Chapter 37: Starswirl's Legacy
Celestia, Twilight, and Curt stared at the painting, dumbstruck. Luna still held it in her magical grasp, a grin to rival the pink one plastered on her face.
“Sister... what are we looking at?” Celestia finally managed to speak.
“I may be wrong, but I think the mare is Twilight,” Luna explained excitedly, “I don't know why Starswirl is there, but look at this,” she pointed a hoof to what looked like a tiny evil looking pony encased in a circle on the mare's chest, being shot with a beam from the old stallion, “I think this is a picture of Starswirl sealing Twilight's nightmare!”
“But, how?” Twilight asked, “How would he be able to seal it when he died nearly two thousand years ago?”
“You go back in time...” Celestia said, barely more than a whisper, “I remember this day... That was you? Oh my...”
“Tia, are you okay?” Luna was worried, “Do you know what this is?”
“Yes, I do. Starswirl taught me a spell to send another back for six hours. He said there will come a day when I will need to use it. He said I'd know when, and to ensure that the one I send brings the remnants of her horn.”
Twilight looked confused, “My horn?”
“You kept your horn? Why?” Luna asked.
“Well, I've never had a chance to experiment with one, and I thought that it would be fun to see what I could learn from it.”
Luna sighed, “I'm surprised you didn't keep your leg as well.”
“I asked, but it was incinerated before I woke up.”
“Moving on!” Celestia interrupted before she could learn why her student wanted a severed body part, “It will take about twelve hours to prepare the spell, so retrieve your horn and meet me in the training room in the morning.”
“Yes, Princess,” Twilight turned to leave, spotting Curt, still staring at the painting, “Curt?”
“That's him, huh?” said the sniper, “The Merlin, our ancestor... and you get to meet him.”
“I know, I'm so excited. I just wish it could be under better circumstances,” Twilight beamed, “I gotta go back to my room. Do you want to walk with me?”
“Sure, let's go.”
The pair of them walked through the halls, their assigned guard walking a few feet behind. Curt had never had an escort like that before and decided to get to know the guy.
He held a hand to the stallion, “The name's Curtis Dupree, everyone calls me Curt. What about you?”
He looked at the human and then to Twilight, giving the mare a sly grin, “Corporal Dust... Lightning Dust.”
Twilight stopped and turned to the pony causing the others to stop as well, “Dusty? What are you doing on sentry duty?”
“I asked for this post.”
“I thought you hated that armor. You always said the enhancements made you queasy.” Twilight recalled.
“After RD told me about what happened to you on the way to Apocrita, I had to hear more.”
Curt had to ask, “How you guys know each other? He an old boyfriend?”
“No, 'he' is a mare,” Twilight explained, “The armor is enchanted with an illusion that makes everypony look the same.”
“Whoa, awesome,” Curt's eyes widened as an idea struck him, “Dude, let me try the helmet on! I want to see if it works on me!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “It won't. It uses pony magic to... wait, it uses pony magic which is the same as human magic. Dusty, take it off and let's see if it works. If anypony says anything I'll tell them I demanded it for research.”
“Okay,” Lightning Dust took off the metal cover, and tossed it to Curt, her mane and the fur on her head shifted to her natural colors.
Curt studied it for a bit, trying to feel out the spell used. Not being able to get it, he put the headgear on and turned toward the two mares. Twilight and Lightning gaped at him for a good twenty seconds before busting out laughing.
“How do I look? What the hell? Is that really my voice?” his altered voice bring further mirth from the ponies, “I need a mirror! I got to see this.”
Twilight's horn flashed, and a full body image appeared beside her. Curt mimicked the ladies' reaction at the sight of him with a pony head, gaping and then laughing. Every time he started to get himself under control, he looked up at the image and lost it. It took the trio five minutes before they could get themselves under control enough to speak.
“Leave it on for the rest of the day,” Twilight requested, “I'll say it's a psychology experiment. Come on, I gotta get my horn.”
As they made their way through the halls, they struggled to keep from laughing at the expressions on the ponies' faces as they passed. The group turned a corner and were met by two familiar faces.
