Chapter 1
Okay everyone let me get this out of the way. This story connects with “Son of the Princess. Also, this idea came right the hell out of nowhere. I was never going to write this, but I did.
I'm going to apologize in advance. I'm so so sorry....
Celestia and Discord have a Raving Dance Party
By
twow443
Celestia slowly rose her head, the faint whisper of a headache ringing in her ears. She groaned, feeling pain lance though her backlegs to her forelegs. She felt a soft surface underneath her and for the moment, didn't want to move. Then she remembered that she was alone, in a unknown location.
“How are you feeling, Celestia?” a slithering voice sounded from behind her. Celestia slowly rose to her hooves, twisting her head to locate the voice. “Over here.”
A black creature with green eyes and a crudely shaped horn stepped out from the trees. “Hello Celestia. How are you?”
Celestia shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs. “Who..who exactly are you? And where am I?”
The creature just smiled at her. “My name would mean nothing to you. And you are in the heart of the Everfree Forest.” As Celestia started to prepare a spell to teleport herself from the forest, she felt a horrible sharp pain at the base of her horn. Immediately, she cut the spell and rubbed the base of her horn.
“Nope. I don't have one of those special “magic holders” or whatever they are called.” The female creature moved forward into the light more, showing Celestia that it was a mare. “You have had some of my special tea. I've been preparing it for years. Makes you unable to use your magic or fly for quite a while.”
Celestia made sure to not show any shock, so to not let this mare know that she was in fact, frightened. “Alright then. Why am I here?”
The mare gave her a toothy grin. “Follow me princess.” She bounded away into the trees. Celestia had no choice but to follow her.
. . .
Celestia saw lights in the distance. “Lights?” she thought to herself. “How are there lights in the Everfree Forest?” Now truly intrigued, the sun princess continued to follow the mare.
“Here we are, princess.” The mare finally stopped and turned to face Celestia. Celestia moved forward and looked though the trees. The sight she saw startled her.
She saw a large metallic ball hanging in the air. Lights were pointed at it and the ball reflected the lights out, causing many beautiful colors. The ground was covered in large metallic squares that would randomly light up with color. There was a long table at the end of the floor, that had food and drink on it.
“Don't just stand there staring princess!” The strange mare said. “Go in there and have some fun!” The mare roughly pushed her, catching the sun princess off balance and sending careening onto the multi-colored floor. Celestia turned to see what the mare was doing, but she had disappeared.
As Celestia started to tear at the leaves, trying to escape she heard another voice saying, “I wouldn't attempt that Celestia.”
She turned to see her old enemy Discord, alive and not frozen in stone. “Discord. How are you free from your stone entrapment?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea. Just woke up here. And no, I can't use any of my powers.” To prove it, he snapped his fingers. Nothing happened.
Celestia shook her head in disbelief. “I don't understand. How did I get here? How did YOU get here?!”
Discord laughed at Celestia. “I'd advise not thinking on it too hard Celestia.” He smoothly moved over to the table and picked up an apple. “Worrying isn't good for your health.” He bit into the apple.
Celestia turned away from the leaves, feeling hungry as well. She wasn't going to make any headway on the leaves. This entire area had been heavily enchanted to keep the two of them trapped inside. Together. Celestia took a deep breath.
“Okay, so I'm unable to use my magic or fly. Discord seems to be the same way, so at least I don't need to worry about fighting him. But why are we here?” Celestia glanced over at the draconequus, who had busied himself by tearing into a piece of pie. “I should be okay. I'll eat a little bit, collect my thoughts...It'll be fine.” After reassuring herself, she crossed over to the table and started looking over the foods. She decided to choose a rich piece of chocolate cake.
After consuming the cake, she decided to eat a small bowl of vanilla ice cream. Discord was being awful silent, which in turn worried Celestia. After all, he had been frozen in stone for centuries, and he was quiet? He didn't have anything to say about his imprisonment? Finally when he turned to look at her, he said,
“Care to dance Celestia?” The sun princess was in shock. Not from the music that had started up from nowhere, but the fact that Discord was asking to dance. With her. His mortal enemy. But the part that surprised her the most was when she stood up from leaning on the table and said,
“Sure.” Her mind constricted around her. “Why did I just...say that?” she fervidly thought. She couldn't tell what it was, but something was compelling her to just trust Discord. The feeling grew, pressing at the insides of her mind until it hurt. She shook the feeling away and walked to the middle of the floor with Discord.
The two of them faced each other silently until the music picked up. Celestia felt that nagging feeling again, telling her to dance. Hesitantly, she rose up on her backlegs. Discord caught her front legs and the two of them began to dance.
