Chapter 9: Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
“There are, always and only, bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.”
“I hate baths.” I growled, as my head surfaced from the frothy broth. Flare just smiled from across the room at me... so I splashed him. It wasn't the most mature thing to do, but seeing his green and yellow mane dripping over his eyes made me grin, so whatever.
Wiping his wet mane out of his eyes, he smirked at me, “How old are you again?”
“Shut up,” I said, lowering my head back into the water. “This is your fault.” Dipping my muzzle into the water, I had nothing to do but blow bubbles as some mare scrubbed my back with a brush. Normally that'd be a more exciting prospect, but being drugged and forced to bathe put me in a bad mood. At least Serenity wasn't here to mock me too.
“She is done.” Photo Finish intoned halfheartedly behind me.
Blushing, I shook off my hair and had intended to use the newly renewed feeling in my legs to climb out of the wooden tub. What actually happened was I tried to climb out, lacked the capabilities with only three legs, and slipped. My body slammed into the edge of the tub, shaking it before it ever so slowly tipped over, spilling me and a wave of reddish brown water over the floor.
Groaning, I opened my eyes to see Photo Finish lifting a hoof up dramatically as my bath water dripped off it. “You have gotten my floor wet,” she pushed her sunglasses down to give me a good long look at her stern eyes. “It is, dirty now.”
“You took my leg.” I groaned and rolled to my feet, doing my best not to fall over. A tough task, everything considered. I turned my head away from the smug gang leader. After they’d drugged me and dumped me in water, they’d levitated me into some back room; and let me just say, that floating in a rickety container without muscle control was not frightening at all.
“Yes yes, but you look Marvellous dahling.” With a flash of magic, and a sharp pain where my metal leg should have been, I was suddenly staring at myself. I had to admit that without the blood and grime, my mane with looked much better, if a bit too long for my liking, and my coat seemed to positively shine. Had it always been so light? I guess it must have, but damn, did I look good. Or I would have, if not for the metal plate screwed to my torso with various sockets and gears to attach a leg to.
“Well,” Photo Finish added peeking her head around the full length mirror, “maybe not marvellous, but close, yes, very close.” Rolling my eyes I took a quick hop back.
“My leg, please.” With a single sharp step, a pony zipped up beside me levitating my leg. Excellent. I turned my head to it... wait was it? “Okay ju-.” Before I could comment on what they’d done to my leg, it was shoved into the socket.
Pain flared through my body, blinding me and dropping me to my knees. It almost felt like I had been bucked by Torr again, only this time when the pain faded it stayed away. Seething through clenched teeth, I stood shakily back to my feet as Photo Finish chucked daintily beside me.
“Does it hurt?”
“Yes.” I growled, shaking my metal leg and stomping quickly. It always felt weird when it was re-attached, as if it had too much feeling and burning in multiple spots, but it went away eventually. Just another benefit of losing your leg in an unfortunate stupidity accident. “No,” I growled, looking down at my mechanical leg. “Why did you paint my leg purple!?”
Flare laughed so hard he crashed into a near-by wall. My ears burned but I stood my ground. It was my fucking leg and they went and purple-ed it when I was being drugged and bathed, and no part of that sentence is right in any way. Seriously, I was a cybernetic killing machine not a doll!
“To make it beautiful dear.” It wasn't supposed to be beautiful. It was a device I used to smash ponies’ skulls in. Argh, I hated these ponies so much, and I knew it was only going to get worse. Photo Finish quickly clopped her hooves together and trotted through the nearest door, to get away from my murky bathwater no doubt, and beckoned me to follow. I knew I was in trouble.
Through the slightly dingy and dim halls of the backstage of the Finish HQ, we were quickly led into, you may have guessed it, a dressing room. “No fucking way.” I skidded to a stop at the entrance. The sight of all those, ugh, dresses made me sick to my stomach. I was against dresses as a rule, and that rule was never wear anything I looked ugly in.
“You vill,” Photo Finish's glasses shone eerily with light, “und you vill like eet.” She walked right up to me and poked me in the chest, “You owe me. You vill do this.” We matched glares for a second, but I broke first. I'd already agreed to the job, and that meant I had to go through with it, for good or ill. By the way my stomach was twisting, ill was the most likely.
“Fine.” It did not take them long to get me all dolled up. The dress they put me in was not the usual Finisher dress (I guess it was more of a uniform), but a white dress that flowed over my tail and onto the ground behind me. The lacy trimming was all a deep shade of of red with small rubies gems embroidered into the fabric. Around my neck was a simple tight copper necklace with a jewelled pendant. When I looked into the mirror, despite the fact it looked a bit tight, and my leg looked weird in it, I did look... well good.
I've lost all my mercenary cred.
“Humm.” Photo Finish stalked around me, “It. It is missing something.” Like taste. “Hum.” She poked and prodded, and lifted before turning to face me. “Aha! I, Photo Finish, has got its!” With a quick flurry of magic her pink sunglasses were suddenly on my face. Now I'd heard of wearing rose tinted glasses but this was ridiculous. The constant pink tint made me feel like I was in some foals fairy tale. “Perfect. It is needed, so they know you are with the Finishers.” I thought it looked nicer without the glasses. “Now for the other.”
Other?
Everypony in the room turned to Flare, who until then had been grinning along like a mad pony. Like a scene from a pink dream, the ponies tackled him, tearing off his red jumpsuit. In less than a minute it was no longer Flare standing before me, but a pretty blue mare in a frilly dress and a deathly scowl on her face. His dress seemed skimpier, and was a deep green with frilly light green ruffles barely covering his rump. Yeah, it was kind of cute.
“Its not that bad.” It took all of my self control not to burst into laughter. Turnabout was so sweet. “You look. Pretty.” He just glared at me from behind his own pair of shades as a scarf was tied around his neck. Under his dress, I could see his wings struggling to move until Photo Finish bopped him on the nose.
“Shush. This vas your idea.” I will admit that a stupid grin was plastered on my face, but dammit it was hilarious. If only Serenity was there to laugh at him with me... except then she'd see me in a dress. Yeah scratch that, I'd just tell her the abridged story later. “I cannot have un-pretty things go in my, Photo Finish's, place.”
The door swung opened and in strolled a red mare, “Are we almost do-what the fuck?” Screenshot's eyes were wide as she stared at me and Flare in our pretty dresses. The Finishers’ second in command just shook her head and facehoofed. “Photo Finish I-”
“Enough, Screenshot.” Photo Finish trotted up haughtily to the red mare with a sly grin. “I, Photo Finish, vill not allow my name to be used by those who are not beautiful. I know your standards are low, Screenshot, but do try to remember vhy ve exist, ja?” With that, Photo Finish and her Entourage vanished through the door leaving me, Flare, and a slightly bitter Screenshot.
“Maybe you should remember.” She said, and I got a feeling in my gut it wasn't something I wasn't supposed to hear.
---
Dawn broke over the horizon, turning the ever-present cloud layer into a light-show of reds and oranges. With a slight smile, I turned my head back south, following behind Screenshot and Flare. As we traversed the strip, more than one pony stopped to whistle at us. Of course, most of those times, the ponies that whistled seemed to be focusing on Flare. It was a good day.
As we walked nearly nopony spoke: Screenshot seemed to be too busy stomping to speak, Flare was far to busy blushing furiously (a fact I made note of), and I didn't speak on principle. If only more of my walks went so quietly.
Walking around the statue, a small orange pony with an overlarge cowpony hat waved and whistled at me before his friend kicked him. I just turned away and pushed my sunglasses back up, blushing ever so slightly. I had to admit it was a nice change from ponies immediately trying to avoid me on sight.. Even still, I was counting the minutes to get out of that stupid dress. At the best of times, I looked hideous in a dress and this one was a few sizes too small to boot.
