• Member Since 4th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 26th, 2023

lrft4_san


T

One the day of a school trip to the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, Hikari and Valiant, two young pegasi sneak into the Factory's lower depths. There they discover a shocking secret, and a familiar pegasus who is being held against her will.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 24 )

Not that bad first thumbs up though what's with that? Can you let me spell check it though?woah first comment!

The first 26 emoticons represent the letters of the alphabet in their respective order.

:coolphoto::fluttershysad: :applejackunsure::ajbemused::flutterrage::flutterrage: :derpyderp2::fluttershyouch: :ajbemused: :applecry::pinkiesick::fluttershbad::heart::pinkiehappy::pinkiesad2::applejackconfused::pinkiegasp:.

hmmm, interesting. May i ask what this story is actually about? Anyway, nice work. :pinkiehappy:
1701689
And an hour later i've got second... third dangit

1702157 is this right?

Go fall in a dumpster

1702158

It's about two pegasi who sneak into the weather factory where they find a near dead Rainbow Dash, and a facility dedicated to keeping her alive by any means necessary (mainly by kidnapping, torturing and removing the souls of young pegasi). i know it's not the most original idea, but i think it's pretty good for my first attempt at writing a fanfic

1702814 interesting, i was expecting something else from the description. Somewhere where your fears and horrors come true. :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

1703013

To be honest, I literally came up and thought of this story after reading the first paragraph of that story. I don't think I actually finished the story until I had this story all plotted out. So yeah, you weren't far off

1703096 okie dokie loki mr. Irft4_san, thats an odd name. Why would anypony name their foal that? Maybe I should throw you a party for this story being so good. Wanna cupcake? :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

PINKIE!!! GET OFF MY COMPUTER NOW!!!!!!! Sorry about that, she tends to mess with my stuff :twilightblush: still good job.

1703140

lol, no worries, as long as she behaves herself, and I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far, I hope to get part two posted in the next couple of days (if not tonight)

1703214 cool this will be interesting, i should probably be working on my own story, i've been procrastinating too much. For more pinkie antics read Changed Worlds, Changed Minds (Pinkie is not a character, but i base one off of her and she does make a guest appearance) :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Advertising...whatever do you mean?:applejackconfused:

Rainbow Factory reference LOL :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy: good job with this chapter, I await more

1708170
lol, yeah I had to put in a reference to Rainbow Factory as it was the inspiration for this story. And I'm glad you liked this chapter, it was a pain to finish, I must have spent a solid three or four hours reading and rewriting (which I did somewhere between ten or twenty times) that part of the story before I was happy with it. I think I'm getting better at editing.

1708353 Thats a good editor alright. I never edit my work, what you see is the raw product. Unless you count the editing while i write. :derpytongue2:

1708370

Yeah I almost never edit my work either, but for some reason I just felt the need to edit it. Most of this was written months ago, so I thought I would clean it up a bit before posting. Also, having graduated with a degree in English I should probably get in the habit of editing all of my writing pieces :moustache:

Somehow I have a feeling that Valiant is going to either die or sacrifice himself so that Hikari can live or vice-versa. It just seems a little bit stereotypical. I hope you somehow change that up in one way or another. But if not and this was the ending that you were going for, It's still a GREAT read either way, can't wait for more chapters! :D

Thanks
-Zravox

Author's note* I apologize if there are any errors, or if this doesn't meet my usual standards. Honestly I've been editing this one chapter for three or four days now and I'm tired, so I'm not sure if it's up to par, but it's definitely a lot better than when I started. Anyway, I promise I'll read it over again when I'm more rested, and I'll make any necessary changes.

1718476

You're partly right, but don't worry, that not how it's going to end. Also I'm glad you and other people have been liking this story, because, honestly, it's my first fanfic and I wasn't sure how well it would go over, but as long as people keep reading it and liking it, I'll keep writing it. :pinkiehappy:

Am i really the first one to comment on chapter 3 besides the author? How long has this been up? :rainbowhuh::rainbowderp:
Good chapter, i wonder what happens next.

1751854

Yeah, sadly this chapter hasn't seen much activity; things seem to be dying down now :fluttershysad:, but I'm glad you like it :yay:.

1752685 I always stay with a story, unless it hasnt been updated in a few months or something. :twilightoops: Even then, it has to be something i wasnt really hooked on in the first place. I may not always comment, but i will keep reading. :pinkiehappy:

BTW, nice cover picture

1753096
Thanks, it feels good to hear from someone who likes my work. I'll make sure to keep posting as frequently as I can. Also, I'm glad you liked the pick. I was originally going to use one that I made with Valiant diving from Chapter 1, but I liked how this one looked better.

1754414 I enjoy people liking my work as well so i try to spread that elsewhere...What am i saying, i just like commenting. :pinkiecrazy:

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