Ch. 11 - Kissing on the First Non-Date
The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Kissing on the First Non-Date
The tutor looked absolutely dashing and handsome, standing there on the library threshold in a full formal suit with black top hat perched on top of what could only be described as a fine piece of art woven throughout his entire mane. The enticing scent of expensive hair care products wafted gently from a fine weave of his dusky mane, intermixed with colored ribbons trailing down Green Grass’ neck, stopping their weave only when there was no mane to tie, but resuming again throughout his tail and ending in an ornate bow. Carried in his mouth was a large basket, filled with an overflowing spray of flowers, two bottles of apple cider, several muffins, and topped with a frilly “I’m sorry” card done entirely in shades of pink.
“Your friends,” he said in a half-menacing tone of voice around the handle of the basket, “formed a press-gang and dragged me into the spa. I swear that much estrogen in one spot should be illegal. It will take a month of hoofball games to get my stallion-cred back up to a reasonable level. And—” Green Grass visibly flinched and looked at the sky “—they took photos. So many photos.”
“No!” gasped Twilight Sparkle with an exaggerated clutch of her hoof to her mouth. “Really?”
“Why do I get the feeling I’m talking to the sixth member of the conspiracy,” he sighed. “I mean it’s only an apology lunch, not like I’m proposing—” He blushed crimson and nearly dropped the basket. “Sorry. I’ve been a little twitchy on the subject, ever since my ‘wonderful parents’ saw fit to try to wedge me into an arranged marriage. Can I come in? I think we’re being watched.”
“Pip-sized paparazzi?” she asked, letting him into the library and closing the door behind him firmly. “I never did catch that little snipe. I did make certain to tell the editor of the Ponyville Gazette not to print the photo. I hope I didn’t frighten him too much.”
* * *
The editor of the Ponyville Gazette called the copywriter into his office the moment Twilight Sparkle had left the building and was safely a few blocks away.
“Typo, remember when I told you to see what kind of story you could do on the Princess’ student in town? Forget it. Nothing is worth being lectured to for that long. As a matter of fact, I want you to keep a sharp eye on any story that even mentions her or her coltfriend, and make certain it never sees our ink.”
“How about her wedding announcement? That will be legitimate news.”
Deadline scratched his chin and thought about it for a moment, “Well, I didn’t think those two were that far along, but go ahead and write one up so we’re ready. We’ll keep it back until they actually announce it. Better write up a birth announcement too.”
Meanwhile in the Foal Free Press darkroom, a number of young eyes were watching a photograph develop.
* * *
“Don’t worry about it,” scoffed Green Grass, sitting the basket down on a library table. “Nothing important ever happens around here that gets into the paper. Um. Not more than once every thousand years or so.”
The crystal-clear chimes of a bell echoed through the library, struck three times just the same as if Spike were announcing a formal dinner. The rules of formal dining specified one chime for the lowest formality of a meal, two chimes if there were members of the aristocracy present, and three chimes only if Princess Celestia or Princess Luna was a formal guest. Green Grass decided wisely not to press the issue.
The little dragon placed the bell back on a tray with a flourish and announced, "Lunch is served.” With one sweeping bow, he turned and motioned to the main room, finishing with a rapid trot to keep ahead of the two diners. Spike had managed to find a full formal suit complete with a mauve tie around his neck and spats for his little feet somewhere (Green Grass had his suspicions), and gestured to a small table set up in the main library room, with a pair of lit candles and two settings.
“If Madame and Monsieur will please be seated, we shall begin with the salad. The kitchen has a delicious Romane with baby carrots, alfalfa sprouts and olives, coated with a light vinaigrette and freshly ground pepper.”
“Ah, excellent. That sounds lovely.” Twilight nodded her head in the direction of a chair, but it took Green Grass a moment to recover before suavely pulling it out for her and helping scoot it back in afterwards.
“I sense a seventh conspirator,” he grumbled, pulling his own chair out without the need for assistance. “Was he bribed, blackmailed or just volunteered on his own?”
“Bribed,” called out Spike from the kitchen. “A dozen rubies and emeralds, freshly cut and sprinkled with diamond dust for zest. Plus I get to keep any tip.”