Then came the Clips and Clops Casino: home to Celestia knows what. I had to stop and stare at the huge tower with the pink pony head cresting it one last time. Damn, it was impressive but I kept no illusions of ever getting to the top... an earth pony should stay on the earth.
Flanking the Entrance stood a row of creepily still Ponitrons, their screen-faces-things stoic and staring forward. Until, of course, we got close to the door. Turning in sync, their faces displayed a burst of static before changing to that of a grinning pink pony with hair that looked like a candy cane. “Howdy Do~ Welcome To The Clips And Clops!”
What the fuck? The Face was smiling and talking excitedly in a high pitched voice about the Casinos many, many (many) amenities, but the body stood eerily still. When the recording was done it was replaced by a burst of static and its usual army face returned. I am not going to lie, that was some of the creepiest shit I'd ever seen.
“What,” Flare nickered as he trotted up beside me, “never been to the Clips And Clops before?” He knew very well that I hadn't. “A bastion of yesteryear,” he stopped to wave his hoof dramatically at the door, “owned and operated by the Equestrian Ministry Of Moral, it has kept their particular flavour after the war. Oh yes, my second favourite casino after The Moon, and so very much better on Dash.” I shot him a glare, warning him not to make the money I paid for his cleansing go to waste.
“Silence! You shall be quiet unless I, Screenshot, say otherwise.” She turned her head and gave me a smirk. “Is zis understood?” Right, because I really wanted to do all the talking anyway.
We walked into the casino, and I was assaulted by pink. The doors lead to the main gambling floor, a large room with an arching roof with, no kidding, streamers and balloons of all colours hanging from it. The wall were painted in various shades of pink, and the slot machines lined up across the floor were shaped like cupcakes. Across from them were more than a couple blackjack, poker, and craps tables that too looked to be shaped like various sweets. Was this really a Dise casino or had I walked into a filly's daydream?
BOOM
Instinct took over. Spinning toward the source of the explosion, I pushed Flare behind me with my hoof and crouched down ready to strike. Only, what I was staring at was a table in a small restaurant off to the side of the casino, that was covered in confetti and balloons. That couldn't have been what I’d heard, so I looked further spotting a baby blue cannon still smoking.
“Why is there artillery inside?”
The adrenalin pumping through my veins nearly exploded when something touched my shoulder. I came very close to kicking the offending pony before I saw it was Flare. “Calm down. It’s a party cannon.” Screenshot was laughing at me, along with half the casino floor. I was blushing so much I probably blended in with the decor.
“What?” I said in a low voice, barely recognizable under Screenshot's laughing. She didn't have to make a show of it.
“It's a cannon,” Flare said as the cannon operator turned it at an empty wooden table, “that shoots parties.” With a boom, the cannon fired, sending a pink lacy table cloth over the table in a flurry of confetti and balloons.
It was a cannon that shot parties. Sure, why not?
You know, when I'd planned to go to The Finishers to repay my debt to them, I thought it was going to be something exciting. Raid a drugdealer’s base. Fight off insane ghouls. Something along those lines. Not have a bath, get dressed up pretty, and go to a land of pink parties. Celestia's cunt, I needed a drink.
Screenshot shook her head after wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes and continued through the Casino. Flare followed behind, a smug smile on his face until, I assume, he realized he was still dressed like a pretty filly. I mostly kept my eyes on the carpet as I walked, the casino’s bright and happy atmosphere being way to much for me to handle. Anything was better than this, even The Moon.
Surprisingly, Screenshot did not take us to an elevator. I was half expecting the bosses chamber to be at the top of the tower and I was mighty glad it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem with Mustangs’ rooftop apartment, and while I did avoid the windows I could have handled them, but the tower was a different thing. It was by far the highest thing in Dise, and was even higher then we flew in the sky-waggon! That had nothing to do with my fear of heights (that I don't have), and much more due to the fact it was fucking high and anypony that wasn't a pegasus would be insane to go up that high, I mean for fuck’s sake I felt sick looking at it.
Okay that last paragraph got away from me. What I was trying to say is that Screenshot took us through a short series of hallways passing right past the elevator doors. The walls were painted pink with grey stripes, and the doors lining the hallway seemed to have the names of various drugs on them. Mint-als, Party Time Mint-Als, Buck, Dash (I smacked Flare when he stopped too long looking at the door) and so forth. I could almost swear I heard talking and laughing behind more than one of them.
Eventually, we reached a plain wooden door labelled “G.M. Office.” After Screenshot knocked thrice, the door slid (very cool effect, mind you) open. Two of those creepy ass robots flanked the other side of the door, and, most concerningly, they had their wide array of guns and explosives out and armed. Apparently nopony was trusted. Across the room was the mare I had to assume was Granny Dynamite.
She was only a wrinkled green pony sitting in a wheel chair. Her mane was grey and falling out, and she looked half asleep sitting there. However, I made sure to approach cautiously, as the earth pony had two belts off dynamite strapped across her body. Not counting, of course, the two in an X pattern on her flank.
Trotting over and noticing a lack of anyplace to sit, I took my place to Screenshot's right. “Granny Dynam-”
“Stuff it.” She sneered, and opened up her pale white eyes, “Call me Granny and cut that accent. I may be old, but I’m not deaf. I'm not blind either, no matter what you hear, so just spit it out. That prancing pony wanted me for something, heh. Wants my army. Heh. They all want it, well you can have em! Never done me no good. I'm kidding, of course. Well, stop standing there with your maws agape, speak!” I was more amazed at the way her neck flapped when she spoke than anything she had to say.
“Photo Finish sends her regards.” Screenshot said, the accent thoroughly dropped.
“Photo Finish can only sends her regards cause she got nothing else to send. Her mother was better than her and she's still a little girl tryin'a fit in her mother's boots. Well, what does she want? She can't give me anything so she must want to speak. Forever speaking, but she never says anything.” How exactly a pony could speak without saying anything confused me.
Screenshot mercifully got to talking. She quickly and forcefully told the old mare what the Baises were planning, having to talk through the old mare's interruptions no less than three times.
“So you heard this straight from that mule’s mouth?” She nodded at me, her eyes lids growing heavy again.
“Yes.”
“Yes what?” She groaned a bit.
“Yes Ma'am.”
For some reason, she face-hoofed. After she was finished with that, she leaned back in her wheel chair humming to herself. “You heard this too, my pretty young thing?” She nodded at Flare, who blushed hot red.
“Yes ma'am.” His wings fidgeted noticeably under his dress, “Molly gave the plans herself. Plans to take over the Moon, Finisher puppet and all that, I guess you heard enough about but its all true.”
“Yes... yes.” She stared at me, or rather it seemed like she stared past me. For a split second I thought I saw static on the screen of the Ponitron behind me, but when I turned to look at it the normal face displayed. “Pay attention,” the old mare said, snapping me back forward and the silly thought out of my head. “I don't trust you.”
That was for the best. I was surprised the old mare had lasted as long as she had as the ruler of the Galicians, as it seemed gang leadership was a cut throat business, so I guessed distrusting all the ponies helped.
“No. You don't,” Screenshot said simply, “but you can't not trust us. You want the peace right? If the Baises gain to much control, the city will erupt.”
“Shush, you think you know this is this it? Heh. You're barely a filly. Is that a real cutie mark, or is it painted on, I can't tell. Listen to your elders: I remember when the NCA first came to Dise, I remember the fires and riots, so don't you talk to me about such things. I remember when your precious Parasite Mound was a raider cesspit leeching off the lifeblood of Dise. I KNOW war.” The old mare was practically shaking as she spoke, “Do not presume to lecture me.”
“I am not lecturing. I am tr-”
The sound of Granny pulling a stick of dynamite off her belt shut Screenshot up. “Good. Listen to your elders.” She grinned, spitting it into her lap. “Good. Listen, what does it take to be listened too. Your bloody hulking mare, who looks awful in that dress may I add, is too dumb to lie. So she’s telling the truth, yes I get that. Heh. I can see why the Finishers would fear, nopony would suffer under Molly’s hoof for long. So that’s it. That's why you came here, for my army. Well. What do you have to offer?”
