Humans. We are a naturally warlike race. Ever since we first picked up a stick our race developed better weapons of war. But now with WW3 bearing down upon us our leaders wonder... who will remember us? When we destroy ourselves in the fires of war what creature will remember our achievements, our legacy? Project Ascension is our solution. To preserve one of us with the knowledge of who we are. But what will discover our history? And what will they do with it?
Special Thanks to Jayfeather97 for editing and being a general grammar Nazi on my work, helping me to clean it up.
Chapters (4)
turnerwatson.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/grammar-nazi2.jpg
I am the Grammar Nazi.
Dont let the gramar nasis discourage you, you have a nice power going
throught this letters, but you should be more
awere of errors.
1693910 and its because you care i got you to check this for me
1693922 Yes, the Grammar Nazi does care.
interesting
lets see where you take this
I like the general premise of the story, but I must do some criticisms.
First, you do more 'telling' than 'showing'. You tell me what is happening, but you need to work on your descriptions. You do do some 'showing', but it is hard to get an actual image in my head of what is going on.
Second, you need to use more commas. There are times where commas should appear, but they are not there.
Third, sometimes you leave proper nouns, such as names, uncapitalized. All proper nouns should start with a capital letter.
Fourth, you also sometimes use ' at quotation marks. You should use " instead.
I like the story, if a tad predictable. And I am no writer, so I cannot give you good detailed advice, but I will try and help any way I can.
After watching Stargate, I can only think of Ascension as anything being similar to Stargate's representation
I like this story though
The story looks interesting, but as one of the posters mentioned before me, you could stand to 'show' a little more. Just adding descriptions of the surroundings and characters action s while they are speaking can go a long way.
And Vinyl's dialogue seemed kind of clunky to me.
Good idea, all right execution. I will be watching this.
started of pretty good keep up the good work
1693910
Colonel Klink FTW 
This story is fantastic. I love stories in which a character thinks so much, in a logical way and doesn't confuse the reader. One thing though, you should do more descriptions of the area. It's not a dire trait to have, but if you can vividly describe a setting, your almost perfect. Definitely favorited, and if i may ask, why do single quotes for a character's lines, and double quotes for thoughts? It's usually the opposite on most (and my) stories
Sick idea, can't wait to see more.
1694421 understandable i will be honest when saying my grammar in general is crap and something i need to work on. The telling more then showing thing ... im not sure i really understand but ill try to fix that.
1694729 i've never seen Stargate....
1695085 yeah i find when i writing getting the dialogue to flow smoothly is a challenge for me
1695667 well i will definitely try to describe more ty for the advice and as for the quotes.... i have no idea... nobody seems to be complaining so....
*hides in a bush watching at a distance*
1695720 ty
1695200 thanks
1693921 the grammar Nazis are my friends
they help me when i do something wrong
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/JESUS+Mother+of+Celestia+I+was+looking+at+the+bloody+_88e4334defddf1025218a29e5c9c1d8d.png
i post this, go to sleep and wake up to 61 likes 2 dislikes and about 100 favourites?!?!?!
thank you guys and girls so much
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/TIMEFOR.gif?1320234215
1693921 Grammar is essential.
Original idea, keep up the good work!
I give a fav and a like.
If you liked this story, you should read Cyberfire
It's my overall favorite story and I'm sure you'd like it too!
1696079 ty and yes... yes it is. which is why it infuriates me when i get it wrong
1696127 hay bro... ill leave the comment because i also love cyberfire.... *I'm actually reading the new chapter now* but please don't advertise. its kinda rude....
1696150
Okay, and the new chapter is awesome!
Interesting, i must say i am peeked, continue
1696061 Let's do this....
PAAAAAAARTY!!!!
1696171 ..... did u just say you liked it?..... omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
Silver: DAMMIT you broke him! *drags Shadowless away*
1695584 i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2010/4/3/129147852445141778.jpg
1696171 Congratulations you broke one of my best friends.
I'll buy another brb.......
morethanshipping.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Congrats.jpg
1696018
You should, it's a very under appreciated sci-fi series
1696505 funny thing i have the series i've just never watched them
1696403
seahawknationblog.com/files/2010/08/sgt-schultz-hogans-heroes.jpg
Also SANDVICH!!!
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=I.5000871706558536&pid=1.7&w=229&h=155&c=7&rs=1
I have a feeling this will be on the front page!
You've got my attention...
1696783 i hope so
1697214 memeorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/excellent-racoon.jpg
1697254
Well, getting my attention is an easy task... I'm quite sure you could even do it by jingling a key chain. The hard part is keeping it. If I can make a prediction. I'm guessing his emotions will get 're-activated', if you will, by the ponies? Also, you know what would make this guy all the cooler, if he had control of predator drones. i.imgur.com/PQ3HB.jpg?1
meh just wait and see i never did say anything in great detail about the weaponry he has with him did I?