* * *
The tutor tried to keep his gruff mood intact, but between courses of the most delicious delicacies of Prench cooking he had ever tasted and the sight of the little dragon trotting back and forth, his mouth soon outvoted the rest of his body with smiles and laughter. By the time dessert was served (chocolate pie with shaved almond topping, served on a paper plate that looked suspiciously like Gustav’s restaurant takeout tableware), he had nearly forgotten the reason for his visit.
Almost.
“If you would care to adjourn to the balcony, I will bring you a glass of our delicious house cider. House Apple Acres, aged—” Spike took a quick peek at the label “—two weeks.”
The balcony of the library was a pleasantly shaded area to look out across the town, not as high an observation point as the upper balcony with its telescope, but the foliage concealing them from the townsponies was much more welcome than altitude. While they stood and talked, Twilight Sparkle held her glass filled with cider comfortably in her magical field, with far more control than any student he had ever taught. No doubt she was still keeping several spells going unconsciously and thinking about two different things simultaneously while nodding and chatting.
It was a horrible dent in his ego. Green Grass was so used to spending time with foals and their weak abilities that being in her presence made him feel as if he were back in elementary school again. Father had been so determined that ‘My special colt’ was smarter than any other student, that he had been pushed and shoved from the day he had been assigned his first tutor. Once he had been admitted to school, the pressure only became worse. He had been advanced a grade, and then a second. Only by intentionally failing an exam had he managed to avoid the horrible fate a third time. From then on he had been more careful. Theatre class, oratory, and history made a good cover for a geeky earth pony in classes filled with older loud and proud unicorns of very important families. There was a great deal of value in knowing just who had what skeletons in their family trees, how to pretend to like them, and how to talk so they would just leave him alone. In that regard, he considered himself richer than all the bits his family owned.
“Let me start,” said Twilight, sitting down her half-full glass. “Then we can trade off.” She pulled out a short list before looking speculative and stuffing it away. “No, an apology must come from the heart, not a list. Mr. Green Grass, I would like to apologize for barging into your class evaluation and being so rude about your—” Twilight gestured at his head with a low twitch that turned the corners of her beautiful mouth into a sour grimace “—you know.”
“No, I don’t know,” he responded calmly, trying to keep his anger in check. The same thing had happened in school on a regular basis. Insult the earth pony, claim it to be an impulsive mistake, wait for the apology to be accepted. Repeat.
It’s true. School never⁽*⁾ ends. She’s just going to try to wave this over and pretend it didn’t happen.
(*) Well, High School Never Ends at least.
—
Twilight let her breath out in an explosive sigh and reluctantly turned to look him in the eyes, which gave him an unexpected hitch in his chest. “I was jealous, okay?”
“What?” That’s new.
“When I talked to Ditzy, she made you sound like some sort of miracle pony. I had been teaching little Dinky for a few weeks at that point, and I started thinking I was the only and best teacher in all of Equestria for her. I lost sight of what was best for my student, and that’s something you just can’t do when teaching. Then I saw you were not a unicorn, and all those emotions started boiling over. I just couldn’t stand being second-best, and that made it worse.”
It took a moment for Green Grass to respond. His first well-practiced instinct had been to smirk and laugh it off, but it was painfully obvious that Twilight Sparkle was honest about what she was saying, if nothing else due to her expression and the way he could see his reflection in her beautiful eyes.
“You should not sell yourself short, Miss Sparkle. Dinky is really advanced for her age. Between your tutoring and her older sister, she tests above the ninety-eighth percentile for her control and ninety-fifth for power. I really should thank you and Sparkler. There’s almost nothing for me to do in the next few months regarding her training, which gives me more time to spend with the more troublesome students, like Snails. Trust me, I’ve experienced far worse than your reaction. Normally, I just plod ahead and keep my hat on. You’re actually the first to apologize and really mean it, and for that, I’m grateful.
“Now, let me apologize. I’ve been so afraid of you that I forgot to treat you normally, instead of like some godlike being.” Green Grass winced and almost looked away. “Well, maybe I should rephrase that.”
Twilight’s violet eyes glittered with memories that seemed to just radiate from her extravagant grin. “Oh no, don’t you dare. You should hear her stories about some of the silly things ponies do when they meet Princess Celestia for the first time.” Catching Green Grass’ sudden blush, Twilight Sparkle leaned forward eagerly. “So you have met her.”