“Peac-” Screenshot started.
“Stuff your peace under your tail. Heh.” She leaned forward in her chair and once again I thought I saw the Ponitron beside me display a burst of static. I didn't look this time as it was clearly my imagination. “What I need,” she started again, “is a form of payment. Caps, deals, information. Something I can sink my teeth into.”
And then came the bartering. It made no sense why Granny would charge The Finishers to stop a battle neither of them wanted, but then again I was not a smart pony (and you're probably tired of hearing me say that). If I knew the details I would give them, but I may have dozed off about five minutes into it. I was never much of a bargainer... barterer... talker-pony. Thing. Except on the occasion that I was.
“Alright.” The old mare snorted, making my shoot my eyes open. Totally not asleep or anything. “You can make use of my robots, heh. Tonight. Get that mule bitch to attack tonight, and I'll have them ready to stop her. Midnight.”
“One.” I gritted my teeth, expecting a verbal lashing, but it was vitally important the raid take place after midnight. I didn't want it to go off early while I was still under Mustang contract. “Make it one. Midnight is too early.”
“Whatever. One AM. Not like I have to be awake for it.” She leaned back in her chair and waved a hoof. “This better be a real thing. Do not presume to fuck with me, you got that? The Galicians do not like to be fucked with.”
“We got it. Thank you for your time.” Screenshot said turning around and rolling her eyes.
Me and Flare followed suit and he whispered hurriedly to me, “Can we change now?”
---
“Tonight?”
I was surprised Molly even agreed to see me, since I got the feeling she didn't like me. Still, I was sitting in Molly's top floor office with a sly grin on my face, and noticeably less confined this time. I was moving up in the world.
“Yes,” I said, stretching just a bit. It felt so good to have that stupid dress off me, but I kept the sun glasses. Not there was any sun to shade, I just liked seeing everything in pink. And they matched my mane... dammit I wore a dress once and I was already thinking about how things matched. “Tonight. Roy, he’s having a party. In his pent house. Starts just past midnight.”
“Yes.” The mule put a hoof through her long mane, “Yes. You're not as dumb as you look.” She smirked at me a bit. “You're dumb, just not quite that dumb. I had plans to attack tonight anyway,” she said, fiddling with the drink on her desk as she, for some reason, stared at my purple leg. “You have the door unlocked, yes my little rat?”
“Uh.” Crap, I knew I was forgetting something. Quickly Silver, think of something smart. Dammit. Nervously I tapped my metal hoof on my pipbuck.
“Course.” Flare said hovering just above my head. He too seemed happy not to have his dress on, which is a shame. It did look so cute on him. “What you think we're stupid, we got everything planned and its going to be a blast. You like blasts, right?”
“Yes, my carrion crow,” Molly said with a yawn. “It shall be glorious. You may be gone now. Assuming you aren’t lying through your teeth, I will bother you no further. You aren't subtle, but you're effective.”
With that compliment thingy, I started to turn when she added, “But, if you ever need more work hit me up. I usually prefer unicorns, but you seem resourceful enough. For a rat.” Yup that was going to happen. In all honesty, my plans for after I finished that night consisted mostly of running as far away from Dise as I could and never looking back. Ever since I stepped foot into Parasite Mound, things had gone from bad to worse to worstest.
“We'll think about it, Miss Molly,” Flare said as the door shut behind us. At least this morning was better than the night before. I could walk now without pain shooting into my brain, and I was no pony's patsy but my own. Well, I suppose the Finishers had some say, but their desires really coincided with mine so it was a win-win.
Walking down the hall of The Ale House, we soon found ourselves down the elevator and leaving the building (an orange pony with an overlarge cowpony hat waved to me, but I ignored him). We really didn't talk until we walked outside and I heard... something. Like a loud sound that was... I wasn't sure but it was above me.
Highlighted against the noon sky (overcast, as always) was a hulking black armoured sky waggon. I could barely see it from where I stood, but it looked to have two round ball things to either side that maybe powered it, and on the bottom was a row of what could only have been missile launchers. Seriously. I shit you not.
“A Vertibuck.” Normally, I'd say something stupid like, 'the fuck is that?' but he finished his statement before I had the chance. “Like an armoured war vehicle. Stole three of 'em and a sky-tank when the Enclave splintered off, tried to take a raptor too, but... . ” He shrugged. I just sort of stared at the thing as it flew past. It really was a beautiful sight, and I almost wanted to fly in one. Almost. “Yeah.” Oh never mind Flare wasn't done talking after all. “The Enclave rents their usage out for a price.” Welp, if I were ever feeling the urge to go hurtling through the skies hundred of meters above the ground in a rickety container, I’d know who to call.
After the beast flew off south, me and Flare went to walking back to The Moon for the final part of our plan. And when I say “final,” I actually mean “the part we were supposed to do the night before but forgot to.”
“So,” Flare started. If I'd looked at him I may have noticed a subtle smirk forming on his lips. “You said the doctor took out some of your ribs, right?” Not really paying attention, I just nodded, until, of course, he flew right at my face stopping centimetres away. “Does that mean you can... ya know.” He nodded down.
I wasn't following.
“Well,” he rolled his eyes, “say you were to sit on your rump, and lean forward. Without your ribs I bet you could... .” I could what... ?
Wait.
Did he just suggest I... . My ears started to burn, and I could a hotness form on my cheeks. That fucking pervert. Only he would think of something like that. I glared straight at his eyes, and the second he realized I understood, he started laughing hysterically, and (unfortunately) flying out of my reach. Try as I might to leap and reach him, he just flew further away. Celestia damn those pegasi.
“Whats so funny? Oh, pretty glasses too.” I realized we had finally made it to The Moon. Looking down, I saw Serenity smiling back up at me, only she was wearing an adorable, poofy, pink-and-white dress with a pink bow in her hair.
“Nothing. What're you wearing?”
“Oh!” She squealed in delight. “You like it!” she said rearing up onto her hing legs, “Mustangs gave it to me to drum up business. Said I might as well put my talent to good use.” She did a little spin on one hoof before falling back on all fours and grinning up at me. “You like it?”
I thought for a second before replying. “How much does it cost?”
“Like your dress, Serenity,” Flare said swooping down from his skybound hiding place, saving me from having to deal with the consequences of my words. “Should have seen the one Hired had on earlier.” Aw shit, never mind, Flare's an ass.
Her eyes went wide and she immediately bounded up to me, “You wore a dress!?” She gaped up at me, “Can I see!? Pretty please!” Crap. I tried to squirm back only to bump into Flare blocking my escape route. “C’mon. It looked pretty right? You'd look beautiful.” The dress in my saddle bagged seemed to weight me down as she stopped for a second and sniffed the air. “Wait. Did you take a bath!? You smell clean for once!”
For once! Quickly, Silver, think of something more exciting than me wearing a dress.
“You should have seen Flare's,” I said, smiling down at the filly. And right away she was off, pouncing on Flare's wing.
Turning to them, I saw the pink unicorn hanging off one of Flare's feathers. “You were wearing a dress!? But you're a colt! Can I see it?” By the reddening of his cheeks, I safely concluded that I'd won this round. I let him have a minute of stammering before trotting over, lifting Serenity up by the hem of her dress, and throwing her over my back.
“He'll tell you later. Great story,” I said with a halfhearted smirk as I started walking towards the glorious water fountain of The Moon. “Right now we need to dis-”
“Is your leg is purple!” No it was silver,obviously. Wait, dammit. She hopped off my back and started poking at my metal leg, and I had to wonder how she missed it earlier. “Wow its pretty. Don't think it matches your mane though. Should'a painted it pink.”