“There you are, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said as she trotted toward her nerdy friend, Spike right behind her, “We've been lo-what the hay is that!” Dash jumped up and hovered while Spike just stared in confusion.
Curt took off the helmet and his human features returned. Seeing the change, the confusion was replaced by laughter. They waited a couple minutes to let the two calm down.
“So what did you need Rainbow?” Twilight asked.
The pegasus' demeanor quickly became serious, “Yeah... there's something we gotta tell you Twi. Can we go to your room so we can sit?”
“Sure,” Twilight answered, “That's where I was going anyway.”
It took them a few more minutes to arrive. Lightning, her helmet back on her head, stood watch by the door while Twilight and the others walked in. The lavender mage told everyone to get comfortable while she retrieved what she needed. She went upstairs to the loft and to a metal chest beside the bed. It looked quite out of place, a tungsten alloy case with a DNA sensor lock. Twilight placed her hoof to the screen. After a quick scan, it unlocked and opened, and she began rummaging through the contents.
“Plasma cutter, EMP grenade, HE-66 explosive. I love those. Ah here you are my former magical appendage.”
She pulled out a long, simple wooden box and opened the lid. The thing was still corrupted, and as such was solid black with an incredibly sharp tip. Flecks of old, dried blood still stained the insides of the grooves that spiraled up the length. Memories of the near-fatal beating she took flashed through her mind’s eye. She closed the lid and placed it on the nightstand, ready for the morning.
She made her way back down the stairs where her friends were waiting. It was obvious that Spike and Rainbow Dash were nervous. Curt was in the kitchen area making some hot cocoa. Twilight took a seat in the chair opposite of the couch the dragon and pegasus were on.
“So, what was it you two wanted to talk to me about?” Twilight got right down to business.
“Well, I'm not sure you're going to like it...” Rainbow said, rubbing the back of her neck.
“I'm sure it's not that bad,” Twilight assured her friend, “You know it takes a lot to upset me... like something as bad as you two telling me you're dating or something.”
Rainbow and Spike looked at each other with sheepish grins.
Twilight chuckled as she looked between them, “Now that's a ridiculous thought right there.”
“Hehe, yeah...” Rainbow tried to act, “That's just... so... funny... hehehe. I mean me and Spike... hilarious.”
Twilight busted out laughing, “Oh, geez, you are too easy to fuck with Dashie. Relax, I already know about you two.”
“What!?” the pegasus shouted, “How did you know?”
“I'm an egghead, remember,” Twilight said proudly, “I noticed you two acting funny before Xander screwed everything up, and after I came back, I noticed the looks you two would give each other.”
“So... you're okay with it?” Spike ventured.
“You're nineteen, Spike. I can't tell you you can't see each other, but I can voice my concerns. I want to make sure that you realize the long term consequences of your relationship. Spike, you're going to live for thousands of years, while Rainbow will likely only live a hundred and twenty. That means she'll die of old age when you're still considered young.”
“I know, Twilight, and I’ll have to cope with that when that day comes,” the young dragon gave his big sister a sad, but reassuring smile, “just like I’ll have to when I lose you the same way. It's not something I want to have to live through, but I’ll have to regardless.”
Twilight closed her eyes and sighed, “Then you have my blessing, but remember, Rainbow Dash, he's like my little brother. I'm sure you won't, but if you hurt him, I hurt you. Got it? Who else knows?”
“Just mom and dad,” Spike answered, “Rainbow would come visit me all the time, and they kind of put two and two together.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, “When did you start calling my parents 'mom and dad'?”
“After your... um... funeral,” Spike said quietly.
Twilight's heart felt like it was in pieces as the thought of 'her funeral' reminded her of just what everypony was put through because of her disappearance.
“I had a funeral? Heh, I guess I knew that, but... hearing someone actually talk about it... I know it wasn't my fault and all, but I'm sorry I put you all through that, especially you, Spike. I have a grave, don't I?”
“Try monument,” Rainbow corrected, “and I don't mean the one in Ponyville, that one was built by the town. The one here, where the ceremony took place, was built by Princess Celestia. I mean, she actually carved it herself. It’s actually pretty awesome.”
