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How far is a pony willing to go to gain what they believe they deserve? How far is to far? Does rising up against all that you have been taught to get what you want cause you to be evil? What about starting a war for the sake of achieving your goal? Is that too far?
How about trying to kill your own sister?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks promising... I will read now
*your
You should probably say 'This time a blue pegasus speaks up.' You don't want to say yell or yells to much.
It would make more sense to say Cyclone put a hoof to the eye patch, that covered his damaged eye.
'Unlike you three, the princess and i' You are missing a comma between 'three' and 'the'. Also 'discussing, instead' don't forget commas C:
There is that mistake again *your
You don't need to say '...next to her." just Princess Celestia said to the old wizard.
' ... to lead the army, why did...' You need a comma there in between army and why.
AHA! There again with the comma '...spells, which is...' also instead of using .is' use 'are'. 'destruction spells, which are essential to unicorn battle magic'
Don't use ' I have' twice instead say '... seen as many wars as I, you tend to learn'
Sorry, I am unable to finish the story at this moment in time :/ I'll either look over it again later, or let someone else more qualified than myself to correct it xD I am not a proof-reader but I just spotted simple mistakes. But besides these silly mistakes, I have to say this is good :) A watch, a fave and a like for you!
Good job. I like how you described Luna's endgame of using a cockatrice as opposed to the Elements of harmony.
I'll keep my eye on this for now.
1700149 Thanks for pointing those out because i knew there were some errors I just missed some. The reason why its like that is because this story was one that was started back in February and at the time it was supposed to be written in the in present tense and now i changed it to past tense so there are parts that are a little off.
1701082 'tis not a problem :3 it is very good by the way :) I like it. If need be I will look for more errors later C:
anyword on an update?