It was awkward at first of course, but as time went on, the two of them began to settle down with each other. Celestia had no idea why, but it felt like a dream to her. To dance with anyone, after so long was a treat the alicorn cherished. Even if it was someone that she didn't completely trust. The two of them stopped in the middle of a slower song and looked up at the stars.
“Look at them Celestia.” Discord said, with a softness in his voice? “The stars truly are beautiful. I guess that I never took the time to appreciate them.”
“Obviously.” Celestia said. The two of them laughed. Discord looked deep into Celestia's eyes. “Wow. I never noticed that before. Your eyes are beautiful.”
Every part of Celestia's being yelled at her to move away from him, to call him a liar, to turn away.
She did none of those things.
Then, without any warning at all, Discord leaned in and kissed her. Celestia froze in shock, but then melted into the kiss. She no longer felt that nagging feeling anymore, she felt at peace. For some strange unreal reason, at that moment, she felt complete.
Discord broke the kiss and twirled her around. The two of them started to vigorously dance around the floor, neither of them slowing down. When the song ended, the two of them stared at each other, neither of them uttering a word.
“Back away! Now!” Celestia's mind screamed at her.
“I-don't want to.”
“Do it! This isn't you! It's a trick!”
“Well, then it's a damn good one."
“Get away from him!”
“No.”
Every trace of hesitance was gone as Celestia kissed Discord. They remained standing for maybe a minute. Maybe two. But, in the end it didn't matter. The two of them fell to the ground. And as you might know, the rest is history.
(Author's Note: For some reason, this idea came to me while I was watching my baby sisters and I wanted to put it on paper. I know it's short, but don't hate me for it. And I don't ever plan on doing this again.)
Stats
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
1,071 users online
2,088,076 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
>that title
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20091013035253/stargate/images/c/c7/Teal%27cLaugh.jpg
1712213 Aren't you usually last?
1712219 Nope
MUST REEEEEEAD!...maybe later :3
1712236 READ IT NOW
I came.
LOL!
Subtle title, bro.
It was good, so I'm faving.
1712272 Wasn't it though?
1712248 Yes!
lol have some Pinkies good sir!
1712782 //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
1713026
I can't clop to this.
Needs more:
[youtube=foMIZUhlRtI]
Overall, it's okay. There's not really many errors to point out—a few here and there, but meh—but for the most part, I was just left going "wait, wut?" It's short, it's silly, and it left me confused as fuck.
Mission accomplished?
lol
lol me and emoticons. Im so professional.
i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/aisyaxo/whaaaaaaat.gif
1713293 Mission accomplished.
1713031
I'm sorry, but not even an avatar of Fluttershy drinking a juicebox while wearing a christmas hat will stop me from reviewing this.
The hard part will be that there is actually very little wrong with this story from what I can see, but I will press on regardless, for this is in the investigations folder and I do not turn away from those who ask for it.
First thing - If you are going to say that this story is a continuation of another story, then put that in the title page, or at least post a link to the preceeding story. While there is one at the end of the chapter, putting it at the top would assist a reader in checking out the preceeding one.
Also, with sequels or related stories, you should list if the reader needs to know the prior story to understand this one.
Story
Let me get this straight. Chrysalis kidnapped Celestia so she could take her to a disco??
While this is clearly meant to be a very silly story that does not take itself too seriously, the initial premise is just a bit too unbelievable. Once you get past that initial spot though, the story does crack along at a good pace.
Descriptions tend to be quite well done, though there was one section that left me going 'what?'
This line impies that there is a impassable barrier surrounding the disco floor, but Celestia and Chrysalis had passed through it just fine a moment ago.
Maybe have it so that after Celestia enters the dance floor, Chrysalis explicitly raises a hedgerow between them, thus trapping her in there.
story pacing felt a bit rushed, but that was clearly one of the aspects to the narrative, that it was more a quick interlude to another story, rather than an actual one in its own right
Characters
Celestia seems a bit too trusting of Discord. All she has is his word that he cannot use his magic. Even drugged, she would be suspicious of how Discord escaped his prison, and yet she discards the thought after a few seconds.
Aside from that, Discord seems his chaotic self, and it leaves me to wonder what Chrysalis has planned for the pair. If she is powerful enough to capture and overpower both Celestia and Discord, she clearly has some kind of plan in motion.
Grammar
This is about the only thing I could find that was wrong with the grammar of the story. It looks like you have two speakers on the same line.
one or two moments of a missing punctuation mark, but certainly not enough to detract from the story.
Could use a comma after enemy.
Story verdict: Good. No major issues with any aspect
Reccomendation: Minor rewrites, leave main body as is.
Well there you have it. A short review as there was little to comment on.
~ Fimbulvinter. Section Trainee for the Impartial Investigation Ensemble