“Okay, no more depressing stuff,” Curt interrupted with a tray of four hot mugs, “Twilight's alive and well, you two are in love, and we have liquid awesome to drink. Right now, life is good.”
“Hear, hear,” cried Twilight, raising her mug in a toast. The others followed suit and took a sip of the warming beverage.
Rainbow Dash, ever the appropriate and tactful pony, turned to Spike and asked, “Now that Twilight knows about us, can we have sex?” and was confused by the sudden choking and sputtering of cocoa from her purple pal.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Twilight walked through the door to the training room, her bag floating behind. Celestia and Luna were already waiting for her.
“Good morning, my student,” Celestia greeted, “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, thank you, Princess. Not one nightmare despite the particularly disturbing mental images that tormented me before I went to bed. I’m sure that was thanks to you, Princess Luna.”
“I wanted you to be rested. You may be required to aide in the sealing,” Luna reasoned, “I did the same for the others as well. That is except Spike and Rainbow Dash. They did not sleep last night for some reason. Perhaps they are just nervous of events to come?”
Twilight groaned, “Yeah, we'll go with that.”
“Are you prepared, Twilight?” asked the sun sister.
“Yes, I have my broken horn, the letter with your seal, and the proof of validity, and my camera,” Twilight listed.
“Your camera?” inquired Luna.
“So I can get a photo of myself with Starswirl, of course,” Twilight stated.
The royal siblings laughed a bit. They should have known she would do something like this.
“Alright, but don't pester him,” Celestia conceded, “If he says no, then that's it, alright?”
“Alright,” Twilight agreed, “So, what do I do?”
“Stand here, in the arcane circle.”
Twilight looked down to see the magical symbol on the floor. It shouldn't have surprised her that a spell like this would use an arcane circle. The amount of magic it took her to go back a week for five minutes was insane. It goes without saying that sending a pony back nearly two thousand years for several hours must be more than even Celestia was willing to use without a focus like that.
Twilight did as she was told, “Okay, now what?”
“Now, I cast the spell. Oh, and Twilight, before you go... I'm sorry,” apologized the solar diarch.
“Sorry for what?” Twilight asked, but the spell was already being cast. White, magical energy cascaded up from the seal like a waterfall going in the wrong direction. The magic soon began to swirl around the scared mare in a torrent of energy. A feeling of being pulled came over her, much like when she did it the first time but stronger. Suddenly, the white energy burst like a balloon being popped, depositing her on an unfamiliar floor. It was a much rougher landing than when she did it, but at least nothing was damaged.
“How dare you!” said an obnoxious voice. Twilight pushed herself to her hooves and looked at the source. In front of her, a young, white alicorn of about sixteen or seventeen with a long pink mane glared at her, “You interrupted my lesson, peasant. Be gone, filth, or I will have you thrown in the dungeon.”
Well, that explains the apology, Twilight thought to herself.
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2396497 Headcanon was an exaggeration, but I was trying to imply how awesome it was that you gave an explanation for how Pinkie described her cutie mark story.
2396531
Yeah, I tend to pick my corner and stick to it as politely as possible. I don't think I have ever conceded a point, but at the same time I go out of my way to avoid insulting anybody.
Oh god—I'm Applejack's and Fluttershy's love child.
As for your personal situation, yeah, I can understand that's annoying. Never had it affect me on a personal level (my parents didn't get married until they were 30, and I'm the oldest sibling), but the high school I went to had many families in that circumstance (one teacher boasted of having taught 3 generations of students—as in, he taught some of my classmates grandparents).
I also have several classmates who are now onto their third or fourth child, and I'm 22 in a month.
So I know enough to appreciate your side of the argument, at the very least.
You know, anywhere else on the Internet, and we'd be name calling by this point
Double update?
Here is your reward...
giveupinternet.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/you-won-free-internet.jpg
2396591>>2396531 And I thank you for being civil. I love debates myself, but it irritates me when it devolves into a ridiculous argument.
In my own opinion, whether or not 16 is "not ready mentally" depends on the individual. I've seen people in there 30s that weren't ready, and people that were 14 that could probably do well (though I'm not saying they should).
Holy Eris, a second chapter? Damn.
