WhatTheMoo
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Cuddle Orgy.
Well, that's a mighty bill.
1718202 Stop being everywhere!
*Sighs* You'd think that being one of the six who saved Equestria three or four times'd get others to cut her or the other five some slack once in a while. I mean seriously, if not for them, they'd all be whithering from starvation due to a lunatic (Pun slightly intended) failing to forsee the consequences of her actions, in a world where reality is non-existant or possibly under control of an egomaniacle unicorn. I find myself wondering if anyone outside of the M6 knows the meaning of the word 'gratitude'.
You could, uh, you know, always ask princess Celestia for cash or even just ask Pinkie Pie's dad he seems to be loaded...
anypony* He-he gotcha...
...That was the only mistake I could find. You should really consider sending this to Equestira Daily. It seems to me that it's near flawless with Grammar and such. I'm pretty sure it would pass with ease.
1750084 Ah, you sly one... Thanks, I do hope that all my time spent editing reflects off what I write. To be honest, I only wrote this as practice, and in my opinion, I think the plot is quite elementary. I merely focused on grammar, characterizations, and other small tid-bits. Maybe once I expand on the plot in a chapter or two, I might consider submitting this to EQD. Then, perhaps, this story would flourish further.
1752280 I've seen what EQD posts, and trust me plot has no matter in it what-so-ever. You should see some of the terrible stories, (that are well written) they have up on their site. From what I can tell all that really matters to them is good grammar.
My ratings for this story:
Grammar: 9.9 If there is any flaws I can't find them.
Plot: 4.5 As you said needs work.
Characterization: 7 Spike seems a bit odd.
Comedy: 7.5 There is lolz to be had.
Conclusion: When is the next chapter?
1752960 Funny thing, actually. When I first wrote chapter 2, I took a more comical route so that I could finish it by the end of the chapter. If only you knew, lol. Yeah, I guess one of my weak points is characterizing Spike. He's pretty forgettable to me in the show. May I ask what struck you as odd?
1753142 Well, in chapter 2 Twilight awakens from unconsciousness and the first thing Spike says to her is,
Seems a bit odd to say that to someone who was just moments ago knocked out, right?
Also, when Twilight went a tad bit crazy Spike immediately left her, I just don't think he would leave her like that. Way to help out and be a man Spike!
There's also a little here and a little there that seems a very tiny bit off. Nothing to bad though.
P.S Keep the comedy up! It's a big reason to read this story!
Like I haven't ever said before now, 'if you don't have a plot use comedy'. It's good dating advice, too!