“Serenity.” Blinking, she looked up to me and smiled. Finally I think I got her attention. Only Celestia above knew why she was so hyper. “Okay we ne-”
And she was off.
Some poor stallion was perusing in front of the water fountain, and had stopped a bit too long when Serenity pounced. “Hello mister.” She skipped up, a painfully fake smile plastered on her face. “Did'ja want to come in? We have a brunch special goin' on. A meal and a private dance, it's a bargain!”
“Uh.” The stallion looked around, taking a step back. “I'm just looking.”
“You don't want to?” She took the tinniest of steps forward. The stallion gulped a bit and shook his head. Without warning her grey eyes turned to the size of saucers and started to water just as her lower lip wibbled ever so slightly. “Aren't you gunna stay for brunch?”
Just like that the stallion looked left and then right trying to find a way out, before quickly galloping to two O's that made the entrance to The Moon.
“Inconceivable.” Flare said floating upside down beside me, “She's weaponized cuteness.” He turned his head to me and stated flatly, “We're doomed.”
---
“They had party cannons!?” Gulping, I looked to Flare, but he just sort of smirked. “Like! Cannons! That shot parties.” I gave Serenity the slightest of nods and she started squealing with delight. “That's so awesome! We need to go. I wanna ride one!”
“Uh.” I gulped and looked around. “Maybe later.” We had set up at a small section of The Moon bar with a lovely view of the main stage. I mean elevator. In case... somepony saw us. Yup. The fact that Myst, the most beautiful of all Mustang dancers, was current on the stage had nothing to do with it. “Now for the pl-”
“Point of order,” Flare said across the round table with his hoof raised. Considering he interrupted me I gathered he didn't care about what I actually thought so I just finished off the Sunrise Sarsaparilla bottle in front of me and shut the fuck up. Fizzy. “How come Hired makes all the plans?”
What? So surprised at the mutiny, I accidentally let the bottle drop out of my mouth and spill its remaining soda into a small puddle on the table.
Flare continued, “I mean, no offence, because if I gave offence you'd flatten me, but ever since I've known you you've been captured three times by three different gangs.” His wings stuck out dramatically, “I mean, that can't be good.”
“Three?” There was the Mustangs, then the Baises, and then... “The Finisher's don't count,” I finished.
“Two's still a lot, Mommy.” Serenity pipped up, standing on her chair still dressed in the outfit The Mustangs gave her.
“Serenity please do-” -n't call me mommy, I tried to say.
“She's right, Hired,” Flare said, leaning back in his chair, his wings twitching a bit, “two is a lot. And that's since I’ve known you.” He lifted his Sunrise Sarsaparilla to his lips with both hooves and drank deep and dramatically. “How many times before that, I have to wonder.”
“Once at Timber!” Serenity bounced.
“Serenity!” She was not helping. At all.
“Didn't you say you got caught by those raiders too?” The ones I almost sold Serenity too. Yeah I'd tried to forget about that.
“Well its not that simple.” I said between gritted teeth. This was just getting silly.
“Well, is that all? Never captured at all during your... 'mysterious,’” he moved his hooves in air quotes, “past.” I opened my mouth as if to talk but shut it just as quick as I tried to think of a good enough lie. Nothing came to mind, and Flare spoke too fast anyway. “I Knew it!” He pointed his hoof. “Clearly we can't trust your planning skills.”
“But Flare,” Serenity pipped up. I could feel her magic flare up as she quickly levitated his half empty bottle of soda and moved it towards her side of the table, “If she did get caught so many times, then don't it also mean she escaped that many times too?” Taking a sip of Flare's soda she continued, “Then she gotta be good improvisational, right? So ain't that what ya want inna good leader?”
He just sort of blinked and shook his head.
“Also,” I added, “I can kill you with my hoof.” Flare gaped at me before turning to Serenity, and then back to me, and finally back to his soda which Serenity was busy drinking.
“Oh, whatever,” he crosses his forelegs, “But if we get caught. Or shot. Or shot then caught and then shot again we won’t be blaming the pegasus, got it!?” Yeah, yeah. Unless of course it was legitimately his fault, which is always a possibility.
“OK.” I sighed. “Now for my pla-.”
The radio was suddenly blaring from the bar, cutting me off. Dammit. “...The Batmare has said she is considering legal action against 'THE Batmane' a fighter in the Ale Pit,” Fun fact: apparently the cage I fought in was called the Ale Pit. What was with this country and stupid names? “The word is still out on who The Batmare is planning legal action through, as Dise has not had an active justice system for two hundred years.” I really wanted to yell at the bartender to turn it down, but Mr New Haygas' voice was too beautiful, and his laugh too lovely.
“In other news, the NCA Council convened an emergency session after yesterday’s Balefire massacre. According to my sources, the council has voted 7/3 for engaging in a counter attack against the Minotaurs, who are believed to be behind the attack.” Serenity called to me but I rose my hoof to quiet her: this information was clearly important for anypony living near Dise. “Since according to the NCA treaty all acts of aggression must have a 75% approval with the council the matter is now before the Council Chairman who is allowed, in the event of a split vote, to give a tie breaking vote. If such an action does go through the NCA and all its subsidiary cities will have declared war on the Minotaurs. The Chairman, for his part, has said he will decide his vote within the next few days.”
After a burst of static a new voice played, obviously that of the council chairman (I have no idea what either of those two words mean). “This... this is not a decision I take on gladly. My choice, to go to war, or to vie for peace, will have a grave impact on all Citizens within the NCA zone, and a grave impact on our trading partners, and truthfully, the wasteland as a whole. However, the actions taken against us, the NCA, and the brave mares and stallions of the South Canyon Camp, cannot be forgotten. The perpetrators will be punished, but we must, as an organization, make sure our actions punish those who are truly responsible. If, as some in this chamber believe, the minotaurs were not capable of such an attack then we must act with caution. We are not the savages of Equestria, who turned to blood and violence after a similar attack, without first knowing the facts. However, If the minotaurs have once again made an enemy of the NCA then we must act swiftly, and with great force, to ensure they are never again able to threaten any city or country who pledges to be one with the New Caledonian Alliance. I will make my decision in a few days, but only after I have seen all relevant facts. Thank you, and may Celestia watch over us all.”
I was leaning back in my chair listening as the radio continued and Mr. New Haygas’ voice returned. “For their part, the minotaurs have been completely silent about the attack. All attempts to reach them for comment have been ignored. Oh well, if they're so eager to be attacked, I’m sure the boys in blue will help them. Welp, that’s enough of the news. Sorry for boring you folks, back to the same ten songs we always play.”
“So.” Serenity leaned over the table at me, “Can we hear the plan now?” She said with a simple smile.
Nodding, I remembered I totally was supposed to tell them both about my master plan. It was a really good one, too, “Okay so my plan-”
“Hired. What the fuck are you doing here?” Celestia hooffuck me. I turned to see Mayhem standing over me, a glare on his face, “The boss was looking for you.” Whatever. Fuck my plans.
---
Sitting on one of Roy's many couches, I stared up at the glass skylight, waiting for Roy to admit me. Above, the cloud layer swirled and swayed ever so slightly. It was hard not to wonder what was behind it. Sometimes cracks would appear and you could see the glimpse of blue and light, but it was rare. I stopped staring at the sky and looked around the huge apartment complex: it was useless to think about the impossible.
It wasn't long before I was called before Roy. Walking into the office, the blue unicorn seemed to be staring intently at the radio on his desk as it blared. “...Steel Rain has claimed that unless the Mustangs break all tie with the Minotaurs, there will be serious repercussions.” When he saw me, the radio clicked off and he said something I never expected.
