• Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 13th, 2015


fuck you and fuck your eyebrows


Sequel to Doobie and Magic Matt's epic stoner adventure in Ponyville.

Nonsensical retarded result of a skype call, a google doc and two friends with an extremely retarded sense of humor.

In this great new installment of two idiots, a skype call and google docs Magic Matt, Doobie and their dragon Spike have found themselves washing carriages in Trottingham but it doesn't last long. Soon they are out of a job and trying to avoid the cops so it's off to Canterlot! What could possibly go wrong?

It is highly recommended you read Doobie and Magic Matt's epic stoner adventure in Ponyville first before reading this or most things will not make sense.

Rated teen for some violence and naughty language.

Canon Characters will be added as they appear.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 32 )

I need some weed to go with this story.

1696050 Seven views, eight downvotes

1696436 Perfect logic.

1696436 7 views/11 downvotes?

what is this i dont even

11 views 19 downvotes

Let's make this 20!

…Am I cool yet?


“You’ve got nice titties for a little boy.” The carriage owner whispered to the wizard, who was starting to lose his cool.

Okay, yeah, I feel totally justified in having downvoted this now.

I made it about halfway through, and now I cannot even words.

Quickly, let's get this to 420 favorites!

You see what you have done author?
You have broken one of the most diligent reviewers out there.

1696436 Only the truly shitty stories of this world are capable of such a feat.

Dear author, as a TWE reviewer, it is my duty to pick apart your story piece by piece and give criticism, so next time, you wont write such a steaming pile of shit. Although you could very well be a troll, in the case that you aren't, I hope you'll see my assholish comments as more than just me being an asshole. I truly want to help you improve. That said, I'll give you a list of plot holes and factual inaccuracies I found here. Brace your ass, cause there are a lot of them.


“Yo yo ziggas listen up we got a motherfuckin’ carriage to wash so let’s wash the fuck out of dis shit!” Doobie hollered at the group of zebras,

I promise you that no rapper or gangsta ever talks like that. Cursing for no reason doesn't suddenly make it funny or gangsta-sounding in any way. Use cursing where it works, and it'll sound more like a realistic person, less like a 10-year-old playing Call of Duty.


“You’ve got nice titties for a little boy.” The carriage owner whispered to the wizard, who was starting to lose his cool.

Okay, where did this pedophile come into play? I know that he's the one getting his carriage washed, but it's like the story turned from carriages to molestation on a dime. And why is he so up-front about wanting Matt? Pedophiles never just go out and tell little boys they have nice titties. Again, you overdid another personality by making it way too over-the-top creepy. Also, in what universe do ponies have tits? Ponies. Don't. Have. Tits. :applejackunsure:


“So.. Your name’s Matt.” Said the black stallion, nibbling on Matt’s ear and rubbing his nipples.

When the fuck did ponies start having nipples!?!? Did they undergo some sort of instantaneous evolutionary change that gave them nips? I mean, sure they're mammals, and mammals technically do... have nipples, but... ponies... uhh... what the fuck. :facehoof:


Matt, dripping with sweat caused by a mixture of anxiety and exhaustion from moving 2ft, aimed his horn at the old stallion and blasted him in the face with some sort of magical beam of not good things.

Ya know, if I close my right eye... and then close my left eye... and then become illiterate; it becomes slightly harder to tell you're an obvious troll.


“Yo ziggas, dis guy right here can drop a sick motherfuckin’ beat as well. Wanna hear some?” Doobie said, grabbing matt and putting him on top on a makeshift stage that was just a dirty handkerchief.

“Alright, alright. For you guys, I’ll drop a sick beat.” Matt said as he started to beatbox.

The group of zebras stood there speechless at Matt’s mind-blowingly good beatboxing skills.

Ya know, if I gouged out both my eyes, and lobotomized the part of my brain that performs logical thought processes; it becomes only 92% obvious you're a troll.


Doobie and Spike watched Magic Matt walk down the road for a while before pulling a very old unicorn mare into a dark alleyway. they heard screams, grunts, a splashing sound and then a crunch. Matt came out of the alley chewing on something crunchy and putting a fancy purse under his hat.

:rainbowderp: What? He's a cannibal wizard pony? If you're going to make Matt a psychopath, at least give an explanation of how and why he became one.


Knowing better than to ask questions and not really wanting to know what Matt was chewing,

I'll give you a hint. It's red, it's crunchy, and it's pony flesh. Take a wild guess.


“Th- this... This bread. It... It has butter on it.” Magic Matt stated, carefully putting down the bread and butter.

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say Matt kills the waiter.


