The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian

by Georg

Ch. 19 - Failed Experimentation

The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Failed Experimentation

---

Caught by surprise at the sudden intrusion into his tiny home, Green Grass blurted out, “I hope the two of you are very happy and have a very happy life?” His words tasted vaguely bitter for some reason, as if he had bitten into the side of a tin can and grated his teeth across the metal.

“Not that kind of proposal, silly.” Twilight waved a sheet of paper vigorously as if it were supposed to explain her thoughts, which to her, it probably did. “I believe I have a solution to the problem I created when I cleaned up your mess… thesis, that is. But first,” Twilight leaned forward and grinned maniacally, looking him straight in the eyes with a scorchingly intense expression. “Tell me more about my eyes.”

“They’re bloodshot,” blurted out Green Grass, wincing until he realized Twilight had started giggling uncontrollably. “They’re kind of a beautiful bloodshot though,” he stated tentatively as if she were going to explode any moment. “You’re delirious from overwork, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” She hopped around the room, giddy with joy and oblivious to the close quarters of the wagon that simply made it seem as if she were dancing the Watusi in a phone booth with the green stallion. “I wanna do it! I wanna do it tonight! I know it will work, I just know it. It’s a little messy, but I think you’ll just love the end results! Please?!”

“Well, I— “

“Please!”

“Wouldn’t it be better if— “

Please?!”

* * *

Outside the wagon, Mrs. Cake hesitated with one hoof raised to knock on the door. She had hoped to catch Twilight Sparkle tonight before she had slipped into that stallion’s clutches, but had been just a little slow. Now the noises coming from inside the shaking wagon illustrated the depths of his depravity; not only had he ‘experimented’ on sweet little Pinkie Pie this afternoon, but now he was going to do it all over again with one of Pinkie’s best friends. She turned on her heel in disgust before walking back to Sugarcube Corner at a brisk trot, picking up to a gallop when the last ‘Please?!’ drifted back to her ears. There would be other times to confront the dishonorable stallion and his lascivious ways while informing Twilight of his deceit. A shudder traveled up her flank at the unmuffled cry of feminine joy that emerged from the wagon, and she set her jaw in a determined fashion.

Taking advantage of that young impressionable mare, how dare he? And Pinkie Pie too, that took the cake!

* * *

“Okay, okay, okay. You’ve got this Twilight. Just keep it together, and it’ll be a snap. Can you stand over there, out of the way, please? I’m not sure how the reverse entropy from the spell will affect living tissue. It won’t turn you into a baby or anything, well, not all of you. Maybe parts. Or age them, I’m not certain. Yes, that’s far enough back. Are you sure you can see from there?”

“I’m pretty sure,” said Green Grass from the extreme far edge of the ramp, with the beginnings of his own euphoria-induced grin. “You may proceed, Frau Doktor Sparkle⁽*⁾.”
(*) The title actually belonged to Twilight’s great, great grandmother, the inventor of the self-igniting torch, a must for any group storming a castle owned by a mad inventor.
—

The unicorn lit her horn with an amazingly creepy evil cackle and purple light began to spill out of the wagon into the darkness under the library tree. “For Science!”

* * *

The two of them lay in the middle of the wagon amidst a chaotic mess of papers and toppled books, with an exhausted Twilight weeping piteously into Green Grass’ shoulder. Hours had passed since the first attempt at her un-sorting spell had failed, and repeated attempts only seemed to drive the chaos into more disorder. As Twilight descended down the steps of sanity, Green Grass stayed close for moral support, even to the point where he had quietly retrieved the fire bucket⁽¹⁾ and stood by her side, just in case.
(1) Scrubbed and refilled with clean water, not recycled beer.
—

There was something in his own gut that twitched each time Twilight sobbed and hiccupped into her green pillow. Even in defeat she was undefeated, scheming out her failures through the tears and planning her next assault on the problem between hiccups. In some way, he understood the reason Twilight Sparkle had been the focal point in the fight against Nightmare Moon, for if he had been an evil goddess bent on revenge, the cute purple unicorn would have been the last opponent he would ever have wanted to face. Or maybe Pinkie Pie. It would have been a difficult decision: death by magic or death by cake.

