• Published 17th Dec 2012
  • 2,864 Views, 91 Comments

What the Truck - totallynotabrony

Spacetime accidents, a foreign invasion, and friends with stuff to haul. The new 2013 Applejack can handle all this and more!

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Chapter 3

“Why in the world are they attacking a second time?” shouted Rarity. “I thought enchantments had been placed on the city to stop them from ever stealing our love again!”

“It doesn’t make any sense to me, either,” said Twilight, “But now I know why Princess Luna didn’t come back to fix Applejack, and why Princess Celestia didn’t answer my letter.”

“Well what are we waitin’ for?” demanded Applejack. She downshifted and shot forward. In the back seat, Fluutershy began frantically searching for a way out. Lyra looked on sympathetically. It was difficult to unlock the doors with hooves.

The truck barreled through the streets of Canterlot. It was a good thing that most ponies had shut themselves indoors. Unlike the last Changeling invasion, the attack was primarily centered around the castle, leaving the rest of the city mostly untouched.

The front entrance of the castle was open, the heavy gates hanging askew. The gap was slightly larger than truck-size and Applejack managed to squeeze through. She slid to a halt in surprise. The entire courtyard was filled with changelings.

Rainbow nervously hit the switches to roll up the windows. A lone Changeling stepped forward, seemingly confused by the machine filled with ponies. He squinted and his body went tense. Several second passed, but nothing happened. The creature gasped, its exertion for nothing.

From the radio, Applejack chuckled. It seemed that turning into vehicles was outside Changeling capability. “Buckle up, y’all. There are about to be some bug splats on the bumper.”

With a squeal of tires on cobblestone, Applejack leaped forward directly into the crowd of Changelings. They scattered everywhere, some taking to the air to escape. The six ponies inside the truck watched the scene with amusement from the comfort of their leather seats and air conditioning.

The more vicious-looking enemies were clustered around the entrance to the Great Hall. It was where the previous attack, a wedding crashed by Changelings, had occurred. The castle was set apart from the courtyard by a few wide staircases that encircled the building. Applejack engaged four wheel drive and shot up the stairs, catching air and crashing through one of the large stained glass windows.

She slid to a halt in the Hall. “Whooee, is everypony all right? I think my mirrors mighta gotten knocked a little out of whack.”

A bright green glow suddenly surrounded the truck and its occupants. A Changeling they all thought they’d never see again, Queen Chrysalis, came walking forward.

“What do we have here? Some little ponies who’ve come to try and stop me again?” Chrysalis yanked the doors open with magic and flung everypony out. She stuck them tight to the floor with green goo and stood leering at them.

Applejack, still held firmly with magic, watched helplessly as her friends were interrogated. Chrysalis cast a truth spell, ensuring that she would get the information she wanted.

“I came for the High Energy Matter Integrator,” said Chrysalis. “I understand that it can be used to travel to other worlds. Since Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have gone away to the Crystal Empire, Canterlot was practically unguarded and it was a perfect time to come in and take what I wanted.”

“Why don’t you ask the Princesses? They know where it is.” Twilight’s eyes widened. She hadn’t meant to say that. It must be the truth spell acting on her.

“They cast sleeping enchantments on themselves so they couldn't talk.” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “They must have known I would be looking for the High Energy Matter Integrator. No matter. My spell makes you unable to refuse a direct question. Twilight Sparkle, where is the HEMI?”

Twilight tried her hardest to keep her mouth from moving, but she had to answer. At the last second, she managed to divert the question with something she remembered from the owner’s manual. “Applejack has one.”

Chrysalis glanced at the truck. “Yes, I heard that using such a device could have side effects involving strange transformations. How very helpful.”

The Queen of the Changelings walked forward, slipping her body into the driver’s seat. After settling in, she looked around at the truck’s interior. “Now, how do I—”

Applejack’s airbag went off, smacking the unprepared Changeling’s nose. Her doors slammed shut and locked, music cranking up to maximum.

Behind the soundproofed windows, Chrysalis slammed her hooves against her ears in an attempt to block out the sound. She gnashed her teeth and shuddered involuntarily, practically having a seizure. With her contained, a few Royal Guards that had been in hiding from a previously unstoppable Changeling force began to show themselves.

With a little help, Applejack used her rope to pull the stuck ponies free of the goo. By the time the sleeping Princesses were located and woken, Chrysalis had been reduced to a sobbing mess. She tumbled out of the truck when the door was opened.

“On the road again…Just can't wait to get on the road again…” Chrysalis whimpered.

“Got to be careful,” said Applejack. “This Willie Nelson stuff is a pretty powerful psycho weapon.”

“Psychological,” Twilight said automatically, although after looking at Chrysalis she wondered if Applejack’s version was more correct.

The Princesses were happy to see that the day had been saved again by the six mares, even if one of them was decidedly more metallic than usual.

“Let’s get you changed back to your normal self, Applejack,” said Princess Luna. “I’m sorry to have trapped you for so long in that form.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” said Applejack. “Heck, if we had to, I could do this for a while.”