2396636 your welcome
2396693 One in which several of your questions are answered.
You sir... Made my day. Thank you.
Plasma cutter? I'm a big fan of Dead Space, and just reading "Plasma Cutter" made me squee.
Wow thanks for the update.
Well, I sure would like to be a part of your team, but since English is not my native language and I'm not really a good writer, I only can give you moral support.
By the way, Nice go with the Wing Blades... Now I kinda want to see a picture actually with Rainbow wearing them.
Oh... AND YOU MADE SWEETY A GOTHIC? Somehow this is funny. Can't wait to see what you did to Scootaloo.
Now would be the time to put in Bismark... AND NO, I don't mean the German Battleship by that name...
omg two updates in one day i almost died which would have been sad since i would have been able to read them
That was the BEST EVER!!! And I only read the description so I know it's gonna be great!
2396770 I'm sure the afterlife has wi-fi
Yes.
Another amazing chapter! I couldn't contain the lolz
FANFICCEPTION!
____
A Double Update!! What does it mean!?
____
In all seriousness, you're awesome, this story is awesome, and you a sick, sick person for leaving it on that cliffhanger. For shame.
2396975 You don't like teenage Bitchlestia?
2397002
Huh? Uh... oh.
That actually makes this entire thing funnier, in a way. For some reason I thought that was Star Swirl.
2397002
That actually explains stuff. Though I think that even she would be somewhat intrigued. I mean, the effects of this spell are flashy and strange and all... gotta be more flashy than from episode, more power and all... oh, well, gotta wait and see. I want to know their reactions... and of course it's gonna be quick. I mean, six hours, an unknown amount of which is the ritual itself.
Derp, gotta sleep now. My mind is aparently reduced to simple, repetitive sentences now... sans that one...
Night, y'all!
I was laughing for a lot of this. Especially at RD's last remark.
I FECKING HATE CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!
I think that's the first time I've ever come across a snobby Celestia, old or not. That, and the only thing that could make it better is if she was going through her era's version of the 'Punk/Metalhead phase'. Now that I would read!
2397256 Not at all. Some of those were meant more for lulz, but they set up for the colab. As for AB's colt friend, he was the colt she was fencing in the cutie pox episode.
2397301 See my last comment
So we get hilarious magic shenanigans, more SpikeDash which was promptly ignored, and obnoxious teenage Celestia.
I'm cool with that!
2397381
The best kind of shenanigans, is magic shenanigans
Well, not ignored, just already known about.
Obnoxious teenage Celestia is best teenage Celestia
2397431
I meant I personally ignored it, but that works too
Celestia was basically Blueblood as a teen, new head-canon aquired.
2396591Anywhere else on the Net and you two would be making the death threats by now.
2396770I felt the same way.
Double update? Are you trying to spoil us??!
Why do I get the idea that Celestia was apologizing for more than just that greeting.....
2396591 ...but the names of our OCs work just fine
2396775 Sure, the afterlife may have wi-fi, but that says nothing of the connection quality, speed, or if there are devices that can take advantage of the wi-fi. Internet everywhere and not a single browser in sight. Sounds depressing.
2398122 If you look at it, none of it is directly opposing what we know. For example, take Rainbow Dash's developments. The only time you see her father in the show was at the anouncement of the Equestria games. His mission was shortly after. She was suposidly such great friends with Gilda, but where was she when Dash was racing? It all fits, but I will admit that it is alot of developments for one chapter.
>>>“But, how?” Twilight asked, “How would he be able to seal it when he died nearly two thousand years ago?”
“You go back in time...” Celestia said, barely more than a whisper, “I remember this day... That was you? Oh my...”>>>
*eyetwitch... cowlicks start to pop out a random angles* You're using... the... time travel... ploy... to fix... the Nightmare... weakest... plot device... of all... time... Every single cartoon has made fun of that trope: "Simpsons", "Futurama", "South Park", "Animaniacs".
How are you going to rectify the fact that now Celestia should have foreknowledge that Twilight is going to lose her horn and leg from the very moment she first sees her as a filly? That means she kept it totally secret this whole time. Dear lord, the risk to the time-line... it could create a paradox.