“Once. Briefly. When I got my cutie mark.” Green Grass tried to wave the experience off, but Twilight would have none of it.
“Tell me.” He meant to turn the eager grinning student down, but while he was looking into her beautiful purple eyes, he could hear somepony’s voice talking. His.
“My parents had taken my little sister Frost into the testing room for Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and I decided to stay behind and help out the other stressed-out tots. I really didn’t pay much attention to the clock, and the little fillies and colts seemed to take a shine to me, probably because of my blank rump and lack of horn. Anyway, all I did for hours was calm them down and get their brilliant little minds pointed the right direction just like I had done for my sister. When the last one went into the testing chamber, I noticed that my flank was no longer blank. That’s about it.”
A loud snort of laughter was choked back by Twilight, and her grin grew larger. “Princess Celestia told me she was ‘mooned’ by an older student in the testing rooms at the school once. All he was doing was jumping around the room, and screaming, ‘Yes! Yes!’ until she walked in.”
“Well, I don’t think that was—” he began, only to be cut off.
“She said this earth pony just pointed to his flank and grinned, waving his rump back and forth. Did you at least introduce yourself?”
After a brief sigh at the realization his dinner companion was not about to quit until she got the whole story, Green Grass took a measured sip of cider and shook his head. “I would like to say the two of us shared a pleasant conversation where the Princess inquired about my newly discovered talent. In this completely mythical interaction, I would have used my well-practiced social skills to describe my pleasure at being in Her Royal Highness’ presence, thanked Her Royal Highness for the opportunity to be in her presence, and begged permission to leave her presence, all in the Proper and Correct Manner my father’s private tutors had spent so much time hammering into my thick skull.”
“Nice. Unbelievable, but nice.”
“Oh, yes. That would have been nice. Instead, all I did when first meeting the founder of the school, wise leader and powerful monarch of Equestria, the immortal Princess of the Sun and Moon was — point at my flank and grin like an idiot.”
Twilight burst into laughter, falling down onto the floor of the balcony. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she rolled back and forth, clutching her belly. She really was unbearably cute when she did that. It almost made him forget the four charred hoofprints on the library floor downstairs, or his impromptu flight across the library yard to the rather solid tree. With a roll of his eyes, Green Grass continued.
“Yeah, she must have thought I was amusing too, from the giggling I heard when she left to return to her royal duties. The rest of the application evaluation board was a lot more understanding and only giggled a little. After swearing they would not breathe a word of my actions, they all introduced themselves and gave me more application forms and scholarship applications to fill out than I had dreamed about.”
“So that’s how you got started teaching.”
He sighed and took another drink of cider, deeply regretting the absence of alcohol within. “Not quite. My parents decided I should go into the family business first. It took a few years in college, flunking out of Law, Business, Chemistry, Engineering, and finally Political Science, but once I got into the Educational college, my grades improved remarkably.”
It was fascinating to watch emotions play out across Twilight’s face, first shock at the word ‘flunking,’ and then mortification, probably at the concept of sharing a balcony with such a failure, then a look of enlightened realization. The smile spread back onto her face as she raised her glass to touch the rim of his and snarked, “What an amazing coincidence. Your parents must have been so proud.”
“If by proud, you mean absolutely mortified that their son teaches itty-bitty rural unicorns how to make their horns light up and spark, yes, very much so. In order of pride, my parents have my oldest brother Regal, who is engaged to be married to a ‘proper’ unicorn of royal blood. Then my oldest sister April Showers, who works in Fillydelphia for a law firm. Then there is my older brother Graphite, who works with the Diplomatic Office in the Griffon Affairs section, my little sister Frost, who is quite well-placed in her class at Celestia’s school, my mother’s prize gardenia bushes, my father’s collection of griffon primary flight feathers, their little dog Cricket, and me.”
The amusement on her face began to slowly drain away as he talked, replaced by concern. “But you can’t possibly mean that, do you?”
“Well, there may be a forsythia bush or two above me too. Anyway,” he continued as she finally quit laughing, except for a little twinkle in her eyes that he suspected was permanent. “I overreacted when we first met. I should never have made my thesis notes inside a library book, and I should have let you borrow my copy of Don Rocinante. Did I miss anything?”