“You should get home.” It really needed to be said, but whenever the words began to rise in his throat, she would sniff, or bury her nose deeper into his neck. Tracks from wet tears streaked both her mane and his in long rivulets; even despite his best efforts he had some small contribution to the dampness. Her tears eventually dried and the sniffing ceased as her breathing steadied, one thin purple leg thrown over his body as if to prevent his escape. The feeling of her tense body relaxing against his should have encouraged a number of very stallion-like thoughts. Or perhaps they did, but were obscured by other thoughts more powerful.

What have I gotten myself into?

* * *

The morning bird choir gently fluttered to their designated positions on top of the tutor’s wagon, each taking their spot according to their tone and melodic line. The muffled chirps of tuning woke Green Grass from a fitful sleep, and he gently placed a hoof on either side of Twilight’s ears to guard against the opening notes, just in case.

A light melody began to swell outside as Twilight Sparkle shook her head, first looking up with her eyes still closed, then down, then waking up with a giant tremor that shook her entire body.

“Eeep! Oh, it’s you. Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.” Twilight scratched at one ear frantically with her face all squinched up. “Tickles.”

“Sorry.” Green Grass gestured at the wagon roof. “Our morning opera has returned.”

“La Trotiata. Sempre Libera, I think. Did you... did we sleep out here all night?”

“Again. I must be comfortable, all soft and poofy like a big pillow.” He puffed out his cheeks and gave her a wide-eyed stare, earning a cute giggle from Twilight as well as a sharp poke in the ribs.

“Behave. I’m only here because I fell asleep. Besides, we fit well together. And yes, you are nice and fluffy.” She prodded him in the ribs a few times, eliciting a number of squeaks and futile protests. “Besides, I was drunk. Haven’t you done anything you regretted later while drunk?”

“Me doth believe the lady prevaricates poorly, having neither wine nor beer to betray her will, but only fatigue at the temporary failure of her endeavor. Besides, I’ve been drunk. I know drunk. I was drunk the night before last when one of your brother’s ‘friends’ took me out drinking at Berry’s bar. I vaguely remember climbing on a table and shouting, ‘A toast! To the female of whatever species. May they ever remain inscrutable.’ At least I think I said inscrutable. From the reaction of the rest of the bar it might have been something that sounded quite similar, but meant something completely different. And quite humorous. If you want me to go in reverse chronological order, this could take a while.”

Twilight cuddled back up, prodding Green Grass with a hoof as if she were fluffing a giggling pillow. “I’ve got time. Time?” She sat up abruptly and looked at the clock. “Oh, no! Spike has probably been up for—”

Green Grass bopped her gently on the nose. “He dropped by, peeked in the door and left. I only saw because I didn’t sleep too well.” The tutor dug around in the mattress and heaved a thick book out onto the floor. “That’s better. Didn’t want to wake you.”

The book lay on the floor, absorbing the glare of the frustrated unicorn uncaringly. “I know why the spell didn’t work, it doesn’t have anything to grab onto, like a crystal to solidify around or a key in a lock. When I de-chaos-ed your wagon, I ordered the whole thing, like a magnet. I’ll get it though, I know I can.” She punched his shoulder just a little too hard before laying her head down; it was obvious she was forcing the motion even as her magnificent mind chewed viciously on the problem like Spike on a ruby. There was a constant twitch that telegraphed up his neck while she thought, her head darting slightly from side to side as if she were reading with closed eyes. The faint rumbling from his own slightly overstuffed tummy was echoed by her own. Given what he had seen so far, it was unlikely that Twilight had even paused for food since early yesterday. Despite how comfortable he felt at the moment, there was a principle at stake here: A true gentlecolt buys breakfast.

“Twilight. Hey!” She jumped when he nudged her, giving him a distracted glare in return. “Your problem will wait until you get fed. I’m buying breakfast for the both of us, how do you like your eggs?”

“Unfertilized,” she responded quickly, shooting him a sideways glance as he spluttered for air. “Did I get that right? That’s what it said in 1001 Zingers and Put-Downs, but I never did quite understand it.”

Unable to respond, Green Grass was only able to pound one hoof against the mattress and gasp for breath. Fortunately for him, Twilight was distracted by the nearby sound of Spike answering the library door, just a few yards away from his wagon.

“Why, hello! What an unexpected surprise,” said Spike, sounding not just surprised, but a little panicked. “Twilight’s not here right now!”