And if the time line doesn't matter and it would just create a splinter univese, then why not just go back and warn herself about everything and create an alternate universe where they make sure Xander is vaporized from the get-go and they have the ultimate weapon to stop the Dratali and... GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Why did you make time-travel happen? Why? Was this really the only thing you could think of to subjugate the Nightmare? Just pop back in time and have Starswirl fix everything?
And here the story was holding up so well. The 'feel' of these last two chapters is VERY uneven. All the jammed in character details in the previous chapter, then this sudden contrivance of time-travel to fix the Nightmare problem and destroy the potential dramatic tension of Twilight having to fight with this darkness threatening to overwhelm her. It could have been like Luke resisting the Dark Side while the Emperor is tempting him as his friends are in imminent danger of obliteration (And not at all like the Emperor brainwashing Anakin with the hazy notion of Padame in danger and the vague promise of reversing death in the awful prequels. That was dreadful. But I defer to Redlettermedia as the proper authority for derisively dissecting those bland, internally inconsistent, emotionless films stuffed full of pointlessly cluttered action scenes.)
It's becoming too 'twisty', piling on surprise after surprise, which has seriously begun to undermine the legitimacy of the plot structure.
2398008 that sounds like a version of hell
2398287 This isn't just a "time travle fixes everything" Moment. I'd rather not give any spoilers, but it isn't going to be a cop-out. As for Celestia knowing about Twilight, she was a teenager and Twilight doesn't exactally look the same.
please tell me twilight has something to do with humbling celestia into her more mature self?
Young Celestia! That means the "humans" are still alive too. Interesting. That also likely means Luna is a little filly, awe
Lol at RD's comment at the end
and then Luna's innocent comment. 
Who else has married or hooked up?
Where's the map?
Where's that Star Destroyer you promised?
The time travel part was weak. They could just travel back to prevent Xandier from ever finding the Black Book. Doesn't work? Then don't use time travel! Seriously, you could get a much better plot out of Twilight struggling with her nightmare, and maybe even finding a solution after fighting the Drateli to the end. Can it not work because she dies? Well...think of something. Seriously, one major mistake I have seen across this whole site is puting deadlines above quality. I really appreciate the fact that you're trying to keep the story going as quickly as possible, so tht we readers don't have to sit too long on the edge of our metaphorical seats. But seriously, is it really worth it if it served to add a major plothole?
Trust me Shirotora, I've seen a great number of sci-fi fics on this site. Do you know what makes this one special? What makes it unique and an utter gem among other FIMfic stories of it's kind? Simple. IT'S ORRIGIONAL! Seriously, every Sci-Fi fic on the site is a crossover, usually with Halo (in fact, Halo, On The Wings of an Angel was based on this story). But this one is a unique storyline, a storyline that has taken inspiration far and wide from other Sci-fi series, but it's still something that you imagined. You created your own characters, your own settings, your own universe. And I mean a fucking UNIVERSE (well, more of a galaxy, but regardless, DAYUMN).
Sure the story has it's kinks and holes, but they're forgivable. Would I normally believe that there's an entire race bent on the destruction of all life in the universe? No. Do I here? Barely. But regardless, I believe the story is worth it. But THIS! This excuse for writer's block called time travel. There are times where it works, and this isn't it. There is so much more that could come out of avoiding that little detail. So much thicker a plot. So much more drama and whatever else you might want to do with the story.
Trust me. There is nothing wrong with slow updates in the name of a good story. One story I read a long time ago (a few months ago) would keep me on the edge of my seat, constantly wondering what was going to happen in the next chapter to come. Those updates would take about a month and a half, each. But it doesn't matter. I was willing to wait to see how Commander Shepard would decide the fate of the ponies of Equestira, or, now, how Twilight is still trying to get her race on it's feet (so to speak) in a galaxy of trillions. And you know what? I'm willing to stick around and wait for each damn update, because those stories are by a damn good author. And I sure all hell an willing to stick around for this one, because you, Shirotora, are a damn good author, too. Please, no matter what anyone says, the quality of the story should always come before the rate of it's updates.
Twilight: Umm. Celestia. Why do you know about me from the past and never told me?
Celestia: It's magic, Twilight. I ain't gotta explain shit. *poof* Here's some wings.