He winced as Twilight pulled out the list. “Let’s see. Got that. And that. I suppose the cake was mostly my fault, I should have waited on Spike. That’s about right. Now it’s my turn.”
She cleared her throat and looked straight into Green Grass’ eyes, which made his heart do a little hiccup for some reason. “I’m sorry for throwing you out of the library, and the bucket, and for getting so angry with you over just a b-b… No, I’ve got this. Over just a book. Although it was a reference book, it was still just a b-b… Arrgh! And I’m sorry for breaking into your house and being so rude about your copy of Don Rocinante and getting all angry about… Well, when I tidied your Master’s thesis out of existence.”
“If you think of it as an unassembled book, that might help,” he groused. “I’m really having a hard time forgiving you for that. It was easier to forgive you for almost frying me like an egg downstairs.”
That phrase seemed to draw a damper over all the relaxation that both of them had been enjoying to that point. The conversation settled into more plebeian matters: the changes that had happened in the small town since Green Grass’ last visit, a few school-related anecdotes, renovations at city hall and postcards to Twilight from Miss Dewey’s retirement stable in the Camanen Islands. The photos of the old mare on the beach with a number of old stallions brought a warm glow to his heart. As much as she had groused and grumbled about his time in the library, she had given him more affection than his own mother, although that was not saying much. While poking around in the box of letters, he gave a shout of surprise and pulled out a few unopened envelopes.
“Hey, Miss Dewey sent some letters to me too?”
Twilight raised one eyebrow as she looked at the letter he was opening. “Your name is Avocado?”
“Her vision was pretty bad. She probably would have used Grape for both you and Spike. It was probably easier for her just to send the letters here after retiring because her ‘Little Avocado’ moved around so often. I used to help shelve books here in the morning while my students were in school, make her breakfast, sort the mail, things like that.”
Spike nodded. “Sounds familiar. Some of the more transient members of the town stop by every month or two so they can return books, check their mail and gossip. Those are easy to sort out. Between junk mail and all the weird letters we get now, we must ship a crate a month up to the castle staff or Twilight and I would be doing nothing but writing responses.”
“Weird letters?” he asked, seeing Twilight blush and flick her ears in irritation. “Like what?”
The little dragon struck a dramatic pose, with one claw held in front of him as if he were examining his nails. “Dear Twilight, I want to marry you and have your foals. Please use the Elements of Harmony to chase the darned neighborhood kids out of my yard. Magical transmissions from Canterlot towers are making my hair fuzzy. I am the real Princess Luna, trapped in the body of an earth pony. I grew an eggplant in the shape of your head, please show it to the Princess. Humans are invading our town. Manticores are invading our town. Tomatoes are invading our town. The Everfree forest is shrinking and soon will vanish, please send help. The Everfree forest is growing and soon will take over the world, please send help.”
He dug in the box and pulled out a handful of letters tucked in the back. “Some of them even put in the address weird. Princess Twilight of Sparkleopous. The Magus of Magic. Solarus Secundus. Arch-Mage of Ponyville. Lady Sparkle of House Twinkle.”
“That last one is legit,” said Green Grass. “Since her mother, the Lady Velvet, is the descendant of Ritter von Twinkle, who was elevated by Princess Celestia in 630 G.E. due to his actions in the War of Misty Mountains, and given an estate and title of his own. Freiherr von Twinkle had quite a history, and there was nearly a paragraph in my thesis about him. I’ll have to show it to you. If I can ever find it again,” he added in a sharp tone of voice that he regretted instantly.
The dragon coughed bashfully and dug back into the box. “How about Lord Chrysanthemum, is that her too?”
Green Grass tore the letter out of the dragons hand and stared at it in frustration, before opening it. “My father is Baron Chrysanthemum, so technically I’m Lord Green Grass, third in line for the title of Baron. Or fourth, depending on your view of salic succession of titles. I’ve told him a hundred times to just use my given name when writing, so please don’t call me Lord anything in public, Spike.”
“No problem. Can I use Twilight’s title?” The little dragon bowed to the unicorn. “Announcing Lady Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic!”
“Actually that would be Freifrau Twilight Sparkle von Twinkle, Bearer of the Element of Magic, Mistress of the Silver Diadem and Defender of the Realm,” said Green Grass absently as he read through his letter. “Titles go in descending order of importance. I looked her up in Twerp’s Peerage.”