“I never wanted this job, ya know.” His voice was strangely thick, all his former arrogance lost. “My... friend Melancholy was supposed to. All I wanted was to serve him. To protect him. When I was supervising The Moon floor, Enclave assassins killed him and the former leader. The Baises hired them, the bitch Molly did it because when she made an advance on Melon, he called her an Ass.” He stomped his hoof down on his desk with a sharp crack. I did the only thing I could do, which was sit down, shut up, and listen. “There was chaos. I took control because somepony had to. I just wanted to serve and I was forced to lead.”
His head turned, glaring at the radio. “Those NCA fuckers hate me. They've set a hit out on me, and they think I don't know. Do you know why?”
“You sided with the minotaurs,” I said, staring past him to the window facing the side alley outside.
“Hah!” he didn't particularly look like he found it funny. “They came marching up here and demanded a discount of my water supply. Demanded. I told them to fuck right the hell off. They stopped gambling at my casino and cut trades with me, so their water prices suddenly sky-rocketed”
“Your water?”
“Who do you think runs the fucking water-plant? Clean purified water and only three ponies know how it really works.” He grinned at me, “What you thought we only had a single business? But yeah. They fucked me over, and after the fiasco at the power plant, I was forced to get help from the minotaurs. The Baises won't trade food with me. The NCA won’t. Dammit.” He stomped his hoof again. “My ponies need food. The NCA and Baises own the food though, and they work together to make sure no pony else can get a bite without their say so.” he looked away from me. “I did what I had to. Hizai wont talk to me, Baises want my head, the NCA have hired mercenaries to kill me.”
There was a long pause where nopony spoke.
“I wanted Melancholy, not his job...” he said under his breath. “Now I have the power. But I have to protect my ponies. I thought the power plant would give me and edge, bring the Mustangs back.” He shook his head. “Mayhem convinced me. I shouldn't have listened. We're weaker than ever.” He looked up to me with deep eyes, almost as if he was about to cry. “I have so few ponies loyal to me. So few options. But... but I have to protect my little ponies, I have to defend my family. Fuck, I never wanted this job, but its mine so I have to protect them.” For a second, I thought I saw something, but I must have been mistaken. There was no way he was crying.
For some reason I felt sorry for him. Do not get me wrong, he was a horrible pony that did stupid and evil things, but I felt sorry for him, and for what I was going to do to him. That was, until I remembered what he told me the night before. What he'd do to Serenity.
Fuck him.
“What? Got nothing to say? Good. Keep it to yourself bitch.” He sat back up straight and shot me a glare, his good old arrogance returning. “So you got news for me? Speak, bitch! I have shit'ta do that don't involve ugly mares.” I think he was overcompensating for having emotions.
“Molly thinks I did it. Plans to attack the tunnels. Didn't tell me when.” He grinned, bobbing his head as I spoke. You'd think he actually did the work himself. “My payment?”
“In your room. You ain't half bad, bitch. More subtle than I expected. Maybe there is a brain inside that thick skull of yours.” He shrugged and leaned back in his chair levitating a glass to his lips. “You can stay though, with full pay. That's if you want it.” I shook my head. “Well. Speak up, bitch. Why wont you accept my offer.”
“Honestly?” He nodded his tiny squish-able head. “Since I got to this city. This city has fucked me over. I plan to leave. For a long time.”
Laughing, he nodded. “Can't say I blame ya. You're a beacon for trouble, but fuck it. You ever come around these parts again and you and your filly can work for me.” he pointed to the door. “You've done your job. As of now, you are no longer a Mustang. You can stay the night, but you don't gotta. Try not to get a bullet in the brain and get the fuck out of my office.”
Happily, I obliged.
Only to find Mayhem waiting by the stairs for me. Great, that's exactly what I wanted. I mostly ignored him as I trotted down the spiral stair case, and he mostly ignored me as he followed. That was until we reached the bottom and he started talking.
“What was he going own about?”
“Nothing,” I said as I kept walking down the hall, adding, “Don't eaves drop.”
“Me?” He gave me his usual slick smile. “I would never. Now I was just surprised he would talk to you so candidly.” Wasn't that, in itself, an admission of eaves dropping? Whatever. “So what did he tell you?”
“Nothing.” The elevator door slid open. I tried really hard to press the close door button before he could get in, but he was far too quick.
“Oh? He tends to talk a lot of nothing when he worries.” the red pony leaned against the elevator wall as it started descending. “He worries too much. Hasn't stepped a foot outside his apartments since he got the job, in fear of an assassin.”
“Can't blame him.” Not after what happened to the last Mustang leader and whoever Melancholy was. “Why do you care?”
The pony shrugged, but grinned just a little bit. “Baises are coming. Don't know when.” I did. “Don't know where.” I knew that too. “But they're coming. I like to know where my fearless leader stands, ya dig?” Yeah I dug. I mean, understood. “Sometimes I wonder if he's the right stallion for the job.”
Oh, now that was interesting.
Or would have been if I was still part of their little gang. But I was free, I’d filled my contract to the letter and was no longer obliged to give a fuck about their petty squabbles. The elevator doors slid open and I walked out, not bothering to answer of acknowledge his treason. I had bigger thoughts in my head than Mayhem.
Namely my gun.
My brand spanking new fucking gun. Roy’d said it was in my room, and I was nearly salivating as I stormed down the hallway. Some pony stopped to say hi, but I couldn't remember who it was, or anything about the encounter. The gun was just that much more important. I needed it, I pinned for it. I got my ass kicked from one side of Dise to the other for that fucking gun.
I kicked the door open with a slam. There it was, with its glossy sheen. In Flare's forelegs.
Wait.
He was floating there, pleasant as could be, with my brand new gun resting on his forelegs. His eyes were wide as he stared at it, and I could almost here his gasps of delight. “My Gun! Hooves off!” Gasping, Flare looked up and let go of the gun. It fell. Fuck. I screamed. “NO!”
---
Okay, so the gun landed on the bed, and I may have overreacted. Of course, I'd lost so many good guns since walking south of Marefort, it was a touchy issue. Between them being stolen, broken, lost, and used as bludgeons, I was basically a gun pariah.
After extensive modifications to my battle-saddle, I got the thing up and ready. It was excessively large, and weighed me down so much on my right side we had to add weights to the left to make it feel more even. After that, it was completely required for me to go out and show off my amazing-ass gun. First however, I managed to (finally) sell off the drugs I stole from Flare to the Mustangs. The only exception was a single tin of mint-als that Flare insisted would come in handy. After the way he almost cried when I sold the dash, I could hardly say no, so I stuck them deep in my saddle bags beneath my dress.
Then it was shopping time!
It was also a perfect chance to venture into a part of the city I had yet to explore, and look over possible escape routes. We walked south from The Moon to the statue that served as a cross roads that dissected the city into mostly four quadrants. If you travelled east on the east/west road you'd soon find yourself in what Flare had called 'the worst part of town.'
It didn't look nearly as bad as Parasite Mound. Once you got into the heart of the suburb, you found a slum that consisted of jumbled together shacks made from scavenged metal, and gutted, barely-repaired old buildings. It was a close, and cramped jumble of streets with the only open areas being the array of merchant stands that always flanked around the stone water fountains. Unlike most everything else in the slum, the fountains looked fairly new, and when I leaned closer I saw each bared a plaque stating, “Property of the Mustangs. Take what you need.”
“The Mustangs charge a flat tax of everypony living in the slums,” Flare said beside me, floating upside down above the mess of ponies that swarmed the street. “They collect on every house once a month.”
“Oh.” I'd thought for a second it was a charity, but that was a laughable. This was Dise, baby, and nothing in Dise was free.
Flare shrugged and landed in front of me where there was a clear spot. “Of course there are some who can't pay.” I bet they got shot up. “Roy lets them be.” Wait really? “Hard to believe right? I didn't either but The Mustangs just go and leave them. Don't get me wrong, they're slaving shitheads only looking out for the bottom cap, but on this they ain't so bad in this.” There was a pause. “oh. We need grenades too.” Flare said zipping off to a nearby stand, “And maybe a remote mine...” I raised an eyebrow at him. “What! They’re useful!”