Magic Matt walked out of the restaurant completely unscathed and started to walk through the crowd of ponies as they stared in horror at what he had done. He had quite literally painted the walls with the waiter’s body fluids and hung the empty bag of skin and bone on the chandelier.

Yup. :facehoof: Just goes to show, you can make your story as stupid as you want as long as you have no explanation for anything. Fuck this shit.

Okay, so overall, I am extremely disappointed. I feel like this could have been a genuinely funny fic if you had just slowed down, used realistic characterization, and had maybe thrown in an explanation or two for why Matt is a homicidal nut, and yet, pays no consequences. My advice: large amounts of editing, large amounts of Ibuprofen, and smaller amounts of gory murder that would make Hannibal Lectar shit himself.

~Inspectah Dash. TWE's eyeless, illiterate, lobotomized official reviewer.

All right, let's get this over with.

>takes a deep breath
>puts on giant smile

Hi there! Scribblestick the Chill here. You seem to have an awful lot of downvotes. Let's see if we can figure out why. :pinkiehappy:

So let's see if I understand the plot so far. Two obnocious, racist ponies and Spike are washing carriages when Lord Pervert starts trying to molest Mr. Magician. Rather than do the sensible thing and ask the belligerant creep to back off or call the police, they decide to turn their paying customer into a pie and eat him. For some reason, no one cares about this at all, and they keep washing the carriage. At that point, Mr. Magician decides to beatbox (which I guess translates to annoying noises approximating dubstep), which is recieved with raucous applause. Friend Guy decides to sing (opera, apparently) and gets the trio fired. I guess the managers just hate opera or something.

After Mr. Magician assaults, mugs, murders, and eats a passerby, the trio goes to a restaurant and orders bread. The waiter brings them buttered bread, and for some reason, Mr. Magician sees this as the single most offensive act a pony could possibly commit. Like, 8 billion Holocausts on steriods wouldn't even begin to compare to how incredibly dastardly this deed is. For some reason, the waiter can't just get more bread, so Mr. Magicial forcibly removes all the restaurant's occupants and proceeds to redecorate the interior with the waiter's body parts and fluids.

The trio has apparently been in this kind of situation before and vacate the premises post haste to decide what to do next. Friend Guy casts a ridiculously over-the-top Spin-the-Pony spell, and the trio decides to go to Canterlot.

I don't even know where to start. Everything about this is just wrong. The characters are entirely unlikable, the plot makes no sense, and everything is absurdly over-the-top. You use the ROYAL CANTERLOCK VOICE far too often, and you have some really basic mechanical errors throughout.

Hmm, it's a sequel. Let's see what the other one looks like...

>opens story
>13-17 vote ratio
>19K words
>reads description


Please note that this story was made by two idiots in a Skype call
- story description

'Special' sense of humour
weird as possible
retarded plot twists
slap the reader right in the face
- Magic Matt, Comment #2

Yup. That about says it all.


Ok... I'm starting to think that people don't like mine and Mr. Fosters story.
The point of the whole story is that it's supposed to be an half assed attempt for two idiots to bake up a delicious plot-less story that is somewhat funny.
If you read our previous story, you'll realize that we don't really put much effort into making things make sense. If you're looking for a serious story I suggest you look elsewhere. But if you enjoyed this story so far stick around, because we are determined to finish it.

--Magic Matt--


Wow... I didn't think it was that bad
I'm guessing that you didn't even laugh...
Not even a little bit?

Meh, if you want some sort of explanation for why the characters act in the way that they do, then you should brighten your day by reading the first story (If you haven't already). This being the squeal.
I'm sure you'll love it!

Hi guys. Mr. Foster here.
I'd just like to say I am thrilled with the reviews this story has gotten. I genuinely cried laughing at the long ones. Thank you all for the kind words you have put forth and let me tell you that they have spurred me and Matt on in our trainwreck of a horrible piece-o'-shit story that is Doobie and Magic Matt go to Canterlot.

And for the record I'd just like to say the retarded things that made you readers really hate this story were completely intentional and not serious.

You guys, especially scribble nearly made me laugh myself to death with the reviews. Thank you so much and let me clarify this story is in NO way serious. The whole thing is meant to be super retarded.

1700626 Then you sir, have succeeded beyond every meaning of the word. A legless cockroach with down-syndrome could have written a more logical story. Congrats.

That means a lot, man. I sincerely thank you.

I like the way you think

I'm changing the title right now

Keep going, this is funny!!!:moustache:


Glad you think so, chap. Encouragement like that may even get me and Magic Matt to get off of our lazy arses and write something.

1910651 hahaha werd:yay:

See, I told you people love our fic!

Amazing, you should make more!

I agree, these guys have talent


Sure thing guys, good to know we have fans

kinda sad we will neva see the end,

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