Spike giggled. “Twilight, your date Twerped you.”
“Spike!” growled Twilight Sparkle in repressed aggravation. “It’s not a date! It’s an apology dinner, with dessert and ice cream. And letter-reading.” She took a look at where Green Grass was reading through his letter, his ribbon-bedecked tail twitching behind him. “Is something wrong?”
“Wrong? No! Nothing is wrong at all, everything is just perfect.” He wadded up the letter and threw it into the fireplace, watching it burn with a fierce scowl that slowly turned into a look of stunned curiosity. “You have a fireplace. In a tree, filled with paper books, and a dragon, you have a fireplace.”
Twilight beamed. “Yes I do. I’m surprised it took you so long to notice. It took a lot of work to get it installed, but between Applejack and her brother, well, and a bit of magic, it fit perfectly. I just love curling up in front of a warm fireplace on a cold winter day. I used to do that a lot with Princess Celestia, because she’s so warm it was like being toasted from both sides.”
The tutor rubbed his forehead with one hoof. “No, I mean it’s a fireplace. In here, of all places. Don’t you understand?”
The librarian sighed. “Yes, it’s a fireplace. I understand. Ponies all over Equestria use them to keep warm.”
“Aaaahhh!” Green Grass pointed at the fireplace in exasperation. “Fire!” Then he pointed at the library. “Fuel!”
Twilight tapped her horn. “Magic. What is so hard to understand? I put fire-damping spells all over the library when I moved in. Seriously, did you think I would just put a fireplace in the middle of a bunch of books? That would be stupid.”
It took a mighty effort of will to avoid beating his head against the wall, but Green Grass managed. Barely.
“Twilight,” he said weakly. “I’m going back to my wagon. I have some students to deal with this afternoon, and tomorrow both of my parents are coming to Ponyville with an unmarried mare they want me to meet. I shall need my strength.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I’m glad we got our original misconceptions out of the way. What’s wrong now?”
“Don’t say ‘conceptions.’ The Earl of Pine Valley wants grandfoals in the worst possible way, and I mean worst.”
“Oh. Well, I’m glad we could work out our differences in a mutually productive way. We never did sit down and go over teaching techniques for the children— Oh, I’m sorry, I did it again. Would you need any help putting your thesis back together— I’m not helping, am I?” The green stallion seemed to twitch into a more-depressed bundle whenever Twilight hit a nerve, and he seemed to be all nerves. “Is your father trying to drag you into another arranged marriage?”
“Another?” The tutor looked up, trying to hide the despair that was sweeping over him. “He never quit with the first one. I tried everything I could think of. Everything! I even went as far as to tell him there was no way the Earl would accept a son-in-law without a horn. He told me in no uncertain terms that the Earl himself said he didn’t care if I had a horn up there, as long as I had one down—” Green Grass cut off abruptly at the scandalized look from Twilight and blushed. “Well. I have imposed on your hospitality enough for one day. What’s this?” he asked as Spike handed him a note.
“The bill for lunch, sir. Please remember this establishment prefers that tips be in excess of fifteen percent of the final bill.” The little dragon just looked so silly there with his palm out that he had to giggle, despite his family-induced depression.
“I’m sorry Spike. I left my wallet back in my wagon.” As the little dragon crossed his arms and huffed, Green Grass hurriedly smiled and added, “I’ll bring it by on Wednesday, first thing. Mother and Father’s train will not be in until just before noon, so I should have plenty of time.”
“Excuse me,” said Twilight with a worried look. “Today’s Wednesday.”
* * *
That’s strange. Twilight Sparkle peered closer at her guest. The date… that is the totally normal meeting they had scheduled to resolve the misconceptions brought up by their interactions to this point, had been going so well. Then he just locked up and quit moving. He did not appear to be breathing either, but that had to be just some sort of optical illusion.
“You want me to get the fire extinguisher, Twilight?”
“No!” Twilight Sparkle waved a hoof in front of the immobile pony, who seemed to have his unseeing eyes locked on some distant approaching disaster. “He’s just... I don’t know, but it certainly can’t be as bad—”
An upstairs library window popped open, and Rainbow Dash stuck her head in. “Hey Twilight! There are some stuck-up snobs wandering around town, looking for Greenie.” Her pegasus friend took a long look at the stationary tutor, before looking back at Twilight. “You broke your date, didn’t you?”