Unfortunately for Green Grass, he recognized the next voice.

“Good morning to you too, Spike,” responded a polite alto voice with just a hint of aristocratic accent. “We were just on our way to Fillydelphia for a family visit and thought we would drop by to see our darling daughter for a few hours between trains.”

Comments

[The Ponyletariat]

I just found this today and read all of it so far.....and it was amazing, I love this fic.

[BenRG]

Something tells me that Green Grass is going to get a reputation as a stud (which fits - for what species do we normally use that phrase? ). This will either make him a social outcast or get him a long list of mares who want to be completely satisfied the way he has done for Pinkie and Twilight.

Naturally, Shining Armour, all his tough guardsmen and, quite possibly, the three Manifest Goddesses who regard Twilight as either a daughter or sister will be most upset.

Comedy of errors or what!

[djthomp]

For Science!

For a couple of ponies not formally involved (on a personal, relationship status level that is), they sure spend a lot of time sleeping with each other. Not sure Twilight quite understands the impression it is giving to the town. Maybe her mother will explain.

[HeirOfNorton]

Shouldn't it be Frau Doktor Sparkle?

[Georg]

1865583 Irony: GG has been working very hard to keep his reputation, since he is a male teacher who works individually with young unicorns. Please note that every time he has been with a student, there is a "responsible adult" (and yes, I count Pinkie as one) in the immediate vicinity. So while he has managed to avoid being thought of as a pedophile (foalophile?), he now is getting "other" attention.

1865868 I'm quite certain Twilight Velvet gave "the talk" to her daughter, complete with charts, graphs, handouts, and a test, which she probably aced. She's been 'romanced' while in college by some very unscrupulous stallions who intended on 'marrying up' (With a M.R. degree perhaps?), and a few mares too. Twilight Sparkle has been mad at GG for both what he's done, and what others think the two of them have been doing (leaving the poor shlubb taking the blame for what others think. Poor guy) Besides, he's warm and fluffy, like a soft pillow. He really needs to get out and get some exercise before fluffy becomes tubby.

1866052 Fixed! My Germane is a bit rusty. That would be a bit odd for the young mare. she's really a Freifrau

(my first attempt at multi-comment responses, lets see how this works)

[djthomp]

1867131 If she understands the impression she is giving, maybe the question I should be asking is why she persists in associating with the poor guy in such a way that it appears that they are in a relationship. I suppose it may just be that she keeps being out of her mind in one fashion or another every time she is around him. Drunk, exhausted from spell-work, etc.

[Georg]

1867417 What, Twilight the Control Freak upset that something may be going on with her own mind and body that she has no control over? (after all, they do call it 'falling' in love) In vino veritas, or I suppose in this case it would be in fermented apples, veritas... Of course it must be a conspiracy, I would never do anything or think anything like that ever. Grief has seven stages, romance has seven hundred : Attraction, denial, attraction, denial, attraction...

[djthomp]

1867469 Ahh, gotcha.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Green Grass may be a better Igor than Spike. No one tell the dragon. The only thing uglier than a love polygon is when multiple assistants vie for the attentions of the same mad scientist.

Also, looks like it's Grass's turn to meet the parents. This should be priceless.

[YorkBrony]

I find it strange how much I enjoy this story's cliffhangers...

[serebryakov]

>Frau Doktor Sparkle
>“For Science!”
>Twilight’s great, great grandmother, the inventor of the self-igniting torch, a must for any group storming a castle owned by a mad inventor
Oh my God. It seems that somehow... someway...
Twilight Sparkle is related to Agatha Heterodyne.
I don't even want to know... wait, I do!

[Knight of Cerebus]

I thought I detected a bit of Yager in the dialogue with the Germane a few chapters back. *Smug Spongebob smile* You like Girl Genius, don't you Georg?

[Nyerguds]

Haah! The spell is missing a focus... I so called that. It's gonna be the ruined book

1931975
Jäger-German ist best German, ja?
(language hint: if you don't have access to the "ä", you should use "ae" as substitute. This goes for all umlauted vowels in German)

[JustAnotherTimeLord]

So Twilight's really fucking cute right now, and I think they definitely are digging each other.