I smiled for a second at the water fountain and pushed forward. “Serenity sure is quiet,” I said as we passed below a bridge connecting a pair of two-story huts. Can huts have two stories?
Flare nickered, “I think she has a headache.” He nudged his head, and I turned to see Serenity leaning off the side of my back poking at my new gun. Her horn was glowing brightly (normally my shoulder would have informed me of her magic, but Dise was so over-saturated with magic I couldn't pick up individuals) casting her whole head in a light pink glow. It was true that the slum was loud (really really loud), but I think she was over-playing it.
“She'll wear herself out.” I sighed, and continued my trek circling around a stick skinny pony begging for caps. My memory was back in the Alehouse where Serenity over used her magic and... you know the rest. I'd heard stories of unicorns over taxing themselves and having their magic implode and fizzle out. Forever.
“Don't be an over-protective mother.”
“She's not my-” I shot him a glare as he nickered. “Whatever. I have a question.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “If say. We needed to escape. Quickly. What would you suggest?”
“Well.” He looked around to make sure nopony was listening. “There’s a tunnel under the eastern wall. Dunno if anypony uses it now. Used to be for smuggling, way back when things were illegal. Hear the tunnel is still there, but locked. Scary rumours of ghosts and demons haunting it! OooooOooooo.” He waved his arms stupidly at my face, and I smacked them away. “I can lead you to 'em and through 'em of course. Why? Got plans to leave the city inna hurry, is that it?” No comment.
“Oh look,” I said dully as we reached another market area, “bullets.”
I trotted ahead to the small wooden stand with cases of bullets aligned neatly in a row. The tall teal earth pony behind it practically lit up when he realized I had no intentions to rob him. Grinning amiablely, he quickly laid out a row of .50 calibre rounds upon my request. Not bothering to inspect them, I shoved them into my saddle bag (actually Serenity did that when she noticed what was going on) as the stand owners small radio blared music.
“Would you like anything, little filly?” the teal pony asked Serenity, who was half-lying on top of my head to see the stallion's few wares. “How about a sugar bomb?” Giving a filly sugar. What exactly did that stallion have against me? Serenity nodded and floated the sugary treat into her mouth with a crunch before I had a chance to voice my complaint.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, looking around the small semi circle of stands and the largest wall of buildings leaning in on the clearing. Small paths zigzagged through the slums, leading every which way. It made me feel a bit nostalgic and reminded me of my filly days running around the maze that was Marefort, searching for adventure. Shaking my head, I turned back to the teal stallion. “We need... food and travel supplies.”
“‘Course. I have a little.” His head disappeared behind his little stand.
I could barely hear his radio over the din. From what I could hear, it seemed like the group 'Celestia's Vision' heard of a group of... something deep in the eastern mountains and had a militant group march up there to kick them out. Something about something in somewhere. The gist seemed to be that Celestia's Vision decided to pick a fight out east.
Not that I really cared. Fuck, I hated those guys. If you don't remember who they were,they were the ones who hated Cyborgs for being deviant of Celestia's vision. Get it?
“Also,” I said to the pony, my eyes still scanning the maze. It was about then I realized I was lost, “how do I get back to the cross?”
---
“...No shit, there I was!” Flare said, zooming in a circle. It had been a long day and I was glad to be able to lie down. “They tried to gun me and Sail down, but we were too quick. Sail layed down cover fire, KTCKTCHKTCH!” Resting my head on my fore legs, figured that guns didn't really make that sound, but his performance was energetic enough for me not to complain.
“Then what happened?” He was going to tell me anyway, so I decided to humour him. Not that there was anything else left to do but wait. We had left The Moon with all our equipment a few hours earlier and proceeded to move, well, to the building next door. Everything was coming together soon but I kept feeling like I was missing something.
We were in a small four story office building that I had to kick my way into. It was dank and dusty, but it would serve what I needed it for, so I’d made our group traverse the maze of cubical debris. The stairs were broken, but Flare and I managed to drag enough debris to get to the second story. Luckily, that floor was all but empty, and the stairs to the top floor were all intact enough for me and Serenity to use. Blah blah blah, we got to the room we were currently in.
I think it had been used as a shelter before, given that in a corner there was a dirty mattress (that I was currently lying on. I had to work off the bath somehow). “Anyway,” Flare said as my eyes were drawn out the window towards the wall of The Moon, “so while Sail was covering me, I loaded up my Bunker Buster-.”
“Your what?” I interupted, looking up at where the ceiling of the building should have been. Instead there was a huge gaping hole revealing the night sky, and a few stories above me, the glass walls of Roy Mustang's penthouse.
“Bunker Buster.” He gasped for a second before digging through his bags and pulling out the strangest battle saddle I'd ever seen. The whole thing was modified so the weapons would rest on his shoulders instead of his sides, and the duel grenade rifles had curved barrels to seemingly shoot the grenades down. “Fly over and lay down explosives. Made this baby myself. So I call her Bunker Buster! You should name your gun something awesome. All the best weapons have names.” Not bloody likely.
“Impressive.” Though I didn't sound impressed, I really was. Until then, I’d seen Flare mostly as a semi-useful hyperactive annoyance, but this quickly bumped him up to a mostly-useful hyperactive annoyance.
“So. They were running away like some crazy fuckers on dash.” I had the feeling he had first-hoof experience. “Anyway, needless to say the Steel Rangers fucked off a bit after that, and that! Is how I go promoted to Captain.” He petted his battle saddle fondly. “They took her away from me when I was kicked out, but let me have it back on the condition I don't blow up anymore computer labs.” Seemed like a fair deal.
Flare opened his mouth to start another story, but I lifted my pipbuck to silence him. I heard voices. Rising from the dirt-stained mattress, I started to move towards the window only to feel something tugging on my tail.
Turning my head, I had to smile just a tiny bit. Serenity had falling fast asleep on the mattress with her legs wrapped around my tail like it was a pillow. Reluctantly, I nudged her off and quickly dug into my saddle bag to drape the scarf that came with Flare’s dress over her. Then I made my way back over the window and looked down four stories below.
That was a lie. I did look down, but it took me a few tries, and a shot of Med-X to calm my nerves. Did I mention I bought Med-X?
Below, a gaggle of ponies stood half-hidden in shadows, and talked beside a small door to the moon. A small door. Fuck. “Flare.” He looked down at me from his perch on the broken roof. “Did we unlock the door?” That's all the Baises asked of us, and we completely fucking forgot. A glance down at my pipbuck told me it was 12:57. Not enough time to fix it. Molly was going to be so very pissed.
Looking back down (why did earth ponies need to build tall buildings?) I saw one of the ponies had something in their fetlock. About the locked door, no doubt. I flicked the scope up over my eye to get a better look at the goings on. The pony that spoke into his hoof dropped... something.
Wait, why were they all backing up and taking cover?
BOOM!
Light blinded me and I had to jerk my head back, pulling my eyes away from the scope. Behind me, I could barely hear Serenity groaning over the sound of my ears ringing. And this was from the gang that called me unsubtle!
Taking a second, I grabbed a bounty notice. Back in Timber, Lucky had given me a warrant. I'd never planned to use it, but I was given the perfect chance with this attack, so I had to take it.
I looked back down at the carnage. The Baises charged forward through the burning hole, only to find a flurry of bullets to greet them. Through the smoke, I could spot a large red pony grinning under his hat as the huge mini-gun on his back spun up again. Still no sign of my mark though.
A purple mare took charge of the Baises, and I could see her shouting orders over the gun shots. The Baises retreated back down the Alley, throwing debris in their path as cover. Just in time for The Mustang horde to emerge. I recognized faces and the knew them to be no fighters. Myst stood trembling under the weight of her guns, (much heavier than stripper clothing) and the bartender stood beside Mayhem, a confident smile on his face as more ponies emerged.