“I still could get the fire extinguisher if you want, Twilight.”
“Rainbow Dash, I did not break him! I didn’t even touch him! And Spike, if you touch that fire extinguisher even once, I’ll ground you. What this situation needs is calm, reasonable discussion. Rainbow, how much time do we have before Baron Chrysanthemum gets to the library?”
The pegasus turned and looked over a shoulder casually. “I think I’ll just stay here and watch the fireworks. The three of them are walking across the library yard, so I figure you have about a minute.”
The tutor shook himself as if waking. “I can’t let them see me!” He dashed to a library window and looked outside, then dashed to a different window to look again as if that would change the identity of the three ponies walking across the yard.
Twilight took the opportunity to look outside too. Baron Chrysanthemum seemed to be a fine image of a middle-aged unicorn, run somewhat thicker than when he was in his prime, but his glittering white coat and raspberry mane fairly glowed as if freshly groomed. His wife was quite a contrast, being much thinner with a piercing look and sharp, angular features more fitting to a bird of prey than a bright yellow unicorn mare. Her violet mane was tied up behind her head in a tight bun, and a glittering pair of red glasses rested securely on her long nose.
And then there was a pony who Twilight took an instant dislike to, for some reason.
She looked thirty-ish, with heavy emphasis on the ‘ish’, with the same vapid expression that students who were called on before her used to have when thinking about complex problems, like how to count, and whether to take spinach or cauliflower in the school cafeteria. Her mane fairly shone a royal cornflower-blue that Twilight was positive came out of a box, with both curls and streaks that held twice as many manecombs as any decent mare would wear in public. A pale, almost certainly bleached coat was carefully covered with a dress that certainly seemed to be of Rarity’s design, in particular because not more than yesterday she had seen the exact same dress in the Carousel Boutique’s ‘Failed Ideas’ recycling bin.
“She doesn’t look that bad,” hazarded Twilight carefully.
“Bad? Bad?!” whined Green Grass while darting back and forth between windows. “She’s been to the altar twice so far! The first groom threw himself out the window to escape, and the second one locked himself into the bathroom, promising that he wouldn't come out⁽¹⁾ until she was safely married to anypony else. She has a laugh like a saw, a sense of humor matched only by her dazzling personality, and the moral restraint of a mink. If her father was not so stinking rich, she would have bankrupted him by now because she views ‘Sale’ signs as a command, not a suggestion. A friend of mine in school dated her once. He spent the next two weeks in an alcohol induced haze and claimed to have forgotten the whole thing. Spike!”
(1) He is still in there.
—
The little dragon jumped, and the fire extinguisher he was holding gave off a little spurt of carbon dioxide. “Now?”
“No! Is there a back door out of the library? A window?”
Spike blinked. “There’s a window in the kitchen. But it’s about half your size.”
“I’ll diet! Wait! I’ll jump off the balcony.”
“No!” Twilight grabbed his tail in a firm magical grip as he sprinted up the stairs, leaving a trail of ribbons until she managed to drag him to a halt. “You can’t do that, you’ll break your neck!”
“It’ll be better than marrying her.”
“Get. Back. Down. Here,” muttered Twilight Sparkle, reeling the frantic earth pony down the stairs. In frustration, her magic flared violet and she simply picked him bodily up by the tail and brought him back into the lobby. “You’re panicking over nothing.”
“I’m panicking over something! Her!” His legs flailed frantically, attempting to propel him to the receding balcony.
“You’re going to need to stand up and face your father. If you don’t want to marry her, he can’t make you.”
Admittedly, standing up and facing his father would be easier if I was not holding him up in the middle of the library by his tail, but he needs calmed down first.
“Yes he can!” wailed the tutor, “Forced marriages are only illegal for commoners! Don’t do this to me! Please!”
“Hi Mr. and Mrs. Chrysanthemum,” called out Rainbow Dash cheerfully from her window perch. “They’re both inside waiting on you. Go on in.”
“Oh, no.” Green Grass froze, then curled up into a ball when Twilight sat him carefully down next to her.
“That’s better. Everypony listens to reason, even parents. Just stand right here next to me, and smile when they come in.” Twilight gave the trembling stallion a considering look, and promptly magicked his back hooves to the floor in case he decided to run away again instead of just babbling like he was now.