[Biker_Dash]

“We were just on our way to Fillydelphia for a family visit and thought we would drop by to see our darling little daughter for a few hours between trains.”

[Inertial]

1867592 Twilight doesn't need an Igor. She needs something more like Moloch Von Zinzer from Girl Genius.

[LeprechaunPoni]

This came to mind: derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/1/16/490__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_science_artist-colon-don-dash-ko_mad+scientist_stand+back+i'm+going+to+try+science.png

i love how you are easing both Twi and Green into their feelings. It doesn't feel rushed, and the Adorkableness scale got broken somewhere in chapter 5. Also, you managed to keep it from being painfully awkward( you know, where the reader is like 'what new horrifically embarrassing situation will they put this character through'?). I have quite enjoyed reading this.

[Georg]

6893875 One of the objectives of writing this story was a response to the "Hi, I love you, let's bang" type of fics that tend to show up. Far too many romances or even just plain friend-type stories tend to get crammed into a couple of days. I really didn't plan on it going any further than this story, but the total has hit four (organized here on Equestria Daily) before I stopped. I sincerely hope you love every one of them, but Diplomacy by Other Means can be a little bloody.

I enjoyed putting Green Grass and Twilight through embarassing situations, but not 'what new horrifically embarrassing situation will they put this character through'? like I did with Changelings, Love and Lollipops, in which I took it to 11 and then some. Example:

Would it be wrong to stay? No changeling has ever stayed after being found out. What’s the worst that could—

He cut off that line of thought with a distinct wince. With only a few days in town so far, it seemed as if his life was being lived at the whim of some violent sadist with a typewriter who was constructing a script in which the maximum amount of laughter could be extracted from his mishaps until the eventual end of the story and his life. But that was just a foolish thought. More likely, it was a firm indication by Fate that showed just why ponies and changelings needed to keep a certain amount of distance between them.

[Magical plane]

poor mrs. cake

[Derpfen]

1867592
See Girl Genius.
Of course, in that case it's three mad scientists, though they do act as assistants for each other fairly often.

[peter]

Outside the wagon, Mrs. Cake hesitated with one hoof raised to knock on the door. She had hoped to catch Twilight Sparkle tonight before she had slipped into that stallion’s clutches, but had been just a little slow. Now the noises coming from inside the shaking wagon illustrated the depths of his depravity; not only had he ‘experimented’ on sweet little Pinkie Pie this afternoon, but now he was going to do it all over again with one of Pinkie’s best friends. She turned on her heel in disgust before walking back to Sugarcube Corner at a brisk trot, picking up to a gallop when the last ‘Please?!’ drifted back to her ears. There would be other times to confront the dishonorable stallion and his lascivious ways while informing Twilight of his deceit. A shudder traveled up her flank at the unmuffled cry of feminine joy that emerged from the wagon, and she set her jaw in a determined fashion.

The way I see it Mrs. Cake has a bit of a dilemma here. While clearly, Green Grass is a total cad, is that deserving of getting turned into a charcoal briquette if she tells Twilight what he has been up to. Not to mention the trauma that would cause Twilight when she realizes, too late, what she has done. Far better to contact some pony who can deal out a non-fatal accident. A trip to Sweet Apple Orchards is clearly in the cards.

“I’m pretty sure,” said Green Grass from the extreme far edge of the ramp, with the beginnings of his own euphoria-induced grin. “You may proceed, Frau Doktor Sparkle⁽*⁾.” (*) The title actually belonged to Twilight’s great, great grandmother, the inventor of the self-igniting torch, a must for any group storming a castle owned by a mad inventor. —

I see that she worked both sides of the street here. If she had to put up with angry mobs interrupting her work just as it was getting interesting then it only made sense to try and make some profit from it. And I bet she had the spell that shut them off too.

Why have I never seen a Girl Genius mashup/crossover I'll never know. There has to be one out there.

[peter]

6539674
I would have thought that was Spike, who on occasion is able to shut her down, or at least re-direct her thought process, and in a worse case scenario call in the big guns to do it.

[tsaukpaetra]

"recycled beer" is that what they're calling it now?
It's incredibly amusing fandom predictions of canon background characters.
Let's see how quickly Cup Cake rallies the indignant mob...

[Thor447]

What have I gotten myself into?

Something wonderful
... and glorious