some whipped cream and sprinkles.”
* * *
Now that the kitchen was cleaned, Spike hustled upstairs to tidy up the bedroom. Sweetie Belle had promised to purchase several albums at the Sapphire Shores concert for him, and he wanted the whole library in perfect condition so Twilight would not complain about him taking the afternoon off.
There were some real changes that had come over his ‘big sister’ over the past few weeks. So far he had not needed to clean up an exploded experiment, or put away a giant bookpile, even get out the fire extinguisher since that one time. It would be nice if the two of them quit sleeping out in that drafty little wagon and spent their evenings in the library like today.
It felt a bit strange to think that way. When other creepy stallions had attempted to romance Twilight in school, Spike had reacted much like Rarity’s pet cat when her favorite toy was touched⁽⁴⁾. If Green Grass was right, that would mean Spike was thinking of Twilight as both an asset and a relative, and instead of stealing her away from his precious horde, Greenie seemed to be contributing his talents, resources and even himself. It felt odd, but there was a certain fire that lit in his draconic soul at the thought of having two siblings in the house.
(4) Dragons are very good at detecting a fake, be it a pony or a counterfeit bit.
—
It only took a few minutes work to tuck in Twilight’s rumpled bedcovers, and tidy up the top of the dresser which was nearly covered with the almost untouched bottles of manecare products⁽⁵⁾ she had received from various relatives (and Rarity). He neatly lined them up in tidy rows, a forgotten Friendship Report⁽⁶⁾ was quickly sent on its way to the Princess, and Spike trotted downstairs to give the rest of the library a quick once-over before his well-deserved time off.
(5) Twilight Sparkle had once threatened to shave her mane if she got one more bottle of manecare products for Hearth’s Warming. Her mother switched to giving her bottles of chemical reagents. Sweaters would probably have been safer for any innocent bystanders.
(6) Well, not really a Friendship Report, per se, but it was headed to the Princess…
—
Celestia's reaction to reading the "Frienship" Report: …I think it's time Twilight became aware of the more "Intimate" Parts of friendship...
Of course Spike would send THAT Friendship report. Dooooooommm! Green Grass, doom, if and when Shining sees it.
1977763 I can see it now, Celestia sit Twilight down for a discussion about the birds and the bees. Twilight in turns lasts only long enough to suggest bird and bees aren't the best allegory to pony reproduction before passing out from executive awkward blushing.
But Spike is either not very good at detecting bogus friendship reports, or very good at it.
I think that permission was not waited for, so it seems that it's gonna be more than just doom that awaits poor poor poor Green Grass if he leaves and returns in a year, i think that's the time table for his cycle. OOO I do hope Celestia is not with nobles when she reads that, I wonder how hard it would be to get tea out of silk or a coat. Hmmmm
I love how Green is cautious about going into relationship that Twilight wants to have, shows that he got heart and brain to think with. I only hope Green will truly come around.
Oh snap! I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I read that line! That's classic!
What I would give to see the look on Celestia's face when she reads that! That letter back is going to be a memorable one!
Oh I had a feeling about that Friendship Report.
My first thought when this started this was about how the poor ponies lack the privacy we get from having personal cars. Then I thought, prom dates and Limos, and thought that they weren't going to much care.
I'm wondering how much Celestia is tempted to meddle, in much the same way as she found Twilight a place to live and a job so she could stay with her new friends.
And I can see Twilight going into intensive study mode on long distance teleporting, and creating a homing beacon/amulet, for the purpose.
* Celestia reads Twilight Sparkle's Letter of Intent to Molest Green Grass *
CELESTIA: "Huh! It's about time!"
LUNA: "I guess you win this time, Tia! I honestly thought we'd have to lock them in a room together after dousing them with inhibition-reducing potion!"
CELESTIA: "... You know, Luna, you can call it Scotch. Nopony will think any less of you!"
Hahahahahaha of course Spike would send THAT Letter
I really like your depiction of Spike, and his hoard sense, but it got me to wondering about his possible subconscious reasons for being so infatuated with Rarity. Sure, she's a treasure all in herself, but there is that little gift of hers for finding rare gemstones. Any dragon would salivate at the idea of adding her to his hoard. Spike's hoard sense might have twinged on his first meeting with her as it detected that potential.
Oh poor Green Grass... it was nice knowing him... and Spike.
I love it!
I honestly cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard and so many times while reading a work of fanfiction, or fiction at all.
This is one of the most enjoyable pieces I've read on this site, and deserves significantly more attention and likes.
Now, I believe I have to go read everything else you've ever written. =D
Bravo.
Sigh I had all day to read this and then I noticed I was out of chapters.
I am hooked I must know what happens next
1979325 Meddle? Celestia? Heaven forbid!
1991087 Think I have some more chapters here in my Santa Hooves bag, let me dig around...
1988228 Yes, my minion! Go forth and bring me more readers! I must have more to make my plan of Universal Domination complete!
1984267 If I can make you believe GG is going to die in the next chapter, at the end of each chapter, my life is complete
1979786 But they *were* both in a room doused with inhibitation reduction potion (one part beer, one part applejack), and all they got were hangovers and a long-overdue heart to heart discussion.
1984085 Currently Spike is more powerful than any dragon in Equestria. He has all six of the Elements of Harmony at his command (if he gives them cookies), the Princess takes his letters, and all he would need to accumulate more gems than he could eat in a year is to spend an afternoon with the love of his life. This way he doesn't have to worry about storage for his gems (they're accessible anytime he wants), or his six "captive princesses" (they're self-feeding and maintaining, except the one he follows around the library), or competition from any other dragon. He's got it made.
1978619 I had actually hedged on the idea twice, before deciding to go for it.
I usually wait till I catch up to the last chapter currently out. But have to comment now.
I sense a full grown dragon size doom a coming due to that "friendship" report.
Words can not describe how much i love this story, it definitely deserves more kudos.
#DYING @FRIENDSHIP REPORT
Dammit, Spike. God fucking dammit.
Jägerguards are best guards. (Makes me wish the Foglios were bronies, if only so we'd get awesome fanart(*) from them.)
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/088/trollestia.png
Spike's going to find and send that letter, isn't he?
Yes, yes he is.
1991272
I've only just now realized the significance(1) of you constantly referring to him using the initials GG in comments on a story filled with references to things like Jägerkin.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/1/16/488.jpg
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/153/4/e/stained_glass__spike__s_tux_by_akili_amethyst-d521s89.png
(*) To add to the astonishing amount of awesome fanart we already have.
(1)
PossiblyProbably imagined.That should be “Maybe it just needs to be fluffed up?”
9496848 In English, the 'to' phrases (particularly in dialogue) are optional, as:
This song needs to have more cowbell.
She's been distracted so; more difficult to get in trouble that way.
9496902
This particular construction is not universal - it's most common in the Midlands. Practically nobody on the East Coast says this, but it's fairly common in Ohio, for example.
Here's an interesting page on the subject.
Down, Luna. If I've read between the lines of comments on other stories right, this is the series where you have... other prospects.
And Twilight, in a brief, uncharacteristic display of disorganized-ness, didn't put the letter away where she said she intended yet, did she?
Spike. Spikey. Spikester. You're gonna do it, aren't you?
Such a helpful little fellow, isn't he?
Okay that's funny.