“You don’t understand, I don’t want to do this, please Twilight let me go, turn me into a newt or something, anything but this,” he whined as the scuffing noise of their visitors grew, and the library door glowed with the light blue of a unicorn aura.
A maniac light seemed to light in Green Grass’ eyes as the door began to open. He hissed, “Play along!” sharply as he grabbed Twilight Sparkle, giving her a big, wet kiss just as his parents walked in through the library door.
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Oh Greeny. You crazy, crazy bastard you.
Ah, suicide by Twilight, an excellent choice. So this the last chapter then?
Error jaw lost
can't recover
Oh greeny~ XD
If I quoted everything I loved about this chapter I'd be quoting the entire chapter.
But the ending was probably a best part of all the great parts. That pony likes to live dangerously, doesn't he.
I like the characters. I like the situations. I like the jokes, and I like the punchlines.
You're really not selling the romance angle.
It's just too sitcom. With every scene that passes, it gets harder and harder to imagine a conversation between your Grassy and Twilight Sparkle which doesn't end in wacky shenanigans. The sooner they manage to
break up with one anotherbecome romantically disentangled, the better the odds that Green Grass avoids losing his horn(*) next time Twilight Sparkle suffers a neurotic and/or indignant magical flare in response to said shenanigans.(*) You didn't understand me if you didn't wince. On the plus side, it would remove him from consideration for the arranged marriage.
The thing is, Twilight is eminently marriageable too. Especially for an ambitious noblepony. The Baron may come to his own conclusions and welcome his new daughter-in-law into the family. The Foal Free Press runs the announcement, as suggested and before you can shout: "Holy Matrimony!" Twilight is Mrs. Green Grass and neither of them are entirely sure what the hay happened to them.
This is going straight into Onegai Sensei territory, isn't it?
Some corrections:
> I would not sell yourself short
Should be "you should not sell yourself short".
> she tests is in the ninety-eighth percentile
Either that "tests" or "is " needs to go. As it is, you got two verbs in the sentence though.
Hah!
That's all I have to say
I ran into this on TVtropes and decided to take a look. I'm loving it so far.
1800530
And this is what I thought when I finished the chapter too.
Welp, sh*t.
I think you were channeling P.G.Wodehouse at the end of this chapter. In the next story we even get a Jeeves equivalent!
As the unmarried daughter of the title-holder (assuming it belongs to one of her parents rather than Twilight) shouldn't she be Freiin Twilight, not Freifrau Twilight?
Twilight and Green Grass seem to patch up their differences in a massive rush. Not that people can't change their minds, but their 180 attitude change seems to rise from little impetus.
Also, the knee-jerk reaction that Green Grass is unsuited to teach magic isn't really racist, or tribalist, or whatever you want to call it. It's kind of like suggesting that a deaf person is unsuited to teaching kids how to play music. In this case Green Grass is the Beethoven of Equestria, but until his ability is demonstrated that is a valid concern.
Those concerns aside, the humor is top notch and I have been laughing throughout this entire story, Well worth a favorite, and I'm interested to see where this goes next.
3893811 You know, considering this has been out for a year and you're the first one to comment on Freifrau/Freiin, I'd almost be tempted not to fix it (Edit: I didn't, but I did in the last story of the series).
On the velocity of their attitude change: It's 11 chapters into the story, and they're finally getting to exchange apologies like they've been trying since the beginning, and talk to each other without physical violence (including pins to the rump). It is a romance after all, and if they go through the whole story disliking each other, that really isn't going to be very romantic. Or are you talking about the "kiss" at the end of the chapter? (and yes, it deserves scare quotes)
I'm pretty much late to the party, but I have to ask: What's up with that 'Mistress of the Silver Diadem' stuff?
Of course he gives her the most unromantic kiss in existence to prove he is in a romantic relationship. XD
It seems to be a rather common misconception that fireplaces don't belong in libraries, when, in reality, a fireplace is essential in any private library, as the roaring fire keeps moisture at bay. Moisture, not fire, is the chief enemy of books (not that fire is very far behind).
Admittedly, maintaining fire and paper in such close proximity does require a great deal of care, but the joy of curling up before a warm blaze with a not-destroyed-by-mildew book makes this a price well worth paying.
