In the age of steam the main way of life is supported by the airship but when the solar empire claims ownership of the sky it cause's a spark that will ignite a war. Twilight finds herself in the middle of it when she wakens in a make shift hospital with new "parts" and knowing nothing of her past. Will she find her past and will she what to return to it when she does?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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looks promising
Will read later
I like it
Though why the spaces between lines?
just to break it up.
2121486 sunday
Alright, this is a promising start, but you've definitely got some issues. Please, please get yourself a proofreader. You seem to be deathly afraid of commas and you're constantly putting apostrophes is places they don't belong. I also have no idea what's up with your formatting. This is decent, but it's rough.
If there is any way to fix the spacing, please do. It makes it much more appealing and easy to read.
I like it so far!
2252641 Could you explain what your seeing on your end?
Because it might be just my computer but it looks find on my end.
2536153 yes. I have story idea's but no transitions to carry it to the next part of the chapter.
If you have an idea it would be very helpful.
5525608 Sadly no, life has been getting in the way and draining me, am now in the process of getting a new apartment.
Was kind of hoping something like Twilight being a Alicor. So Twilight has been alive for hundreds of years to the point the technology level is much more advanced then what it was when she was a unicorn and Equestria is more of a War country now. With her being a princess but not of friendship she is now the princess of war or something alike that. Then have Twilight get into a accident like in the start of the story, She get's amnesia and only remember parts up to the end of season 4 or 5. That way she is suddenly in this whole new world where she is responsible for tons of deaths and the only people alive from the time she remembers is Celestia, Luna and Discord. With Discord being the only one having close to the same personality as he did in the show.. Maybe have Twilight of had/have a romance with one of the three ( P.s Discolight is the best romance hint hint) Hey if you really wanted you could of had her have a kid in the past. Maybe have it still be a baby and have her find the baby by going in the baby's room and finding her asleep in the crib or maybe it would be a Bloodline now from how long its been. Oh yeah and spike could now be a ancient dragon now being bigger then some castles.
But yeah was hoping something more along the likes of that with her having to go through the deaths of her friends again, Having a lover or a kid. She would also have that personality of a teenager like in the show.
That is something i would have loved to see. But with your story i do like it how it is, But some of the stuff just doesn't seem to fit. For example the pacing isn't the greatest but its not the worst. Also the formatting. I still liked how little there was and will give the story a like