“Whats going on-” Serenity leaned over the window, just in time to see a stripper named Mayflower take a bullet to the knee.
“Serenity!” I pushed her back as she squeaked and covered her eyes with her hoof. Dammit, she was supposed to be asleep. She wasn't supposed to see the slaughter. “Flare,” I pleaded, “watch her.”
No matter what happened, I still had work to do and a mark to take out. Looking back down my scope, I saw Mayflower's bloody corpse lying on the pavement as the rest of the Mustangs charged forward. They were no match for the Biases though, and nearly a dozen fell before Mayhem ordered them back into The Moon. My scope scanned the area bobbing and weaving, but still I couldn't find them.
The large stallion laid down cover fire with his mini-gun as the Mustangs fell back into the burning wreckage of the door. Until he ran out of ammo. He kept his confident smirk, but when I zoomed in on his eyes I saw the slightest tinge of dread. I didn't see the bullet that hit him, but blood splattered out of his knee, painting the ground.
Following the trajectory, I saw the purple mare standing above her group, a smoking rifle on her back. With a smirk and a tug on her hat she shouted something I couldn't hear. The Baises charged The Moon’s side door as Mayhem limped backwards.
An orange pony with an overlarge cowpony hat charged ahead of Molly. I felt like a fly on the wall as I saw him foolishly rush Mayhem. Even injured and limping, Mayhem made short work of the pony; dodging his gunshot and kicking out his leg where he proceeded to crush his skull. In my mind, it was me crushing the pony, and my metal hoof was dripping with blood and brains.
I felt a tinge of regret at the battle, for it was I who caused it. More or less.
Then the little pony in my head said: survive.
No matter what I did, these two gangs were going to have at it. I just gave them a time, a place, and a chance. Now, Serenity sniffling into Flare's wing behind me was entirely my fault.
Two things happened at once. First, down on the ground a whirl of missiles and an explosion rocked the alley. Without warning, a dozen Ponitrons flanked either side of the street where the battle was taking place, their many guns out and aimed. Bullets were traded as the Ponitrons move in. Sparks lit up their chests from the shots, but they barely seemed to notice as they rolled slowly, ominously forward. The Mustangs had a fighting chance. Only if it hadn’t been for the second thing.
“Look!” Flare shouted, turning I saw him holding Serenity with one leg and pointing to the sky with the other. Following his hoof, I saw something black floating in the sky. The Vertibuck slowed to a stop over Roy's penthouse. I looked up through my scope just in time to see Molly grabbing onto a rope and descending out of view with half a dozen black clad ponies following her.
“Bitch!” My hoof struck out in anger, punching a chunk of the wall into the street. “She lied to me.” She was never supposed to be here. Just attack The Moon and fight up, she never said anything about hiring the Enclave, or... of course she’d lied to me. She never did trust me. This whole battle was a distraction, and all I had to do was give Roy something else but the sky to focus on. “Fuck. It didn't matter. “
“What?” Flare had left Serenity on the bed to zoom into the air for a better view.
“If I told! If I told Roy or not. It was all a distraction. To kill him.”
“No.” Flare had, at some point, equipped Bunker Buster. “She ain't gunna kill him! She wants to capture him.” Confusion must have been evident on my face. “To capture! Roy is the only pony she can be sure knows how to work the water plant. She wants his resources, not his head!”
Fuck. I turned back and scoped up my new gun. Below, the remaining Baises had surrendered and were surrounded by the Ponitrons as they whimpered and sobbed. Mayhem limped over to kick the nearest Baise in the head with a crack, and then laugh before falling over.
Back to the air, I could barely see anything from my angle. I saw bullets fly and glass shatter raining onto the street below. There was a bright light, and the thudding of an explosion hit my chest. Coughing, I stared at one window that remained untouched. It was Roy's office.
There he was; leaning with his back against the window with his white fur coat still on his shoulders and his horn glowing brightly. He was planing on an epic last stand no doubt, but Molly had different plans. Suddenly smoke started filling the room, but I could still see Roy's back pressed against the glass.
“Hey Flare,” I said taking a deep breath, my scope hovering over the Vertibuck, “I think I have a name for my gun.”
“What, is this really the time!?” He screeched as my vision bobbled. Serenity, for her part, trotted to my side and rubbed her head against my good leg.
“Yeah.” I took the shot.
My gun roared like thunder. Blood splattered as the bullet tore through both glass, and Roy. The shards turned into rain and spun towards the alley below, falling along side his bloody and broken body. Spinning through the darkness, he landed with a splat beside the Ponitrons. Everypony gasped, save for the Ponitrons who stood completely still. Ever so slowly, his white fur coat floated down from The Moon, and rested on his corpse. A more fitting shroud, I could not think of.
Molly leaned out of the shattered window, gaping at the remains of Roy Mustang as I smiled. The bounty I had been offered was complete. A simple form offering more caps than I could imagine, all for the death of one Roy Mustang. Consorter with Minotaurs, and enemy of the NCA. So signed Major Lucky.
Grinning, I wrapped my fetlock around Serenity and turned to Flare. I inclined my head ever so slightly towards my new .50 calibre gun, and gave it a name, “Subtlety.”
Footnote!: Level up!
New perk! MOA Agent: Gain additional 35% accuracy with battle-saddle weapons.
((A/N: A special thanks so much to kkat for creating this world, and doing that awesome shit she does. And a super special thanks to my editor theBSDude who I forced to up into the wee hours of the morning to finish this. ~No One~))
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Awesome
........
I approve of that name :)
Okay, I'll be helpful in a minute, but... dang.
Flash and Silver dolled up? You make this too easy for me. XD
"Flare followed behind, a smug smile on his face until, I assume, he realized he was still dressed like a pretty filly." XDXDXDXD
Fun read-through done.
*flips out at the ending*
Edits and pictures today. Oh, yes....
102041
Have a WIP: http://shytalon.deviantart.com/#/d4l0vl1
I'll put up the expressions page in a day or two.
Ah man this chapter was awesome.
Serenity was all dawwww this chapter
I really didnt get what Flare was implying over the whole rib thing. i guess my mind is not in the gutter enough.
When will Silver just admit that she is Serenity's mommy. I mean come on.
That was a great twist in the end with the hit.
I wonder where they gang will be going now?
subtlety... so naming my iron curtain or brass beast that in tf2 next time i find a name tag.
103017: Why thank you. *tips hat*
103050: All the best guns have names. It is known.
103115: Flare is the prettiest Filly. There have been tests and studied and this has been concluded.
103161: I am so glad people liked the ending. Had it planned for so long :3
103319: Why thank you. Serenity was dangerously cute this chapter. I think someone was feeding her sugar. I did warn them against that.
Haha, the rib thing. Well if you get it, you get it *shrug*
Silver as Serenity's mom. My professional guess is when the world becomes sunshine and rainbows again.
The ending. So glad you liked it. I figure the gangy is going somewhere away, and with great haste.
103378: Or a machina. Thats what I'm naming mine.
103429
true, but one of the sniper rifles is already called that.
Wait... When did Hired tell Flash her real name? He's just all, "You shoulda seen the dress Silver had on earlier" and Serenity isn't all like, "Wait, who's Silver?"
Good catch, Mittens!
Spitfire: very-NSFW. http://lmgtfy.com/?q=auto+cunnilingus (Usually a thing for men and not women. Prolly why Flare thought of it first. XD).
holy guacamoley Mittens...
How did i not see that?
and Mint Julep...
*cough* ok then.... *cough cough* thanks for the answer. i knew it was some act of sex but i really didnt get how a rib could come into play.
103430: No way thats healthy.
103457: Fair enough then. I suggest Brass Beast as any weapon called Subtlety should be as loud as possible.