Luna thought for a moment. “Are you sure? I suppose we could use the High Energy Matter Integrator again. To keep the natives from getting suspicious of vehicles operating by themselves, however, we would need drivers.”

Lyra quickly raised a hoof, eagerly volunteering.

“Well then,” said Luna. “Let’s get started.”

Chrysalis awoke, finding herself in a dungeon beneath the castle. She was never without her lockpicking set, however, because what kind of evil genius would she be without it? After cracking the cell door, she quietly made her way through the dark underground passages.

She came upon one of her minions that had been captured. After freeing him, they made their way to the Royal Science Laboratory. Chrysalis’ eyes narrowed as she saw Luna and her entourage powering up the High Energy Matter Integrator.

Quickly putting together a plan, Chrysalis determined her priorities. Task one was defeating them all and taking the device for herself.

Task two was neutralizing Willie Nelson.

Chrysalis burst from her hiding place, just as the device was turned on.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading What the Truck! This story was preread by Zen and V-pony

Now with a sequel!

Comments ( 71 )

Truck it, let's read this !

Full of win

"Wow, I coulda had a V8," said nopony whatsoever.

Okay, I admit it. I laughed. Rather a lot, in fact. Certainly a lot funnier than that tedious humanoid television show My Mother, the Car, which aired back when I was, um, much younger.

1812381 Sounds like that show must have had wicked backseat drivers.

It's a shame that Applejack didn't get to do any applebucking today.
On second thought...

Only you, TNAB...

Only you. :pinkiehappy:

That said:


Awww.. Applejack never even tried her robot mode....

Transformers, Ponies in Disguise!

Now... Turn Big Mac into a Mack truck.

Hey, makes sense doesn't it?

Words cannot express *:facehoof: i'll certainly read more.

Twilight Sparkle, where is the HEMI?”
Twilight tried her hardest to keep her mouth from moving, but she had to answer. At the last second, she managed to divert the question with something she remembered from the owner’s manual. “Applejack has one.”

Aaaaannndd it's a Dodge! Have all of my internets!:pinkiehappy:

Insert Transformers reference.


Fancypants and/or Fleur would be some sort of Porsche :trollestia:

There are no proper adjectives with which I can describe how I feel about this, so instead I shall re-purpose an adverb / noun: This is just so yes.

I knew there was a reason I followed you. I'd love to see something like what you said in the author's notes written. I don't think the fandom would be complete without it.

Pinkie is some kind of party van, or perhaps a party bus. Twilight is a modest Volkswagen sedan. To their chagrin, Fluttershy is a Dodge Viper and Rainbow is a Toyota Prius. For lulz.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: PLEASE DO IT!
Also, I concur with the Transformers vibes I got from this :rainbowdetermined2:

Chrysalis: ELIMINATE WILLE NELSON!! :flutterrage:

oh yes, that was a good story indeed. I approve!

Comment posted by cpl_scipio deleted May 20th, 2016

Now, don't you dare slight Jerry Van Dyke's Magnum Opus!


Activate turbo buck!

Task two was neutralizing Willie Nelson.

I almost peed myself! This was funny as hell!


The picture is a Ford F-150 Crew cab. However HEMI is trademarked by Chrysler. Applejack is a Dodge.

I sure hope Apple-ram has towel in the glove box.

Truck my ass, this is the best trucking fuck fic I've ever laid my trucking eyes on.

I was snickering the entire time. Truly a laugh.

So going by this, Herbie the Love Bug was obviously a transformed pony!

Comment posted by totallynotabrony deleted Dec 17th, 2012

1814113 1812541 That's weird. I was using a Power Wagon as my model when I was making the art.
I can see where you're coming from, though. I thought it looked too much like an F-250 :twilightblush:

Riight... And Celestia into a Rolls-Royce... :trollestia:
Still, I wanna see that happening :pinkiehappy:

1814449 I think the changeling should become Kit. Kit can change its/his appearance, right? Maybe Bumblebee instead. :ajsmug:

is that Gabe Newell chilling behind it?

1814535 Curbside Cupcakes.

Oh god Pinkie, Cupcakes has become mobile. Pony flesh, coming to a town near you!

I honestly have no idea about what the hell just happened.
But I laughed.
And I don't know who Willie Nelson is, but I fell on the floor at that part.

What the hell did I just read, and why do I want more of it?

Heres some more internets! :pinkiehappy:
Dodge Rules!

... and if the Changelings attack again the new Applejack 2013 can transform into a Pony of Steel!:rainbowlaugh:

I just cant stop laughing

1817101 I was wondering when someone would post that.


I posted another comment after I got to the section where the HEMI is mentioned. Trust me, I know my trucks. :ajsmug:

Rainbow a Prius? Oh dear christ why you gotta be so mean to the mare?:facehoof:

Oh lawd my SIDES. :rainbowlaugh:

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