Time travel always leaves a bad aftertaste. Although 16 year old Celestia ... kawaii~<3
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/052/4/3/young_teen_celestia_by_inkrose98-d5vs808.png
2398839>>2398778 One thing about me, I like taking those old cliches and twisting the in ways that leave them unrecognizable. Think on that for a bit.
2398914 I hate to break it to you but a story called "Three Hundred and Fifty" came out roughly around the same time as yours, (it's been finished for nearly a month now) and is basically about Twilight time travelling. A great story with a broken ending. Long story short. Celestia lied to Twilight; feels were stepped on by the abruptness.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm still gladly anticipating where you're going with this, but my wounds are still sore, y'know. It's not that I don't mind the whole time travel "cliché" either, it's about how sudden it was and the explanation doesn't make sense at this point in the story. I'm confident that you'll deliver, it's just ... too soon after reading that previous Titanic of a story.
All I can say is...
th06.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2012/035/d/c/twilight_spittake_by_betweenfriends-d4ol7tw.jpg
Just a little offtopic, but I know some people here follow them too.
Foxy 5 has developed another Mech. After Twilights Adjudicator here is the new one.
It belongs to Spike and it seems to be a very mean Incendiary mech.
http://foxi-5.deviantart.com/art/Spike-s-Mech-foxi-5-deviantart-com-363768303?q=gallery%3Afoxi-5%2F2175800&qo=0
I really like the Camo on this one, it is the same as that of the Fury from Metal Gear Solid 3.
-cliffhanger-
... NOOOoooo! Shirotora used Cliffhanger, it is Uber-effective... Moar! Pleeease?
2400259>>2400335 Aww, whats wrong with SpikexDash?
Liked this chapter loads better than the last one. I'm glad this was a double update; otherwise I would have been ticked about being forced to wait even longer to find out what was so awesome about that portrait Luna found. Say what you will about wanton time-travel and its effect on a story, but if it moves the plot forward AND lets you hang out and be awesome with Merlin, it can't be all bad.
Looking forward to seeing what the hay Twice does with young Celestial and Star swirl the Merlin in the next chapter. Still feel like the Spike/Dash shipping came out of nowhere, though.
2400680 SpikeDash felt like it came out of nowhere because it did. They were keeping it secret (or trying to). I've never seen anyone show young Celestia ACTING like royalty so I thought it would be funny.
2401505 For one, Spike is only concidered a baby by dragon standards and will be (in my head canon) for 100 years. He's 19. As for their relationship, they got together just before Twilight's disappearance, and just didn't have time before to tell her. After she got back, they were just waiting for the right moment.
Everything else, Twilight already knew about. I never said these things were new developments. It's been nine years since Twilight moved to Ponyville. Surely you didn't think things would be the same. MacxCheerly has always been one of my favirite ships, and Sweetie is a sixteen year old filly going through a phase. A lot of this chapter is showing that life has gone on in the past several years, but it's not pointless. Most of this will play a roll in the sequels.
2401717
Then your reveals are just a little wonky. Think of it from an audience perspective. All of these events could happen, but without any finite declaration or known timeline of events, their reveals are considered current in the eyes of readers. Before the story starts, that's the "normal" show until spoken otherwise. That may not be true, but until readers are told otherwise, that's their kneejerk reaction: anything that goes against the grain has taken place very recently.
For the reveals here, they're not given a known timeline. Spike is nineteen in normal years? Then say it, don't leave audiences hanging.
I wouldn't believe that, had you said so. It's been nine years since the start of the show? Since when? When was that established? I have no sense of time here, so I am forced to conclude that all new reveals are recent. You have to establish this stuff to 1: make it believable and 2: give it any emotional weight.
That's the double edged sword of originality. Most believe that as long as you are original, everything's golden. Not so. Change a little, and you have a hook. Change some more, and you have originality. Change a lot, and you have something that's unrecognizable. I don't care if Applebloom's pregnant or Mac is married, but if the transition is as abrupt as Han shooting first, there might as well not be a point in putting it in.