103483: ... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffffffffffffffffffff *goes onto crappy work computer to fix*
This is a good reason not to give your characters two names :<
103558: What are you doing to my comments page?
103580: I'm a horrible pony.
(Lukily no one noticed Mayhem said Silver too... >_<)
103610
come to think of it, the tomislav would be another candidate for that too... well we'll see when i find a name tag
103610
I had no idea you used Starmetal until i read your profile. I am passing it as Star Metal and i thought it to be the same material that made up Nightmare Moon's armour. So I thought of having it infused to Motor Runner to armour is skin to repel bullets.
Hey, you wrote it, not me.
Hmm... maybe instead of drawing the dresses...
@Mint Julep
O God no, Dont do that 2 my little ponies!
Then again Silver...
I keed!
After all, Flare in a skimpy dress will be bad enough to bruise our delicate sensibilities. (And I'm so putting Serenity in Kaylee's cupcake dress of doom in Firefly. Just adding a bit more white to it). Also: torn between three pictures for this story, at the moment. Blarg.
103619: Hehehehe, awesome. I need to play TF2 more.
103634: haha, yeah i figured. just sayin' its gotta hurt considering its canon to be posionious.
103661: ... *lights story on fire*
103836: Dear Princess Celestai: Today I learned my readers have dirty minds.
103942: Draw all the pictures? (Also lol Flare in a skimpy dress. Me Gusta
)
So looking forward to someone drawing them in their dresses!
Is it sad that I caught on to what Flare was saying long before Silver?
My mind doesn't live in the gutter, it lives in the sewer.
I lol'd at Flare in a dress and everyone thinks he's a mare. Must have a girly figure. XD
105081: *checks chapter* Ahh, chapter 6. Fuck pretty much describes its ending.
105100: Mint gave you his word, so direct all pestering at him. I think he likes it :3
105269: Considering its the most discussed topic this chapter, I think you're right there with the rest of my reader base.
haha. Either Flare is the prettiest filly, or everyone thought he was a mare compared to the hulking Silver Storm, who makes other mares look prettier by being close.
My bet is on the first option
105337 True dat
105277
The first one! Poor Silver is pretty. When she looks in the mirror and is all: "I'm... shiny. And my mane's all right, but a bit long..." I was all, "Aww! You are pretty!"
So, I will draw her pretty. But, yes, Flare will probably barely come up to her withers. XD
105277 Not one, but two bullets to the knee? Really?
Also this is just kinda my wish, could you give serenity a crossbow? I think that's right up he alley.
103634 I had a similar confusion, but came to the conclusion that star metal had slightly different qualities in this story than in the Kkat Fo:E.
105294: As a rule, cyborgs didn't ask for this.
105337: Some are better then others, but i think all should be read and reviewed so people get better. The ones I linked are some of my favourites. so I hope you like them too.
105523: She's not nearly as ugly as she likes to pretend, and I'm sure if she bathed regularily and kept her mane brushed she'd be prettier. Still nothing to write home about. Flare is prettier. He's the prettiest filly.
106369: Oh, like arrow in the knee joke? I didn't even realize the connection. As for the crossbow that is certainly possible. They'd be much easier to use as a unicorn.
106375: It sorta does. The main fic doesn't actually go indepth on the effects of star emtal other then the fact it is posionious and dangerous. I build off of that base, perhapes incorrectly, but then I can always use the excuse that since it was a different meteorite that the starmetal bullets were made from, and thus is had different properties then the mane fic. In my head canon no two stars are the same.
106500 I believe we in the literary community call that a "cop out".
(referring to starmetal description)
Prettiest filly: http://shytalon.deviantart.com/art/Such-a-Pretty-Filly-277714018
Also, weaponized cuteness, folks: http://shytalon.deviantart.com/art/Mommy-s-Shades-277718270
108441: *shrug* I added starmetal before the nature of starmetal was revealed. I was a surprisingly good guess on quite a few things, but I ain't pyshcic so I need some excuse why they aren't an exact match ;)
109569: Flare is the prettiest filly, and Serenity is the cutest. this is known. (They're awesome and I love them so much <3 )
It's 2 in the morning and I'm reading about ponies licking themselves and blasting arrow to the knee jokes.
Fuckin Me Gusta
109607 Ahm just joshin ya. I love your fic. It's crazy good, and I continue to camp on my tracking list waiting for you to update.
Also started reading tales of a courier and it's good so far, but it had better have the Ponimedes 2 laser system.
*cracks hooves* Review time!
So that's where that conversation about dresses came from on the sidestory doc. You are a clever pony.
It's less of an action-y chapter at least until the end. Not too much content. More humor than anything else, which is a nice change of pace. Well, with Roy dead and our favorite giant earth pony enjoying a new toy, it'll be interesting to see how this'll turn out.
Yes, me and my not-too-good reviews. XD
110272: What else are ponies supposed to do? Rainbows and sunshine gets boring.
110766: Silver is a pretty cool pony. Doesn't do good much, but when she does she makes it count.
110929: I try to update as much as possible, and thank ya.
TaoC gets better as it goes on, and I am privvy to a lot of inside information so i can't comment on any future develpments.
111525: Well I needed a bit of a breather before shit hits the fan, as it were, and humor is fun. I mean, you can introduce elements of humour to make the reader overlook them, then make them super important later on.
Not that I do that.
I'm not that clever :P Really.
103378
I am thinking of naming my strange eyelander Celestias Wrath. What do you think ?
that would work, although i try to keep the tags untill i come up with something funny or ironic,
for example, my "your eternal reward" is currently named "Abrupt Sodomy of an Unconcenting Nature"
As it turns out I am very bad at naming weapons on TF@. Only good thing I have is a Riding Crop with the desc "I Found This in Rainbow Dash's Drawer"
113036
A favourite I've seen is "You're Eternal Reward".
Yes, it's spelt wrong. Yes, that's the joke.
On the subject at hand/hoof, this chapter. Bueno.
Ah've seen a grenade launcher named Thump-Thump, and an axe named Knock-Knock, but ah have never, ever seen a .50 cal rifle named Subtlety. Well done.
This story, I feel, is never going to disappoint me.
Also, lol at that gun's name. Subtlety? I'm getting the feeling that monster is an anti-materiel rifle, and in New Vegas that motherfucker is LOUD. All she needs now are explosive rounds.
114913: Pfft. Mix it up bro.
116668: Incidently both of those weapons are favourites of mine. 'Specially Knock-Knock.
117271: It is an anti-materiel rifle. It got a full description back in Made Mare. Also ironic named are ironic.
117861
Good, so I'm not going crazy.
I like the irony of Roy getting killed by the gun he just gave to Silver.
So hows progress on chapter 10?
118174: Nope. Well maybe, but not in this at least.
118889: Gun of gangster slaying found in the gangsters lair.
121806: Progress like. Currently awaiting editing.
124452: Radiation is delicious! Also Silver has no idea what radiation is, or how it works. basically she was incorrect.
If you see any errors that need to be beat up, just PM me and they'll be poofed.
124650: Unexpected turns are fun. :D
Roy was he mark? didn't see that coming.
I like this story, especially how silver makes no attempt to be a good pony, shes simply surviving its excellent.
125241
Ah, yush, of course, the all too common idiot... xD
I should've guessed it by now though, given that she fully realizes she is an idiot, and doesn't even bother to try to hide it. xD
Sorry for not pointing out the errors; I was semi-tired when I read them, and I forgot to write them down, and now I'm not sure if I even have time to reread it to hunt typos. *shrug*
125409: Well she did make an attempt in the prologue, and that worked out wonderfully for everypony involved.
125749: Its better to know you're an idiot then be an itdiot and think yourself smart. I think. Anyway
you don't have to point out errors, though I always appreciate it.
'She's weaponized cuteness' that made me god d'awwwwww silver n serenity are so freakin awsome