- Member Since 18th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 20th, 2016
Archmage Ludicrous
Tiny humans. You are small. I crush. Crush like bugs. Voltswagon Bugs. Smaaaallllll.
Archmage Ludicrous
Joined 18th Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
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1770575
1770589 The title.
1770597
1770610 Not really. Anyway, enjoy the good song, and enjoy the like I left, for this was a decent story.
1770613
Thank you! It's good to know I brightened someone's day!
Well, that was a really nice story!
I assume calling a pony a straight-wing would be the same as calling a person a retard? If so, you will want to be extra careful of how you sling that around, people love to get offended by stuff on the internet. I didn't see anything wrong with the story, although it could have gone a little slower and used a little bit more buildup than it had. I enjoyed it, and shall recommend it to a friend or two.
Oh, also, incomplete? I look forwards to that little brat getting embarrassed, although I foresee him going off on some enraged rant. Or getting the living poo beat out of him by Rainbow Dash, and getting shunned by DT and SS.
1770651
Oops! It's supposed to be marked as completed!
My bad!
Also, Straight-Wing is a derogatory way of saying that Scootaloo's disabled, can't fly.
1770667
Awesome, I loved it! I especially liked Cheerilee - for a moment I was afraid that she would be the typical 'oblivious teacher', but she totally does the right thing. Nicely done!
This was a really great story! I love the idea of a pony unable to use their race's special breed of magic; it's a fascinating concept to work with and you did it well. I liked all the detail you put into it and I also liked the parts about Scootaloo's parents and foster parents. It was a refreshing change from the Scootaloo-the-orphan angle that's so played out in Scootaloo fanfics.
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1770713
Thank you all for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I shall now give this story a thumbs up.
1771007
You shall, shall you?
Congratulations! You've written the first Scootaloo fanfiction I've ever read! :)
1771007
I knew I forgot something. ^^
What a cool story! Props to you sir
Good story!
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1777733
Thanks to you all!
Sorry I didn't get around to re-reading this one last time before Thursday. I got a mix of work and lazy - I came home from work, I was lazy. (Yesterday, I ate nothing but sugary foods as well, yet somehow I'm not sick).
Anywho, I'm glad this has gone over well!
1796153
I'm satisfied with how it turned out! Not many people have liked it, but nobody has disliked it, so I think it's just a matter of people reading it. I need to make my title/intro page stronger. After all, not many people have even really read this.
1796723
If you're *really* seeking hits/views, maybe you can try Equestria Daily? I don't know if the website's dropped in traffic of late, since I haven't been on there regularly in a long time. However, far as I'm aware it's still the premier pony site. If you can get on there, the views/favorites/etc will skyrocket.
The only difficulty is getting through the pre-readers, and that can be a crapshoot. Some will be easy enough to please; others, it's like the slightest grammar mistake that only a Ph.D. in English Creative Writing would know, and "LOL NO". I've gotten it both ways in the past, as well as somewhere in between (a reasonable rejection which allowed me through after I fixed my mistakes). But I do think this story's original and creative enough. I highly doubt anyone amongst those readers is gonna have a beef with the story. There's a few grammar errors, sure, but nothing's wrong with the story.
Now, if you're not fond of EQD, then in that case I'm not sure what to tell you.
1801112
I've been considering it. I'm not sure, though.
1801268
It's up to you. Worst that happens is you get rejected (the rejection may be slightly rude).
You could definitely try for Equestria Daily with this. It was a good story and it definitely deserves more views.
There's a few things you might want to change, based on my experience with prereaders. (I'll warn you that prereaders are a mixed bag. I've seen some stories get accepted with glaring errors and the same mistakes that I was told to fix in my stories.)
I once included onomatopoeia in a story of mine, and I was told to remove it. It wasn't even huge and bold like this was. The next paragraph describes the sound of the bell sufficiently, so you could easily just remove the sound effect and start with your second paragraph unchanged.
I don't feel like that sentence is needed, since we basically already know this. You have the phonetic spelling in the dialogue (though it's still readable - some people really overdo it, but this was fine).
Tildes typically aren't acceptable in fiction, so maybe drop that.
I'm kind of wary of phrases like this. It's not quite Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, but it's awkward phrasing nonetheless. Since you immediately tell us that she's crying and burying her face in her dad's fur, I think you've shown us that she's distressed, which is always better than telling us outright.
Other than forgetting to capitalize, this detail about Scootaloo's foster father isn't relevant at that point in the story, so there's no point in telling us that.
And the prereaders will most likely nitpick even more than I just did, but you should be able to get accepted. I know that Lauren Faust actually wanted to have an episode about Scootaloo being handicapped, and this almost seems like how it could've gone in the show. That's a major plus.
1821044
You really think this could make it to EQD? I'm tempted, so I'll put it on my to-do list.
I loved this story!
I absolutely loved this story! One of the best I've read. It was a very endearing story, very touching.
Well done
Scootaloo has just made a deadly enemy. If not today, then in the future, when Lightning grows up. Bigoted beings are a danger, a cancer that only seek to destroy. Some day in the future, may tomorrow, maybe in a month, maybe in a year, or many years, Lighting will get a knife, and Scootaloo will be just like the poor souls killed by the forerunners of the KKK.
Beware Scootaloo, for in Lightning mind, you are already dead.
This was a very good story, but I have only one quibble: Scootaloo wouldn't call her foster parents 'Mom and Dad.' She has her real parents, and she would call her foster parents some respectful names, but she wouldn't replace them with her real ones, especially by name.
Anyway, excellent world-building. and a fantastic story!