Now for point 2. Think about King Bongo. You said he was a threat and thought ponies were demons and he was defeated. That's literally all I got out of the guy. This villain who had the power to take on Physical Goddess through some manner or another was introduced and defeated off screen. His introduction and threat level where at zero, because this is showing, not telling. You say he's a threat, you don't show me why he's a threat.
Shock value in reveals is worthless unless you can back up your claims. It's the difference between body horror and gorn. Gore is used to to inflict pain, mostly physical but it can stem into the realm of psychological. People have an innate desire not to be hurt, so they shy away from it. The act of watching one guy get his fingers chopped off one by one makes us feel uncomfortable because we don't want it to happen to us. It manipulates our self preservation instincts.
Body horror takes it into the realm of the extreme. The best know example is the Thing from John Carpenter's movie of the same name. Body horror is mutating/damaging/altering the body in such a way that the end result is no longer recognizable. The husk that is left over is more monster than man. This ties into the assailant that inflicts such carnage; who could possibly due such inhuman, monstrous acts to others? That, in turn, ties into cognitive dissonance in my post above. To see something so evil or contemplate the possibility that we could turn into the same slathering monsters or beasts terrifies us. We lose our humanity what makes us truly human. Body horror is the antithesis of humanity, because it displays how far we may fall and yet still be human.
Simply showing a shocking image or reveal is not enough. Yes, it helps for the first couple times, but then the novelty wears off. Applebloom's pregnant. So what? I really don't care. This reveal has no impact. The focus of the entire story up to this point has been on Twilight. What reason do we as the audience have to care about Applebloom? Showing something shocking (gore) is not the same as giving the emotional response needed for it to be any good (body horror).
There is my epic comment length quota. Do you at least understand where I am coming from with this?
2404129 In a very early chapter, Twilight tells her human friends that she had been living in Ponyville for eight years. A year has past since. The time frame was eatablished. As for King Bongo, his only purpose is to show the Elements of Harmony didn't stop being relevent in the past few years. Yes I have a whole plot for him, and I might write it one day, but for this he's mostly irrelevent. Now , Applebloom being pregnant isn't so relevent to this as it will in the sequels. It's the same with Spike and Rainbow. They will be important in thr sequel. Because these are ment for another story, they aren't going to be heavily touched on here. After all, if I took the time to flesh out everything, we'd still be back on the planet Twilight first appeared on.
2404369
Woah, it is there. It's in chapter four, and that's what messed me up. It was buried so deep I don't think anyone got it.
Wait, you just said over a year to ProfCharles, making it X = 8 + (N > 1) = N > 9, meaning over nine years. What?
I'm trying to figure out to impress what I'm talking about, because that's not quite what I mean. Also, I'm not trying to intentionally sound duchey or tell you what should or should not be done. I'm just talking about what I perceive to be an inconsistency.
I don't mean that everything that happens needs to be of grave importance, or even of moderate importance. I just wish for events to have an impact. As I see literature and movies, if something is there, it should have a reason to be there. An empty pack of Marlboros means the guy might be a smoker. A man with scars could have been in an accident or have had a lot of fights. The scale of the events is superfluous, as long as the event itself has an impact and relevancy to what is being said. Relevancy, that's what I am looking for.
Bongo, Sweetie, Spike, Applebloom. All four of these are stories in of themselves. There's a lot to work with, and a lot of story and character to get into. But the key point is that it's not their story at this point in time. These reveals are shallow and devoid of any real substance. Their introductions add nothing except the illusion of importance.
For the sake of argument, ignore whether or not these plot threads should or shouldn't be there, or that if they are of too little or to great importance: it's that they don't feel like they belong here at all. Spike is dating Rainbow. Why should we care? Applebloom is pregnant. Why is this important?
Now I have issues with how these scenes are written, but that's not what I'm trying to impress here. Sequel bating is fine; hell, I do it. But you delivered four of them right after the other, and whether it was intentional or not, you gave the impression that these events are important to the story right now. Of course, it could just be me reading this in such a particular matter. The heart of what I see is that it feels like you are trying to make these events seem important when they do not have the proper weaponry to back it up. They are just... there.
2405409
Chill. I'm entitled to my own opinions. I'm just stating them, no need to get all passed at me.