*snicker*
The middle-to-lower tiers of Canterlot's fashion industry get a steady supply of "hot fashion tips" from Rarity's trash bins. Headcannon get.
Oh, this will be good.
Let me first state that your work is very quotable; that is not the reason for this quote, no, the real reason is because YOU USED THE APOSTROPHE AT THE END OF A NAME THAT ENDS IN S! It is correct and I know it to be true! For the longest time I thought I was the only person who did that. Color me impressed. Or beige, my writing feels bland in comparison.
5337012 that would only be correct if the name were plural
ex: "Green Grass's Smile" (because there's only one of him.)
or "The Cakes' bakeries." (because there's more than one Cake.)
or,if there were clones of him, "Then Green Grasses' manes."
By any chance was this a reference to this movie?
Sorry, I'll be watching my Tales of the Abyss version of HSNE, thank you very much!
(Finally reading this after having had it sit in my to read later list for, oh... over two years... <.<)
5778580 Yeah, I know. Two years and I'm not all the way done with the third story too (Edit: It's done now. And nicely bookended). Sometimes it's a little discouraging to be writing for two years on something that can be binge-read in one day, but then again, if I ever want to get to Harry Potter levels of entertainment, I should get used to it.
I love bowling for soup.
Ahhh Discworld.
That does it. I give up. I can't match this kind of literary skill
No, Twilight! Mind control bad!
7973601 Face it. All women have that kind of mind control over men. Well, with certain exceptions.
soo green's parents are trying to force a bimbo on him......and there goes common sense right out the window
also if twi and green do not call out her friends (mostly pinkie) i'll be disappointing
I need a faceplant emoji.
Nopony expects the Twilight Inquisition!
Proceeds to use faceplant emoji.
Heh, coulda fooled me.
He likes his- no, stop right there you scandalous commentor. Also,
BUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Twilight.exe has temporarily stopped working due to violation of books. Please insert additional OCD.
I don't know what this means but it's really funny.
Jaw drop in 3... 2... 1...
The Revenge of Old Man Willow
Spike's prench is messed up?
Huh. I had no clue.
That should just be “in” there.
Goodness, I haven't laughed that hard in ages
Wow, they even react to good things in the same way (especially waving rump in a princess's face in joy). They were made for each other.
What? Oh no. Somepony got word to Sparklebutt. Call back the tomatoes and the manticores.
Random Flunkie: What about the other humans?
Me: They are already in heaven, (read: Equestria) they are on their own.
This would probably work. She is nobility. A unicorn. More powerful than the rest of Canterlot put together (pre Luna's return, of course). And she was Celestia's personal student. You all realize she is a dropout, right?
Poor Spike. At least you tried!
Poor form and rather presumptuous that his parents would expect him to receive that letter in any timeframe. What jerks...
Does a pony have enough hooves for that much simultaneous facehoofing?
Eh, Fallout: Equestria is a thing. I'm sure there's a mutant pony somewhere that does.
There wouldn't happen to be one of those newspaper vending machines outside the library in this version of Equestria, would there? :scootangel
Is it just me, or does the Knell of Doom suddenly sound suspiciously like a wedding bell all of a sudden?
Ok, I am confused now. How did we go from "OUT! GET OUT!" to "Let's do lunch?" When someone ruins six months of your thesis research, the first instinct is yell (obviously) but the second is never lunch.
I think the transition from wanting to kill her to being curious about here was in chapter 8 where Greenie is talking to Pinkie (where he asks, "Is Twilight crazy?"), but I guess I'm just too much of a jaded human being to see it. Can somebody walk me through Greenie's mental processing to get us to this point?
(And the really bad thing is that this is the second time I've gone through this story and I wasn't confused by this the first time through. Sigh.)
10400142 It's supposed to be a Make-Up Meal, not a Make-Out Meal. He's willing to apologize to Princess Celestia's Private Student, the Element of Magic, Several-Time World Saver and Owner of Enough Power To Turn Him Into a Grease Spot, because he did yell at her after all, and he wants to live. And she's willing to listen to his apology without any grease-spotting. It's progress. (And her five friends are enjoying their roles as matchmaker)
10299201 It's been done before.
Reminds me of the old joke
"The 10 best years of her life were between her 29th and 30th birthday. "