• Member Since 10th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen May 7th, 2014

Eh


E
Source

After her house is destroyed in one of the Cutie Mark Crusader's latest antics, Fluttershy is forced to scrounge up the bits needed to repair it and re-herd all of her animals back. It's looking tough for her. Luckily however, her solution appears to fall right out of the sky.

Join Fluttershy as she dons the sobriquet, "Mare of Tomorrow" and become the hero she desperately doesn't want to be!

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 29 )

I gotta read this. The idea is just too awesome. :pinkiehappy:

Well written indeed, and I like where you are going with this; I shall be watching for more! :rainbowdetermined2:

Related to the Rocketeer? Sign me the heck up for that.

Looks like a good old-fashion adventure story. It's been a long while since I've watched The Rocketeer. Reading this is making me want to re-watch the movie right now. :twilightsmile:

Keep up the good work, my friend. It's very well-written and at a good pace. I like stories that have things like airplanes and cars in Equestria. Can't wait to see the next chapter.

The writing could use some refining. A lot of the sentences seem a bit jumbled together, resulting in out-of-the-blue combinations of unrelated subjects or phrases. Such as

He groaned in frustration, there was no denying it. The cart was gone. The case was gone. Their money, in a manner of speaking, was gone.

This needs some work. Was there no denying that Gideon groaned? How is their loot definitely being taken away "a matter of speaking"? These needless phrases confound my senses!

One of the trickiest things to do in writing is to

a) Describe an action or character in a way that's interesting to read, but is
b) Not in any way wordy or confusing.

Keeping a good balance between art and description is very hard, but you get the hang of it once you practice. For the tidbit listed above, it can be rewritten as:

Gideon groaned in frustration. The cart was gone, and the case, their money, had been taken away with it.

The way this reads feels much more appealing. It tells the reader precisely what they need to know, and in a way that's brisk, to the point, and snappy. Every paragraph you write needs this kind of feel. Avoid excessive word cruft (That is, throwing in phrases or words that simply don't need to be there), tired or cliched phrases or terms, or sentences that don't match the rest of the paragraph.

As for the rest, you've made some entertaining characters. These two little brothers of Gilda's, committing crimes apparently to earn her respect and adoration, are some of the funnier OCs I've seen in a while. I certainly hope this doesn't turn into some kind of Home Alone plot, but even if it does, it'll be worth it to see what kind of hilarity they get themselves into as a result.

Comment posted by Brony_Fife deleted Jan 5th, 2013

So this is a big nod to The Rocketeer? I never saw that movie, but this fic seems to be benefiting from its influence, if the comments are anything to go by.

But basically, the idea is to get non-flying ponies in the air. Why not just use jetpacks or something similar instead of airplanes? They already have airships, too.

Eh

1909858
Thanks for the feedback.

The idea is that while they already have airships, heavier than air travel is gaining some momentum. Sort of like a post Wright Brothers powered flight craze if the Patent wars never happened. Jetpacks, while plausible, aren't entirely plausible. Not to give away too many important plot details but one of the inherent problems in airplane flight is fuel. Magic makes great fuel but burns incredibly quickly. A jetpack, so to speak, is still on the drawing board but is definitely going to be central to the plot.

In regards to The Rocketeer, you should definitely watch that. It's on youtube in parts, cool movie, pretty underrated.

... My goodness was that intro fun to read. Leaves a mighty fine impression of the overall quality of the fic too...

Translation: This is going to be good :pinkiehappy:

Eh

Whoops, misclick.

I'm liking all the references you're putting in here, it appeals to the historian and movie-lover in me.

Small critique: beware of changing your tenses in the same paragraph and double check some of your descriptions as the wording can be a bit awkward.

This is getting better... Pulp ponies, oh yes! :pinkiehappy:

Aw, you're doing fine, and it helps that you know the subject cold, or at least cool. :pinkiehappy:

1909746 to be honest I actually liked the original way the author had written it. I can understand your issue though.

Cute story I'm looking forward to more.

Even awesome: The first non-German down that list is a Finn! Those guys are fucking badasses. They took on both Fritz AND Ivan and stalemated both encounters, even when severely outnumbered

Love this story, keep it up. Hope it updates again soon:scootangel:

Gideon kept his talons on the wheel. He blankly looked at the speedometer which read 0 MPH and said, "sorry, Gilder, I'm driving here."

Gideon and Gilder are really growing on me.:pinkiesmile:

They made themselves look as casual as possible, which meant Pinkie desperately ate up her pie, Rarity began fluffing her mane, Twilight began reading a book on the Principles of Quantum Mechanics, Rainbow Dash was admiring herself in a mirror, Applejack was playing a harmonica, and Fluttershy simply sat there.
:rainbowlaugh: Oh my Grod...

I have some of the same gripes as Brony_Fife, but all in all I rather liked it.

They fucking would.
And between Applebloom and Scootaloo they /could/.

Wikipedia isn't that bad of a source. Since what is written needs to be sourced itself.

Aw, no more updates?
But I love the Rocketeer

This is a really well-written story, merging the premise of Rocketter with an interesting dieselpunk Equestria (Daring Do as the Howard Hughes equivalent is a good one). And you made the Griffon gang a really funny addition to the story.
I really hope that you return to this fic, because it is awesome.

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