1697315
1697348
Which even more-so makes me hope and wonder...
1696018
I always found that reading dialogue out loud helps. When you say it, you can sometimes catch the awkward phrasing or forced detail.
In any case, good luck!
1696553
Fo real? Like on DVD or on Netflix?
yaya at tis ratu tis will gat feturiid yayo
i hupo u no fot mad. me no druk. alright enough dolan talk, i predict this will get featured soon enough, but i have just one advice, describe just as much as you want. 1695667 this guy is right , but just like the Great Hemingway sort of said: "Adjectives are eviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil !" they make us lose track of what it's happening in the story, and make the story confusing, unreal, and boring . So please don't overwhelm the story whit adjectives, just describe things we might find interesting, not every single expression,movement, or wig on top some pony's head.
1697739 I already predicted he might get featured before he published, as it is an original idea, and wel written/typed.
1697810 watch ou
t we got a pre reader or friend over here.
1697823 Best Friend, prereader and editor.*
1697878 cool keep motivating him so he he keeps writing.
1697823 pre reader friend and grammar Nazi. Don't forget grammar Nazi
1696150
Hm. Alright all, don't hate on me TOO much when I write this...
IX here from Science Consultants, Inc. to review your fic's overall accuracy and literary merits, as well as to rear truth's ugly head now-and-then.
All in all, this wasn't bad. But it wasn't very good (or entirely as original as others make it out to be), either.
First issue? The actual accuracy of your premise. My good sir, how well did you research this before setting out writing it? It's thermonuclear war, for one thing. One word. Also: nanites. Seriously? I mean, you could've at least called them something DIFFERENT... You have numerous gaping plot holes that you could solve with LITERALLY thirty minutes of research: Speed of regeneration, Stasis, Orbital Mechanics, Psychoemotional effects of modification, etc.
And on the writing side, you don't fare much better: Grammar mistakes out the wazoo, poor phrasing, language not befitting a General's stature...
Look, it's not that I don't like your fic. But itis just so horribly, atrociously MANGLING my first impressions of it.
I will be placing it in the "Extensive Edits Required" section of my group, SCI, in order to provide you with thorough solutions to any problems we uncover.
Depressedly yours,
IX, founder of SCI
1697992 Prepare to get a massive reply from shadow........
1698096
S'okay, my good pre-reader/friend (if the latter, then I must meet this "Shadow")... I, like most reviewers and experienced people, am immune to dissent. And I don't suffer fools (or gratuitous Rene Descartes quotes, either) gladly. I can see a barrage of snowballs incoming
1698132 Lol, please keep in mind we do go to school still....... and are in the middle of it now.... in a storm.... so you may want to expect some delays...
1698153
What kind of school? I'd wager that I'm younger than you.
1697992 ok lets set out the plan of originality .
i made this fic simply because i could find no other like it. there are similar ones like cyberfire but none sharing the same idea. if you know of one please link it to me as i would love to read it
second the reason i haven't gone into any great detail in those regards is i don't want to have to repeat myself. im not explaining any more in that regard, cause otherwise it will be a spoiler.
third, the general is bordering on the destruction of our race. would you really, even if your in the top of military command could you stand at your imminent destruction stone faced without any slip ups?
and as for my grammar and writing style, if it was half as bad as you said, then my editors would have told me and even with all of us there will be a couple things slipping through so i implore you to point these out. that way i can correct or fix them.
also my spell checker refuse's to accept thermonuclear war and only accepted thermo nuclear war but i may change that when im able.
please dont take this as me saying dont keep reviewing as i want to hear more but, dont just say
actually point them out or offer possible replacements that you think will suit better
oh and last thing. if i explained every little thing in the story it will become over informative in a way and it would be simply boring. oh and i use things like nanites because its a simple term, gets what im saying across and easily reconisable
slightly annoyed
Shadowless_night
also cs.unc.edu/~welch/class/comp006-f03/Projects/images/chiles.jpg
INCOMING SNOWBALLS
1696018
Like I said before, I am not a writer and so I do not know how to properly explain the ideas I want to express. 'Telling' is when you tell the person what is happening in the story, simple as that. 'Showing' is similar, only you go into more detail as to what the character is seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. I find it kind of hard to imagine the scene where the character is at. Although when I re-read it, you do use some description, but I think that it could use a little more adjectives. Try and pain a picture with your words. Of course, going into TOO much detail is boring and pointless. (sorry if I am not making sense, I am trying)
I will still watch the story. Seems promising.
1699113 i understand as other comments agree that more detail is needed and I'm currently working on the second chapter, and with the help of my friends im managing to make it more descriptive with out overloading it (i hope)
1699162
This seems to be your first fic, so mistakes are to be expected. But by writing, you learn different things, and maybe you can establish your own style and distinguish yourself from the thousands of other fan fictions.
1697734 sos i didn't see your comment
it was buried behind others. anyway yeah i got them on dvd